IF IT DOESN'T FIT YOU MUST ACQUIT  12:39 pm August 12, 2010

Blagojevich Jury Deadlocked On 22 of 24 Counts

by Ken Layne

Parachute opening now.America’s Governor, Rod Blagojevich, cannot be convicted of anything because he’s too sexy. This is why the jury just told the judge, “Uhhh,” as they can’t decide on ANYTHING, and are permanently, hopelessly deadlocked on 22 of the 24 counts. (And those other two, wire-fraud/telephone charges, haven’t even been decided.) FREE BLAGO HE IS PURE AS ELVIS. [Sun Times]

 

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{ 23 comments }

Katydid August 12, 2010 at 12:42 pm

Forgive me: A deadlocked jury is a fucking valuable thing. You don’t just give it away.

user-of-owls August 12, 2010 at 12:47 pm

So we won’t have a Steven Biko-style ending to this epic blow for freedom? Damn. Now what am I gonna do with all my “Rod Blagojevich and Desmond Tutu walk into a bar…” jokes?

user-of-owls August 12, 2010 at 12:49 pm

So ends L’affaire Hair.

Larry Fine August 12, 2010 at 12:49 pm

I hope he gets off. Blago is whats good about America. He has nice hair.

just pixels August 12, 2010 at 12:49 pm

They need to ask Sarah Palin’s mannequin head for help. It is the wisest Sarah Palin head in the entire universe.

harry palmer August 12, 2010 at 12:55 pm

The prosecutor bringing the case before Blago had walked all the way into the trap is fuckin golden. Also, the ladies on the jury were diggin his hair.

SayItWithWookies August 12, 2010 at 12:58 pm

Maybe they updated the article, but it now says that the jury has only reached a unanimous conclusion on two of 24 counts, and has yet to debate any of the wire fraud counts, which compose more than half the charges. They’re deadlocked on the rest of the counts.

samsuncle August 12, 2010 at 1:09 pm

Seems to me Blago’s jury is spliting hairs over his guilt or innocence.

ella August 12, 2010 at 1:10 pm

Deadlocked? Ohhh, I thought you said dreadlocked. Never mind….

Prommie August 12, 2010 at 1:10 pm

[re=637457]harry palmer[/re]: Fitzgerald threw a hysterical naive prissypants fit when he fucking brought the case and made the investigation public (unethically) in the first place. What a fucking weenie. Yet he left Rove and Cheney alone in le affaire Yellowcake, a felony committed as part of the fraudulent case for a fraudulent war that has killed half a million.

MLHencken August 12, 2010 at 1:11 pm

Blago should just be sentenced to perpetually ride the Detroit People Mover and beg for change inside the COBO center.

Manos: Hands of Fate August 12, 2010 at 1:11 pm

I hope we remember that before the system went after Charlie Rangel and Maxine Waters they took on Blago first.

Chernobyl Soup August 12, 2010 at 1:19 pm

Response prediction:

Guilty: “See, all dems are crooks!”

Not-guilty: “See, Nobama and his Chicago cronies rigged the jury!”

dijetlo August 12, 2010 at 1:23 pm

[re=637445]user-of-owls[/re]:

August 2010, South Chicago, weather fine
It was, business as usual, in court room 619.

Oh Blago, Blago, Blago, Blago….
Oh Blago, Blago, Blago, Blago….

When I try to sleep at night
I can, only hear him sing
A senate seat, does not come cheap
It’s a, fucking golden thing.

Oh Blago, Blago, Blago, Blago….
Oh Blago, Blago, Blago, Blago….

The eyes of the world are watching now……watching now…..

Extemporanus August 12, 2010 at 1:34 pm

[re=637493]dijetlo[/re]: A Blago-a-Go-Go is a fruggin’ valuable thing…

Go go, go Blago, GO GO GO!

Extemporanus August 12, 2010 at 1:37 pm

[re=637459]SayItWithWookies[/re]: That sounds like the plot to Twelve Angry Mehs.

Mr Blifil August 12, 2010 at 1:42 pm

Countdown to rumors of Chicago Gangsta Barack Hussein Obama Capone personally influencing jury in 5…4…3…

AliBabaInBA August 12, 2010 at 1:42 pm

No idea what will become of this trial but I am curious as to whether newly minted convicts have their heads shaven when entering the prison.
I have nothing more to add.

McDuff August 12, 2010 at 2:50 pm

Time to tell the judge he’s “in the ledger” and to bring over the jury hearing the divorce case in the next court room.

GOPCrusher August 12, 2010 at 3:34 pm

[re=637487]Chernobyl Soup[/re]: Exactly.
It would be worth seeing that crooked bastard get off, just to hear the pop, pop, pop of Wingnut heads exploding.

chaste everywhere August 12, 2010 at 3:47 pm

[re=637515]Extemporanus[/re]: Or the long-awaited sequel, Seven Brides for Twelve Angry Mehs.

desertwind August 12, 2010 at 3:57 pm

Merry Fitzmas!

Tar and Feathers August 13, 2010 at 3:47 am

Anybody else think Blagos’ wife is hawt? I think she’s a bilf!

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