Were you aware that Rep. Michele Bachmann won her little primary in Minnesota last night? In celebration, she has made one of her many vlogs for the Wonkette, which she believes is a LiveJournal written by Michelle Malkin. In it, she describes the secret to her continual electoral success. Enjoy her special form of genius-osity!
HOT TOPIX WITH MICHELE BACHMANN
August 11, 2010
Michele Bachmann Goes To a Dark Place
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{ 57 comments }
You all never appreciate the youtube-blocked-at-work crowd! I’m sure it’s wonderful as usual Sarah, but the last few have needed much more screaming, and those coloured contacts are really cheap (I think it’s the only way to replicate MB’s very scary eyes).
That was a great two minutes and thirty seconds.
Unfortunately, it continued for three minutes and thirty seconds.
She likes Michelle Malkin? I thought that Michelle Malkin was one of those “Anchor Babies”.
I only watch youtubes of crotch shots. I’ll just assume her longstanding electoral success comes from Lizard People and Elfin opponents.
If Michele Bachmann looked like Susan Boyle, she’d be waiting tables in a Brainerd Denny’s.
But she is petite and has great hair, and that’s the sort of person Lutherans like to run their government.
Plus mostly also she’s usually the only woman in the room that’s not a 5-9 blonde with no makeup, big shoulders under a Vikings hoody above a flat ass. Making love to Minnesota women is a zesty enterprise but mainly of endurance.
[re=637024]Troubledog[/re]: I was able to make the enjoyment last the full 3:49.
Cahngresswuman.
Oh Sara — namesake of Sarah Palin, portrayer of Michele Bachmann — you are corporeal perfection. But if I can make just a small, tiny suggestion. Is there any way you could create a mannequin head of yourself? (HINT HINT: Sarah Palin has one and I heard Michele is about to “acquire” an extra head of some kind somehow.)
According to the liberal blog Wikipedia, your birthday is April 6, 1956.
Looks like a nomination for fake tears alongside Colbert. Beck won’t be there since his are funny by accident.
Sara’s visage and intellect are such that if I were a woman I would gay-marry her in a half of a New York Second. As a straight NYC guy you can divide that by 100.
I have never wanted to “do” a crazy eyed chick as much as I do right now. If this doesn’t wear off by the time I get home, I may have to resort to filthy liberal propoganda.
To prepare lutefisk, again according to the liberal Wikipedia, you soak dried whitefish in cold water for 6 days, then soak it in lye, also known as drain opener, for 2 days, then soak it in cold water again for 6 more days to get rid of the lye you stupidly poured over fish you intend on eating.
And yet everyone wonders why those nice Minnesotans keep re-electing the batshit crazy lady. If you can explain why they pour a Drano-like substance on their fish, you can explain Bachmann.
[re=637024]Troubledog[/re]: Sara, The Second City is calling.. Please heed the call.
Sara, you bring much pleasure with your vlog crazieeeeness.
You are a comic genius. Don’t worry, I’m not French. I’d ask you to marry me, but I’m gay and not in the closet.
[re=637064]Katydid[/re]:
The guiding voices in their heads are provided by high concentrations of heavy metals and MTBE in the fish and game.
Sara, the hell with Second City. You should take your Pulitzer and your lye-soaked fish directly to Saturday Night Live!
That was amazing. She’s too good for Saturday Night Live, but they should sign her up anyway.
Good job with the crazy eyes.
I don’t understand the title — what’s dark about the vengeance of The LORD, which is a mighty and terrible thing, yet awe-inspiring to the faithful. I mean it may be sad for that poor harlot who ran against Michele for prom queen, but it’s not like she shouldn’t have known better. Only a fool could look upon Michele and not see the nimbus of divine favor hovering above her.
. . . Wonkette, which she believes is a LiveJournal written by Michelle Malkin.
Wait, it isn’t?
[re=637064]Katydid[/re]: The best part is how it’s pronounced: Loot-a-fist! With a “k” instead of a “t”! Ludicrous!
[re=637064]Katydid[/re]: Not dried whitefish: heavily salted and sun-dried codfish (stockfish or fish jerky) which has begun to spoil. The lye kills the bacteria, mold, etc. Norwegians put melted butter on the end result, Swedes a white sauce (containing G-d knows what, I’m a Norwegian.)
Icelanders go for freeze-dried rotten shark meat.
Zhu Bajie
[re=637092]zhubajie[/re]: I was getting hungry until I got to the part where I was a cannibal.
[re=637064]Katydid[/re]: Back when Norway was trying to negotiate a peace treaty between Israel and Palestine, Mrs. Brundland served lutefisk at the next meal whenever the delegates where especially ornery.
[re=637094]Sharkey[/re]: By itself it’s tasteless (but cheap!). Add it to a potato-soup recipe, eg, and it would be OK. It’s like tofu that way: you always eat with something else. Alone, it’s boring.
I’m sure a pint or two of hooch will improve it all even more.
[re=637037]Troubledog[/re]: Minnesotans worship women with skinny ankles.
Bachemann is a Wisconsin Synod Lutheran, that is, the Lutheran Fundamentalists. I’m told they are the Church of Prussia in the USA. An election or two ago, Bachemann was embarrassed in a debate when an opponent asked her if she really thought the Pope was the Antichrist, a classic Lutheran doctrine the Wisconsin Synod still proclaims. She was nonplussed. Like most Lutherans, she knew only the liturgy and some hymns, no theology. She was lucky: he might have asked about Luther and the Jews!
[re=637024]Troubledog[/re]: We are all very impressed by your rapier wit, I’m sure.
[re=637098]Jumping Jim[/re]: They’re lovely until 25 or so, then they put on weight and end up looking like the Venus of Willendorf.
[re=637092]zhubajie[/re]: My apologies. Wikipedia says whitefish. I don’t understand why they use fish that’s begun to spoil today, when we have refrigeration, but I guess it’s a tradition. I used to date a guy who grew up in St. Cloud, MN, who used to literally shudder when he talked about lutefisk, and he said it was like penance for Protestants.
It can hardly be worse than gefilte fish, which, while not spoiled, has jelly stuff on it that looks like snot. I can’t stand to even be in the same room with it.
[re=637022]Tim[/re]: Grab a beer, deploy the inflatable slide and flee from your YouTube-deprived prison, Mate!
Those horrifying images of the Capitol Dome initiating a nuclear meltdown while bathed in the blood of freedom’s martyrs made me appreciate the comedy all the more.
I demand Sara Benincasa’s hand in marriage.
[re=637092]zhubajie[/re]: Uff da! You betray your evil Norwegian biases. You all have to at least take the blame for lefse (tasteless potato tortilla for the uninitiated). My Swedish grandfather told us it was designed by the Norwegians for use in boat repair. My grandmother, his wife, was Norwegian. Oh what a constant war they waged in that home. Usually, they could maintain their stoic reserve, but every now and then there was flagrant eye-rolling. We kids used to hide under the steps to avoid the violence.
[re=637095]zhubajie[/re]: I’ve heard Norwegian-Americans only make their kids eat lutefisk as punishment for their refusal to speak Norwegian.
[re=637099]zhubajie[/re]: My understanding is that it’s the Office of the Pope, not the dude himself, that is AN antichrist, meaning a barrier between God and Man, not, y’know, The Beast.
But that’s probably my liberal ELCA bias talkin’, donchaknow.
[re=637040]Aguacatero[/re]: 0:24
Needs more Freddy Kruger/Leatherface to truly be a believable MB.
Michele gets twitchy every time a backhoe drives by her yard … where she digs those big deep holes & fills them in. For no known reason. At night.
[re=637092]zhubajie[/re]: I’m thankful my Norwegian ancestor crashed his boat into Scotland. Haggis sounds much more edible than lutefisk.
What was she running against, a stump?? Did you say she won by what, 7 vote?? There were only like 15 people that voted TOTAL in the primary…or was that 13..hard to tell.. when NOBODY GIVES A CRAP!!!
[re=637127]natoslug[/re]: Your Norwegian ancestor raped a bunch of lassies, is what he did.
[re=637086]SayItWithWookies[/re]: She has that Jesus aura.
[re=637104]Katydid[/re]: Remember, this stuff long pre-dates refrigeration, save the kind you get naturally when half your country is above the Arctic Circle. The salting and sun-drying are old traditional practices. Norway exports vast amounts of the stockfish (or used to; the cod is endangered.) As for why eat it when it’s old and starting to spoil? PEASANT PENNY-PINCHING! (Which is where socialism really comes from). G-d forbid you risk starvation by throwing out something remotely edible.
I believe the Dutch catch herring and just salt it heavily. Eating the first “fresh” herring is one of Queen Beatrix’ ceremonial duties.
I don’t know about gefilte fish.
[re=637127]natoslug[/re]: Real Scots assure me that the food in the Orkneys is especially bad.
[re=637117]Mickey7[/re]: Add your favorite sausages, cheeses, preserved berries, to the lefse and it’s OK.
[re=637120]hamletta[/re]: In real life, Norwegian language was more or less banned by state and local governments. E.g., in 1919, the governor of Iowa forbade anyone to speak anything but English. The sorts of idiots who hate Messicans today, hated square-heads a century ago. The Germans were persecuted especially bad during and after WW I, but all the square-heads got harrassed a lot. People like my father had Norwegian beaten out of them in grade school, and didn’t teach it to their children, like me. A pity! I’ve never understood why “conservative” Americans think it’s patriotic to be ignorant. This attitude infests US education generally and causes many problems.
[re=637117]Mickey7[/re]: A couple years ago, Norway and Sweden were going to privatize and merge their national telecom companies. But it all fell through when the Swedish Prime Minister started his speech at a banquet with a Norwegian joke! The Norwegian parliament had a fit of chauvinism and no merger took place.
The chief advantage of living in Sweden these days, I’m told, is the possibility of smuggling in CHEAP Russian vodka. Norwegians must go to the trouble of moonshining. Either that or stand in the perp line at the state liquor state, waiting to get the monthly ration of over-priced spirits.
[re=637173]zhubajie[/re]: [re=637064]Katydid[/re]: Even better, if you leave it in the lye too long, the fish spoils. Which itself isn’t terribly interesting, but the reason it spoils is that all the fish oils turn to soap. Yes, soap.
So, I’m not sure this is part of preserving the fish- don’y they typically start off with dried/salted fish in the first place?
[re=637097]zhubajie[/re]: I think it just seems tasteless because most of taste is actually smell and once you get past the smell, you have no sense of smell. My Norwegian neighbor likes his lutefisk with cream and honey and lefse also.
But Sara, your accent is most perfect MN 06 unlike your namesake’s exaggerated Marge Gunderson fakeness.
One things for sure, Norwegians take their death metal seriously, which can be directly attributed to lutefisk.
But I would still like to know how Sara can do Michele without blinking. Its eerie.
[re=637173]zhubajie[/re]: There’s a great foreign language film focused on the peculiar culinary habits of Scandinavians called Babette’s Feast. It’s a comedy of sorts (meaning you have to understand Scandinavian humor) and a bit of a slow mover, but if you were raised believing lefse was one of the four food groups, you might enjoy it.
Okay. How many takes did that require to get through it without losing it?
I volunteer to pay for the light blue contact lenses to complete the look.
Wow, the accent is perfect.
Re: lutefisk. According to my mom, the crucial part of the various soaking stages was that it take place in a wooden barrel left outside so the local dogs could pee on it.
Also, too, lefse is just thin potatoe pancakes, i.e., potatoe, i.e., tastes like nothing much until you put something on it. Swedes and Norwegians goofing on each other is just part of the Great Circle of Snark.
A Prairie Home Psycho-stalker.
Anyone who criticizes the last 90 seconds of this bestest video ever posted to the Tubes (God Bless Ted Stevens, RIP) has clearly never listened to Garrison Keillor and by default is un-American and should be sent to Guantanamo Bay.
Sara is a hoot! And she has nailed Bachmann perfectly.
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