These five people and two glasses of Pepsi are a kidnapping role-playing club.Rand Paul was once a cool guy named Randy who did pranks in college, we learned on Monday, and also he allegedly kidnapped some lady and made her get high and worship “Aqua Buddha.” Now she has clarified her remarks, and it turns out this was just some sort of 70’s role-playing thing. “[They] came over to my house as friends that I knew,” she said, reportedly. “They immediately said, ‘We’re going to tie you up and go for a ride.'” Oh, that sounds like a fun thing friends do when they hang out! This is totally innocuous! So why isn’t she releasing her name? She’s afraid of what Teabaggers will do to her. Seriously.

In our conversation, she elaborated that she doesn’t want her name in print because she’s a clinical psychologist who works with former members of the military, some of whom are Tea Partyers, and fears that complicating Paul’s Senate run could put her in danger.

This is strange. Teabaggers have psychological problems? You learn something new every day. According to this professional psychologist they do, and apparently they will lash out in worse ways than kidnappings and forced drug-smoking.

So why hasn’t Obama met with Teabaggers to hear their grievances? They seem like a cordial group.

This lady also said she stopped being friends with Randy Paul because this experience was “weird.” Kidnapping/role-playing always shows you who your REAL friends are. [Plum Line]

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  • Ducksworthy

    “former members of the military, some of whom are Tea Partyers,” Well yes that could be dangerous alright.

  • Baby who ate the Dingo

    “It was like roll playing with piano wire and the male anatomy,” said the ancient Roman, Testeclese.

  • SayItWithWookies

    She doesn’t want her name known because she deals with socially maladjusted people with psychological problems all day at work — so she has no interest in dealing with them during her time off.

  • comicbookguy

    Will Rand Paul allow the teaching of Aqua Buddha in schools? As an alternate theory to creationism?

  • JMP

    What’s she worried about? It’s not like any proto-teabagger has ever killed over 150 people or anything.

  • Serolf Divad
  • Larry McAwful

    Does this mean that Aqua Buddha isn’t real? But I already joined the Facebook group!

  • edgydrifter

    What the hell kind of pot do they smoke at Baylor? At Oregon, we were awash in green and none of it–NONE of it–ever made a person want to hogtie someone and stuff them in a car trunk. Chill, man, for cripe’s sake. Put on some music, play a little D&D or kick around the hackey, Rand. There’s no need to expose your full freak to the world.

  • BlueStateLiberal

    Of course it didn’t have any effect on her and was no big deal, that is why she became a psychologist who counsels traumitized people. Move along, libruls, nothing to see here.

  • comicbookguy

    Weirded out. The kidnapping, okay. Drugs, okay. Aqua Buddha by the creek? That’s kinda weird.

  • Extemporanus

    If anyone’s looking for a new avatard name, “Aqua Buddha Bud Sects” is available.

  • dijetlo

    [re=636730]comicbookguy[/re]: “Aqua Buddha” = “The Blind, Albino, Anaconda God of the Rusty Zipper Tribe, native to the upper inseam region”

    Feel better?

  • Hoplight

    Libertarians are all just variations on the BTK Killer. The notion that society can tell them their authoritarian fucked in the head actions are restricted makes them even more fucked in the head.

  • Les Paultard

    Does Aqua Buddha have a noodly appendage? Cuz I’m not worshipping him without one.

  • mumblyjoe

    She also says that it weirded her out so much that she stopped being friends with Randroid Paultard. HERE IS A HINT, coming from someone who went to college once, and who has had more than a couple of interactions with friends, duct tape, intoxicating substances, and also cocktail dresses, at the same time: if your stupid friendly stoner hazing creeps someone out so much that they stop being friends with you, YOUR DOING IT WRONG, and yes, that actually is a problem.

  • mumblyjoe

    [re=636731]Extemporanus[/re]: And if I may suggest an icon to go with that Avatar name, may I suggest this one? Not only will you have an Avatar avatar, which is itself hilarious, but let’s be honest for a second: this is precisely what pops into my head every single time I read the words, “Aqua Buddha”.

  • GOPCrusher

    Sounds like some of the Paul Campaign Staff may have had a discussion with this person.

  • jus_wonderin

    “Aqua Buddha” does have sort of a ring to it.

  • mumblyjoe

    [re=636748]mumblyjoe[/re]: Gar, stupid link. Point being, ::random stupid Airbender joke::

  • RoscoePColtraine

    I dunno. “Go for a ride” could be a fabulous euphemism for buttsecks, so I’d like to withhold making any harsh judgments against either side of this ‘he said she said.’

    And lady, once you let it slip out that a candidate for US Senate tied you up and forced you to smoke weed, you kinda have to go all the way. Don’t let a few ex-military crazies, or a libertarian with a hankerin’ to sue you psych you out.

  • gjdodger

    We should all support Aynrand Paul. After all, there’s something about an Aqua Buddha Man.

  • Prommie

    Hey, it sounds fun to me, any of you lady type people out there, if you wanna play some “kidnapping, potsmoking, and aqua-buddha worshipping,” I am game. The safe word is “Galt.”

  • imissopus

    “If you change your story, we’ll give you a ride on the blimp.”

  • binarian

    [re=636730]comicbookguy[/re]: Gotta be a water pipe or bong (bhong? bhang?…something like that….). Maybe.


    Bill Clinton and Newt Gingrich never had to hog tie and drug their lady friends. Once again, Teabaggers prove they are amateur failures on so many levels.

  • phineas_bounderby

    The comments section on the GQ article mostly consists of a pretty funny gaggle of indignant wingnuts. You folks should go participate. Aqua Buddha could be the new Truck Nutz (or at least Aqua Buddha could hold a sanctification ceremony over the TruckNutz).

  • metalhed

    “Now she has clarified her remarks, and it turns out this was just some sort of 70’s role-playing thing.”

    Rand Paul never heard of Dungeons & Dragons at Baylor?

  • germansteel

    Rand Paul has hit the elusive Lia-Uncredentialed-Pervert Trifecta: He didn’t graduate from college, he isn’t a licensed (except by himself) opthalmologist, and he creeps out women by tying them up and making them perform wierd rituals with him. An ideal Teabagger.

  • just pixels

    She’s just being paranoid. The TP’ers would just tie her up and take her for a ride. Like friends do sometimes.

  • Toomush Infermashun


  • Jukesgrrl

    Do these people have any idea what the verb “to clarify” means? When did it become synonymous with “to mangle the truth into a lie”? Well, I guess not, since even Robert Gibbs is “clarifying” these days.

  • Diabeetis

    I think some left-of-center people out there are now kicking themselves for having ever sided with this dipstick and his dad over the Iraq war, and I’ll include myself in that.:(

  • Diabeetis

    [re=636740]Hoplight[/re]: Well, I think it would be unfair to say *all* libertarians are like that. I do still like David Weigel and Radley Balko, not to mention Penn & Teller. Then again, none of them are particularly humorless or doctrinaire about their views.

  • Lets Go Vertigo

    In other words, “Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Aqua Buddha R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn.”

  • snideinplainsight

    See, my wife and I were doing this just last week. Ok, no we weren’t.

  • thehelveticascenario

    Mazes and Monsters if a far-out game.

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