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Man-Whore Mark Sanford Takes Obama’s Dirty Money, Like A Prostitute

Mark Sanford will use the proceeds from album sales to pay down South Carolina's debtMarch of 2009 was so very long ago that when you click this link you will be surprised that everyone in the story isn’t wearing chain mail and calling each other “thee” and “thou,” but back then South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford was a guy with a future in politics, and if there’s one thing guys with futures in politics do, it’s go in for dumb grandstanding stunts that score points with ideologues but do real, actual damage to the people who elected them. That’s why 2012 sleeper political candidate Mark Sanford bravely told Chairman Obama that he didn’t want to use the money allocated to his state by the stimulus package to “stimulate” the economy in the intended Keynesian (Kenyan?) fashion, but rather to pay off this guy he owed money to. What happened to that strong, principled conservative of yore, anyway?

Well, obviously he betrayed those principles, by having a consensual sex affair with an adult woman who doesn’t even speak English natively. And that was the end of his political career, pretty much. But he still has to/gets to be governor of South Carolina for several more months! And now that he doesn’t have to worry about what Iowa caucus-goers think about his conservative credentials, he’s just up and taking that Obama money, stained red with blood and communism, and giving it in greasy handfuls to South Carolina’s laziest unemployed.

Other governors who swore never to participate in the spending-orgy that is the stimulus but later quietly took the checks and made their states nicer with them include Sonny Perdue of Georgia and Phil Bredesen of Tennessee, neither of whom is running for president or even re-election. The lesson, apparently, is that the people who determine politicians’ electoral prospects are not the people you want setting policy, which is troubling. Still, arrange for the seduction of your local leaders by sexy Latin gals or dudes (their choice!), just to be on the safe side. [NYT]

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About the author

Josh was born and raised in Buffalo, New York, leaving him with a love of chicken wings and a tendency to say “pop”. He taught ancient Greek and Roman history to undergraduates before fleeing from academia in terror; worked for a failed San Francisco dot-com that neglected to supply him with stock options or an Aeron chair; lived in Berlin, where he mostly ate Indian and Ethiopian food; finished in third place on his sole Jeopardy! appearance (the correct answer was “Golda Meir”); and was named 2007 Blogger of the Year by The Week, for obvious reasons. Josh is the creator/editor of COMICS CURMUDGEON (which you should read) and does geeky editing and writing about geeky things such as "the Java programming industry for JavaWorld." He lives in Baltimore with his wife Amber and his cat Hoagie.

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21 comments

  1. ManchuCandidate

    It’s not that they don’t like free money. It’s that they had to ask (read beg) a black guy for it.

  2. BarackMyWorld

    Let’s hope the next big conservative grandstanding stunt is to shrink the size of government by committing mass suicide.

  3. Serolf Divad

    FINE, I’ll TAKE the money you jerk. But don’t imagine I’ll have any fun spending it or anything. Also, you should understand: I’m only giving these funds to unemployed people because James Clyburn added legislation specifically preventing Governors from using the money to buy plane tickets to Buenos Aires.

  4. just pixels

    Typical LSM story about the “elites” say Mark Sanford’s career is over. In REAL America I’m sure he is a hero.

    An affair with an Argentinian woman? More like “I can see Argentina from my bed.”
    Disappeared mysteriously? More like “fighting terrorists on the down low”.
    Divorced? “Struggling single parent”.

    Obama hasn’t had any affairs or disappeared or gotten divorced. Sanford is the OPPOSITE of Obama. Plus he’s white and the other guy is black. Just wait. Republicans and TP’ers will love him like the soulmate he is.

  5. Zadig

    In the same way that stupid Gaynesian economics never ever works, except for when it works all the fucking time, Republican governors hate your stupid federal money, except for all the times that they would literally suck off a herd of rhinos for a few stimulus nickels.

    No, of course this isn’t cognitive dissonance. Cognitive dissonance is what other people do.

  6. harry palmer

    Actually, everyone in the story is wearing chain-mail underwear. What this story needs, though, is John Belushi smashing the shit out of Sanford’s guitar.

  7. Manos: Hands of Fate

    The lesson for elected GOP officials is: if it makes sense, don’t do it unless your itching to find another career path.

  8. Extemporanus

    Republicans would be much more likely to take the money if President Obama just left it on the dresser and quitely saw himself out.

  9. toooldtocare

    sooo, (Mark Sanford and Bob Inglis)doing the right thing for the constituents who elected you is really just committing political suicide? Boy, can’t wait to be a member of that party. God save us all if those fucking morons allow the house to fall to the GOP this fall.

  10. dijetlo

    I just got to say that, politics aside, he banged a Latina Milf from the flesh-pits of the Argentine who apparently accepted his seed willingly and without the added inducement of cash money. As a middle aged, American, heterosexual male…I respect the hell out of that.
    Finally a politician who doesn’t recruit the pudgy, ugly girl for his team in the International trouser-bobbing Olympics, who’s not hanging out in the mens room of an airport, hiring strippers to change diaper, or hiring sex workers from “Rent Boy.Com”.
    I may be old fashioned but I was actually titillated by all his sexy-time talk about smooth brown lady cans which is a hell of a lot more than what I got out of imagining Monica banging her head on the underside of the desk in the Oval Office or how many wipes does it take to clean a Senator ass.
    So leave brother Mark alone! Make him the Special Envoy to Taiwan or something. Yes, he will bang the locals but at least we wont all be embarrassed about it because he’ll be banging the hot ones.

  11. Baldar T Flagass

    OT, but now that I have “found” Wonkette, I find myself running my cursor over pictures on other websites now looking for the clever alt-text bon mots, always to no avail. Does this mean I am spending too much time here? I’m sure my employer would answer in the positive.

  12. GOPCrusher

    [re=636652]dijetlo[/re]: In the current political environment, I think that will hurt him. It will be difficult to be screaming “Where are the jerbs for Americans?” and “The illegals are taking American jerbs” and support a man that outsourced his affair to a foreign country. He should have taken a page from the Tiger Woods handbook and stayed American.

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