SENIORITIS  12:56 pm August 11, 2010

Man-Whore Mark Sanford Takes Obama’s Dirty Money, Like A Prostitute

by Josh Fruhlinger

Mark Sanford will use the proceeds from album sales to pay down South Carolina's debtMarch of 2009 was so very long ago that when you click this link you will be surprised that everyone in the story isn’t wearing chain mail and calling each other “thee” and “thou,” but back then South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford was a guy with a future in politics, and if there’s one thing guys with futures in politics do, it’s go in for dumb grandstanding stunts that score points with ideologues but do real, actual damage to the people who elected them. That’s why 2012 sleeper political candidate Mark Sanford bravely told Chairman Obama that he didn’t want to use the money allocated to his state by the stimulus package to “stimulate” the economy in the intended Keynesian (Kenyan?) fashion, but rather to pay off this guy he owed money to. What happened to that strong, principled conservative of yore, anyway?

Well, obviously he betrayed those principles, by having a consensual sex affair with an adult woman who doesn’t even speak English natively. And that was the end of his political career, pretty much. But he still has to/gets to be governor of South Carolina for several more months! And now that he doesn’t have to worry about what Iowa caucus-goers think about his conservative credentials, he’s just up and taking that Obama money, stained red with blood and communism, and giving it in greasy handfuls to South Carolina’s laziest unemployed.

Other governors who swore never to participate in the spending-orgy that is the stimulus but later quietly took the checks and made their states nicer with them include Sonny Perdue of Georgia and Phil Bredesen of Tennessee, neither of whom is running for president or even re-election. The lesson, apparently, is that the people who determine politicians’ electoral prospects are not the people you want setting policy, which is troubling. Still, arrange for the seduction of your local leaders by sexy Latin gals or dudes (their choice!), just to be on the safe side. [NYT]

 
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{ 21 comments }

ManchuCandidate August 11, 2010 at 1:02 pm

It’s not that they don’t like free money. It’s that they had to ask (read beg) a black guy for it.

Sharkey August 11, 2010 at 1:08 pm

He just wants a few more whore blood diamonds.

BarackMyWorld August 11, 2010 at 1:09 pm

Let’s hope the next big conservative grandstanding stunt is to shrink the size of government by committing mass suicide.

Serolf Divad August 11, 2010 at 1:10 pm

FINE, I’ll TAKE the money you jerk. But don’t imagine I’ll have any fun spending it or anything. Also, you should understand: I’m only giving these funds to unemployed people because James Clyburn added legislation specifically preventing Governors from using the money to buy plane tickets to Buenos Aires.

just pixels August 11, 2010 at 1:11 pm

Typical LSM story about the “elites” say Mark Sanford’s career is over. In REAL America I’m sure he is a hero.

An affair with an Argentinian woman? More like “I can see Argentina from my bed.”
Disappeared mysteriously? More like “fighting terrorists on the down low”.
Divorced? “Struggling single parent”.

Obama hasn’t had any affairs or disappeared or gotten divorced. Sanford is the OPPOSITE of Obama. Plus he’s white and the other guy is black. Just wait. Republicans and TP’ers will love him like the soulmate he is.

Zadig August 11, 2010 at 1:12 pm

In the same way that stupid Gaynesian economics never ever works, except for when it works all the fucking time, Republican governors hate your stupid federal money, except for all the times that they would literally suck off a herd of rhinos for a few stimulus nickels.

No, of course this isn’t cognitive dissonance. Cognitive dissonance is what other people do.

wilbro August 11, 2010 at 1:16 pm

He needs the money to pay alimony and child support. Because Jenny gets half the state, right?

harry palmer August 11, 2010 at 1:17 pm

Actually, everyone in the story is wearing chain-mail underwear. What this story needs, though, is John Belushi smashing the shit out of Sanford’s guitar.

Manos: Hands of Fate August 11, 2010 at 1:30 pm

The lesson for elected GOP officials is: if it makes sense, don’t do it unless your itching to find another career path.

Extemporanus August 11, 2010 at 1:34 pm

Republicans would be much more likely to take the money if President Obama just left it on the dresser and quitely saw himself out.

Extemporanus August 11, 2010 at 1:36 pm

[re=636628]Extemporanus[/re]: In other words, Josh’s fucking headline, douchelord!

Oblios Cap August 11, 2010 at 1:48 pm

[re=636607]harry palmer[/re]:

“My Love is Like a Cherry…”

toooldtocare August 11, 2010 at 1:49 pm

sooo, (Mark Sanford and Bob Inglis)doing the right thing for the constituents who elected you is really just committing political suicide? Boy, can’t wait to be a member of that party. God save us all if those fucking morons allow the house to fall to the GOP this fall.

dijetlo August 11, 2010 at 1:51 pm

I just got to say that, politics aside, he banged a Latina Milf from the flesh-pits of the Argentine who apparently accepted his seed willingly and without the added inducement of cash money. As a middle aged, American, heterosexual male…I respect the hell out of that.
Finally a politician who doesn’t recruit the pudgy, ugly girl for his team in the International trouser-bobbing Olympics, who’s not hanging out in the mens room of an airport, hiring strippers to change diaper, or hiring sex workers from “Rent Boy.Com”.
I may be old fashioned but I was actually titillated by all his sexy-time talk about smooth brown lady cans which is a hell of a lot more than what I got out of imagining Monica banging her head on the underside of the desk in the Oval Office or how many wipes does it take to clean a Senator ass.
So leave brother Mark alone! Make him the Special Envoy to Taiwan or something. Yes, he will bang the locals but at least we wont all be embarrassed about it because he’ll be banging the hot ones.

Baldar T Flagass August 11, 2010 at 1:52 pm

OT, but now that I have “found” Wonkette, I find myself running my cursor over pictures on other websites now looking for the clever alt-text bon mots, always to no avail. Does this mean I am spending too much time here? I’m sure my employer would answer in the positive.

Rusty Shackleford August 11, 2010 at 1:58 pm

[re=636607]harry palmer[/re]: No, what this story really needs is more cowbell!

JMP August 11, 2010 at 2:03 pm

South Carolina needs federal money to keep the Appalachian Trail hikeable.

GOPCrusher August 11, 2010 at 2:13 pm

[re=636652]dijetlo[/re]: In the current political environment, I think that will hurt him. It will be difficult to be screaming “Where are the jerbs for Americans?” and “The illegals are taking American jerbs” and support a man that outsourced his affair to a foreign country. He should have taken a page from the Tiger Woods handbook and stayed American.

Serolf Divad August 11, 2010 at 2:41 pm

[re=636669]JMP[/re]:

I’m confused: are you talking about a boob job or a face lift?

Zadig August 11, 2010 at 2:57 pm

[re=636725]Serolf Divad[/re]: Anal bleaching.

surfacenoise76 August 11, 2010 at 6:48 pm

Life’s tougher when you don’t have a rich wife.

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