Dan Quayle’s Son Liked To Post Sex Comments On Website

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Cillian Murphy's least challenging role yet.Arizona Congressional candidate Ben Quayle had previously denied he was a contributor to a website called “Dirty Scottsdale” a few years back. But now he is admitting that he couldn’t even get a blogging job with this site, which he’s said was “satirical,” because he says he “just posted comments to try to drive some traffic.” That is worse. “Dirty Scottsdale” was “the Scottsdale gossip” of sorts and chronicled that city’s “nightlife.” Quayle admitted he posted under the name “Brock Landers,” which is a porn-star character in a section of Boogie Nights, and helped the site’s owner find a lawyer. Coincidentally, Ben Quayle has just released a new ad in which he says he was “raised right,” which apparently includes taking on porn-star personas to “drive” mustard porn “traffic” on the Internet. Hmm. Oh, and also he says Barack Obama is the WORST PREZ EVAH.

Ben Quayle is pretty robotic in this video. Just look how he stands up toward the end while keeping his head and eyes perfectly in line with the camera. Oh no, he’s coming to get us! Wait, no, he’s just leaving, because he doesn’t have time to sit and record commercials. This all seems off.

You know, this Quayle guy looks familiar, like a character from a recent Christopher Nolan blockbuster who was also confronting his father’s legacy.

And hey, where is the emotion in his speech? It’s almost as if this dialogue was implanted in his brain.

THE REPUBLICANS HAVE ACCOMPLISHED INCEPTION. [WP]

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Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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3 comments

  1. Tundra Grifter

    I thought about asking Whiskey Tango Foxtwat is “mustard porn.”

    Then I realized I really don’t want to know.

    Really.

  2. just pixels

    My company has a stupid strict policy against viewing porn sites at work. That’s why I limit myself to satirical sites, like “Wonkette” and “Dirty Scottsdale”.

  3. God, Country, and Jail

    I was thinking more a Mary Harron adaptation of a late 80s/early 90s satirical novel.

  4. Spike

    Calling it a “Dirty Scottsdale” is the Arizona patriot way of de-Mexicanizing a “Dirty Sanchez”.

    Kinda like “Freedom Fries”

  5. facehead

    A dirty scottsdale? I just don’t have the moral strength to look that up in the urban dictionary.

  6. Baby who ate the Dingo

    Danny: “Benjamin Andover Quayle, you come right here right now! You’re in a heap of trouble now!”

    Ben-Dover Quayle: Thats the durty part.

  7. Terry

    At RNC headquarters, they are consoling themselves with the thought that at least he’s straight and the women are apparently of age.

  8. JMP

    He claims he was raised right? Dude, most voters are old enough to actually remember your father, and know that that could not possibly be true.

  9. Serolf Divad

    [re=636554]WIDTAP[/re]:

    Yes, but you can still run as a Republican if you wish. (Same goes for boinking hookers, BTW.)

  10. BklynIlluminati

    [re=636549]Spike[/re]: I thought it was you do the dirty Sanchez then after, you have your partner deported with the Sanchez intact so ICE recognizes you.

  11. Oldskool

    Sorry Ben, when you say “knock the hell our of the place”, it causes more of a giggle than fear.

  12. Come here a minute

    Dan Quayle’s offspring talking tough about knocking the HELL out of DC just doesn’t make any sense. Does it to you?

  13. JMP

    Ben hasn’t answered the most important question – will he follow Dan’s policy of making sure that fictional characters get what’s coming to them?

  14. BigDupa

    Just before they started taping Benji told us who the worst Vice President was in history and it was a tie. They had to edit that part out.

  15. CthuNHu

    When did Rahm Emanuel knock up Dan Quayle?

    [re=636545]J-Dub[/re]: Ben Quayle makes Dan Quayle look like Barack Obama.

    Really, aren’t these folks rich? Couldn’t they at least hire some overpriced hack consultant to crank out a mediocre ad, instead of getting it written and directed by whatever sixth-graders happened to be in detention at Barry Goldwater Elementary School that afternoon?

  16. SlouchingTowardsWasilla

    Briefly, Ben, compare and contrast the Buchanan presidency and the Obama presidency? No? How ’bout Harding? Johnson? Not prepared today? Ok, but we want a report by the end of the week. And didn’t we have a chat about that language of yours? Now run along home to your mom.

  17. binarian

    “Barack Obama, worst president ever”……yada yada yada, yawn, yawn…..c’mon ‘tards, come up with something NEW for Christ’s sake. EVERY dumbass TeaParty dope says this. It’s background noise at this point, like traffic or the crazy guy yelling about Jesus outside the building I work in. Get some originality or disappear.

  18. Okie Dokie Dog

    So it’s Obama’s fault that there are drug cartels in Mexico? Dayum, I always thought it was Nancy Raygun that caused all that. Just legalize marijuana and close the loop at the gun shows – problem solved. You can thank me later. After I finally get to smoke a doobie in peace, in my own house, without the fear of jack booted Neo-Nazi looking thugs with badgees knocking my door down and shooting my dogs.

    As far as Ben-Boy Quail – Jumpin’ Jebus. He skerrid me with his hipnotizedness stare. Are we sure that he is a real hooman being? Does he have papers to prove that he was actually birthed from his flippy hair-do-ed Mama’s naughty bit?

    I need a dose of sanity after looking at that, so back to the lol kittehs.

  19. Extemporanus

    “Dirty Scottsdale” — now known simply as “The Dirty” — actually could at times be a fairly amusing website, expecially to those familiar with “Da ‘Dale”. Imagine a lower-rent, localized version of “Hot Chicks with Douchebags”, plus gossip.

    Here’s the local news report [Dirty link prolly NSFW] on the Brock “Ben Quayle” Landers v. Nik “Dirty” Dirty, and Mr. Dirty’s measured response:

    “Ben, you are a f*cking liar and I hope you rot in hell. Take your own advice hypocrite.- nik”

    [re=636540]Katydid[/re]: It’s true, people!

    He did it in , 28 Days Laterand he will do it again! OM ZOM ZOM ZOM!!

  20. Sharkey

    Elect Quayle and he will start a new website called “Dirty Georgetown” and post comments using the pseudonym “Harry Schlong”. It’ll knock the hell out of you, uh, us, uh, them.

  21. One Yield Regular

    [re=636616]Manos: Hands of Fate[/re]: I will NEVAH again look at Ben Quayle without thinking that.

  22. Naked Bunny with a Whip

    I hope my Wonkette commenting history won’t affect my burgeoning political career. I should have posted under a pseudonym.

  23. Extemporanus

    [re=636616]Manos: Hands of Fate[/re]: BINGOE!

    [re=636623]Dashboard_Buddha[/re]: A “Greasy Cleveland Steamer” is more commonly referred to simply as an “Akron”.

    (TRUE FACT: Nicknames for Akron include “Rubber City”, “Tire City”, and “The Cross Roads of the Deaf” — coincidentally, the Akron also has the highest rate of crosswalk-related pedestrian hit & run deaths in the entire United States.)

  24. Traveler

    Vote Ben Quayle – because of regression towards the mean I am likely to be smarter than Dad.

  25. GOPCrusher

    [re=636595]binarian[/re]: They quite can’t get over the fact that if it wasn’t for William Henry Harrison, G.W. Bushyt would be the Worst President Evah, as voted on by presidential historians. And to think, if that pretzel would have done it’s job, he might be above Herbert Hoover on the list.

  26. Mad Farmer Manifest

    So my commenting history here will come back to haunt me? Great, once I get into politics, everyone will know that I’m an unfunny hack. At least they’ll know what I really think of Ted Stevens.

  27. PlanetWingnuta

    i liked “the Diry” was one of my fav sites..now this moran is linked to it…i haz sadz

  28. lawrenceofthedesert

    Starring in a new slasher flick, “Night of the Barely Living.” Did anyone tell this guy that “Flatliners” was just a movie? Even his extinguished father, Mr. “Potatoe” Head, had a bit more pseudo-vivacity.

  29. Extemporanus

    [re=636732]ph7[/re]: She’s a Real Doll!

    [re=636735]PlanetWingnuta[/re]: Not only is he linked to it, according to site owner Nik he was one of its co-creators and a guding editorial voice.

    Also, Nik says this about Ben: “If you don’t remember me or Brock Landers that is cool. I guess I don’t remember the time you banged Tim-Marie (a chick) in my spare bedroom. I just let randoms spend the night and have sex with strangers…should I continue?”

    “Tim-Marie”?!

  30. nappyduggs

    Pssshaw. The real story is all of the sex comments he made on a site called “Dirty Airedale.”

    That’s just nasty.

  31. Dolmance

    This guy’s got some real genetic baggage. His father, a terminally depressed spoiled little bastard with an outsize sense of entitlement always looked like a man who’d just sucked a cock, while that mother of his looked like a terrifying medical experiment in which human DNA was grafted onto a thresher shark. Where do the Republicans find these fucking people?!!

  32. metalhed

    It’s a sad thing … to lose one’s mind. … Or not to have a mind.

    Like father, like son? Think about it.

  33. Scaggsville guy

    Jeez, all that tough tough talk…in his thin, high-pitched voice. Ben you’re really ridiculous.

    I’m old enough to remember when his father was VP. At the time, Dan Quayle seemed awfully stupid and callow. And there wasn’t such a tolerance for stupidity. Misspelling potato was enough to just end his career in an instant.

    Today, every day Sarah Palin says something 100 times stupider than Dan Quayle ever did. Like yesterday, when she denied rolling her eyes at that teacher, when the video clearly showed her doing it for about 5 seconds.

    This Ben Quayle seems a lot stupider than his Dad. This video is the best he can do, and he comes across like a zombie who doesn’t understand the words he’s reciting? Not good.

  34. M Lite

    [re=636940]Scaggsville guy[/re]: God…I’ve never thought of it in exactly that way. How sad. Can Palin spell all her kids names?

  35. rmjag

    the first pic of ben , looks like his brain has fixated on a dirty sex image n he can’t shake it loose and its giving him a boner at an inconvenient moment .

  36. Surfeit O'Hubris

    [re=636940]Scaggsville guy[/re]: Yeah, I thought no one could be dumber than St Ronnie until Mr. Potatoe Head came along.

    Then I thought no one could be dumber than Quayle until Shrub came along.

    Then I thought no one could be dumber than Cowboy Caligula until the Gorilla from Wasilla came along.

    Now I don’t see how anyone could possibly be dumber than Dumbelina. But I’m worried about where this is going.

  37. One Yield Regular

    Besides the obvious sixth-grade quality already pointed out, it’s just totally, tastelessly tacky (not to mention impolitic and ironic) for the son of a former Vice-President to go on air and call the current President “the worst” ever. Also, don’t be disrespectful to your elders like that, boy. People will think you weren’t raised right.

  38. glamourdammerung

    [re=636539]Tundra Grifter[/re]: It is probably a reference to Jack’s stalker who is hopefully banned by now. The unfunny stalker that basically posted the same whine in every post Stuef made, not the rest of the stalkers.

  39. Pizzuti

    Ben Qualye has gayface.

    Hey, maybe that’s why he doesn’t have any kids!

    Gaydar is flashing like mad, here.

  40. steverino247

    He looks so fucking stoned in that picture. I mean totally baked. So wasted that when the social workers took away his screaming kids he only blinked once.

  41. Army of None

    Remember when Bush I picked his father as VP because he thought he looked like Robert Redford and would attract female voters and the camera possee all caught Dan off guard, and all the commentators said, “This guy looks like a deer caught in the headlights?” Good times!

  42. Dolmance

    [re=637031]Pizzuti[/re]: You ain’t kidding. I’m hearing bells, whistles, sirens and honking firetrucks.

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