VISIONS OF AMERICA  1:09 pm August 10, 2010

Here’s Your Video of McNugget Lady Going Nuts

by Ken Layne


How are things in McDonaldland, USA? Pretty bad, we bet! Here’s the “State of the Union,” as video-recorded by a robot camera over the McDonald’s drive-thru somewhere. (Oh and your Wonkette has an “arrangement” with this news-video company, so whatever commercial you suffer through is actually sending a little money to your Wonkette writers who also need their fucking McNuggets, fuckers.)

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 59 comments }

Manos: Hands of Fate August 10, 2010 at 1:13 pm

The Jonas Brothers are coming to a city near me!!!

jus_wonderin August 10, 2010 at 1:14 pm

To increase revenue for Wonkette, should we watch this twice? Three times?

One Yield Regular August 10, 2010 at 1:14 pm

I can hardly wait to see what will happen a few years from now when she hears her monthly Social Security check is no longer available.

slappypaddy August 10, 2010 at 1:16 pm

no happy meal for the little lady.

and wonkette, you’re going positively bbc on us now, with commercials and all.

diss ist der part uff der schau ver vee tantz!

Oldskool August 10, 2010 at 1:16 pm

Dayum, those McNuggets must be awfully fucking good.

madtowngooner August 10, 2010 at 1:16 pm

Are Wonkette readers all gay teenagers now?

queeraselvis v 2.0 August 10, 2010 at 1:17 pm

[re=635707]Manos: Hands of Fate[/re]: What? Oh, sorry. I blacked out after “The Jonas Brothers are coming.”

edgydrifter August 10, 2010 at 1:17 pm

See? THIS is why we can’t have the McRib. Lightweights who can’t handle their sugar, fat and rectum are ruining it for the rest of us.

Dashboard_Buddha August 10, 2010 at 1:19 pm

I’m at work and can’t turn up the sound…did the staff withhold salt or something?

Gratuitous World August 10, 2010 at 1:20 pm

Mayor McCheese Will Fucking Cut You, Bitch.

I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO August 10, 2010 at 1:22 pm

I was all ready to forgive you a little whoring to line the bottom of the Wonkette coffers until that whoring turned out to be an advertisement for the Jonas Brothers concert.

Dashboard_Buddha August 10, 2010 at 1:22 pm

Nevery mind…looked it up.

jetjaguar August 10, 2010 at 1:23 pm

That’s the first time I’ve watched something for the commercial.

Dashboard_Buddha August 10, 2010 at 1:23 pm

[re=635727]Gratuitous World[/re]: I lol’d.

Monsieur Grumpe August 10, 2010 at 1:24 pm

McNuggets are the new crack?

rambone August 10, 2010 at 1:27 pm

She no can haz mcnuggitz?

Wonkette haz sold out?

I best stop here before I find myself banned for making one cliched reference too many . . .

oh hi mark August 10, 2010 at 1:27 pm

She should have tried a anus burger.

AuntieStupefaction August 10, 2010 at 1:30 pm

Cold-turkey meth withdrawal makes one do some ugly things.

weejee August 10, 2010 at 1:30 pm

Not sure which wuz loonier–the McDouche video or the Jonas Brutahs are cumming ad. Ken, you do know it is still the morning out here on the left coast and a bit early for this sort stuff.

ManchuCandidate August 10, 2010 at 1:32 pm

I’d be that way too if I was addicted to “chicken” “parts”.

USA! U! S!! America! Booyah!!!

Another DC Lawyer (Again) August 10, 2010 at 1:32 pm

God damn…a 20 second Jonas Brothers ad?! Those better be pretty good fucking McNuggets.

SayItWithWookies August 10, 2010 at 1:35 pm

Those lab rats who’ll do anything for cocaine are feeling sorry for this lady right now.

CrunchyKnee August 10, 2010 at 1:35 pm

The Jonas Bros. are the chicken McNuggets of pop music.

Allyson August 10, 2010 at 1:37 pm

What some people will do for their McFrankenFood…
http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Chicken_McNuggets

Katydid August 10, 2010 at 1:38 pm

“She did not slide down the emergency chute out of the plane, though.”

I don’t get it. What does that even mean? But I did watch the video twice because I wasn’t sure I heard what I heard, so ca-ching, Wonkette!

Mad Farmer Manifest August 10, 2010 at 1:41 pm

Way to rip off the Blue Man Group, Jonas Bros. Just when I thought their Shallow Douchebags quotient couldn’t go higher…

Okie Dokie Dog August 10, 2010 at 1:43 pm

I see no hope for America’s future after viewing both the Jonas Bros with SPECIAL secret sauce, I mean guest, and crazy woman beating up drive thru window for crappy assed greased hunks o’chickun droppings.

Drop the effin’ bomb and spare us the Levi Snowjobs Wasilly campaign.

weejee August 10, 2010 at 1:43 pm

[re=635774]Katydid[/re]: The Skys are Blue

SmutBoffin August 10, 2010 at 1:43 pm

Speaking of your on-going critique of Our American Thing, Ken, when does the book come out?

Kamace August 10, 2010 at 1:45 pm

Before I even watched the video my crazy Ohioian-dar went off, and low and behold..

Ken Layne August 10, 2010 at 1:46 pm

We will only use these commercial videos when we cannot find the HISTORICAL IMPORTANT news clip on the youtubez … although the youtubez increasingly have pre-roll commercials, too, but they don’t Share the Pennies with yr wonkette.

freakishlystrong August 10, 2010 at 1:46 pm

She wants her McNuggets back.

Katydid August 10, 2010 at 1:48 pm

[re=635784]weejee[/re]: Ah. I missed that one. Thanks.

Prommie August 10, 2010 at 1:57 pm

Now is this Bristol, or Willow?

natoslug August 10, 2010 at 1:57 pm

Meh to McNuggets lady, but I’m now on my fifth viewing of Justin Bieber being hit in the head with a water bottle. If I watch it long enough, will he bleed?

Oblios Cap August 10, 2010 at 1:58 pm

[re=635791]Kamace[/re]:

Low, indeed.

Lo. Also.

Ken Layne August 10, 2010 at 1:59 pm

[re=635811]Prommie[/re]: ahahahahah

Doglessliberal August 10, 2010 at 2:00 pm

[re=635708]jus_wonderin[/re]: I sat through the Jonas Bros two times because I thought it would help Teh Wonkette. I hope I am right.

Doglessliberal August 10, 2010 at 2:01 pm

[re=635784]weejee[/re]: Having just been on several plane trips, this guy is my hero.

Doglessliberal August 10, 2010 at 2:02 pm

[re=635811]Prommie[/re]: Sarah, before hair and makeup.

Kool Keith August 10, 2010 at 2:15 pm

[re=635784]weejee[/re]: Good to know that the Important Network News Anchor showing us a YouTube video assumes we will get his reference to some other YouTube video. Edward R. Murrow would be proud.

Barrelhse August 10, 2010 at 2:24 pm

No Justin Beiber? WTF?

weejee August 10, 2010 at 2:36 pm

[re=635819]Ken Layne[/re]: BTW, my earlier post wuz not complaining ’bout ‘vertizements in general – just, gag, the Jonas Bros in the particular. I knows even the kittie bishop can’t control everything.

steverino247 August 10, 2010 at 2:37 pm

Bitch is lucky they didn’t pull her in and make her into McNuggets.

weejee August 10, 2010 at 2:40 pm

[re=635824]Doglessliberal[/re]: Same, just flew back to C’Addle from Denver with two teeny soccer teams who thought the call buttons were so LOLz until the crew mentioned the DB Cooper memorial exit (sans p’chute) would be for the next pushee.

LakeLucilleLoon August 10, 2010 at 2:57 pm

Did she break the window with a bottle of beer? Crazy hophead hongray for McNuggets! Little did she know that the McSkillet Breakfast Burrito is a fine accompaniment to morning drinking, perhaps more fulfilling than even McNuggets, IMHO.

Baldar T Flagass August 10, 2010 at 2:57 pm

“ACCESS DENIED
Internet Usage is Logged & Monitored
Why is this site blocked?
Websites are blocked or allowed by category per AFNetOps NTO 2009-087-001.”

Advertising fail. Can I paypal you a nickel?

Hedley Lamar August 10, 2010 at 3:13 pm

So now robot cameramen are replacing real, human cameramen at McDonalds?
A brother can’t buy a job anymore.

Merkin August 10, 2010 at 3:18 pm

[re=635791]Kamace[/re]: Same here. As soon as I heard “Toledo,” I thought, “Yep, that makes sense.”

leftcoaster August 10, 2010 at 3:25 pm

I feel better knowing others got the Jonas Brothers ad. I thought it was chosen for me especially; that the ad server somehow knew I’m a pervy old cretin who enjoys watching teenagers sashay about.

LaurenLK August 10, 2010 at 3:56 pm

I am covered in (golden brown delicious)shame, because this happened in the place of my birth, Toledo (pro. “Tow-leeee-do”), Ohio. (Not “Tow-lay-do” where they make the Spanish blades and stuff.)

Beowoof August 10, 2010 at 4:05 pm

The Jonas brothers look as if they need to get laid.

The girl at the McWindow is doing 60 days hopefully this will help her kick her meth habit. However, I can see the meth habit returning as she does live in Toledo.

Mr Blifil August 10, 2010 at 4:19 pm

Cognitive dissonance: attempting to attack workers through drive-in window when it is just as feasible to enter the front door, leap over the counter and start dunking heads in the fryolator. Points to her for lacking normal self-preservation instincts and stone cold punching a hole in a glass window with her bare fist. That is the kind of initiative we are going to have to become more accustomed to if America is going to compete in the new century.

And why is it the older I get, the more I fantasize about finger-banging young teenage performers? When I was an actual young teenager, and actually engaging in the practice of actually finger banging other actual teenagers, I don’t think I was so single-mindedly preoccupied.

Smoke Filled Roommate August 10, 2010 at 4:28 pm

That shit’s Triggity Triggity Triggity Track, yo.

natteringnabomb August 10, 2010 at 5:31 pm

That commercial was a demonstration of our new improved future innertube freedoms.Will blingees look cooler at 144bps?

Decker August 10, 2010 at 8:37 pm

I guess Bristol was really upset when she heard Levi played babydaddy with somebody else.

President Beeblebrox August 10, 2010 at 8:56 pm

[re=635966]Merkin[/re]: As my good friend Jon Anderson once sang, “Toledo was just another stop along the good king’s highway/My fortification took me by surprise and hit me sending me sideways…” Obviously Yes were fans of McNuggets.

obfuscator August 10, 2010 at 10:36 pm

well, america was nice while it lasted.

Tar and Feathers August 12, 2010 at 2:04 am

History will regard this woman as something of a hero. We’ve all lived under the tyranny of the breakfast menu long enough.

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