visions of america

Here’s Your Video of McNugget Lady Going Nuts

Add to Flipboard Magazine.


How are things in McDonaldland, USA? Pretty bad, we bet! Here’s the “State of the Union,” as video-recorded by a robot camera over the McDonald’s drive-thru somewhere. (Oh and your Wonkette has an “arrangement” with this news-video company, so whatever commercial you suffer through is actually sending a little money to your Wonkette writers who also need their fucking McNuggets, fuckers.)

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Manos: Hands of Fate

    The Jonas Brothers are coming to a city near me!!!

  • jus_wonderin

    To increase revenue for Wonkette, should we watch this twice? Three times?

  • One Yield Regular

    I can hardly wait to see what will happen a few years from now when she hears her monthly Social Security check is no longer available.

  • slappypaddy

    no happy meal for the little lady.

    and wonkette, you’re going positively bbc on us now, with commercials and all.

    diss ist der part uff der schau ver vee tantz!

  • Oldskool

    Dayum, those McNuggets must be awfully fucking good.

  • madtowngooner

    Are Wonkette readers all gay teenagers now?

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=635707]Manos: Hands of Fate[/re]: What? Oh, sorry. I blacked out after “The Jonas Brothers are coming.”

  • edgydrifter

    See? THIS is why we can’t have the McRib. Lightweights who can’t handle their sugar, fat and rectum are ruining it for the rest of us.

  • Dashboard_Buddha

    I’m at work and can’t turn up the sound…did the staff withhold salt or something?

  • Gratuitous World

    Mayor McCheese Will Fucking Cut You, Bitch.

  • I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO

    I was all ready to forgive you a little whoring to line the bottom of the Wonkette coffers until that whoring turned out to be an advertisement for the Jonas Brothers concert.

  • Dashboard_Buddha

    Nevery mind…looked it up.

  • jetjaguar

    That’s the first time I’ve watched something for the commercial.

  • Dashboard_Buddha

    [re=635727]Gratuitous World[/re]: I lol’d.

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    McNuggets are the new crack?

  • rambone

    She no can haz mcnuggitz?

    Wonkette haz sold out?

    I best stop here before I find myself banned for making one cliched reference too many . . .

  • oh hi mark

    She should have tried a anus burger.

  • AuntieStupefaction

    Cold-turkey meth withdrawal makes one do some ugly things.

  • weejee

    Not sure which wuz loonier–the McDouche video or the Jonas Brutahs are cumming ad. Ken, you do know it is still the morning out here on the left coast and a bit early for this sort stuff.

  • ManchuCandidate

    I’d be that way too if I was addicted to “chicken” “parts”.

    USA! U! S!! America! Booyah!!!

  • Another DC Lawyer (Again)

    God damn…a 20 second Jonas Brothers ad?! Those better be pretty good fucking McNuggets.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Those lab rats who’ll do anything for cocaine are feeling sorry for this lady right now.

  • CrunchyKnee

    The Jonas Bros. are the chicken McNuggets of pop music.

  • Allyson

    What some people will do for their McFrankenFood…
    http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Chicken_McNuggets

  • Katydid

    “She did not slide down the emergency chute out of the plane, though.”

    I don’t get it. What does that even mean? But I did watch the video twice because I wasn’t sure I heard what I heard, so ca-ching, Wonkette!

  • Mad Farmer Manifest

    Way to rip off the Blue Man Group, Jonas Bros. Just when I thought their Shallow Douchebags quotient couldn’t go higher…

  • Okie Dokie Dog

    I see no hope for America’s future after viewing both the Jonas Bros with SPECIAL secret sauce, I mean guest, and crazy woman beating up drive thru window for crappy assed greased hunks o’chickun droppings.

    Drop the effin’ bomb and spare us the Levi Snowjobs Wasilly campaign.

  • weejee

    [re=635774]Katydid[/re]: The Skys are Blue

  • SmutBoffin

    Speaking of your on-going critique of Our American Thing, Ken, when does the book come out?

  • Kamace

    Before I even watched the video my crazy Ohioian-dar went off, and low and behold..

  • Ken Layne

    We will only use these commercial videos when we cannot find the HISTORICAL IMPORTANT news clip on the youtubez … although the youtubez increasingly have pre-roll commercials, too, but they don’t Share the Pennies with yr wonkette.

  • freakishlystrong

    She wants her McNuggets back.

  • Katydid

    [re=635784]weejee[/re]: Ah. I missed that one. Thanks.

  • Prommie

    Now is this Bristol, or Willow?

  • natoslug

    Meh to McNuggets lady, but I’m now on my fifth viewing of Justin Bieber being hit in the head with a water bottle. If I watch it long enough, will he bleed?

  • Oblios Cap

    [re=635791]Kamace[/re]:

    Low, indeed.

    Lo. Also.

  • Ken Layne

    [re=635811]Prommie[/re]: ahahahahah

  • Doglessliberal

    [re=635708]jus_wonderin[/re]: I sat through the Jonas Bros two times because I thought it would help Teh Wonkette. I hope I am right.

  • Doglessliberal

    [re=635784]weejee[/re]: Having just been on several plane trips, this guy is my hero.

  • Doglessliberal

    [re=635811]Prommie[/re]: Sarah, before hair and makeup.

  • Kool Keith

    [re=635784]weejee[/re]: Good to know that the Important Network News Anchor showing us a YouTube video assumes we will get his reference to some other YouTube video. Edward R. Murrow would be proud.

  • Barrelhse

    No Justin Beiber? WTF?

  • weejee

    [re=635819]Ken Layne[/re]: BTW, my earlier post wuz not complaining ’bout ‘vertizements in general – just, gag, the Jonas Bros in the particular. I knows even the kittie bishop can’t control everything.

  • steverino247

    Bitch is lucky they didn’t pull her in and make her into McNuggets.

  • weejee

    [re=635824]Doglessliberal[/re]: Same, just flew back to C’Addle from Denver with two teeny soccer teams who thought the call buttons were so LOLz until the crew mentioned the DB Cooper memorial exit (sans p’chute) would be for the next pushee.

  • LakeLucilleLoon

    Did she break the window with a bottle of beer? Crazy hophead hongray for McNuggets! Little did she know that the McSkillet Breakfast Burrito is a fine accompaniment to morning drinking, perhaps more fulfilling than even McNuggets, IMHO.

  • Baldar T Flagass

    “ACCESS DENIED
    Internet Usage is Logged & Monitored
    Why is this site blocked?
    Websites are blocked or allowed by category per AFNetOps NTO 2009-087-001.”

    Advertising fail. Can I paypal you a nickel?

  • Hedley Lamar

    So now robot cameramen are replacing real, human cameramen at McDonalds?
    A brother can’t buy a job anymore.

  • Merkin

    [re=635791]Kamace[/re]: Same here. As soon as I heard “Toledo,” I thought, “Yep, that makes sense.”

  • leftcoaster

    I feel better knowing others got the Jonas Brothers ad. I thought it was chosen for me especially; that the ad server somehow knew I’m a pervy old cretin who enjoys watching teenagers sashay about.

  • LaurenLK

    I am covered in (golden brown delicious)shame, because this happened in the place of my birth, Toledo (pro. “Tow-leeee-do”), Ohio. (Not “Tow-lay-do” where they make the Spanish blades and stuff.)

  • Beowoof

    The Jonas brothers look as if they need to get laid.

    The girl at the McWindow is doing 60 days hopefully this will help her kick her meth habit. However, I can see the meth habit returning as she does live in Toledo.

  • Mr Blifil

    Cognitive dissonance: attempting to attack workers through drive-in window when it is just as feasible to enter the front door, leap over the counter and start dunking heads in the fryolator. Points to her for lacking normal self-preservation instincts and stone cold punching a hole in a glass window with her bare fist. That is the kind of initiative we are going to have to become more accustomed to if America is going to compete in the new century.

    And why is it the older I get, the more I fantasize about finger-banging young teenage performers? When I was an actual young teenager, and actually engaging in the practice of actually finger banging other actual teenagers, I don’t think I was so single-mindedly preoccupied.

  • Smoke Filled Roommate

    That shit’s Triggity Triggity Triggity Track, yo.

  • natteringnabomb

    That commercial was a demonstration of our new improved future innertube freedoms.Will blingees look cooler at 144bps?

  • Decker

    I guess Bristol was really upset when she heard Levi played babydaddy with somebody else.

  • President Beeblebrox

    [re=635966]Merkin[/re]: As my good friend Jon Anderson once sang, “Toledo was just another stop along the good king’s highway/My fortification took me by surprise and hit me sending me sideways…” Obviously Yes were fans of McNuggets.

  • obfuscator

    well, america was nice while it lasted.

  • Tar and Feathers

    History will regard this woman as something of a hero. We’ve all lived under the tyranny of the breakfast menu long enough.