Robert Gibbs To Order Mandatory Government Drug Testing For Libruls Who Criticize White House

The Obama administration is sick of libruls such as Rachel Maddow who dare CRITICIZE them , the librul political party's presidential administration, when they fail to do important librul things. "I hear these people saying he's like George Bush. Those people ought to be drug tested," Robert Gibbs said. (But he is like George Bush, because he lives in the same house and has the same job and also calls himself "President.") Why are the "professional left" not in lock-step with their dear leader? Isn't there a chemical that makes you oppose gay marriage and support Guantanamo Bay that Robert Gibbs can inject people with when he's checking them for teh drugz?

The press secretary dismissed the "professional left" in terms very similar to those used by their opponents on the ideological right, saying, "They will be satisfied when we have Canadian healthcare and we’ve eliminated the Pentagon. That’s not reality."

Yes, but have you bothered ASKING Canada to give us their healthcare? Have you ever said, "Hey Canada, that looks good do you mind if we joined?" Canada would be fucking CRYING that the U.S. finally complimented it and wanted to do something its way. Canada has been trying to get its older brother to love it and be proud of it for centuries! And you know what? If we were nice to Canada about healthcare, we could probably get it to shoulder all our defense costs for us. PROBLEM SOLVED, EH.

But it is more fun saying your detractors hate America, so Gibbs will call up Canada but put them on hold forever until they realize he's not coming back and they cry.

"There's 101 things we’ve done," said Gibbs, who then mentioned both Iraq and healthcare.

Gibbs said the professional left is not representative of the progressives who organized, campaigned, raised money and ultimately voted for Obama.

Progressives, Gibbs said, are the liberals outside of Washington "in America," and they are grateful for what Obama has accomplished in a shattered economy with uniform Republican opposition and a short amount of time.

101 "things!" Triple-digit "things" should be enough for you assholes. If those 101 things were Dalmatians, you would be like, These may be too many Dalmatians. And also I should be sued by Disney. 

BUT AGAIN, WHO CARES ABOUT YOU, BECAUSE REAL LIBRULS ALWAYS AGREE WITH THEIR PRESIDENT.—Robert "Mustardman" Gibbs [ The Hill ]