NEEDS MORE GRUNTING  1:57 am August 10, 2010

Never Forget This Anti-Manhattan Mosque Rock Anthem

by Lauri Apple

“Can’t let ‘em build it, no no no no no no,” growls Trade Martin, the papa grizzly singing this anthem opposing the Cordoba House/Ground Zero Mosque. “There’s a painful memory in our minds.” Listen to this terrible, cacophonous nightmare of a song, and you will also have a new, painful memory, for your mind. The song’s only redeeming quality is that it makes your Wonkette want to buy a new Ford 4×4 truck to drive aimlessly through rugged mountainous areas while eating Slim Jims and drinking Mountain Dew by the gallon, which would help the economy.

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Hola wonkerados.

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Troubledog August 10, 2010 at 2:07 am

What about Rachel Uchitel? Stop bringing this 9/11 shit up every day. Hasn’t she suffered enough?

ioksotot23 August 10, 2010 at 2:21 am

needs more cowbell, less trade martin, maybe some lyrics that scan, oh…yeah and to not be such a shitty song too…wonder if there are any churches around the federal building in OK city…the cathars in France are still pissed(after all these years) at all the catholic churches built around the sites of a theistic massacre…

Tar and Feathers August 10, 2010 at 2:30 am

This song makes me feel strongly opposed to something, but I don’t think it’s mosques.

ClintonD August 10, 2010 at 2:35 am

Ears you. Ears you. Ears you. Ears you. Ears you. Ears you. Ears you. Ears you. Ears you. Ears you. Ears you. Ears you…..


imissopus August 10, 2010 at 3:06 am

The Muppets’ original version was better.

Noodle Salad August 10, 2010 at 3:12 am

Because, as we all know, the Constitution was only meant to be followed part of the time. Just like that Commandment about coveting your neighbor’s wife doesn’t apply to that fine thing two places down whose husband don’t treat her none right.

SeattleJoe August 10, 2010 at 3:16 am

I have no comment because I couldn’t listen all the way through the first line. So I guess I still don’t hate Muslims enough.

evan7257 August 10, 2010 at 3:42 am

The Muslins are making a mockery of the Burlington Coat Factory.

Suds McKenzie August 10, 2010 at 3:52 am

Every Jim has its Dew.

Lawndarts August 10, 2010 at 3:53 am

Sweet Jesus. I hit play on this thing – went to check another tab on my browser and all of a sudden I hear this crap. Frigging close’n browsers left and right just to make it stop. These guys clearly know what the hell they’re doing. And remember film students if you got nothing else just add a fucking lens flare, pat yourself on the back and call it a night.

american mutt August 10, 2010 at 4:51 am

We gotta stop bad patriotic drivel

PrimlyStable August 10, 2010 at 4:54 am

Kudos to his website for being the first in history to host a banner ad that feature the flags of both the confederacy AND the European Union. He also has a Christmas album called “Peace to the World”.

PrimlyStable August 10, 2010 at 4:58 am

For those of you who can’t listen to it:

We’ve got “Freedom Of Religion”, I understand
But Ground Zero is one location,
where a Mosque shouldn’t stand!!!


We’ve got to stop the Mosque at Ground Zero
From thumin’ its nose at every victim and hero
Thousands of Americans died in the attack
It’s a sacred place, and that’s a cold hard fact

There’s a painful memory in our minds
Our hearts keep breakin’ when we envision that tragic time.


God help us retain the honor and trust
For all the families…., who have suffered so damn much

Many Innocent Americans were killed
If we let them build it, can’t you see
They’ll turn 9-11 to a mockery


SayItWithWookies August 10, 2010 at 4:59 am

I was just thinking that what America really needs to bring us all together is an upbeat celebration of the deaths of 3,000 people and the subsequent narrow-minded paranoid religious eliminationism that pervaded our approach to anything remotely foreign. It really unites us as a people to know that when the going gets tough, the tough lash out at the nearest brown person trying to assimilate into our vast and welcoming culture.

Ye Olde Fap-Smith August 10, 2010 at 5:11 am

Before this wonderful tune I was fer the Muslin building but now I’m agin’ it. It was so catchy I hung up the disco ball from my ceiling fan, threw on my roller skates, and turned my motherfucking living room into a jerry-built discotheque. That song really stirred up something in me. Or perhaps it was the rum and blow. I bet it was the song though!

ellemme August 10, 2010 at 5:31 am

The thing I just love about these guys is that they point out that the imam said America had a hand in creating Osama Bin Laden the terrorist due to its foreign policy and use that as evidence of his anti-Americanism. Ha ha, like what he said was a private opinion and not a fact! God, it makes me happy that they’re nu-modern social commentary performers and not real humans being really fucking stupid. Right? RIGHT?

So, I’m going to go vomit now because of my acute aural-digestive disorder, also.

Serolf Divad August 10, 2010 at 6:08 am

I’m most impressed by how the “lyricist” made the work “understand” rhyme with “stand.”

BTW, this is how you write a protest song.

Rajul August 10, 2010 at 6:15 am

Country is the new hatecore.

Geogre August 10, 2010 at 6:19 am

Rough Trade Martin.

The showing of first responders should be outlawed by anyone who votes Republican. (See Anthony Weiner yelling at the GOP for why.) The talk of the families should be outlawed for anyone in favor of “wore” (2001: Manhattan protests attacks on Afghanistan; 2003: 500,000 protest the Bush plans for Iraq war on Feb. 14; 9-11 families groups begun to stop these assholes from turning 9/11 into a war warrant).

“I understand we got freedom of speech
But 9/11 ain’t a banner for leeches
We gotta put free religion outta their reach!”

lochnessmonster August 10, 2010 at 7:02 am

I guess these people don’t understand that people from all over the world died in this tragedy. Not just fat, old, white, bankers who look like them lost their lives that day. I do not know where in the Constitution it says you MUST practice Christianity.

Limeylizzie August 10, 2010 at 7:04 am

[re=635369]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Perfectly stated.

SwanSwanH August 10, 2010 at 7:23 am

“…it makes your Wonkette want to buy a new Ford 4×4 truck to drive aimlessly through rugged mountainous areas while eating Slim Jims and drinking Mountain Dew by the gallon, which would help the economy.”

Shelly Obama needs to take a page out of Wonkette’s vacation playbook.

Limeylizzie August 10, 2010 at 7:23 am

Those of us who were there on September 11th and anyone who lives in Manhattan should be the only voices that are relevant on this subject. FIN

Boondock Saint August 10, 2010 at 7:26 am

Sara Palin is a slut. Bristol also.

Limeylizzie August 10, 2010 at 7:32 am

Oh and these cunts, the group is based in New Hampshire for fuck’s sake!

Yep, I really need to see that piece of 9/11 pormnography as I go about my daily travels in Manhattan, I hope someone defaces it.

Limeylizzie August 10, 2010 at 7:46 am

[re=635381]Limeylizzie[/re]: Pornography, fool

PrimlyStable August 10, 2010 at 8:06 am

[re=635381]Limeylizzie[/re]: Ugh. I’m going to design an ad that just says “You’re all a bunch of c**ts”, the put it on the side of buses in New Hampshire (and wherever it is that Trade Martin comes from).

Geogre August 10, 2010 at 8:20 am

[re=635384]Limeylizzie[/re]: Oh, 9/11 was a television event.

I mean that.

I could deal. I had to DO things. I could go pull rubble (didn’t), had to worry about the air, could run, etc. In other words, those of us who were actually there had living and the demands of survival that took the front seat and allowed us to put the fear on the back burner. All those other people, though, were not there: they were in front of the TV. They had the worst seat in the house, and they couldn’t do anything. So: most horrible images + complete impotence = ?

Therefore I propose: Proclamation: Ground Zero is a television channel. From now on, a special channel will show a devastated hole in the ground, a ruined wing of the Pentagon, and a burned field. This will remain unchanged and unchanging forever, with no one but respectful mourners of appropriate decorum parading past. Since the real “ground zero” has people in it, real people who have petty commercial fights (how’s the memorial coming?), real people who are trying to make a buck, stay alive, and do their business, “ground zero” should be on TV, where it can be kept safe.

Limeylizzie August 10, 2010 at 8:37 am

[re=635390]Geogre[/re]: I think you are right, we had to actually live our lives, worry about when the trains would be running again,how would we get from one part of the City to another if the streets were closed etc. A friend of mine, who was in California at the time , is convinced that he felt it every bit as much as we did, he firmly believes that, he watched it on television and that probably felt like the most powerful movie ever. All I know is that all these idiots , from out of NYC , who are protesting, are making me furious.

Blue_in_VA August 10, 2010 at 8:41 am

Sounds like one of those Bud Light “Real Men of Genius” commercials.

norbizness August 10, 2010 at 8:46 am

“Minds”? How generous.

Come here a minute August 10, 2010 at 8:56 am

[re=635372]Serolf Divad[/re]: Good one, but this is the anthem I’ll be playing when Cheney’s heart stops beating — uh, I mean, blood stops circulating.

Johnny Zhivago August 10, 2010 at 8:58 am

[re=635379]Limeylizzie[/re]: Or at least you have to know what date 9/11 occurred on.

mardam422 August 10, 2010 at 9:02 am

[re=635369]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Nothing like someone to hate to make you feel good about yourself.

oh hi mark August 10, 2010 at 9:14 am

Eh, still better than Creed.

Monsieur Grumpe August 10, 2010 at 9:14 am

“There’s a painful memory in our minds”
So true.

meufchelou August 10, 2010 at 9:19 am

[re=635391]Limeylizzie[/re]: Yeah. They didn’t smell the “burned computer” smell for over a month every time the subway passed near Cortland. I could even smell it in Brooklyn when the wind shifted. How’s that for a memory?

CapnAhab August 10, 2010 at 9:21 am

Contrast this with, , “Kim Jong Il, the Dear Leader.” “When General Kim Jong Il shouts, HUGE STORMS ALWAYS HAPPEN!”. Yeah, and I’m sure lightning shoots out of his ass, too. What a dickhead!

Limeylizzie August 10, 2010 at 9:25 am

[re=635412]meufchelou[/re]: I think the various and awful smells are some of my strongest memories.

Geogre August 10, 2010 at 9:28 am

[re=635412]meufchelou[/re]: That smell!

It was a salty sort of smell, and not like plastic. It lasted a month, and I’m surprised you didn’t smell it all month in Brooklyn, because that was the direction of the wind. I was living in da Branx, and we only had two days of south wind, but for the first week or so work (down by the Guggenheim) always smelled of it.

I kept thinking that it would smell like something, but it really didn’t.

schvitzatura August 10, 2010 at 9:31 am

[re=635390]Geogre[/re]: Something along these lines, perhaps:

schvitzatura August 10, 2010 at 9:34 am

[re=635372]Serolf Divad[/re]: My tastes for anthem run to something more ironic, and of a profoundly martial nature:

Laibach, yeehaw!

Charlie Bucket August 10, 2010 at 10:36 am

The hor-ror…the hor-ror. I surprisingly lasted 30 seconds before termination.

mirrorball August 10, 2010 at 10:39 am

Wasn’t this a b-side for “America, F**k yeah!”?
Seriously, this sounds like it’s straight off the Team American soundtrack.

Guppy06 August 10, 2010 at 10:53 am

[re=635372]Serolf Divad[/re]: Personally, I was thinking more along these lines. How can it be a protest song if it doesn’t make you want to set things on fire?

DC Hates Me August 10, 2010 at 10:53 am

I imagine everyone at Foxnews studio is dancing in choreographed syncopation as this song is played over the intercom.

In related news, Greg Gutfeld wants to build a gay bar near Ground Zero:

weejee August 10, 2010 at 10:55 am

[re=635409]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Isn’t Trade Martin more of a Preparation H moment?

Jobbotch August 10, 2010 at 11:00 am

“and you will also have a new, painful memory, for your mind.”

Yay, the return of the Wonkette Comma!

CapnAhab August 10, 2010 at 11:10 am

“America, F**k yeah!”? Again, the North Koreans have us beat:
That song is “F**’n USA”. The tune is actually kind of catchy, and even the theme isn’t so shocking — but then, I saw The Clash sing “I’m So Bored With the USA” live. But the lyrics are stupid, the graphics cheezy — and Kim Jong Il is a crazy genocidal megalomaniac. Fuck’m! (The real reason I posted this was so I could see my new avatar.)

rottenart August 10, 2010 at 11:12 am

[re=635390]Geogre[/re]: I think that is an inspired idea, and Jean Baudrillard would be proud. It never fails to amaze me that the same people who can shit all over NYC because it’s such a sewage pit of liberal elite debauchery are the first to proclaim that it is the holiest of all places when it comes to fapping over the memory of 9/11.

I myself was in OK, watching the whole thing unfold on the aforementioned television, and remember thinking how weird it was watching the replay over and over and over and over and over again. “Surely,” I thought, “no one in Manhattan is interested in watching those explosions 5000 times in an hour.” Actually, it’s no wonder so many mouth-breathers are still angry and scared: it was seared into their brain with the force of an American Idol finale.

comicbookguy August 10, 2010 at 11:36 am

[re=635393]Blue_in_VA[/re]: Here’s to you, Mister 9/11 Exploiter Guy.

Kamace August 10, 2010 at 11:50 am

Who are these people who are against a Mosque being built? Are they the same people who voted down the bill to help first responders pay for their medical bills? I am so confused.

comicbookguy August 10, 2010 at 12:04 pm

These are the same people who joined the 9/12 Society because they remember how wonderful and patriotic they felt the day after 9/11. It was a good day to be a) part of the new permanent Republican majority, and b) far far away from Manhattan.

But now they’ve come to claim Manhattan as their own.

GOPCrusher August 10, 2010 at 12:39 pm

The Necks are protesting a mosque being built in Murfreesboro, TN. ahwlso, so I don’t buy this 9/11 bullshit excuse.

gurukalehuru August 10, 2010 at 12:58 pm

God, that song was awful. I now want to see hundreds of Mosques below Houston St. (If they built a small, Mexican Mosque would it be a Mosquito?)

LimeyLizzie, I couldn’t disagree with you more. Just because you have the bad taste and poor judgment to live in what may well be North America’s most unpleasant city, that doesn’t give you any particular insight into what happened on that day or make your input more valid on how the whole thing should be dealt with.
I lived in Los Angeles for a while. That doesn’t make me a film critic.

I still think it was an inside job, btw. 2 planes, 3 buildings, it just doesn’t add up.

gurukalehuru August 10, 2010 at 1:01 pm

Trade Martin? Trade? Any relation to Trig, Track and Tripp?

Neilist August 10, 2010 at 2:21 pm

Any way that “Trade Martin” could die in the crash of a small plane, too?

Along with Ted “Buddy H.” Stevens and Sean “The Big Booper” O’Keefe?

sezme August 10, 2010 at 3:18 pm

This morning on the radio, they were reporting that The Muslim Canadian Congress opposes the mosque at ground zero because it’s “like rubbing salt in the wound.” So you see, even some muslims are teabaggers, or something. Which is funny because I’ve always equated teabaggers with islamic extremists, so the nuttiness appears to have come full-circle. Anyway, these self-hating muslims who apparently hold their own religion responsible for 9/11 are flying into (the towers of) New York today to argue their case.

themercenary August 10, 2010 at 3:44 pm

[re=635379]Limeylizzie[/re]: Thank you. As a New Yorker I don’t find the Cordoba House offensive. What I do find offensive is rednecks from the sticks (who hate librul New Yorkers the other 364 days of the year)who constantly show the painful images of 9/11 over and over again to support their close-minded bullshit.

Rotundo August 10, 2010 at 5:35 pm

Not merely content with being on the wrong side of an issue, it seems they always have some talent-free hack waiting in the wings to let fly with a drizzling fart of a tune like this. Isn’t there a greedy soulless asshole out there with some ability who can at least pop out something awful (but clever and catchy)? They seem to be able to draw the hoopleheads in with all of their other rhetorical devices, but never can make music work for them. You would think they could find someone to be their anti-Dylan or their anti-Pete Seeger or their anti-Woody Guthrie. But this asshole and Ray Stevens (who is Reaganlike in his senility as well as beliefs) are the best and brightest of the lot.

ellemme August 11, 2010 at 12:16 am

[re=635381]Limeylizzie[/re]:Oh and these cunts, the group is based in New Hampshire for fuck’s sake!
Yep, I really need to see that piece of 9/11 pormnography as I go about my daily travels in Manhattan, I hope someone defaces it.

The work of Pamela Geller and Robert Spencer, two of the most fucking insane people involved in this debacle, who’ve been helping cultivate this fear for the past nine years. Same ones who put up backhanded bus ads offering safe haven and support for those who want to leave Islam, you know, cause they’ll definitely be killed for apostasy.

Simply Agrestic August 11, 2010 at 3:57 pm

This’ll shoot to the top of the country charts, I’m sure. Maybe Toby Keith will do a cover.

It would sound better auto-tuned.

Wookieonendor August 21, 2010 at 9:04 am

Okay, it’s :48 and I’ve gotta stop. My ears are bleeding, but do they give a crap about my pain? No.

THEMADCHALKER August 24, 2010 at 12:28 pm

Unlike the Islamic Center, this song IS NOT protected by the First Amendment. On the contrary, Conspiracy to violate rights is a Federal Felony as is INCITING OR ATTEMPTING TO CAUSE a conspiracy to violate rights. (Federal Statute 18 USC 241)

(i.e. Organizing a cross burning is a conspiracy to violate rights. Writing a song telling people we should get together and burn crosses is inciting or attempting to cause a conspiracy.)

Not only should Trade Martin be sued, but he and everyone involved in the making and promotion of this song and video should be indicted by a Federal Grand Jury, which I would personally love to see. Perhaps sitting in Leavenworth for a few years will teach them the meaning of the word FREEDOM.

At least 59 Muslims died on 9/11 including children and pregnant mothers. The World Trade Center was attacked by Al Qua’ida. The Islamic Center is being built by Americans. Therefore, who is this “They” this song speaks of?

THEMADCHALKER August 24, 2010 at 12:30 pm

[re=635368]PrimlyStable[/re]: Listen again carefully.. He says “You’ve got” not “We’ve got”

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