EUTHANASIA THE ILLEGAL ALIEN  4:31 pm August 9, 2010

Creepy Guy In Van Has Ideas For Killing Everyone

by Ken Layne

Pedobear probably included.
Illegal Mexicans took all our jobs! For example, somebody who doesn’t even speak English got the job of painting a wingnut slogan on this creepy old van abandoned in the Austin airport garage. An American wingnut could’ve earned several sacks of anus burgers painting this slogan and still screwed the language just as much in the process. Thanks to Wonkette operative Matthew V. for documenting this particular outrage.

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 89 comments }

Prommie August 9, 2010 at 4:36 pm

He got the spelling, but, the grammar, damn, its always the grammar that gets ya. And them words what don’t mean what you think they mean.

America, fuck yeah. Kill ‘em all. Yee-haw.

chascates August 9, 2010 at 4:38 pm

Euthanize the illegal. Hang the employer. Won’t somebody please kill someone in the government? Arizona, I mean.

weejee August 9, 2010 at 4:38 pm

And I thought that Euthanasia was a Taliban organization for kids. Put on the fun-filled vest then try to hustle a candy bar from the GIs – that sort of thing.

Troubledog August 9, 2010 at 4:38 pm

I love how they only washed the part of the van they painted slogans on. Very cool. I love that ad hoc passion. But I think it’s contrived — very suspicious that they spelled euthanasia correctly.

Monsieur Grumpe August 9, 2010 at 4:41 pm

Did Matthew V. get out alive?

SayItWithWookies August 9, 2010 at 4:43 pm

Apparently, Decorate Your Gas-Guzzling Rustbucket with Racist Homemade Signage Day was such a success that they’ve extended it to a whole week. Time to start making my “Racists Taste Like Chicken” sign, I guess.

Extemporanus August 9, 2010 at 4:43 pm

Is “Euthanasia the Illegal Alien” a spin-off of “Dora the Explorer”?

“Wetback! Wetback!”

Monsieur Grumpe August 9, 2010 at 4:43 pm

Did anyone look inside the van?

Prommie August 9, 2010 at 4:44 pm

[re=635096]Troubledog[/re]: Yes, but, well, its the wrong fucking word (we were looking for “euthanize” here, and even thats not right, what he really means would be “lynch” or “murder”) so it still counts as illiterate, its just an illiterate pigfucker who is a good speller.

BklynIlluminati August 9, 2010 at 4:44 pm

On the back “free candy” is painted

13ollocks To The Rules August 9, 2010 at 4:45 pm

That’s the quintessential serial killer’s van (needs to be brown to be perfect) – however, I’m pretty sure there’s something in the “Serial Killing for Dummies” book about not drawing attention to your psychopathy by, for example, displaying it on the side of the SerialKillerMobile.

Oldskool August 9, 2010 at 4:46 pm

Whom? Seriously? They want to appear smart except for the thinking part.

jus_wonderin August 9, 2010 at 4:46 pm

In my day van were used for peaceful purposes such as learning how to one-handedly unhook a bra strap. Here in the present they are hastily scrawled billboard space for idiotic ramblings of the deranged.

Extemporanus August 9, 2010 at 4:49 pm

[re=635103]SayItWithWookies[/re]: I hear coyotes taste like chicken quesadillas.

comicbookguy August 9, 2010 at 4:49 pm

It signs the green card with its pen, or else it gets the hose again.

doxastic August 9, 2010 at 4:50 pm

He wanted to write “RAPE THE COLLEGE GIRLS AND TORTURE THE CHILDREN,” but Mother suggested some sly misdirection instead.

Prommie August 9, 2010 at 4:50 pm

[re=635111]jus_wonderin[/re]: Those fucking bra-straps were hell, weren’t they? But at least you knew you were in their if she helped you. I tell ya, I don’t get no respect, no respect at all, if it wasn’t for pity-fucks I woulda never got laid at all.

MLM August 9, 2010 at 4:51 pm

Yes, there really is something – ? – odd in the notion that we should sweetly and kindly euthanize an illegal alien, like a beloved elderly dog, but hang a Murican high for the crime of hiring an illegal.

doxastic August 9, 2010 at 4:51 pm

“with whom they are employed” sounded too gay.

SmutBoffin August 9, 2010 at 4:52 pm

[re=635111]jus_wonderin[/re]: Don’t forget their use as a canvas for Led Zepplin-inspired art!

wilbro August 9, 2010 at 4:52 pm

That belongs to the guy who hated taxes and flew his private plane into the Austin IRS building. I guess driving a van into a federal building is so 1995. Anyway, that was a one-way flight. Tow the van, peoples.

SpenceRedux August 9, 2010 at 4:52 pm

Fancy use of the “whom” if a may say. Cheerio and all that.

bureaucrap August 9, 2010 at 4:53 pm

So few people use “whom”; if I were a nice guy, I’d award him (let’s assume “him”) one point for at least attempting to use it; but he screwed up. On whom should we lay blame for this grammatical abortion? How about all public school boards of education?

JMP August 9, 2010 at 4:53 pm

Hey, I know Euthanasia the Illegal Alien. She’s actually married a US Citizen recently and is in the process of getting her green card, so she won’t be one for long.

queeraselvis v 2.0 August 9, 2010 at 4:54 pm

[re=635106]Prommie[/re]: Also, his concept is totally wrong, since “euthanasia” = mercy killing (essentially). I seriously doubt said pigfucker is aware of this thing called “mercy.”

Barrelhse August 9, 2010 at 4:54 pm

Youth in Asia; see, there’s your problem. It’s not the Browns, it’s the Chinese.

Fred Wertham Jr. August 9, 2010 at 4:54 pm

I don’t think I’d hang out near a windowless abandoned van with crazy slogans on it.

Prommie August 9, 2010 at 4:56 pm

[re=635120]doxastic[/re]: Give him credit, he was translating from his native language, pigfuckerese, in which it would be said “hang them ones what done hired them.”

One Yield Regular August 9, 2010 at 4:58 pm

In spite of this clever tactic, the van was still stopped at the border crossing and all 21 illegal aliens inside were arrested. The end.

Bearbloke August 9, 2010 at 4:59 pm

[re=635105]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: That’s CSI’s job, Mate!

oh hi mark August 9, 2010 at 5:00 pm

He’s trying to warn us about aliens disguised as Chinese, Cambodian, and Laotian children, but he didn’t know how to spell “youth in Asia.”

oh hi mark August 9, 2010 at 5:01 pm

[re=635129]Barrelhse[/re]: You, me, and David Sedaris have the same taste in puns.

Prommie August 9, 2010 at 5:03 pm

[re=635124]SpenceRedux[/re]: No, no, “whom” is used when referring to the object of the sentence, here, its actually part of a defining clause, not the object, and really, he should have used “that” (“hang the person that hires them”), or at least “thems what done hired them.”

Judas Peckerwood August 9, 2010 at 5:03 pm

Any bets as to whether there’s a “What Would Jesus Do?” sticker on the bumper?

ph7 August 9, 2010 at 5:05 pm

Abandoned at the same time Janet Brewer was sworn in and given access to the state’s motor pool?

TheCoolestGuyInTown August 9, 2010 at 5:06 pm

Have they figured out whom owns the van? I bet it’s a person whom likes to speak their mind and whom wants to fight against tyranny. Whom’s Tyranny? Obama’s tyranny, that’s whom. Of course Reid & Pelosi are both people whom share blame.

Whomever has a problem with that can just find whomselves another country whom doesn’t have a problem with terrorist Mexicans. Whom’s with me?

Gorillionaire August 9, 2010 at 5:06 pm

Asia didn’t do “Illegal Alien”, it was Genesis. Dumbass.

BOOBIES! August 9, 2010 at 5:08 pm

A dark windowless van – perfect for smuggling illegal aliens into the country. The anti-immigrant nonsense is a ruse to throw off ICE.

Bearbloke August 9, 2010 at 5:10 pm

[re=635102]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: “the blood of Patriots” and so forth…

TheWaltonFirm August 9, 2010 at 5:11 pm

Hey Ken, are these excerpts from your upcoming coffee-table book: “Beyond the Pissing Calvin: the political menace of our nations most frightening vehicles”, because that could really be a thing

bitchincamaro August 9, 2010 at 5:13 pm

[re=635143]Judas Peckerwood[/re]: On the other side it says, “IF THE VAN IS BE ROCKIN I BE LOADIN AND LOCKIN”

Abe Linking Verbs August 9, 2010 at 5:18 pm

Its a good thing he got “Euthanasia” spelled right otherwise I’d think he was advocating giving illegals free copies Megadeath’s sixth album or something.

comicbookguy August 9, 2010 at 5:19 pm

The owner of this van needs some help loading his couch. If you could just grab this end and back up inside, that’s it, a little farther…

JMP August 9, 2010 at 5:34 pm

[re=635128]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Maybe we’re reading this wrong, then. Since he only speaks of one illegal alien, perhaps it’s someone he knows who’s suffering from a long term illness and he’s protesting the illegality of assisted suicide.

Lionel Hutz Esq. August 9, 2010 at 5:35 pm

[re=635104]Extemporanus[/re]: I know I would set my kids down to watch it every time it came on PBS.

Mahousu August 9, 2010 at 5:35 pm

[re=635108]BklynIlluminati[/re]: Ah, I knew I had seen that van before someplace.

Said to see pedobear go downhill like this.

GOPCrusher August 9, 2010 at 5:37 pm

And people say that the Wingnuts are illiterate.

Dashboard_Buddha August 9, 2010 at 5:39 pm

[re=635108]BklynIlluminati[/re]: That would be some pretty funny guerrilla painting there…especially if done in such a way that the owner didn’t notice for a while.

Anonymous Office Zombie August 9, 2010 at 5:39 pm

Hey, credit where credit is due. At least there’s a somewhat more consistent logic there (even if the logic is totally nuts). The concept that illegal alien workers wouldn’t be here if American businesses didn’t act as willing participants in the exploitation of their labor is beyond the ken of most rabid xenophobes.

Rock Ripsnort August 9, 2010 at 5:39 pm

What happened to the days of half-nekkid barbarian maidens and pot-leaves? Those were the only political statements my generation needed on OUR vans!

jus_wonderin August 9, 2010 at 5:43 pm

[re=635167]comicbookguy[/re]: Why does that make me feel like we will return from commercial and the CSI squad is crawling all over this scene?

Oh hell to the no August 9, 2010 at 5:44 pm

Whom are we to say how him paint histh van?

Bearbloke August 9, 2010 at 5:50 pm

[re=635191]jus_wonderin[/re]: Jinx! You own me a coke, mate – but I’ll settle from huffing some hair-spray out of a paper sack with you in the back of your van – it’s a beauty!

Toomush Infermashun August 9, 2010 at 5:54 pm

I’m pretty sure Euthanasia, the Illegal Alien is on Adult Swim on the Cartoon Network…it’s a post-modern tongue in cheeks look at human/outer-space sex with lots of throwing up…funny a guy in a van like this should be so hip….

Barrelhse August 9, 2010 at 6:00 pm

[re=635140]oh hi mark[/re]: Yeah, sorry. It’s either that or rude, crude, lewd, irreverent and filthy. There’s no in-between with me.

DemmeFatale August 9, 2010 at 6:06 pm

My Dad used to call those vans “daughter rapers.”

leftcoaster August 9, 2010 at 6:08 pm

[re=635110]Oldskool[/re]: Whom is such an underutilized word it amazes me someone actually used it unnecessarily.

AuntieStupefaction August 9, 2010 at 6:18 pm

This guy could actually make an argument about the messicuns taking his jobs, seeing as how he drives that piece of crap.

IceCreamEmpress August 9, 2010 at 6:18 pm

Whom is stupid enough to thought that euthanasia is a verb?

AuntieStupefaction August 9, 2010 at 6:22 pm

[re=635115]comicbookguy[/re]: It never gets old, does it? It’s a gift that keeps on giving.

WhatTheHeck August 9, 2010 at 6:27 pm

[re=635212]DemmeFatale[/re]: That type of van also used by Buffalo Bill in ‘Silence of the Lambs.’ Its death on wheels.

Troubledog August 9, 2010 at 6:27 pm

The ironic thing is here in Western Washington, you see a van like that, it’s full of small businessmen living the American dream by putting on raingear, heading for the woods with ten friends in a van, harvesting salal, and selling it to local evergreen floral wholesalers.

Jukesgrrl August 9, 2010 at 6:30 pm

“Euthanasia the illegal alien.” It makes sense to me. Duzz it ta yew?

Now, that other part, “Hang the person whom hires them” … I have a bit of a problem there, seein’ as how I’m a bidnessman.

momus August 9, 2010 at 6:42 pm

That’s a camouflaged Messican taxi if I ever saw one. (The poor grammar gives it away.) It came up from Laredo with a load of illegals, and they all got on a plane for (uhm) El Paso.

Barrett808 August 9, 2010 at 6:51 pm

“Illegal Mexicans took all our jobs jerbs!” Fixed.

Poisoned Rationality August 9, 2010 at 7:38 pm

Five bucks says there’s a metal ring welded to the middle of the floor in that shit-box. And a blacklight would make the inside glow like Chernobyl.

zhubajie August 9, 2010 at 7:47 pm

Intelligent people don’t put signs or stickers on their vehicles. Why let potential enemies know who you are? Same for shirts with slogans on them.

Capitol Hillbilly August 9, 2010 at 7:50 pm

Mister Ken Layne, owner/operator:
to “whom” are you referring?

Darkness August 9, 2010 at 7:52 pm

[re=635119]MLM[/re]: I suspect our illustrious van-owner here thought that word sounded worse because it sounded like something Mr. Hilter would approve of. Right after his hiking trip through the Sonoran Desert, of course.

just pixels August 9, 2010 at 8:13 pm

Where have I seen this sentiment before? Oh gosh, it’s on the tip of my tongue. OH YEAR! The Nazis said it about the Jews. (Yep, gotta go to Godwin on this picture.)

Seek August 9, 2010 at 8:39 pm

Not to be Suzy Sunshine but the one piece of brilliant news to come from this deranged moron is that we are down to only ONE illegal alien. We are supposed to be providing this “Euthanasia” to THE illegal alien. It’s the kind thing to do since he/she must be quite lonely know that the other 12 million or so undocumented persons scampered on out of the country. They probably took off to Canada for the socialist health care.

Servo August 9, 2010 at 8:43 pm

McCain’s new Straight Talk Express vehicle.

rocktonsammy August 9, 2010 at 8:50 pm

whom=Wasilla Shakespeer.

President Beeblebrox August 9, 2010 at 9:02 pm

In similar news, the Rush Limbaugh favorite Investors Business Daily has a totally weird editorial that says Arizona “has a case (short of secession) for billions in damages from Uncle Sam” because said Uncle Sam hasn’t protected them from “invasions” of greasy Messicans as Uncle Sam is supposed to do under the Constitution.

http://www.investors.com/NewsAndAnalysis/Article.aspx?id=542468&obref=outbrain

So…… let me see if I got this right:

Stimulus dollars from Uncle Sam bad, dollars from lawsuit against Uncle Sam good.

Trial lawyers seeking damages on behalf of injured plaintiffs bad, trial lawyers seeking damages on behalf of poor widdle Arizona good.

The only thing the editorial needed was to spell billions with an $.

andmeilikethesauce August 9, 2010 at 9:22 pm

Pretty sure this is just the title of the sequel to that old Genesis song.

Capricatony August 9, 2010 at 9:38 pm

Um, that’s “hang the person WHAT hires them.”

mumblyjoe August 9, 2010 at 9:46 pm

You have to give him credit for knowing the word “Whom” exists.

I mean, he managed to use it in the most egregiously incorrect way possible, and he’s also a hateful bigot who deserves to have his van torched, but it’s the small things, you know?

just pixels August 9, 2010 at 10:11 pm

Hard times have not diminished Lou Dobbs’ passion on this issue.

milnor August 9, 2010 at 10:53 pm

He forgot the comma after “Euthanasia”.

tednugentslover August 9, 2010 at 11:20 pm

As one who lives in Austin, it bears repeating that Austin is the liberal town in Texas.

gradgrind August 9, 2010 at 11:27 pm

I am taking a pass on outrage/snark this round. Not because I’m exhausted from all the other outrage/snark provocations — I am — but because Wonkette operative Matthew V. is either pwn’d or pwn’ing here, w/ a Photoshop assist. Srsly, who but a graphic arts professional would space the letters that evenly?

Counterfeit, but still fun.

BigWhiteCloud August 10, 2010 at 12:57 am

[re=635323]gradgrind[/re]: Thank you bro/sis. I am ashamed I did not sooner call the ‘Shop on this one.

Aurelio August 10, 2010 at 2:26 am

Why do people use “whom” as the subject of a verb? Is it because they think “whom” is a classier way of saying “who”?

Tar and Feathers August 10, 2010 at 2:42 am

Ah, violence, is there no problem you can’t solve? Tax cuts for the rich, also.

PrimlyStable August 10, 2010 at 4:50 am

Fun experiment for the day.

1) Acquire a beaten-up old van, possibly from the estate sale of a recently executed serial kiler.

2) Write “I’m a Muslim and I think we should kill all the Americans (and the Jews, also)” on the side in big green and white letters.

3) See how close you can get to the parking garage at Austin airport without being the FBI opening fire.

I’m guessing they’ll be a bit quicker off the mark than they were with Mr Racist McShitFerBrains here.

Miss Kublik August 10, 2010 at 8:13 am

Did the authorities call out the bomb squad and hazmat crews when this abandoned van was discovered? Or did the authorities calculate that anyone who strained so hard to use “whom” really wasn’t much of a threat?

S.Luggo August 10, 2010 at 1:32 pm

[re=635192]Oh hell to the no[/re]: Agreed. As it says in the NT, whom is without sin cast the first cement block.

By the bye, Euthanasia is a very common girl’s name in central Texas. As is Gonryah.

Smoke Filled Roommate August 10, 2010 at 4:20 pm

Eats, euthanasias and leaves.

Brendan August 11, 2010 at 4:43 am

The Wonkette is getting seriously lackadaisical in its journalistic integrity… This is Jan Brewer’s Governormobile, not some creepy abandoned van. Christ. Plus, as far as Jan’s extensive educational credentials are concerned, there are no funnies to laugh at in the shining exemplar of grammar shown above. Quit laughing.

Speaking of exemplars, if you’d ACTUALLY read SB 1070 you’d know this is the prototype for the way all cars will look in Arizona. No shiny Obamao socialist commy civics here. Everyone will decide they want to join the brotherhood of the Van. It’s mandated. It’s in the bill.

Euthanasian cars, not Asian cars. Bring jobs back here to americans. meaning white people only while we sort this 14th Amendment thing out.

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