Every year, the President of the United States has to entertain the winners of that year’s Super Bowl, which is an annual contest of America’s real (white) sport, American-football. And so today they showed up at the White House and provided Obama his very own jersey, which he will then hang in his closet with other such jerseys, unlike George W. Bush, who has taken to making these jerseys his everyday retiree wardrobe. But this event was treated as sort of IMPORTANT, because of George W. Bush’s Katrina, Hurricane Katrina.
“This team took the hopes and the dreams of a shattered city and placed them squarely on its shoulders,” the President said during remarks in the White House East Room, adding that “not only did the team come back, it took its city’s hands and helped its city back on its feet.”
For fuck’s sake, why did we spend so much money on the Katrina recovery process? All we had to do was rig the Super Bowl that year and make the New Orleans-based team win. Poof! Everything’s fixed! Sports fix everything.
Also this happened:
And CNN’s White House correspondent finished the news story thusly:
Then Strief, the massive offensive lineman, walked in and treated the press to his shrimp dish.
Touchdown!!!
News-writing touchdown! Give that man a Pulitzer extra-point! [CNN]
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Laissez les bons temps rouler!
Shrimp laced with petroleum by products and correxit. Media people don’t actually investigate anything, even if they are about to eat it.
[re=635052]SeattleJoe[/re]:
“Media people don’t actually investigate anything, even if they are about to eat it.”
ESPECIALLY if they are going to get to eat it.
How is pro football America’s “white” sport? “America’s other black sport” would be more accurate.
“Then Strief, the massive offensive lineman, walked in and treated the press to his shrimp dish.”
Is this some sort of euphemism?
And the “Touchdown!!!” addendum was so awful, I initially just assumed that it was said by our beloved Fake Jim Newell, unwilling to believe that any journalist could be so lame as to include it.
In other sports news, is it just me or was the only thing that the press talked about more than “Doctors killed in Pakistan” Tim Tebow’s fucking tonsure?
So a Saints (or maybe Buccaneers) win next year would hopefully immediately clean up all the oil.
Then Strief, the massive offensive lineman, walked in and treated the press to his shrimp dish.
Let that be a lesson to you kids — stay off the steroids!
Oil soaked shrimp is an interesting way to make “Shrimp Flambe.”
[re=635058]Chet Kincaid[/re]: Golf was America’s white sport, until Tiger ruined it. Now, I believe, Polo is all that is left.
Is there no more better name for a real American (re: white) offensive lineman than Zach Strief? Other than “Jack Stuef”? (Although “Jack Stuef” would be a better defensive lineman name, if there were any white defensive linemen.)
Lineman says yeah didn’t even have to use no crisco this time. Modern Science is pretty cool you going to finish the rest of that?
[re=635058]Chet Kincaid[/re]: Still took a while for that to happen.
If George Preston Marshall were alive today, the Washington Redskins might STILL be all white.
The team “took the city’s hands”. Uh, criminal. And mean.
[re=635071]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: Yachting, also.
[re=635052]SeattleJoe[/re]: [re=635056]germansteel[/re]: Don’t forget the sprinkles!
[re=635071]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: [re=635058]Chet Kincaid[/re]: If white people replaced their polo horses with strapping young bucks, it might help level the racial playing field a bit.
Or, since all black people are deathly afraid of water, white people could just re-double their efforts in the pool.
I must say that Glenn Beck made a very good point today on his radio show when he stated that Obama was the first President in U.S. history to NOT attend the 100th Anniversary Boy Scout Jamboree.
Shocking isn’t it?
[re=635071]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: Hockey’s the other whitest sport, though redneck / trailer park white instead of senior executive white. NASCAR also, but that’s been ruined by letting the ladies play.
[re=635092]Limeylizzie[/re]: As the President of BP proved, Yachting is the UK’s white sport.
[re=635113]JMP[/re]: Hockey is really Canada’s sport. Heck, you might as well go with luge. Although, like Polo, it doesn’t have a national broadcast license, so it does have a chance. Now if only anyone from over 60 miles of the Canada boarder played hockey, it might have a chance.
Yeah, NASCAR can’t count anymore, as they allow the ladies to play, and have Viagra and Cialis adds on the cars (you can’t be a sport if you have to advertise ways to keep your manhood working). I’m not sure if bowling would count, as it might have even less people interested in it than hockey or soccer. I am, however, in favor of all sports that allow smoking and drinking during competition (bowling, golf, and darts, to name the obvious ones). Give it to the chalkies, they at least have fun in the few sports they are allowed to play.
I’m pretty sure bowling is the other white sport, but I’m usually in such a haze I can’t be sure… can you put those sideboards up for me…?
B!tchy twitter-turd from a certain former half-term governor of Alaska in which she accuses the prez of neglecting his job in 3… 2…
The team “took its city’s hands”? Um, whom’s hands did it take?
In my part of the country, all the NFL news was about how that referee in the Seahawks-Steelers Superbowl XL finally admitted that he TOTALLY FUCKED the Seahawks.
(Because he did.) http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/seahawks/2012557740_referee07.html
I was in N.O. for the S.B. It actually did change the city for the better and finally give something positive to the city. And for a limited time, very much helped race relations and crime. I know that people love to harp on the idea, but sports are very important to cultural and social relations anywhere on earth. I’m not sure the author here, who seems for some absurd reason to think that football is a “white” sport, really has any clue of what he/she is talking about. I’m normally all over the snark here, but this comes off as not only a bit ignorant but also insulting to N.O. It also doesn’t hurt Obama to be doing a photo-op with the Saints when the majority of Louisianans think (wrongfully) that Bush handled Katrina better than he did the spill.
[re=635330]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: DAMN FUCKING RIGHT THAT’S WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED GOD FUCKING DAMMIT.
*ahem*
Not that I’m bitter or anything.
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