Mark Penn To Shove Money Into His Pants For Charlie Crist

by Jack Stuef

As good a time as any to blue-shell Mark Penn.Oh, this is fun: Mark Penn, Hillary Clinton’s former fat Komodo dragon advisor, and “Bride of Mark Penn” are hosting a fundraiser at their Washington home for Charlie Crist. Charlie Crist, you remember, used to be a Republican, and Mark Penn used to be a pile of lizard poop upon which some nuclear waste leaked. Will Hillary Clinton show up to this event in her nightgown, as if in a trance?

Kendrick Meek should really move to another state and become its senator, because he is apparently too normal for Florida. What is going on with this election? It is just a compost pile of odd and crazy ideas.

But the real question is, at what point in the evening will Charlie Crist unwrap his turban to reveal that near-dead Mark Penn’s life force has fused with Crist, creating a Mark Penn face where the back of Charlie Crist’s head used to be? And then will Charlie Crist’s campaign have to pay royalties to that pulp queen J.K. Rowling? [St. Petersburg Times]


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Neilist August 9, 2010 at 1:24 pm

Jack, you raise an interesting question: Who would be the best Lady MacBeth?:

(1) Hillary.

(2) Charlie.

(3) Mark.

(4) All of the above.

“The Queen is dead, my lord.”

Rev. Peter Lemonjello August 9, 2010 at 1:25 pm

Sseems like a comfortable fit. Crist should be used to people and other objects slathered in crisco.

Limeylizzie August 9, 2010 at 1:28 pm

I am feeling really unwell as I realise that there is a Mrs.Mark Penn, and that some poor bint has to suffer as that bloated turd tries and tries to achieve sexual congress with her.

weejee August 9, 2010 at 1:30 pm

[re=634829]Neilist[/re]: Mark Penn has caught teh ghey?

JMP August 9, 2010 at 1:34 pm

And Crist had apparently been doing well in the polls. Doesn’t he know that Penn ruins any campaign he joins?

[re=634834]Limeylizzie[/re]: Maybe it will comfort you to know, while there is a Mrs. Charlies Crist, she has never had to deal with his orange self trying to achieve sexual congress with her.

stew August 9, 2010 at 1:34 pm

Speaking of sexual congress (with drugs and kidnapping thrown in):

The segues will only get worse…

mumblyjoe August 9, 2010 at 1:36 pm

Dammit, now I have the image of Mark Penn and Ben Nelson racing go-karts or having a fist-fight, or maybe tennis or golf or something. It would literally be the shittiest video game premise ever.

ella August 9, 2010 at 1:37 pm

[re=634834]Limeylizzie[/re]: Perhaps their sexual congress is in recess.

Babs Johnson August 9, 2010 at 1:37 pm
mumblyjoe August 9, 2010 at 1:42 pm

[re=634849]mumblyjoe[/re]: Actually, wait, the fist-fight thing might be okay, actually. Both of their characters suck, though, actually, so maybe not.

oh hi mark August 9, 2010 at 1:42 pm

Instead of using a blue shell, could we use a poison mushroom?

Extemporanus August 9, 2010 at 1:47 pm

If you ever attend one of Mark Penn’s D.C. key parties, DO NOT take the Metro — those without car keys have to pull a train with self-important sweat mongers who always seem to conveniently miss their “stop”.

And don’t even get me started on the topic of “transfers”…

Zadig August 9, 2010 at 1:47 pm

[re=634849]mumblyjoe[/re]: Who would Luigi be, in this metaphor? Biden?

Mr Blifil August 9, 2010 at 1:48 pm

Where is Waluigi in all this?

TGY August 9, 2010 at 1:49 pm

[re=634850]ella[/re]: Deadlocked.

Extemporanus August 9, 2010 at 1:53 pm

[re=634844]JMP[/re]: Mark Penn truly does have “The Minus Touch”.

[re=634846]stew[/re]: “‘I worship you Aqua Buddha, I worship you.’”


Limeylizzie August 9, 2010 at 1:54 pm

[re=634844]JMP[/re]: I would rather have Orange Julius trying to fuck me and having to strap his penis to a toothbrush than have Mark Penn anywhere near my vagina.

southern mark smith August 9, 2010 at 1:58 pm

It is just a compost pile of odd and crazy ideas.

Does that mean that Crist is the red wiggler?

JMP August 9, 2010 at 2:03 pm

[re=634856]mumblyjoe[/re]: Mark Penn would be either Mr. Resetti or the Nintendog, the assist trophies that actually hurt you to summon.

Guppy06 August 9, 2010 at 2:08 pm

Blue shell implies he’s in the lead, of anything.

Baldar T Flagass August 9, 2010 at 2:15 pm

“Will Hillary Clinton show up to this event in her nightgown, as if in a trance?”

And will she then piss on the floor?

“Your mother sucks cocks in hell!!”

queeraselvis v 2.0 August 9, 2010 at 2:43 pm

[re=634851]Babs Johnson[/re]: That’s a shame, really. I was expecting something more along the lines of Frau Blucher.

LittlePig August 9, 2010 at 3:11 pm

There’s something about an Aqua Buddha man.

Jukesgrrl August 9, 2010 at 6:58 pm

“It is just a compost pile of odd and crazy ideas.” That could describe all of Florida.

judo_zhu August 9, 2010 at 9:31 pm

Bride of Mark Penn:

WriteyWriterton August 10, 2010 at 11:42 pm

[re=634834]Limeylizzie[/re]: On the positive side, I don’t think Dick Morris is married. “‘Til toe-sucking do us part.”

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