POLITE SEND-OFFS  1:48 pm August 9, 2010

Gettin’ Snarky With Ed Markey, America’s Ice-Chunk Comedian

by Lauri Apple

Wheatgrassachusetts Congressman Ed Markey (no relation to Biz Markie) took to his MarkeyMemo to make a little joke about the big piece of ice that broke off the Petermann Glacier in northern Greenland, and what his global warmth-denying frenemies can do, thank you very much.

Markey is the chair of the Select Committee for Energy Independence and Global Warming, which explains his windmill-themed background and Passion for the environment. Icebergs breaking off of glaciers isn’t a new phenomenon, but it’s happening more regularly as the globe turns into an overheated place that can’t sustain human life (we still have today, though!). Possible names for the new ice country include East Palinistan, Dumbfuck Island, and Reaganland (country motto: “The Shining Ice Chunk on an Ocean”). [MarkeyMemo/Washington Post]


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jus_wonderin August 9, 2010 at 1:53 pm

That iceberg is just getting a head start on the commemoration of the sinking of the Titanic. Or, maybe it is headed toward my tumbler of premium iced vodka. Global warming my ass.

Hemp Dogbane August 9, 2010 at 1:54 pm

Warning: Contains graphic footage !

TGY August 9, 2010 at 1:54 pm

I’m sure the Deniers are much more afraid of John Kerry paying them a personal visit and explaining global warming Very. Carefully.

ArkansasFred August 9, 2010 at 1:54 pm

Oh Eddie. Yoooouuuuuuuuu, you got what I need.

Extemporanus August 9, 2010 at 1:56 pm

Jeez! What a huge fucking ice hole!

SayItWithWookies August 9, 2010 at 2:00 pm

I nominate the SS Inhoffe, since the venerable senator from Oklahoma was one of the earliest voices crying out in the wilderness that there was no wilderness.

Autochthon August 9, 2010 at 2:01 pm

I got your global warming, baby! ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tXXZpr8YlSI – prolly NSFW, but DAY-yum!)

JackDempsey August 9, 2010 at 2:07 pm

“the big piece of ice that broke off the ***Petermann*** Glacier in northern Greenland”

This isn’t just *any* floating ice country. This is an ice country with a thriving mail order/internet clothing business. http://www.jpeterman.com

I figure shearing off a massive iceburg is a product launch of some kind—–
maybe cargo pants? Those are big this year.

JMP August 9, 2010 at 2:07 pm

Funny how the idiots who go “hur hur it’s snowing that means every scientist in the world is a liar” are remaining silent on this.

Ed Markey might not be related to Biz, but could he be related to Markey Mark of the Funky Bunch?

Monsieur Grumpe August 9, 2010 at 2:16 pm

Igloo designer Senator Jim Inhofe and sons should go for an iceberg cruise.

13ollocks To The Rules August 9, 2010 at 2:16 pm

Name it Youbetchaland, appoint Snowbilly Empress for Life, and let it grift drift around while Her Imperial Griftiness and her cohorts defend their frigid Fatherland against all comers – polar bears, browns, Russians, same-sex couples, uncomfortable ideas, etc. And when it finally (finally!) melts and they plunge into the ocean, clinging to their God, guns, and snow machines, we will gather on the shore, cast flowers onto the water and bid them farewell, with a resounding “FUCK OFF!”.

Sharkey August 9, 2010 at 2:18 pm

Markey, this is malarkey.


Serolf Divad August 9, 2010 at 2:18 pm

I vote for Inhoffistan.

WIDTAP August 9, 2010 at 2:19 pm

Ed Markey steals another great Native American idea, which is probably OK since the Inuit haven’t practiced Senilicide in some time and not all of them were that keen on the idea to begin with.

ManchuCandidate August 9, 2010 at 2:20 pm

So i can ask you some questions to see deal with temps rising”
I asked him his plan, he said blah-blah-blah
He wore track pants and a very big bra
I took him to see “An Inconvenient Truth” and he was stunned
I said, “how do you like the show?”
He said, “I’ll deny it all”
I started throwin’ facts, he started throwin’ back bullshit
But when i sprung the question, he acted kind of strange
Then when i asked, “do ya have a degree,” he tried to pretend
He said, “No i don’t, I think it’s a trend”
Come on, i’m not even goin’ for it
This is what i’m goin’ sing

Oh baby you (Oh baby you)
Got what I need (Got what I need)
But you say it’s just a trend (say it’s just a trend)
But you say it’s just a trend
‘Cause it is all your (‘Cause it is all your)
Fantasy (Fantasy)
Still you say it’s just a trend (say it’s just a trend)
Still you say it’s just a trend

bruiser August 9, 2010 at 2:20 pm

MarkeyMemo? I liked it better when it was Ed Markey’s Sports Machine.

Lawndarts August 9, 2010 at 2:24 pm

Well played Miss Apple.

Georgia Burning August 9, 2010 at 2:26 pm

Iceburgs are mostly white, and impossible places to sustain human life without major government intervention. Call it New-Tah

norbizness August 9, 2010 at 2:29 pm

Only if we then blow it up from space after it’s inhabited.

Manos: Hands of Fate August 9, 2010 at 2:35 pm

George Will Pleasure Island

gurukalehuru August 9, 2010 at 3:03 pm

[re=634923]Manos: Hands of Fate[/re]: Ha! I read his last name as a verb. It’s funny that way, too.

Edsdesk August 9, 2010 at 3:07 pm

Inhofe National Park & Winter Resort

McDuff August 9, 2010 at 3:27 pm

[re=634968]Edsdesk[/re]: As for the Inhofe National Park, Congress will be happy to underfund it, understaff it, and then give Disney a contract to run it with minimum wage staff who live in shitty trailer parks and qualify for food stamps.

Lionel Hutz Esq. August 9, 2010 at 3:30 pm

no relation to Biz Markie

I don’t know, I see a resemblance.

BklynIlluminati August 9, 2010 at 3:38 pm

I for one will welcome the new ice age. I have taken igloo building lessons

metalhed August 9, 2010 at 3:51 pm

[re=634892]Serolf Divad[/re]: Damn. Beat me to it. Again.

Long Form Def Certificate August 9, 2010 at 3:52 pm

If the Global Warming Deniers weren’t so often Evangelizing Protestants who consider my Roman Catholic brethren to be heathen Pope-worshippers, I would suggest a name pulling from the Transubstantiation of the Bread & Wine at Mass.

SeattleJoe August 9, 2010 at 3:53 pm

It is pure white, cold and sterile, and its very existence portends a global catastrophe. Call it the Republican Party.

problemwithcaring August 9, 2010 at 4:18 pm

[re=634895]ManchuCandidate[/re]: A song parody I know – and it was funny. Finally!

WhatTheHeck August 9, 2010 at 4:39 pm

Youalls aren’t seeing the potential here.
Think like a Wall St. banker.
As soon as the glacier hits the open sea, stick a U.S. flag on it and claim it.
We can name it “Icecapitalism.”
Then start bottling and selling the melting glacier.
Mine the glacier for minerals.
There’s money to be made here, people. Even in the face of impending doom.

mustardman August 9, 2010 at 10:22 pm

Ed deserves an internet high 5 for that one!

Let’s call it Icetianity. Or maybe JesusLand seeing as how Jesus walked on water and all!

FlipOffResearch August 9, 2010 at 10:57 pm

All winter long, in the bar in my town, every time it snows, I have to listen to one of the fat mouth teabaggers go: “yup that global warming that sure is destroying the planet. Look at all that global warming falling from the sky.” Every time it snows!

He sounds like such a moron that it tempers me from saying something like: “See global warming is real. I told ya.” every time it gets above 90 degrees.

Sorry just venting.

Bernie Madeoff August 10, 2010 at 12:11 am

Why do the global warming advocates hate precious polar bear habitat?

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