Polite send-offs

Gettin’ Snarky With Ed Markey, America’s Ice-Chunk Comedian

Wheatgrassachusetts Congressman Ed Markey (no relation to Biz Markie) took to his MarkeyMemo to make a little joke about the big piece of ice that broke off the Petermann Glacier in northern Greenland, and what his global warmth-denying frenemies can do, thank you very much.

Markey is the chair of the Select Committee for Energy Independence and Global Warming, which explains his windmill-themed background and Passion for the environment. Icebergs breaking off of glaciers isn’t a new phenomenon, but it’s happening more regularly as the globe turns into an overheated place that can’t sustain human life (we still have today, though!). Possible names for the new ice country include East Palinistan, Dumbfuck Island, and Reaganland (country motto: “The Shining Ice Chunk on an Ocean”). [MarkeyMemo/Washington Post]

About the author

Lauri works at the Chicago Reader, and also writes and makes art-pictures for Wonkette. Her creative projects—including a now-defunct blog about finding clothing in the trash and wearing it, and an exhibition of portraits of all 50 Chicago aldermen made by 50 different artists—have been featured by NBC's Today Show, the New York Times, Chicago Tribune, BUST Magazine, and other media outlets. She's written things for the Austin Chronicle, Texas Observer, In Pittsburgh Weekly, The Black Table, and other places, and taken photos for various nonprofits, bands, and publications. (She also has a law degree, for some reason.)

View all articles by Lauri Apple
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  1. jus_wonderin

    That iceberg is just getting a head start on the commemoration of the sinking of the Titanic. Or, maybe it is headed toward my tumbler of premium iced vodka. Global warming my ass.

  2. TGY

    I’m sure the Deniers are much more afraid of John Kerry paying them a personal visit and explaining global warming Very. Carefully.

  3. JackDempsey

    “the big piece of ice that broke off the ***Petermann*** Glacier in northern Greenland”

    This isn’t just *any* floating ice country. This is an ice country with a thriving mail order/internet clothing business. http://www.jpeterman.com

    I figure shearing off a massive iceburg is a product launch of some kind—–
    maybe cargo pants? Those are big this year.

  4. JMP

    Funny how the idiots who go “hur hur it’s snowing that means every scientist in the world is a liar” are remaining silent on this.

    Ed Markey might not be related to Biz, but could he be related to Markey Mark of the Funky Bunch?

  5. Monsieur Grumpe

    Igloo designer Senator Jim Inhofe and sons should go for an iceberg cruise.

  6. 13ollocks To The Rules

    Name it Youbetchaland, appoint Snowbilly Empress for Life, and let it grift drift around while Her Imperial Griftiness and her cohorts defend their frigid Fatherland against all comers – polar bears, browns, Russians, same-sex couples, uncomfortable ideas, etc. And when it finally (finally!) melts and they plunge into the ocean, clinging to their God, guns, and snow machines, we will gather on the shore, cast flowers onto the water and bid them farewell, with a resounding “FUCK OFF!”.


    Ed Markey steals another great Native American idea, which is probably OK since the Inuit haven’t practiced Senilicide in some time and not all of them were that keen on the idea to begin with.

  8. ManchuCandidate

    So i can ask you some questions to see deal with temps rising”
    I asked him his plan, he said blah-blah-blah
    He wore track pants and a very big bra
    I took him to see “An Inconvenient Truth” and he was stunned
    I said, “how do you like the show?”
    He said, “I’ll deny it all”
    I started throwin’ facts, he started throwin’ back bullshit
    But when i sprung the question, he acted kind of strange
    Then when i asked, “do ya have a degree,” he tried to pretend
    He said, “No i don’t, I think it’s a trend”
    Come on, i’m not even goin’ for it
    This is what i’m goin’ sing

    Oh baby you (Oh baby you)
    Got what I need (Got what I need)
    But you say it’s just a trend (say it’s just a trend)
    But you say it’s just a trend
    ‘Cause it is all your (‘Cause it is all your)
    Fantasy (Fantasy)
    Still you say it’s just a trend (say it’s just a trend)
    Still you say it’s just a trend

  9. Georgia Burning

    Iceburgs are mostly white, and impossible places to sustain human life without major government intervention. Call it New-Tah

  10. gurukalehuru

    [re=634923]Manos: Hands of Fate[/re]: Ha! I read his last name as a verb. It’s funny that way, too.

  11. McDuff

    [re=634968]Edsdesk[/re]: As for the Inhofe National Park, Congress will be happy to underfund it, understaff it, and then give Disney a contract to run it with minimum wage staff who live in shitty trailer parks and qualify for food stamps.

  12. Long Form Def Certificate

    If the Global Warming Deniers weren’t so often Evangelizing Protestants who consider my Roman Catholic brethren to be heathen Pope-worshippers, I would suggest a name pulling from the Transubstantiation of the Bread & Wine at Mass.

  13. SeattleJoe

    It is pure white, cold and sterile, and its very existence portends a global catastrophe. Call it the Republican Party.

  14. problemwithcaring

    [re=634895]ManchuCandidate[/re]: A song parody I know – and it was funny. Finally!

  15. WhatTheHeck

    Youalls aren’t seeing the potential here.
    Think like a Wall St. banker.
    As soon as the glacier hits the open sea, stick a U.S. flag on it and claim it.
    We can name it “Icecapitalism.”
    Then start bottling and selling the melting glacier.
    Mine the glacier for minerals.
    There’s money to be made here, people. Even in the face of impending doom.

  16. mustardman

    Ed deserves an internet high 5 for that one!

    Let’s call it Icetianity. Or maybe JesusLand seeing as how Jesus walked on water and all!

  17. FlipOffResearch

    All winter long, in the bar in my town, every time it snows, I have to listen to one of the fat mouth teabaggers go: “yup that global warming that sure is destroying the planet. Look at all that global warming falling from the sky.” Every time it snows!

    He sounds like such a moron that it tempers me from saying something like: “See global warming is real. I told ya.” every time it gets above 90 degrees.

    Sorry just venting.

Comments are closed.