Hilarious 2008 character Mitt Romney has been bringing bags of money to Republican candidates across the nation, but he’s still a GOP nobody compared to such right-wing celebrities as Snowbilly Sarah Palin and sociopathic opportunist Newt Gingrich. Why can’t Mittens just be an ignorant bigot like they are, and bash the Muslims and Mexicans and whatever? Experts say it’s because, in many ways, Mitt Romney is not very different from a Mexican Muslim himself!
Mitt is actually descended from the Romney Mormon Polygamist Compound deep in “South of the Border” Mexico, which is where polygamist Mormons escaped to, when they ran from America’s Values. Anything that reminds dingbat wingnut Christians that Mittens is “different down there” will just make his 2012 primary run end sooner. So he sought another gimmick that might really fire up the Teabaggers or whatever, and that’s when one of his consultants on Wall Street suggested he might want to be photographed driving a pickup truck around, in New Hampshire, because Teabagger hero Scott Brown did that once, in Massachusetts — before the entire Teabagger Nation violently turned against him, for being a Taxachusetts moderate.
Former Bay State Gov. Mitt Romney already has the Scott Brown pickup truck theme going. The likely 2012 presidential contender rolled up to a New Hampshire fund-raiser in a Chevy pickup — taking a page from the Senate’s newest GOP all-star.
“What, did he borrow it from (U.S. Sen.) Scott Brown?” said Andrew Smith, director of the University of New Hampshire’s political survey center. “It’s funny, because out of all the Republican candidates running for president, (Romney’s) the one that is probably the least ‘of the people.’”
Romney’s drone army of press representatives said that is just untrue, because Mittens always drives his truck around, inside his private jets, so he can “hitch a boat trailer or take things to the dump.” You know, like his presidential chances. [Boston Herald]