Nobody is having a decent sex scandal in America this week, which has really put a crimp in your editors’ style, man. But it’s nice to see that our helpful friends in the nation of Swaziland are helping out! Swaziland is a wee little country mostly surrounded by South Africa, and it has a plump, youngish king (pictured), Mswati III, who has 13 wives! You might think having 13 wives would be pretty sweet, but when you have that many wives to keep track of, how can you tell when one of them might be sexing some other dude? Maybe even a cabinet minister?
The prime minister said [Justice Minister] Ndumiso Mamba had resigned from his position as both cabinet minister and senator.
He said it was because of “allegations circulating in the country”.
Correspondents say Mr Mamba’s alleged affair with Queen Nothando Dube was first reported in neighbouring South Africa’s media.
So, if you’re trying to get your head around the non-Foreign version of this, it would be like if Eric Holder were having a hot affair with Michelle Obama, or perhaps with Michelle Obama’s second-most-junior sister wife. PRETTY AROUSING, HUH? I bet it makes it seem like Swaziland is a pretty awesome place to be! And it is, pretty much, except for the 25 percent HIV infection rate. [BBC]
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Funny, King Mswati III was just telling me he had 99 problems, but his 13 wives ain’t one.
Once you go Mamba …
Speaking of “Zulus that you slew/they came marching two-by-two . . . ,” here’s an interesting news item in the Los Angeles Times:
The spokesperson for the Congress of Racial Equality, and who disputed claims of “black conservatives” that the Tea Party is NOT racist, is himself named . . .
:::Wait for it:::
“Niger Innis.”
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Niger_Innis
[Yes, yes, I know. ASSHOLE. Got it.]
That little strapless number he’s wearing needs accessorizing desperately. Hopefully he has Rachel Zoe on speed dial.
His Majesty must be taking sexytime pointers from Kevin Pezzi.
If he had to bonk a queen, he’s lucky it’s Swaziland. If he’d been sexing with the Queen of England, it would be treason and they’d chop his head off. Or something.
Will Naomi Campbell somehow have to show up at The Hauge for this?
So no flagpoles in Swaziland?
What chu talking about Ndumiso?
There’s a documentary about this guy and his family. It is OK.
[re=633882]SmutBoffin[/re]: So the kids are all right? Or do you mean the doc is OK?
>How can you tell when one of them might be sexing with some other dude?
You can’t! Ten is about the limit of amphetaform paranoia…
[re=633885]The Rev.[/re]: Doc is OK, family is predictably clueless about…everything not related to being royalty.
Attention Scott Brown: Sounds like a marriage slot for one of your daughters has opened up in Swaziland. You can fly* her there : http://www.flyswaziland.com/
_____________________
* no snow globes allowed
Mamba and Nuthando, sittin’ in a tree,…
are there any trees in Swaziland….? I’m just trying to wrap my thoughts around the gossip factory: his second -most junior sister wife and six degrees of separation must make her related to that justice Minister somehow…time for a cuba libre…
[re=633882]SmutBoffin[/re]: Yeah. You can watch the movie on Netflix as a streaming video or rent the DVD. Go figure.
Oh, so the wives aren’t lesbians and the king the sperm donor? Good. I don’t know much royalty (drag queens don’t count, right) but it sounds like they’re doing their job.
When I first read this I read “sexting” which MUST be involved somehow, right?
That’s a nice wrap he’s got on — I had no idea they knew about Mumia Abu-Jamal in Swaziland.
There was a Swazi man in the bed next to mine when I was laid up in Nelspruit, South Africa; the nearest decent hospital to Swaziland. He was a great font of information about the politics of the area and at the time (2000) fairly optimistic about the future of the region. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised about the Aids rate being even higher than in the RSA; he was making pretty good time with most of the nurses (“sisters”).
You know what 13 wives means?
Thirteen Mother-in-laws! (Mothers-in-law?)
Unless, of course, some of those wives have multiple mothers.
Don’t even think about cousins.
I said, If woman done kill me . . . I don’t mind dying.
[re=633867]Joshua Norton[/re]: [re=633873]joementum[/re]: [re=633918]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Do these “Charlie Brown sweater” stripes make my flag look fat?
[re=633894]Toomush Infermashun[/re]: In Mamba’s defense, that Dube was smokin’!
[re=633861]ph7[/re]: [re=633942]riverside68[/re]: The musical Thirteen Brides for One Brother could be the biggest thing to hit “The Great White Way” since The Lion King.
[re=633866]Neilist[/re]: That is the most wonderfully awful thing I’ve seen in a long time.
A few years ago, BBC had a segment on the “Festival of Virginity” in Swaziland. All the young women, about 10, 000 of them, came and danced naked in front of the king and his mother. That’s how he chose his last couple wives.
His mother protects him from the mothers-in-law.
Zhu Bajie
How to check on the minister and the wife? Witchdoctors had witch-finding rituals. I presume they have adultery checking rituals, too. Maybe something like the Nigerian poison oracle.
[re=633866]Neilist[/re]: You sure that isn’t “Niger Innit”?
[re=633870]ella[/re]: I could have done without that image, thank you very much.
When asked about the allegations, Justice minister Mamba wrapped a kerchief around the microphone stand, flapped his lips broadly, then shouted
“Dube looks like a lady!”
[re=633987]zhubajie[/re]: Just out of curiosity . . . what does one have to do in a previous life to earn that? Or rephrased, what do *I* have to do in this life to earn it in the next one?
[re=633866]Neilist[/re]: Apparently, other assholes got it as well:
http://www.snopes.com/inboxer/outrage/innis.asp
Sounds like he needs to send some panties to semen-detection.com…
[re=634102]Oh hell to the no[/re]:
There once was a guy name of Niger,
Who spoke for CORE over the ‘wire.
He sat and he rapped, about dis and dat,
Till Fox called our Niger a Nye-gar!
[Neilist has a Poetic License . . . To KILL!]
[re=634255]Neilist[/re]: Your rhyme would be funnier if instead of Fox you could have worked in Marxist Socialist Negro Black Communist network, since it was MSNBC.
“South Carolina”, would be great as a new porn video.
With friends like Ndumiso Mamba, His Majesty King Mswati 111 does not need enemies! Throughout history world leaders had more than their fair share of snakes. Our King of kings and Lord of lords had Judas Iscariot; Emperor Julius Ceaser had Brutus; King Shaka Zulu had Mbopa and now the young King Mswati 111 has the ageing Ndumiso Mamba. .
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