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Michael Steele’s Top Priority: Sandwich Time

Pickles? Mayo? Hmm. I have to get this right.“Facing questions about whether he can win a second term as chairman of the Republican National Committee, Michael Steele boasted Friday that he has re-shaped the committee from an unwieldy top-down behemoth into an agile grassroots organization with a record of success.” Somebody finally told Michael Steele he should just say he’s done a good job, even if he’s actually fucking everything up. Also Michael Steele and the entire crowd wore red “FIRE PELOSI!” hats, a message Steele announced the GOP will be promoting in a “bus tour,” so it sounds like this was a fun time. But Michael Steele isn’t holding out hope for another term as RNC chair, because he’s too busy concentrating on trying to get that sandwich made the way he likes it. [Peter Hamby]

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Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Extemporanus

    HOLD THE MUSTARD!

  • SmutBoffin

    “And after lunch, I will be focused on taking a giant, bowel-clearing dump. Then I’ll just kill some time daydreaming about the upcoming Happy Hour at TGIFridays.”

    [re=633819]Extemporanus[/re]: HA

  • Come here a minute

    It was so hard for him to remember not to ask for the elitist Dijon mustard — you gotta give him credit for that triumph!

  • jus_wonderin

    White? Or wheat?

  • norbizness

    THis job, like the coach of the LA Clippers, panders to low-self-esteem types.

  • m_supercomputer

    Hey, that’s not fair, the reporter set him up! I would only be able to think about lunch too if interviewed by a man named Hamby.

  • rmontcal

    Ham biscuits?

  • wilbro

    Does club Voyeur have bus parking? Do they get a lot of tour groups all wearing matching hats?

  • WhatTheHeck

    The GOP themselves will soon be wearing “Fire Steele” hats.

  • Toomush Infermashun

    So is “Peter” Hamby the Ham Buscuits of which Lindsey waxes so poetic…?

  • SayItWithWookies

    Shh — Michael Steele needs to focus. Because every time he complains to Grover about the fly in his soup, Grover goes and fucks it up.

  • widestanceromancer

    “Please note that all attendees will be responsible for their own good sex, comfortable shoes, and warm places to go to the bathroom.”

  • edgydrifter

    It takes bold leadership to resolve the daily chunky vs smooth crisis.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=633832]jus_wonderin[/re]: Crackers, obvs. Duh.

  • Neilist

    Speaking of “Zulus Who Spread Themselves Too Thin . . . . “

  • just pixels

    Nothing says “agile grassroots organization” like the purity tests emerging from the tea party wing. And nothing says “grassroots” like the far out reefer madness of a TP’er town hall appearance.

  • Linguica

    “I just want to focus on my salad” – Michael Steele

  • Oldskool

    This eating every day thing comes in handy if you ever need to CUT AND RUN, eh Mikey?

  • Oblios Cap

    Steele knows how to bring the Stupid, doesn’t he?

  • WriteyWriterton

    …and he will be handed his.

  • Katydid

    Poor Mikey, he can’t have yummy tacos anymore for lunch.

  • Enslave the Whales

    [re=633837]rmontcal[/re]: Ham byscuits.

  • zhubajie

    Maybe it’s a human sandwich? Steele sandwiched between Nikki Halley and some other Rep female who is remotely attractive?

    As for running again, has he filled up his Swiss bank account yet? Prepared to retire some place without an extradition treaty?

  • bago

    Is it an Oreo sandwich?

  • Oblios Cap

    [re=634003]Katydid[/re]:

    Oh, Snap!

  • snideinplainsight

    Please Sandwich, Don’t Hurt ‘Em

  • the problem child

    He wants a hamdwitch. With no dijon, and a side of lies.

  • S.Luggo

    Lunch: the RNC repast which precedes the Last Supper. Right now various Republicans are battling to see who can be Judas.

    “a 117-city ‘Fire Pelosi!’ bus tour”: all cities happen to be in LegoLand.

    [re=633900]just pixels[/re]: How can an org be agile with grassroots (or tea roots, as it were) without a judicious dose of RoundUp?