SOMEHOW OBAMA IS TO BLAME THOUGH  1:54 pm August 6, 2010

Winston Churchill Ordered Cover-Up of Posh British UFOs

by Jack Stuef

They also made these, probably. But those Brits didn't understand what a Mama Grizzly is. But, uh, AMERICA DOES.Recently-released files show that the fancy tea-based British government took their fancy British UFOs very seriously in the 1950s, and Winston Churchill destroyed much of the evidence to cover it up. The U.S. thought it was winning the UFO race at the time, but were our dandy allies secretly doing better than us? Why did aliens like Britain so much? They are called FISH STICKS and FRENCH FRIES, poodle-skirt aliens, and we had them too.

The files also include an account of a wartime meeting attended by Winston Churchill in which, it is claimed, the prime minister was so concerned about a reported encounter between a UFO and RAF bombers, that he ordered it be kept secret for at least 50 years to prevent “mass panic”.

Nick Pope, who used to investigate UFO sightings for the MoD, said: “The interesting thing is that most of the UFO files from that period have been destroyed.

“But what happened is that a scientist whose grandfather was one of his [Churchill's] bodyguards, said look, Churchill and Eisenhower got together to cover up this phenomenal UFO sighting, that was witnessed by an RAF crew on their way back from a bombing raid.

AH HA! Eisenhower was in on this too! Why didn’t he alert the rest of our government about this?! TRAITOR! Eisenhower was denying us our God-given right to create a UFO-industrial complex. BOEING COULD HAVE SO MUCH MONEY IN UFO CONTRACTS RIGHT NOW.

“The reason apparently was because Churchill believed it would cause mass panic and it would shatter people’s religious views.”

That queen of theirs loves science fiction, and as soon as she found out about this, the Church of England would have ceased to be Protestant and started worshipping Eisenhower. Er, started worshipping aliens. Not to mention the rest of those Godless fancy Brits! Their beliefs are so shallow that they can’t understand that God created the aliens, but never talked to us about them, so that they would be a fun surprise to celebrate how much he loves America. [BBC]

 
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{ 32 comments }

Oblios Cap August 6, 2010 at 2:00 pm

Winston was sort of the Dick Cheney of his day. Only he was human.

V572625694 August 6, 2010 at 2:00 pm

Aliens welcome! Please shatter our religious views! Particularly those of the jehadis, child-abusing priests, would-be-theocrats…

Nah, just wipe ‘em all out, K’ang!

MarieDeGournay August 6, 2010 at 2:00 pm

Dammit, now the secret will get out! Barry’s not from Kenya, he’s from Mergatroyd!

Baldar T Flagass August 6, 2010 at 2:01 pm

Wow. I’ve seen plenty of pictures of crop circles, but never have I seen a picture of a crop cunt.

ManchuCandidate August 6, 2010 at 2:02 pm

Those fucking Saucer People.

Who was the scientist? Some guy wearing a long scarf and coat and answers to the name The Doctor?

Chernobyl Soup August 6, 2010 at 2:04 pm

Well if you flew up on a new planet and found it in the condition our was in during that time would you stick around? Same thing happened last summer during the health care town hall meetings and the would-be invaders/overlords tucked tail again and went back to Andromeda.

actor212 August 6, 2010 at 2:06 pm

Oh please! Aliens liked Brits so much better back in the 40s because of the Beatles! Everyone knows that!

Suds McKenzie August 6, 2010 at 2:07 pm

Was it a Cigar shaped Ufo?

WhatTheHeck August 6, 2010 at 2:10 pm

Jack, I see where you are going, using that likeness of Sarah Palin, implying she might be an alien. But you, sir, are dead wrong. If Sarah Palin was an alien, it would mean she would have alien intelligence. And as we know, aliens are smart the way they use their alien craft as flying saucers of alien anal probe centers.

Mr Blifil August 6, 2010 at 2:10 pm

Yes but what they fail to acknowledge is the epic group sexing that will be the inevitable replacement for all traditional belief systems. Remember, when it all goes down Wonketts, you know where to find me…

Extemporanus August 6, 2010 at 2:13 pm

“To Jawa-Jawa is always better than to Wookiee-Wookiee.”

- Winston Churchill, June 26, 1954, in a speech at the United Nations in which he warned of the dangers posed by labeling Chewbacca a member of the “Kashyyyk-ist of Evil”.

Extemporanus August 6, 2010 at 2:15 pm

[re=633664]MarieDeGournay[/re]: Heavens!

[re=633675]Suds McKenzie[/re]: Sometimes a cigar-shaped UFO is just a cigar-shaped giant metallic vibrator custom-made for the world’s largest vagina.

13ollocks To The Rules August 6, 2010 at 2:21 pm

Given that Winston was rat-arsed drunk most of the time, I imagine UFOs were among his tamer hallucinations.

Baldar T Flagass August 6, 2010 at 2:23 pm

[re=633685]Extemporanus[/re]: “cigar-shaped giant metallic vibrator”
Wasn’t there one of those in that “Flesh Gordon” movie, designed by the brilliant Dr. Flexi Jerkoff?

13ollocks To The Rules August 6, 2010 at 2:25 pm

Dump enough bullshit onto a field, and you never know what’ll grow out of it.

Darkness August 6, 2010 at 2:27 pm

Of all the conspiracy theories in the world, this is my favorite. If only because it let me harbor the hope of the remotest of remote chances that I could get a ride off this blue marble.

13ollocks To The Rules August 6, 2010 at 2:31 pm

“Pa, we done got hookworms in the big field again…”

BeWoot August 6, 2010 at 2:33 pm

Finally, a good portrait of Ms. Grizz. And love the new last name!

Ruhe August 6, 2010 at 2:38 pm

Immediately after ordering the report suppressed Churchill asked his butler to bring him a fresh towel. Then, towel in hand, the Prime Minister headed down to the nearest Pub for a final pint.

SayItWithWookies August 6, 2010 at 2:39 pm

“The reason apparently was because Churchill believed it would cause mass panic and it would shatter people’s religious views.”

Good gravy — we take for granted that we can blow shit up for years, detonate nuclear devices, murder millions of people, treat the earth like a giant garbage can — and Churchill is concerned about the survival of basic human stupidity? Fake, I tells ya.

Baldar T Flagass August 6, 2010 at 2:41 pm

[re=633700]Darkness[/re]: I’d like that too, but I’m not sure if getting a folding Very Large Array dish antenna jammed up my ass and farting fire is an admission price I would want to pay.

Canmon (the Inadequate) August 6, 2010 at 2:47 pm

Churchill and Eisenhower covered it up because they are Lizard People.

13ollocks To The Rules August 6, 2010 at 2:48 pm

“Griffids” (Grifter Triffids) – upright, motile, voracious, dangerous, but still essentially a vegetable.

Gorillionaire August 6, 2010 at 2:51 pm

Nancy Astor: “If you were my husband I would put arsenic in your tea.” Churchill: “If I were your husband, I would drink it! Also, lizard people.”

AnnieGetYourFun August 6, 2010 at 2:54 pm

[re=633660]Oblios Cap[/re]: Also, his version of “Go fuck yourself” was somehow much more eloquent. I suppose Americans just like cutting to the chase.

Business Pyjamas August 6, 2010 at 2:58 pm

That’s the most depressing image I’ve seen in a while. A Real American Cornfield ™, graffito-tagged like a common urban building side. Could it be, perhaps, that Sarah Palin has been the secret Negro-Muslin-Kenyan all along?

Baldar T Flagass August 6, 2010 at 3:02 pm

Maybe Banksy is changing media.

vendetta August 6, 2010 at 3:15 pm

[re=633668]ManchuCandidate[/re]: He wears a bow tie now.

jus_wonderin August 6, 2010 at 3:26 pm

My hopes were raised. I thought maybe Sarah had been abducted by aliens. Of course, as soon as she opened her mouth they’d toss her out. But, it is a dream I will hold on to. Though, if I am confronted with an alien and they ask “Take me to your leader”, I might point them to Alaska just for shats and giggles.

In my opinion, aliens are too smart to actually make contact with most of the inhabitants of Earth. If they have I half imagine them saying the alien language equivilent of “Honey, I feel like I need a bath.”

jus_wonderin August 6, 2010 at 3:31 pm

Spel chek you ahole!!!

Enslave the Whales August 6, 2010 at 6:40 pm

[re=633707]Ruhe[/re]: Nevah forget (your towel).

Come here a minute August 6, 2010 at 8:21 pm

[re=633997]Enslave the Whales[/re]: But DON’T PANIC.

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