Robots, Rich People Team Up To Destroy Economy

New employment numbers are out and they're great news! Oh, wait, we had the thing upside down, they're actually terrible. 131,000 fewer jobs last month, although that figure includes 141,000 liberal census workers who were let go after the government decided to just make up the census numbers this year. In fact, the private sector added a whole 71,000 jobs in July...71,000 jobs for humans. But how many jobs for robots? Why won't the government release those important numbers?

71,000 jobs for biological flesh-bags, that seems like a lot, right?

[T]he number of jobs added in July is about half the 125,000 to 150,000 that economists generally say employers need to generate simply to accommodate new entrants to the labor market. With more than 8 million people having lost their jobs during the recession, such tepid job growth can't begin to plug the hole.

Well, that's like 1 new job for every 112 laid off people! That seems "tough but fair." So how is the economy functioning, if none of these companies have employees anymore?

For now, companies appear nervous about expanding their payrolls. "Businesses just don't want to hire," said Allen Sinai, chief global economist at Decision Economics. "Workers are too costly and it's very easy to substitute technology for labor."

DAMN YOU RO-BOTS! When is our wimpy liberal government going to build a giant metal-detecting fence to keep these illegal androids from taking our human jobs? America's only hope is for our captains of industry to realize that paying organic employees is ultimately in their own best interest.

He added that with corporate earnings rising partly on the back of cost-cutting, employers are reluctant to give up profits. "So while corporate earnings were spectacular," Mr. Sinai said, "the job market just stinks."

Ha ha, we are all doomed. [ NYT ]