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America needs more lumberjack senatorsRemember sense-making Alabama gubernatorial candidate Tim “son of Fob” James, who won America’s heart — if not enough Alabaman votes — by shuffling around in some big ol’ house, muttering crap about English-only driving tests? James must have forgotten to pay his YouTube user’s fee, because his personal news reel links no longer work! Shucks. But hey, we’ve got some NEW walkers in town — and one’s from “the Sarah Palin state.”

Watch Republican Joe Miller — “the true conservative choice for the U.S. Senate in Alaska” — as he walks around the forest dressed up like Paul Bunyan, complaining about ObamaCare and gun rights and OH YEAH, picking up and holding moose antlers. The antlers are props that he uses to make points about current senator Lisa Murkowski, who “sheds her views” when she goes to Washington. Meeses (and Murkowskis) are slobs:

Meanwhile, in New Hampshire, Republican Senate candidate Jim Bender is also hoping to walk his way to victory by showing voters “his soles” and hanging out with economists who must take jobs as cobblers to make ends meet:

Walking: It still saves money, and it still makes sense (only if you do it in English, though). [Joe Miller/Jim Bender]

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47 COMMENTS

  1. Antlers are all that’s left of a moose after a Mama Grizzly has finished with it. Joe Bunyan had better watch out – those bears’ll fuck you up.

  2. It’s kinda hard to know which type of conservative to choose in the voting booth. Most seem to be from the “true” wing of the conservative movement. Others from the “most” wing. Some are “committed”. And there is always the “solid” group.

    Mr. Bender is unaffiliated, unless there is an emerging “loafer” branch. (Not to be confused with O’Reilly’s “loofa conservatism”.)

  3. Last line edited out in Bender spot—

    Shoe repair guy: “Well, then, Jim, seems like those we got a lotta guys walkin’ and bs-in’ these days, and the boys in Bangalore are all backed up. Monsoon season, too. Hows about 3 weeks on this pair?”

  4. Why is he picking up antlers off the ground, and then tossing them back on the ground? IT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE TO ME.

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    DOES IT TO YOU?

  5. Plus I am moving to New Hampshire because apparently “voters” there aren’t concerned about how they will afford care if they become injured or sick, nor do they mind much when bank profits are shored up using public money. It sounds like a very relaxed place to be. Typically these topics create a fair amount of tension in my mind, and I could use a break.

  6. What is up with that guy constantly being shown walking toward the camera? I started flinching after the fifth or sixth approach. Very creepy. In other words, perfect.

  7. [re=632796]Mr Blifil[/re]: NH is the “Live Free or Die” state, it’s on their tags, so I don’t know if they’re relaxed or not. It’s a helluva choice.

  8. Woods? No, he’s Alaskan. That’s his kitchen. And those aren’t antlers, they’re his wife. And that isn’t a shirt, it’s artfully dyed but still manly body hair. RAWR!

  9. Why are campaign ads looking more like new-hire orientation videos? I miss the days where they just stone scared you shitless about various species of brown people.

  10. [re=632802]Weeping Jesus[/re]: They stole that shot/effect from the Gilliam/Jones movie when Lancelot was attacking Swamp Castle.

  11. Jon “I’m a Lumberjack and that’s Okay” Hamm should really consider less fondling of Levi’s thong, and more swallowing of Levi’s load, when shooting his next campaign commercial — I could only make out about half of his mush-mouthed ramble-mumble.

    Timmmbbbbrrrre!!

  12. Speaking of HOMOS getting married in Kalifornia: That Manly Plaid Shirt and beard would get his cock sucked in any bar in the Castro.

    Even without a pre-nuptial agreement.

  13. And in re: the New Hampshire ad. We all got the metaphor, Bender. You ruin the subtly when you have too explicitly, and awkwardly, shoehorn in the point that you’re repairing your shoes rather than buying new ones.

  14. [re=632821]Extemporanus[/re]: Great minds.
    I’m a lumberjack
    And I’m ok
    I sleep all night and I work all day
    I cut down trees
    I skip and jump
    I like to press wild flowers
    I put on womens’ clothing and hang around in bars

  15. When I think of Real American Footwear, hand-crafted, cordovan colored, Italian leather slip-on size 7 loafers, with intricate basket weave and tassel-and-fringe detailing, are naturally the first thing that come to mind.

    What’s the matter, Bender? Did your pumps lose a heel?

    MAKES SENSE TO ME…

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    DOES IT TO SHOE?

  16. It used to be that people thought it was really cool when they found out I was from AK, but now it is a mark of shame to be from the “Sarah Palin State”

  17. I dunno about this lumberjack thing. He looks like the guy they’re always sending to fetch water or pick up branches…anything to keep him away from the machinery.

  18. [re=632832]Ducksworthy[/re]: Today, we are all lumberjacks.

    And, according to Judge Vaughn R. Walker, that’s O.K.

    [re=632834]La Cieca[/re]: You made such an impression, they bronzed it and hung it on the door of their walk-in cooler.

    (At least, I assume that’s bronze…)

  19. [re=632821]Extemporanus[/re]: he sounded like he had a thong stuffed in his mouth , while levi was still wearing it . impossible to talk much in that condition …

  20. [re=632829]Neilist[/re]: the lumberjack look was the mandatory fashion for clones and butch lesbians back in the 1970’s . then it went to lipstick lesbian for both crowds . just waiting for THAT transition in his next vid …………….

  21. [re=632802]Weeping Jesus[/re]: And why always picking up antlers and then tossing them away? Are we to assume all Alaskans have them in their back yard? Subtle metaphor perhaps?……no, that’s ridiculous….

  22. Using moose antlers as a prop is okay, I suppose. But if you really want to show Alaskans that you are one of them, you should let it be known that you drive a Mercede.

  23. This election cycle should be a cakewalk for Repubs but they seem intent on missing the opportunity entirely. Is that their roster of candidates or is it a real life version of dinner with schmucks?

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