IT'S MORNING IN AMERICA  8:41 am August 5, 2010

Mo’ Federal Money For the States, Fewer Problems

by Josh Fruhlinger

  • Olympia Snowe has not bought anything on the installment plan lately, we are guessingSenate Democrats and Maine’s two Communist Republican ladies voted to give money to the states, hooray! This means that state governments won’t have to lay everybody off. Olympia Snowe said that “this should be sort of the final down payment,” which means that…the Federal government now owns the states, having bought them on the installment plan? Wait, isn’t a “down payment” the first money you put down on something, not the last? We think your metaphors need help, Olympia. Anyway, House members had just assumed that the Senate would never get its act together and pass this, so they had sort of wandered off, and now Nancy Pelosi needs to get them back to vote on it. [WP]
  • Crafty Judge Vaughn Walker crafted his decision overturning Proposition 8 to make it harder for other judges, especially Anthony Kennedy, to overturn it. This raises a question: why don’t judges do this for every decision they write? Are they just lazy? [NYT]
  • Chuck Schumer wants to make extra-sure that anyone blowing a whistle for Wikileaks does not accidentally get protected by a new law that will protect whistle-blowers. [Fox]
  • One traditionally Republican Colorado county voted Democratic in 2008 because everyone was afraid of total economic collapse. The collapse never came, and this has made them more likely to vote Republican. [NYT]
 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 20 comments }

plowman August 5, 2010 at 8:49 am

‘…sort of the final down payment’? When will people ever learn to read the damn fine print!?

rafflesinc August 5, 2010 at 8:52 am

“This raises a question: why don’t judges do this for every decision they write? Are they just lazy?”

Pretty much. Usually what happens is that a hearing is held, written briefs are submitted, and then the judge writes an opinion.

Judge Walker decided to hold a full-blown trial with witnesses and everything, which took a couple of weeks.

red sky August 5, 2010 at 8:58 am

While Judge Walker appears to have done a good job of creating a strong factual record, and crafted his opinion for the crucial Kennedy swing vote, there is another great line in the article that says how the Supremes can pretty much do anything they want when it comes to applying precedent and giving weight to the lower courts factual record, b/c, they can, they’re the Supreme Court, and nobodies gonna tell Scalia, Scalito, Uncle Thomas and Bobby boy they have to play nice.

Serolf Divad August 5, 2010 at 9:02 am

“This raises a question: why don’t judges do this for every decision they write? Are they just lazy?”

I’m dissappointed. This was the perfect moment for Josh to join in on the large-scale violent gang-rape of the English language that is entailed by wide-spread misuse of the phrase “this begs the question” and yet he chose instead to go with a boringly correct grammatical construction instead.

Clearly Josh is too well educated for his own good.

Noodle Salad August 5, 2010 at 9:14 am

Clarence Thomas’ succinct “Double Dibs on Guilty, Death Penalty No Takebacks” opinions are a more efficient use of taxpayer dollars.

HedonismBot August 5, 2010 at 9:15 am

[re=632523]Serolf Divad[/re]: You talk to goode. You caint be Merkan. Edjoomacashuns soshalisst.

Potater August 5, 2010 at 9:29 am

Is Kagan confirmed yet? I want Softball McDykeypants confirmed so we can finally get mandatory homo marriage enshrined in the ten commandments or whatever.

dijetlo August 5, 2010 at 9:47 am

Are they just lazy?

Never underestimate the awesome power of the stupid.
And is it just me or is Olympia Snow looking like she’s auditioning for some kind of GILF porno in that picture? Hey you bad little Senator….you’ve been naughty with that filibuster, haven’t you?
What was I saying? Oh yeah, the Stupid….

MarieDeGournay August 5, 2010 at 10:06 am

[re=632522]red sky[/re]: Well, precedent don’t matter if you’re a strict constructionist, i.e. make shit up to ensure the corporate elite keep their crowns.

Mr Blifil August 5, 2010 at 10:13 am

How about this metaphor: “this is kind of the little bit of change you leave on the nightstand after a pity fuck, taking care not to exceed a certain amount lest the recipient begin to wonder that maybe you think they are a prostitute.”

V572625694 August 5, 2010 at 10:31 am

[re=632523]Serolf Divad[/re]: Yeah, but Josh said “in close proximity” over on his comics blog (joshreads.com) this morning. So he’s not perfect. He is very, very funny, though.

Baby who ate the Dingo August 5, 2010 at 10:39 am

[re=632550]dijetlo[/re]: Actually, this pose of Mrs. Sen. Comm. Unist. Collins is the basis of the new Ayn Rand mania that is sweeping the nation. Just look at the Ayn comic, then look at Ms. Collins, then look at the comic, then Collins, then barf.

mumblyjoe August 5, 2010 at 10:40 am

[re=632522]red sky[/re]: I think what they meant to say was “Umm, no activists judges who are just going to attempt to re-try Lawrence v. Texas because they didn’t like the outcome over here. No, siree.”

Because we all no how much the Roberts court hates re-trying settled law when they disagree with the outcomes, and we also know that only libruls can be activist judges, that is.

President Inaugural Balls August 5, 2010 at 10:42 am

Olympia Snowe meant that she just bought all the states on layaway, like most poor people do.

RoscoePColtraine August 5, 2010 at 10:48 am

[re=632599]V572625694[/re]: [re=632523]Serolf Divad[/re]: Aw shit. Now I’m going to be all inhibited.

Geogre August 5, 2010 at 10:52 am

This is good!

See, now the states can get the money so that the Republicans who voted against the money can appear at every single project and brag about the projects that they brought home to the district.

Jedi master my behind! It may be good economics, but it’s bad politics.

dijetlo August 5, 2010 at 10:58 am

[re=632603]Baby who ate the Dingo[/re]: Dingo I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that “Jenna Jamesons Shocking Video” being advertised to me in an almost subliminal manner by my highly trusted source for news, My Wonkette, contains no shocking images of Jenna Jameson, just chickens (chickens in heavy bondage, admittedly, but still, just chickens). It’s a poultry snuff film!
Now, for a talibangelical, I try to keep an open mind, but I suspect chickens were actually injured in the production of this pornographic material and that, my friends, is a bridge too far. All eyes turn to Basil Marceaux, (or more accurately the lizard person wearing the Basil Marceaux suit), he is our only hope now. The voice of a prophet crying out in the wilderness. Thank God he’s got a campaign manager.

V572625694 August 5, 2010 at 10:58 am

[re=632523]Serolf Divad[/re]: [re=632616]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Outside of the smoky confines of the English Department faculty lounge (if such a thing were to exist), this is the last place on Earth where grammar nerds and erstwhile readers of books can congregate and speak freely.

RoscoePColtraine August 5, 2010 at 11:05 am

I’m sad that Judge Judy isn’t in a position to rule on the Prop 8 case. Even though she would be tough to read, as in, is she for it or agin’ it, the transcript of the proceedings would be full of things like “put your hand down!” and “does it say ‘stupid’ across my forehead!!?”.

The latter question would be used when someone was arguing that gay marriage will lead to brothers marrying brothers. Or any one of the other serious reasons we shouldn’t allow it.

mcc August 5, 2010 at 12:00 pm

Local newspaper this morning had a newspaper article with a headline like “Republican Senators break stalemate”. Two Republicans hold up vital state aid for like six months, almost prevent it from passing before layoffs start, and force it to be stripped down eight ways, and THEY get the credit for it passing when they suddenly decide to stop making things worse for a minute.

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