Oh, America, your president turned 49 today! Birthdays are the most important part of our culture, and nothing is going on right now in politics, so of course Obama’s “big day” (ugh) is a big deal. CNN decided to mark the occasion by commissioning a cute poll that asked Americans how certain they are that Obama was born in the United States. Only 11% said he DEFINITELY wasn’t. Organizing for America has organized for America “parties,” which are basically just phone-banking events. But that pissed off some guy at Politico, because ONLY AUTHORITARIAN REGIMES CELEBRATE THEIR LEADER’S BIRTHDAYS. And also the RNC made up some “humorous” online birthday cards.
“5,542 Cards Sent,” it says. But the RNC really could’ve used a copyeditor, such as your Wonkette’s Ken Basart, to look these things over, as there is a punctuation error in most of them.
Obama, meanwhile, is not really celebrating his birthday, and that’s not just because he’s doing the supposedly endearing “oh no, I’m old, I don’t like having birthdays” routine.
When President Obama blows out his candles tonight, though, he won’t be surrounded by family. His wife, first lady Michelle Obama, and their younger daughter, Sasha, are on a short vacation in Spain. His older daughter, Malia, is away on summer camp.
Just him and a pint of socialist ice cream. Why did his family do this to him? And specifically, why are Michelle and Sasha “Livin’ La Vida Loca,” booze-and-man-cruising in Spain like women on Sex and the City? [CNN/Politico/RNC/ABC]
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Happy Birthday Barack Obama, though you’re distressingly centrist, I love that the mere hue of your skin can send the GOP up the walls.
Did Obama get the Alaskan ‘Thunderfuck’ Hydroponic Marijuana that Todd Palin sent him?
[re=632071]AbstinenceOnly Ed[/re]: You actually expected ‘Hope’ and ‘Change!?
Have you ever thought it could be a gift for Michelle and the kids to be gone for Obama’s birthday? Now there’s no one to stop him from smoking in the oval office and pounding back a few too many cold brews with Joe.
Surely Joe Biden will take Obama out to a strip club for his birthday if his family is away.
Are we allowed to sing the “controversial” 2nd verse of Happy Birthday?
We don’t mean it literally, I promise.
How do we know it’s his birfday? LET’S SEE THE BIRF CERTIFICUT OBAMR!!!!!11!!!!1
I wonder what he would wish for when he blows out the candles in his cake? World peace? Good health to his family? Mama Grizzly to actually be attacked by a real Grizzly Bear? Glenn Beck to be caught in a kiddy porn sting? Or for just one part of a list including the economy, Afghanistan, Iraq, the environment, or any number of domestic priorities to get better so he can have one less thing he has to worry about.
[re=632076]Bearbloke[/re]: Ah, ye olde Matanuska Thundefuck! The Northern lights! In Aussie land is the herb legal, decriminalized or what? And is home distilling legal, as in New Zealand?
How do we know if he’s really 49?
Are we going by the Julian, Gregorian, Hebrew, Muslim or Chinese calendar?
This may be a clue to his birf certifikate.
Anyhoo…“They say its your birthday… we are gonna have a good time.”
I know he is 49 in American-Years, but how old is he in Kenyan-Years. There’s got to be a 2:1 ratio between the two. That means he’s like 98; or least 80-something. That makes him older than Senile-John McCain.
Happy birthday, Mr. President — I hope at this very moment you’re sliding around on the Oval Office floor in your socks, wailing on air guitar and listening to an Arabic version of JJ Cale’s “Cocaine.” Yeah, I think that’s everything. And keep up the good work!
You know people are always asking things like “Where were you on November 22, 1963?”, so the obvious question for El Presidente is “Where were you on August 4, 1961?”
Twist up a phattie, pour yourself a single malt, kick up your feet on the desk, and watch some PPV porn on the big screens in the Situation Room. Happy Birthday, Mr. President!
Breitbart will send a team to try to catch Barry meeting with Rev. Wright or Bill Ayers.
[re=632106]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Or maybe he’s setting up clever traps using everyday objects all over the White House, to torture Joe Pesci when he tries to break in.
Christ, I guess I’ve crossed some sort of Rubicon: I’m six months older than than the President of the United States. Christ…
In honor of his time spent in the Illinois State Senate, I suggest we give President Obama 129 “presents”.
So, 11% of Americans are not just misguided idiots, but willful, absolute, no-holds-barred, absolutely refusing to acknowledge facts, lunatic idiots.
Good to know.
[re=632101]chascates[/re]: Alas, all is not perfect here in Antipodia! In NZ, da herb is Most Definitely Illegal, altho’ everyone bloody has it and the harsh laws are haphazardly enforced. Some parties, like these fine blokes, are working to free the Bud. In Oz, penalties vary by state – nothing is really decriminalised, but the legal threshold ranges from 15g in Sydney to 100g in Adelaide (which is why I prefer to attend The Big Day Out in Adelaide!). Hydro plants WILL land you in prison, ‘cos the govt is wary of ‘cultivators’, and I’m not sure if Foreigns like you would get the easy touch I might get were I to be nicked with a spliff… here’s a handy guide on the laws in Oz for your travelling info…
Barry birthday question: I’m lucky enough to be acquainted with just one single Teabagger, who’s always carrying around a Teabagger book: Mark Levin, Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck, etc. Yesterday she was carrying a Barbara Kingsolver novel. Does this constitute “hope”? Answer in 25 words or less.
[re=632115]chascates[/re]: What do you mean by “try?” Any intern with a Mac and some editing software can make it look like they’re not only meeting, but drinking Old Style Beer at a White Sox game these days.
[re=632106]SayItWithWookies[/re]: In light of the past month or so, I hope he’s whooping it up to “I’m Black and I’m Proud” and he’s invited Shirley Sherrod to join in on the fun.
[re=632082]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: I actually thought that same thing once I read that Obama’s family was going to be gone.
Barack Obama turned 49 today. Hitler, Marx and Mao all were 49 at one point their lives, too. Coincidence? I think not.
Happy Birthday to you
You live in a zoo
You’re an African lion
That’s what that stupid old bag in that picture that Wonkette uses all the time says anyway
And many more…
And specifically, why are Michelle and Sasha “Livin’ La Vida Loca,” booze-and-man-cruising in Spain like women on Sex and the City?
Bitch, please. Michelle would never let Patricia Fields dress her.
happy birthday and now please just stay in hyde park for a few days as you tied up traffic for four bloody hours man and jesus christ i’m so glad i don’t live in DC
many happy returns.
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