oh god she's drunk with power now

Sarah Palin Tries To Make Maryland Gubernatorial Election Interesting

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Probably the dumbest graphic ever created for this siteSarah Palin knows that one of the things that makes modern America great is that we don’t abide losers, especially when it comes to politics. Once you’ve lost, you should just get the hell out and go home, because America is bored with you (unless you lost as a running mate, obviously). Really, how did we manage to stay awake through all those Bryan-McKinley and Eisenhower-Stevenson elections? That’s why, in a heroic attempt to save Maryland from the crushing ennui of a gubernatorial race that’s a repeat of the one from four years ago, she’s endorsed an unelectable right-winger that nobody has ever heard of.

Bob Ehrlich, a relatively moderate Republican with hideous hair, beat RFK’s daughter Kathleen Kennedy Townsend in 2002 to become the first Republican governor of Maryland since Spiro Agnew, mostly because Townsend was a pretty terrible candidate. He lost to Baltimore mayor Martin O’Malley (whom you may remember as “Tommy Carcetti” from The Wire) in 2006, and has spent the last four years working sullenly as a talk radio host. He is abrasive and unpleasant, and his “moderation” mostly consisted of being grudgingly pro-choice, so he naturally endorsed Rudy Giuliani in 2008. Now he is running against O’Malley again, because the Maryland GOP doesn’t have much of anybody else, and he has a chance of winning, although probably he won’t, because he’s kind of awful.

ANYWAY obviously Ehrlich’s half-assed support of infanticide has led Sarah Palin to endorse Brian Murphy, a nobody running to Ehrlich’s right for the Republican nomination. Murphy “has not shown up in polls or had much of an impact on the race,” according to the Baltimore Sun. Here is the remarkably non-word-salad endorsement, presumably edited by Murphy’s campaign before release:

I’m honored to endorse Brian Murphy for Governor of Maryland. Brian is a pro-life, pro-Second Amendment commonsense conservative and a firm believer in the free market and the cause for energy independence. As a former energy industry executive and current small business owner, Brian has the private sector experience that is so lacking in government today. He knows how to incentivize industry to get our economy moving again. Together with his running mate for lieutenant governor, Mike Ryman, Brian will provide Maryland with principled and results oriented leadership

Oh, right, guns, Ehrlich was wishy-washy on total gun freedom too, because he had to be governor of Baltimore, even though he hated it. Now that Murphy is an honorary “Mama Grizzly,” though, his star will rise ever-upward, and he will raise enormous gobs of Palin-money, win next month’s GOP primary, and lose to O’Malley by 40 points. Another Palin victory! [Baltimore Sun]

About the author

Josh was born and raised in Buffalo, New York, leaving him with a love of chicken wings and a tendency to say “pop”. He taught ancient Greek and Roman history to undergraduates before fleeing from academia in terror; worked for a failed San Francisco dot-com that neglected to supply him with stock options or an Aeron chair; lived in Berlin, where he mostly ate Indian and Ethiopian food; finished in third place on his sole Jeopardy! appearance (the correct answer was “Golda Meir”); and was named 2007 Blogger of the Year by The Week, for obvious reasons. Josh is the creator/editor of COMICS CURMUDGEON (which you should read) and does geeky editing and writing about geeky things such as "the Java programming industry for JavaWorld." He lives in Baltimore with his wife Amber and his cat Hoagie.

View all articles by Josh Fruhlinger


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Wait, why don’t they run Michael Steele? He can surely unite all of Maryland in the year of Palin the elephant.

  • Winski

    The Swag-Hag strikes again.. that’s what happens when boredom meets stupidity.

  • Mad Brahms

    God, can I say how infuriated I am by the right laying claim to the term “energy independence” and twisting it to mean “drilling for more fossil fuels”? Jesus on a stick, that’s annoying. If you support free markets, *oil does not work that way*

  • you didn’t ask, but

    Oh for Pete’s fucking sake. Palin cares about Maryland about as much as Michael Steele does. Grifters gotta grift: Anyone want to bet a Wonkette t-shirt that she’s getting paid for these lamestream endorsements of hers?

  • Weeping Jesus




    *chokes down handful of erection pills*

    *metaphorically blows brains across room*

    *has no idea what this post means*

  • Manos: Hands of Fate

    Woman’s a wily operator. Ehrlich will win the primary and has a shot in the general. And this Murphy guy couldn’t get elected water commissioner in Cumberland. But why should she care? Did anyone in the history of presidential politics ever spend more than five seconds caring what anyone in Maryland thought about them. Even Spiro Agnew. This is red meat for the christian soldiers in Iowa.

  • Oblios Cap

    He knows how to incentivize industry to get our economy moving again.

    By throwing money at them in the form of subsidies and promising not to let unions organize the workers?

  • JohnnyMeatworth

    She is totally fucking that guy.

  • Fox n Fiends

    Its time for the phrase “commonsense conservative” to be retired. They do not, nor have ever, exist.

  • GeneralLerong

    I never tire of this Palin photo.

    Looks good in a gunsight, too.

  • Ruhe

    With all these endorsements Palin is starting to remind me of that column that used to run in “The Onion”, “Blurbomat” I think it was called.

  • JMP

    Republicans touting experience as a fucking business executive as a qualification for public office is tiresome and loathsome. If someone was an executive, they should be kept way the hell away from government power; they are the scum of the Earth, have destroyed the economy over and over again, and like to piss all over the rest of us.

  • FMA

    Omar for Lt. Gov.!

  • jetjaguar


  • SmutBoffin

    [re=631891]Winski[/re]: Speaking of swag, is she wearing Mardi Gras beads in that pic? I thought the only way you could get those was by flashing packs of drunks?!

  • Spike

    [re=631901]Oblios Cap[/re]: By throwing money at them in the form of subsidies and promising not to let unions organize the workers?

    Also by cutting taxes for rich people.

  • Extemporanus

    [re=631916]jetjaguar[/re]: OMG LOL! HI-5 D00D!!

  • Buzz Feedback

    Bring back Don Schaefer.

  • ez

    Maryland Politics, two words: Roscoe Bartlett, total tool.

    My bad, four words.

  • Sharkey

    OK, I hate Ehrlich, and so does Palin?!!? I … I … have … something … in common with …

    Calm down, calm blue ocean…

    Just please do not let a Republican win. Srsly. I might want to live there someday – spent the first 18 years of my life there but am stuck in DC now.

  • Juan Cholo

    If we don’t abide losers why won’t Sarah go away? She’s not only a loser but a quitter as well. I guess that’s what makes her a “Real American”.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    Will no one rid of us this meddlesome harpy?

  • Extemporanus

    [re=631918]SmutBoffin[/re]: That’s actually a “pearl necklace” she got from McCain in commemoration of his 100th kidney stone.

  • GOPCrusher

    All these Bible Spice endorsed candidates getting crushed is just another example of “gotcha” journalism.

  • ella

    So by endorsing somebody who has no chance of being elected, she won’t be blamed when he doesn’t.

    She’s such an attention whore.

  • chascates

    After the elections we’ll total her winners and losers to see what kind of kingmaker she is. I’m saying she doesn’t have any cojones.

  • weejee

    ♫♫ I don’t care if it’s hail or rainin’
    Long as I got my magnetic Palin
    Ridin’ on the dashboard of my car ♫♫

    ♫♫ Post-election I won’t be wailin’
    Long as I go my gangrenetic Pailin
    Ridin’ on the dashboard of my car ♫♫

    Yes Wonketeers for just $19.95 (+$42.95 S&H) you can have a magnetic Sarah Palin riding on the dashboard of your car. Your Sarah will be there 24/7 protecting you from ghey abortioneers, librualtarders, 9/11 deniers, and yer basic commie pinkos on their fancy dancy bicycles.

  • V572625694

    [re=631894]Mad Brahms[/re]: You mean because 80 percent of the world’s oil is “owned” by governments? And do you mean its a fungible commidity whose price will only be marginally affected by drilling in US-controlled areas? And do you mean the smart thing to do with oil is to save it until it becomes more valuable instead of blowing it out our tailpipes now?

    Shit, that’s a lot more complicated than “Drill baby drill!” Plus, not so much revenue for Halliburton.

  • SmutBoffin

    [re=631941]Extemporanus[/re]: HAHA GROSS AND AWESOME

  • jus_wonderin

    She could not have written that. Not an also in the whole bowl. If she did write it, she was on drugs at the time.

  • GOPCrusher

    [re=631945]ella[/re]: In Iowa, both her and Chuck Norris endorsed Bob Vander Platts, who was destroyed in the GOP primary by Terry Branstad. Twice now, on Faux Noise Sunday, I’ve heard Brit Hume state that she endorsed Terry Branstad. I would expect more of this revisionist history after the November election when the pundits discuss the “Palin Influence”. She’s become a creation of the cable news networks in order to boost their ratings.

  • Serolf Divad

    Oh, God let’s hope. It is soooo dispiriting to see my neighbrohood awash in Ehrlich yard signs. Meanwhile there are more “Lost Dog: Reward” signs than O’Malley signs around here.

  • comicbookguy

    [re=631939]Juan Cholo[/re]: Hello? She’s not a loser, she’s a winner. She won 2nd place as a running mate, she won an early exit from her Governor job, she won a fishing trip, a beauty contest, and a book deal. Winner winner winner! Not like that loser Obummer from the lamestream media, she knows how to make up words like Shakespeare. People only say she lost the election and quit her job because theyz scared of her! Because she’s boooootiful! Not like those losers who actually won the elections and run the country.

  • SayItWithWookies

    What does a Palin endorsement reveal about a candidate?
    — He can’t count
    — He’s pro-gun and anti-abortion (can’t shoot ’em if you kill ’em before they’re born, right?)
    — He probably has a child named after a piece of furniture (“Armoire, tell Sideboard it’s his turn to mow the lawn.”)

  • Marlowe

    [re=631966]Serolf Divad[/re]: Oh, come live in PG or Montgomery county

  • Neilist

    Dear Half-Term, Abortive/Aborted Former Governor of Alaska:

    As a fellow Republican, please allow me to offer the following three words of advice:

    1. Shut.

    2. The.

    3. Fuck.

    4. Up.

    Okay, four words. Whatever.



  • Joe Biteme

    [re=631897]Weeping Jesus[/re]: I like “pro-tardbaby” way more than “anti-choice”. Think I may take it for a test drive at dinner with RWNJ friends this week…

  • Cape Clod

    [re=631940]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: I think I prefer:
    “What miserable drones and traitors have we nurtured and promoted in our household who let the Wonketteers be treated with such shameful contempt by a low-born grifter!”

  • fredb

    Wiggy McWordsalad is totally out of control here, endorsing a candidate for every race in every state in America…Has she endorsed Tommy Shanks for Dog-catcher in Mellonville yet?…

    What a great idea for a re-make of the famous SCTV Election-episode..Andrea Martin could play Ms. McWordsalad and endorse go around candidates for different offices in Mellonville.

  • Redhead

    [re=631985]Neilist[/re]: I vote we send her back to Alaska. Alaska can secede and everyone who actually thinks this woman has more brain cells than Trig/would bring anything positive to any political office/has anyone’s interests in mind beyond her own can go live there and see how great a leader she would be.

  • Escape Goat Nation

    Huge victory for Sarah Palin yesterday. Todd Tiahrt, Kansas Candidate for Senate, only lost by a little bit instead of a whole lot after Sarah’s ringing endorsement of him.

    Another big win for Sarah!


  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    [re=631985]Neilist[/re]: Good idea, I think from now on I will refer to Ms. Palin as the “Self-Aborted, Half-Term Governor of Alaska.”

  • Terry

    Oh, please please please please let this Murphy guy beat Ehrlich in the GOP primary. Then, all O’Malley and Brown have to do to win is let Murphy talk then point to him and say “Did you hear what just came out of his mouth?”

    This is awesome. Bobby Ehrlich deserves a lifetime of annoyance at the very least for trying to sell off our frickin State park land to his developer friends.

  • Terry


    This Murphy’s business experience is at Constellation Energy, too. Ask some folks in Baltimore about their opinions of that company.

  • Terry


    Yeah, seriously. In my part of Montgomery, the few Republicans now insist that they’ve always been Independents at heart. I saw an even number of Ehrlich and O’Malley signs in southern Maryland the last few weekends, so it’s better there than wherever Divad Serolf is living.

  • rocktonsammy

    Dingbat Barbie should stay at home and raise those lil angels before they end up a teen age slut big sis Bristol.

    Apparently, Todd ain’t doin such a hot job from the hanger.

  • Darkness

    [re=631955]V572625694[/re]: Saving every drop of oil we control until everyone else is out and the price is $2000 a barrel is the CONSERVATIVE thing to do. But there hasn’t been a truly conservative republican in . . . wait, has there *ever* been one?

  • ladymacbeth

    wait, there’s more goddamn primaries??!?!

    jesus christ.

  • Carrabuda

    [re=632046]Escape Goat Nation[/re]: Oh, I am so relieved, since I have to visit the Sunflower State periodically. Tiahrt is a smooth and dangerous mofo.

    Note that this GOP primary was “some of the dirtiest infighting the state of Kansas has seen in years.” ( http://www.koamtv.com/Global/story.asp?S=12928544 ) Also, ugh:

    The two spent nearly $7-million combined bashing each other.

    As the two veteran congressmen lashed out in a battle to show who was the most conservative, Moran and Tiahrt didn’t look that much different politically. They both have followed traditional Republican lines such as lower taxes and less government…

    Moran has an “A” grade from the National Rifle Association; Tiahrt’s score is “A+.” Neither has ever broken with the National Right to Life Committee on abortion votes while in Congress. Moran’s lifetime rating from the American Conservative Union is almost 92-percent; Tiahrt’s is 95-percent.

    ( http://www.kansas.com/2010/08/03/1431475/for-voters-negative-campaigns.html )