OILY PELICANS  5:35 pm August 4, 2010

Hooray, The Well Is Dead, For Now!

by Garrett Quinn

  • I got more static than Nextel phone serviceBP and the Coast Guard are reporting that the reverse-cowgirl-static-kill-butt-well-plug was successful and that only 25% of the oil spilled is still in the Gulf of Mexico. Time to pop the bubbly and eat some shrimp…oh wait, there’s no shrimp left? Damn. Um, how about some oysters…no oysters? Uh, let’s have crabs, yeah crabs. Oh those are dead too? Fine, I’ll guess I’ll eat cat food. [Boston Globe]
  • Despite all the clamoring about using vessels of opportunity and local fisherman to skim the oil from the Gulf, they only managed to recover 3% of the oil spilled. Check out these sexy oil pie charts. [Deepwater Horizon Response]
  • Oil companies (sans BP) say that they will have a better response system and plan in place for deepwater accidents. They’re wicked sorry they didn’t have plans in place before the Gulf of Mexico died. Next time they’ll do better. [New Orleans Times-Picayune]
  • For their next act, oil companies will take part in the War on Christmas, and pour oil on Santa Claus and Rudolph. [The Nation]
  • Work to clean up the damage from the oil spill will go on for a long, long, time. [Salon]
 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 8 comments }

weejee August 4, 2010 at 5:39 pm

Next time they’ll do better
Will they respect us in the morning? Too, also?

SayItWithWookies August 4, 2010 at 5:51 pm

Mmmm…oil pie.

germansteel August 4, 2010 at 5:51 pm

Now the only environmental hazard threatening Loserana is Sen. Vitter’s poopy diaper.

chascates August 4, 2010 at 6:12 pm

Back to Drill, Baby, Drill?

WhatTheHeck August 4, 2010 at 6:32 pm

This is swell, that well no longer has that smell.
They’ve rung the bell and cried all’s well.
But please do tell what will the fishermen sell
now that their livelihoods have gone to hell?

Ding-dong the well is dead.

slappypaddy August 4, 2010 at 6:37 pm

you got a problem with cat food?

the problem child August 4, 2010 at 9:02 pm

A problem: 25% of oil is still in the Gulf. 3% was recovered. So 72% is where, exactly? And how fast is it moving? New England and Europe might like to know, Gulf Stream scientists.

biscuits August 5, 2010 at 9:53 am

I think cat food has fish stuff in it too.

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