always plotting against us

Michael Steele Is Receiving Ambassadors Now, Because He Is The Secret President

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Here he is with the ambassador from Boston. Or France? Are Boston Terriers and French Bulldogs the same thing?With the 2010 elections coming up and the Republicans poised to make real gains, fearless leader Michael Steele has hit upon a clever new strategy: talking to foreign diplomats, who can’t vote, can’t give money to U.S. election campaigns, and can’t be seen interfering in America’s internal political affairs, because their jobs require them to be “diplomatic.” This sort of outside-the-box thinking is exactly why Steele got the RNC job in the first place, and … wait, what? Prominent Republicans are upset about this? What the hell is wrong with them?

Here is the note that RNC finance intern Christopher Kelleher sent to the embassy of some foreign dukedom or other:

As you know, the November election is just 103 days away and the Chairman would like to extend to you an invitation to sit down either at the RNC or at your embassy to discuss the upcoming 2010 midterm elections. With literally hundreds of congressional seats up for grabs in just under four months, Chairman Steel [sic] would love to have the opportunity to discuss the Party’s outlook with you.”

It’s fairly obvious why Michael Steele is doing this, to the consternation of his fellow Republicans: having been stymied by tyranny in his attempt to climb the ladder of political power beyond the “Lieutenant Governor of Maryland” rung, he has decided simply to set up a government in exile, which will seamlessly assume power once the bloody coup has taken place. This government is not based on the outdated and degenerate “constitution,” but on the organizational structure of the Republican National Committee; this means that Steele will simply retain his title of “Chairman” when he becomes American head of state. He also will change the spelling of his last name to “Steel,” because that is more bad-ass. Anyway, like all governments in exile, the RNC is bolstering its credibility by establishing its own diplomatic contacts with foreign powers, a process that will eventually lead to “observer status” at the U.N.

The Politico, the publishing arm of the secret cabal of financiers and Knights Templar that rule the world, has agents in every nation’s diplomatic service, naturally, and thus brought forth this important story. [Politico]

About the author

Josh was born and raised in Buffalo, New York, leaving him with a love of chicken wings and a tendency to say “pop”. He taught ancient Greek and Roman history to undergraduates before fleeing from academia in terror; worked for a failed San Francisco dot-com that neglected to supply him with stock options or an Aeron chair; lived in Berlin, where he mostly ate Indian and Ethiopian food; finished in third place on his sole Jeopardy! appearance (the correct answer was “Golda Meir”); and was named 2007 Blogger of the Year by The Week, for obvious reasons. Josh is the creator/editor of COMICS CURMUDGEON (which you should read) and does geeky editing and writing about geeky things such as "the Java programming industry for JavaWorld." He lives in Baltimore with his wife Amber and his cat Hoagie.

View all articles by Josh Fruhlinger


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • davidsonjames

    “WOW,.. bloggers ruin everything, even seceret presidency. thanks. thanks wonkette blog…” michael steele

  • Chernobyl Soup

    Ben Franklin and John Adams did the same thing and you didn’t blog about that, did you?

  • Humpback

    Still seeking that Republican platform. You guys got any ideas?

  • Serolf Divad

    Michael Ironfist would have sounded even badasser.

  • just pixels

    Looks like he really just wants to “rap” with the Kenyan President.

  • Cape Clod

    Of course “Steel” in Russian is spelt “Stalin.”

  • The Unfairman

    Does this mean our warblog gets to declare “Bring it on” on the His Holy Blessed Republic of the Republican National Convention Starring Michael Steel(e)?

  • Aguacatero

    Not “outside the box” — the phrase is “off the hook.” !!1!

  • JMP

    Maybe he thinks he can fool the foreigns into thinking we have a parliamentary system like theirs and he would be the new Prime Minister if the Republicans take Congress.

    Steele should know that, while it may be literally true that literally 435 House seats are going to be voted on in November, in actual practice most are in districts that lean heavily to one party or have entrenched incumbents popular with the locals, so only about 30 or so of them are realistically up for grabs.

  • 13ollocks To The Rules

    “He will however change the spelling of his last name to “Steel,” because that is more bad-ass.”
    Iosif Vissarionovich Dzhugashvili did something similar, as I recall.

  • just pixels

    “With literally hundreds of congressional seats up for grabs in just under four months…”

    Literally. And they’re “up for grabs” — like our elections are a pinata* ready to burst open showing candy upon the children diplomats who beat it with a stick.
    * pinata is from the forbidden Spanish language meaning slab-o-pork

  • Allyson

    “With literally hundreds of congressional seats up for grabs…”
    Somebody has been watching too much of the Rachel Zoe Project…

  • SayItWithWookies

    That’s our Michael Steele — creating a powerful and unprecedented coalition of teabaggers, rappers and foreign potentates to — um — well, some sort of riot is the only thing I can see coming out of that. Probably with a lot of people getting strangled with Gadsden flags.

  • actor212

    A shadow government?

    Is there no racial innuendo these folks will sink to?

  • germansteel

    “Steel” is his porn stage-name spelling. Has a certain important-to-porn-industry rigidity connotation that Republicans get off on.

  • ManchuCandidate

    It could have been worse. When he flies coach on US American Airlines, he insists the flight be called Air Force One.

  • SlouchingTowardsWasilla

    “foreign diplomats…can’t give money”

    The word “legally” seems to be missing from that sentence.

  • SmutBoffin

    Mike is just bored ’cause he doesn’t do shit anymore. The RNC is just a clearinghouse for donations, which they don’t let Mike near because he’d just spend it on strippers. They also don’t want him going all over and giving speeches about Republican policy, because HAHA they don’t have any. (That, and Teabaggers in the audience don’t like his…swarthiness.)

    What’s left to do, really, but to just act important?

  • V572625694

    [re=631785]JMP[/re]: Man, you’re such a spoilsport, pointing out that nothing much changes in Congressional elections. What’re the cable shouters going to talk about for the next 103 days? Elena Kagan? Cuz there’s no way she’s going to get to the….what? A slam-dunk like Sotomayor? O noez!

  • comicbookguy

    “Prominent Republicans upset with Michale Steele” has become a regular feature.

  • Manos: Hands of Fate

    Could have been Israel you know — they’re allowed to muck around in our politics.

  • bago

    Literally. That’s what SHE wrote!

  • Aunt Fancy

    Man if Nobama pulled something like this they would be calling to deport him to Kenya. Luckily Mike “Real Murican” Steele was talking with the foreigns and not that illegal Nobama…it makes a difference!

  • Big Liver

    You know who else changed his name to “Steel”.

  • An Outhouse

    Are you sure it was Michael Steele? All those black guys look the same. Even the half black ones.

  • Oblios Cap


    I can’t think of any that *cough* China*cough*Israel*cough* that would dare try such a thing!

  • Extemporanus

    [re=631776]Serolf Divad[/re]: “Ambadassador Ironfister” has a Marvel-ish ring to it.

  • Zorg

    [re=631778]Cape Clod[/re]: Actually, steel in Russian is a loan word from the German, Stahl (сталь in Cyrillic). Stalin is a family name created from the word for steel and the genitive suffix in, i.e. of steel. But, yes, the parallels are becoming eerie, are they not? We need to see who of Mike’s associates have names that could be interpreted as Anglicized versions of Lenin, Trotsky, Molotov and Kirov — for starters. Then we might investigate his class origins and his thoughts on the Nationalities Question.

  • Oblios Cap

    Steele’s not forming a kitchen cabinet. The Republicans only form closet cabinets.

  • you didn’t ask, but

    [re=631775]Humpback[/re]: Right-o. Reminds me of the Queen Dumbfuckistan of the North’s effort to meet Maggie “Dementia” Thatcher (must she support Reagan with everything?). For “strict constitutionalists, repubs sure to seem to obsesses over the foreigns.

    Maybe he’s looking for the next gig and ain’t particular about the location. Or, as other commentators have mentioned, looking to get some money under the table…maybe new markets for speaking fees? Who the fuck knows with this guy.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    Just trying to keep score here – is this more or less inappropriate than spending thousands of RNC monies at a Lesbo Leather Stripper bar?