Iowa Congressman and racism expert Steve King heard that some Beltway libtards were going to discuss the question, “Does Christianity require America to just give out amnesty to all the illegals, or what?” Of course, the bleeding-hearts concluded that yes, let’s just let any Messican flag desecrationist with a toilet seat come here and live, and give ‘em a free churro too while you’re at it. King has written a thing proving that this conclusion is WRONG. Please get out your King Steve-King Bible and turn to the Book of Steve King, where we will discover the real answers to all of America’s immigration problems.
First of all, King writes, the libs treat the Bible “as a living document subject to activist interpretation on behalf of radical policy initiatives.” The Bible is not living! It is made of dried corn husks and Sharpie pen ink. Leave it alone.
The Bible totally spells out what we’re supposed to do about borders:
The Bible is very clear not only on the subject of borders, but also on the importance of obeying the Rule of Law. Since the Democrats at the hearing greeted these two points with silence, I can only assume that they regarded the following passages of the Bible as “inconvenient truths.”
There is no “Book of Al Gore” in the Bible, people. Instead, there is Deuteronomy:
For example, take Deuteronomy 32:8. That passage reads: “When the Most High gave to the nations their inheritance, when he divided mankind, he fixed the borders of the peoples according to the number of the sons of God.”
Those guys in “the Acts” — the Old Testament doo wop band, or improv troupe, or whatever they were — totally second this emotion about borders being fixed, King writes. “God made all nations who live on earth, and he decided when and where every nation would be.” God made this American nation, and Fox Nation, and MTV Live Nation, and Janet Jackson’s Rhythm Nation, and these nations are immovable, DON’T TOUCH THEM.
King goes on about some other Bible stuff that your Wonkette doesn’t want to read right now, but you go ahead. We did spot this invitation while skimming toward the end (just to see how long King’s piece was, pretty much):
I say we welcome [the Tards of Lib] to a public discussion of the Bible’s meanings. If we do, I believe we will have a very interesting impact on American policy. In the near run, I believe that a fuller discussion of Biblical teachings in the wake of the Democrats’ show hearing would move the illegal immigration debate in a direction that proponents of amnesty never expected. It would further galvanize public opposition to the proposal.
Steve King is like the Frank Sinatra of Bible studies, all “My Way,” but holding a pitchfork instead of a microphone. Oh, and right about everything! Can’t forget that part, it is WRITTEN. [To Renew America]
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So who lived in the United States when Deuteronomy 32:8 was written and God fixed the borders of nations? Hmm?
OUT WITH ILLEGAL EUROPEANS.
You forgot the congress’ biggest asshole tag
“God made all nations who live on earth, and he decided when and where every nation would be”:
Aren’t nations a kind of recent thing in global history, as in the last 400 or so years.
“When the Most High gave to the nations their inheritance, when he divided mankind, he fixed the borders of the peoples according to the number of the sons of God.”
So doesn’t that make us a sinful nation, cause we are populated by people whose ancestors ignored God’s law and left their homeland?
I’d leave the theology alone and stick to gunning down to racoons.
So, in addition to being a raging jackoff, King is a strict Jewish bible interpreter? Since the bible is always right, I must assume that no borders have ever changed since the book was written.
But I don’t believe in the bible’s inherent truthiness, Mr. King. Even if it was written by gawd in English, the lord’s language. What now?
And GOD said unto his children, thou must stayest where thou art, even if it’s hot and dirty and your kids have intestinal parasites, ESPECIALLY if ye be brown, and unless ye can afford a good immigration lawyer.
Obviously the Bible supports slavery, racism, rape, mass murder, genocide, antisemitism etc.
You only have to read the Bible for a couple of hours in order to justify round about everything with God’s will.
I guess it is the same way with the Koran.
“Go up, you comb-forward!”
A nit: WE are a part of the Rhythm Nation.
(cf. 2 Janet 32:8-12… Miss Jackson if you’re nasty.)
If Steve King is right, then God must have been stinking drunk when he assigned borders to the Balkans.
Steve King, as always, is completely right, and not the slightest bit racist. Liberals have it all wrong with their activist revisionist versions of the Bible, and only Steve King knows which parts of the Bible are the right parts to ignore.
Specifically, those to ignore would be the parts like,
“Do not mistreat an alien or oppress him, for you were aliens in Egypt. (Exodus 22:21)
and also:
“Cursed is the man who withholds justice from the alien, the fatherless or the widow.” Then all the people shall say, “Amen!” (Deuteronomy 27:19)
Do not oppress the widow or the fatherless, the alien or the poor. In your hearts do not think evil of each other.’ (Zechariah 7:10)
Then I charged your judges at that time, saying, ‘Hear the cases between your fellow countrymen, and judge righteously between a man and his fellow countryman, or the alien who is with him. (Deuteronomy 1:16)
For the Scripture says, “YOU SHALL NOT MUZZLE THE OX WHILE HE IS THRESHING,” and “The laborer is worthy of his wages.” (1 Timothy 5:18)
Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and aliens, but fellow citizens with God’s people and members of God’s household, (Ephesians 2:19)
I mean, that stuff all says liberal revisionism all over it: “Deuternomy” is messkin for “Second Law” (what was so wrong with the FIRST law???!!!!) and those last two things weren’t even said until after Jebus died, and we all know the only Christian-ey things that Steve King believes are the actually things that Jebus specifically said.
[re=631828]Fuck Toad[/re]: The illegal Mormons.
[re=631832]Manos: Hands of Fate[/re]: Even more so when you consider, you know, the Hebrews. Who were apparently the worst sinners of all, what with leaving their homeland for Egypt, then leaving Egypt, then leaving their homeland, then leaving Europe, then…
“Since the Democrats at the hearing greeted these two points with silence…”
It was the argument’s clarity and brilliance that stunned them into silence, obviously.
Wow! I wonder what else this Bibble book says? Maybe something about progressive taxation as well? Probably!
Pontius Pilate was a complicated man but no one understood him but his woman.
[re=631844]mumblyjoe[/re]: The Ephesians quote is one of my favorites.
I do love how King goes to Deuteronomy. I’m only surprised that he didn’t go to Leviticus for his proof.
Short on Gospel verses, wasn’t he? I wonder why? Hmmm, “A man was on Martin Luther King Boulevard, when he was attacked and beaten. A priest walked by and said, ‘Oh, I’m late for services, I can’t do anything for him now.’ An evangelical walked by and said, ‘This is terrible, but he must have family to look out for him. I’ll say a prayer, later.’ A Mexican immigrant, though, saw him, and picked him up. He cleaned his wounds, put antibiotics on them, and took him to a hotel. He said to the hotel keeper, ‘I’ll come back tomorrow. See that this man gets well, and I will pay the bill.’ Which of these was that man’s neighbor?”
A public discussion of the Bible’s meaning would be fun. For starters, how does a book that gets so much shit wrong get held up as an authoritative text on anything? If it weren’t the basis for a huge number of colorful expressions and other less savory cultural artefacts it would be completely and utterly useless. Now I’m going back to my cave to continue grinding “God” off of all my coins with my Dremmel tool.
“God gave unto his sons…”
God don’t want no wimmins owning no nothing.
OMG.
If God had really fixed borders (“… he fixed the borders of the peoples according to the number of the sons of God.”), then Steve King’s ancestors shouldn’t have moved to THIS nation in the first place. By doing so, they violated God’s law! Amiright?
So when we grabbed the Southwest from Mexico, were we violating God’s law? Should we give the region back?
Hey, is he saying we’re supposed to interpret the bible not based on current ideas or fads but rather based on the time it was written? Let’s do it! Because the idea of the nation state has only been around since the 17th century, rendering your translations / interpretations of Deut. highly specious.
Can I please be the one who gets called on to read the smokin hot buttsecks passages regarding Jonathan, son of Saul, and his gorgeous boy toy, the future King David, of whom Jeebus was descended? Jonathan gets disowned by his dad, which is still relevant today, what with all the god freaks throwing their rebellious cocksucking kids out into the street and all.
[re=631832]Manos: Hands of Fate[/re]: Oh, you beat me. Credit to Manos for beating me.
Also, what about this whole “new testament” thing and the call to be compassionate? I mean, Jesus healed people on the sabbath and all, so obviously the letter of the law was not his primary concern. And then there’s that whole thing in Acts and every book following where Christians are supposed to spread the gospel through action into all “nations”, which were part of a brotherhood of Christ that transcends ethnicity and earthly allegiances. But I guess the whole “Jesus” part of the bible is unimportant.
I mean, I left the whole “being Christian” thing behind a while ago, but goddam, man, stop with the True Scotsman fallacies already.
[re=631844]mumblyjoe[/re]: Can’t say I remember much of what’s in the bible, but it appears to me that much of what makes a “reel mercun cristin” is belief in shit written in the book prior to geeesus’ birth. Did’t geeesus say something to the effect that all laws written before me were for children; I have a new law….love one another (or something to that effect). Please don’t tell if that is wrong or I’ll be depressed for the rest of the hour knowing I wasted 12 years of parochial schooling
[re=631861]Serolf Divad[/re]: Nope. As James K. Polk famously stated in his inaugural address* “Fuck the Bible; those SW territories are mines!”
*True fact that you could look up at a library if libraries weren’t Socialist.
[re=631861]Serolf Divad[/re]: Pithiest yet!
[re=631863]Mad Brahms[/re]: The “nation” of Deuteronomy is probably close to “ethnicity” today.
I know that the general view is that nation state doesn’t develop until really the age of nationalism, but I would argue that the monarchical state is a nation-state to the common people prior to the government becoming free of its leader and fixing on its geography. I agree, though, that Steve King is as fine an exegete as he is a legislator.
Hence the problem with using a collection of stories passed down by the oral tradition which based on the ramblings of illiterate sheepherders during the bronze age.
And of course there is that whole do not do any work of any sort on the Sabbath commandment, which is sure to please the big bidness arm of the republican party. But hey, libs didn’t write that shit. The LORD did.
He’s just testy ’cause his wife is “unclean” this week.
[re=631867]Mad Brahms[/re]: Yeah, that Jesus guy was all right. Used to clean the pool at an old girlfriend’s apartment complex. Nice guy. Wonder whatever happened to him…
“When the Most High gave to the nations their inheritance, when he divided mankind, he fixed the borders of the peoples according to the number of the sons of God.”
So, when a nation invades another country and expands it’s borders such as Iraq did when it invaded Kuwait, it was because God counted more sons of God in Iraq than Kuwait and thought the borders needed to be adjusted?
[re=631844]mumblyjoe[/re]:
YOU SHALL NOT MUZZLE THE OX WHILE HE IS THRESHING,”
Is that sort of like the whole teaching a pig to dance thing?
[re=631860]noodleman[/re]: He’s the progeny of illegals. I could *almost* get behind repealing the 14th amendment if it meant Steve King would be deported to South Fundamentalistan.
[re=631850]SmutBoffin[/re]: It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to pry this gun out of my cold dead hands.
Wait, was God right or wrong about “Fifty-four Forty or Fight!”? And if God was wrong about that, was he also right or wrong when the South decided to break away from the Union? Or is the Union the perfect as it was? Which, of course, means that God doesn’t recognize any states granted statehood after 1865, right? So Sarah Palin can’t become President.
Ooooh! Does this mean we have to give back Texas, New Mexico, Arizona and California to the Mexicans? How do we know God wasn’t happy with the older borders?
Also, will God get up set when I cross over the border and go to Taco Bell? I mean, I know it is not Kosher, but where does God stand on this?
I’m pretty sure that God wants me to expand my house onto my neighbors’ property. God won’t recognize any libtard land survey that humans do.
It is nice to know that all disputes can be settled simply by applying Steve King’s interpretation of the Bible. I’m sure that somewhere in the Bible, God makes clear that you should have stuffing instead of potatoes.
Please answer the important question Steve King: how come there are fucking Yankees fans in my Red Sox Nation?
[re=631872]Geogre[/re]: In a sense, yes, but the rights and duties of citizens in monarchies and in particular their relationships to the sovereign were quite different. Kinship, not the sort of “national” sentiment that dominates nativist discourse, was what held society together.
[re=631878]Terry[/re]: What happens if you kill a bunch of the sons of god with smallpox? Is there a recount, and then you get to take their land? I’m just sayin.
The Bible Belt needs to make a few more holes in that thing!
Fatasses
[re=631869]SmutBoffin[/re]: “Fuck the Bible; those SW territories are mines!”
Mostly copper, but also uranium, silver, and our favorite, borax.
Wow, an opinionated, conservative, white dude who can prove everything because he’s somehow a Bible expert even though he has zero percent scholarly knowledge of said Bible.
This is a totally new and unprecedented occurance under the sun.
Uh, Rep. King, a “public discussion of the Bible’s meanings” should have absolutely no impact American policy, since any policy based on that stupid book would be a law respecting an establishment of religion. But hey, it’s not like that pesky Constitution matters at all.
[re=631877]FMA[/re]: Eh, Jesus is just alright by me.
And Jesus rode an ass, if you believe no less than ALL FOUR gospels. So suck on that, fundies. It says so right here in my bible.
He needs to read the Old Test about when God struck down the walls/borders so that the Israelites could enter the land of canaan.
There’s something disturbing about all congressmen with the surname “King,” isn’t there? (NY3 and IA5) Is there a test or a buy-in or something? Or, being royalty, maybe some kind of genetic disposition to assholery, kinda like the Romanoffs and leukemia?
SECULAR THE BORDER!! GET OFF TEH DANG FENSE!!1
[re=631868]toooldtocare[/re]: Well, yeah. The weird thing is, though, when I went to the Internet-Bible-Look-Things-Up-Machine, and typed in “aliens”, that’s what it spat back out, and all of those things are either from the Pre-Jebus Angry Buttsecks-hating God parts, or the Post-Jebus Slightly Less Angry But Now He [i]Really[/i] Hates Buttsecks (and also most other sex actually) God Parts, i.e the parts that Steve King loves.
I dunno, maybe not being shitty to immigrants was sort of just implied by Jebus’s actual “stop being assholes and hypocrites” message, or something. But, even the parts that Real Merkin’s care about are pretty clear that you still shouldn’t be shitty to immigrants, even if you’re stoning the homos to death.
[re=631861]Serolf Divad[/re]: Just Texas, my friend. Just Texas.
[re=631841]SwanSwanH[/re]: And it takes a nation of millions to hold us back.
[re=631852]DC Hates Me[/re]: Ha ha. Pontius “Shaft” Pilate, of course.
[re=631898]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: You misinterpret the Bible, my friend. Every religious right Congressman knows that it’s only being bottom that is forbidden. Being dominant is alway appointed by God Himself.
Rep. King appears to be wearing a cotton – polyester blend shirt. Let’s is what Deuteronomy says about that. “Thou shalt not wear a garment of divers sorts, as of woolen and linen together.” — Deuteronomy 22:11. The penalty? Being stoned to death in public. Oh, Oh!
[re=631898]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: “And Jesus rode an ass, if you believe no less than ALL FOUR gospels”
Also, Desperate Housewives.
How about a compromise, Steve? Maybe I’ll give you opinion on immigration some credibility after the meat packing plants in Storm Lake, Denison, Sioux City, and Council Bluffs under go a full blown INS investigation asked for by you. I’m sure that the major meat packers in the area will be happy with you after they pay a hefty fine and have three quarters of their workforce removed for immigration violations.
[re=631908]mumblyjoe[/re]: Yea, except that the Post-Jebus Really Hating Buttsecks God Parts were authored by none other than that egomaniacal, sexually frustrated, uber-misogynist, former Jew Killer Paul of Tarsus.
I ask, pray and beseech those who say the Bible is literal truth, that evolution can’t be right ’cause the Bible tells ‘em so … I ask that they only accept Bible medical treatment, use Bible physics, etc.
Playing Swords on Wonkette, now I’ve read everything… to be fair, he must be suffering from a sleep disorder — to keep an eye on America, Steve King hasn’t blinked since 1969. Thank you, Steverino. But he is still playing catch-up with those other overachieving King’s, sad to say — B.B., Sky, Albert, Freddie and Martin Luther Junior. There’s never going to be a Rey de Reyes in that family at the rate they’re going, which is very fast. I mean, the King Family was pretty famous when I was a kid going to middle school with Earl Warren, and they have evaporated off the face of the earth — global warming? (Their music made Lawrence Welk sound like Rahsaan Roland Kirk.) When you can’t write like Stephen, ask softball questions like Larry, or pick like Albert, what’s a narcissistic Iowa farmturd to do?
Wouldn’t it be awesome if we could give Arizona back to Mexico? Then Jan Brewer can start arresting and deporting white people, because she stands up for her principles.
“I believe that a fuller discussion of Biblical teachings in the wake of the Democrats’ show hearing would move the illegal immigration debate in a direction that proponents of amnesty never expected.”
This is a true statement.
[re=631892]Baldar T Flagass[/re]: Copper’s good. Conductivity, ductility, high modulus…it’s a triple threat!
Oh can we please get into a biblical discussion with the fundies? Please? And can it be televised and in prime time and everything? Congressman King wants to, and we want to too. Also.
O noes! Now we libtards are trapped in a public debate about the true meaning of the Bible! I can’t believe we fell for that.
[re=631892]Baldar T Flagass[/re]: “I fell into the Borax Factory of your love” – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sLY6p17fzZg
[re=631923]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: And yet, even as shitty as he was, he was also all like, “Srsly, J00ds, don’t be shitty to foreigners. (Unless they’re homos. Or women.) It’s, like, right there, ppl.”
[re=631853]Geogre[/re]: Republicans like Steve King don’t get parables. Too complicated. Or TLDR perhaps.
he fixed the borders of the peoples according to the number of the sons of God
King forgot to capitalize “he”. Enjoy your eternity in hell, Congressman King.
P.S. Remind me why it matters what the Bible says about anything, when discussing legal matters.
I’m pretty sure Deuteronomy has several passages about not eating pigs.
Iowa, of course, is proud of being a major pork producer.
Is Steve King going to forswear eating bacon? Pork chop on stick? And if he does, what will that do to his re-election chances?
[re=631896]JMP[/re]: A lot of clever comments here, but yours is the one that goes to the heart of the matter. Since the USA is not a Bible-based theocracy why should we give a good goddamn what the good book may say about policy matters?
I will personally bitchslap any Libtard stupid enough take this douche up on his invitation to chat about this. You don’t mess with my separation of church and state, jerks.
I expect the Najavo, the Hopi, the Zuni, the Southern Paiute, the Sioux, the Omaha, the Apache, the Poncas, the Cheyenne, the Choctaw, the Ioway, the Otoe, the Commanche, the Chickasaw, the Cayuga, the Seneca, the Iroquois, the Shawnee, the Shosone, the Ute, the Hidatsa, the Chippewa, the Mandan, the Northen Paiute, the Chinook, the Aleut, the Tlingit, the Cherokee, the Apalache, the Muskogee, the Illini, the Osage, the Kiowa, the Wichita, etc. people will be thrilled to learn that Jesus says they can have their continent back and Steve King and all the other right wing white racist wing nuts must return to Europe because that’s where the Good Lord put them and intended them to remain.
[re=631885]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: Hold on there, Buster. Cali was a state in 1849. Arizona though, That place is Sca-REWED!
[re=631975]Naked Bunny with a Whip[/re]: [re=632006]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: You guys are 100% right, of course. But this is about petards, and the hoisting they are wont to do.
[re=631832]Manos: Hands of Fate[/re]: The reason for this confusion (besides King’s stupidity) is that “nation” means a group of people with a common cultural and ethnic heritage, e.g. the Israelite nation. For obvious reasons the Old Testament couldn’t attach national identity to the occupation of any given geographic territory, but the Deuteronomy verse says that God loves the Jews so much that He basically parceled out a chunk of land for them to have when they felt like settling there. There is nothing in the Bible explicitly saying that God has any special affection for English-speaking Americans, therefore setting aside for them the nicest bits of the New World. So in order to apply Deuteronomy in this case would require activist Bible interpretation,
[re=631950]Ducksworthy[/re]: They actually have the hardest time with them.
I may have mentioned it here before, but there is this extremely weird version of “once saved always saved” that they’ve got going now, and I had a student tell me that, when Jesus said, “Let him who is without sin cast the first stone,” that meant that SHE COULD THROW, because she was washed in the blood of the lamb and therefore was without sin!
From “be humble” to “be hateful” in one step.
I had another say that, “Judge not, lest ye be judged” was similarly only applicable to the people who feared judgment, but, since she (another young woman) had been forgiven of all sins proactively she is supposed to judge others. Humble to prideful in one step.
The parables, I note, are something they honestly don’t do much. They mainly do John talking as John and Paul talking as Paul-the-guy.
The Bible is rich with examples of respecting other races and faiths: “25 As soon as Jehu had finished making the burnt offering, he ordered the guards and officers: “Go in and kill them; let no one escape.” So they cut them down with the sword. The guards and officers threw the bodies out and then entered the inner shrine of the temple of Baal. 26 They brought the sacred stone out of the temple of Baal and burned it. 27 They demolished the sacred stone of Baal and tore down the temple of Baal, and people have used it for a latrine to this day.” II Kings 10:25-27
You know Steve King saying Democrats were silent when he made these two points takes me back to a glorious moment in wingnut history. I think the reason Democrats don’t answer these idiots when they make stupid ‘points’ is out of decency and general embarrassment for the wingnut himself. Of course, I wished they’d knock that shit off; I’d love nothing more than to see some libtard just bust out laughing when some Cro-Magnon wingnut from the district of Deliverance tries to sound brainy; obviously they are far too oblivious to ever be embarrassed by their own idiocy when they get civil reactions. Oh I’d pay money for Anthony Weiner or Alan Grayson to laugh at Steve King and say “Haha, that’s the dumbest point I’ve ever heard, you retawded idiot from Retawdville (for Weiner)!” That would curdle that oh so disgusting smugness and replace it with rage…good times for all.
oops…for some reason my hypertext didn’t work…here’s the glorious wingnut moment I’m referring to: http://wonkette.com/408012/dumb-congressman-brags-about-stumping-nobel-winning-energy-secretary-with-stupid-question
So according to Steve King, we should be mowing the messican’s lawns?
HE WANTS YOU TO MALICHI!!!!!
TOO !! ARGGHHHghghg!! SATAN!!
Since he’s such a “strict constructionist,” the “nations” he’s talking about are “tribes,” “cultures” or “races,” not political entities. So he’s actually OK with all the brown people so long as nobody miscegenates with them.
The “borders of the peoples” are ribbed for her pleasure!
“Almighty God created the races white, black, yellow, malay and red, and he placed them on separate continents. And but for the interference with his arrangement there would be no cause for such marriages. The fact that he separated the races shows that he did not intend for the races to mix.” Leon M. Bazile, trial judge, Loving v. Virginia
[re=632128]plowman[/re]: Yyyeah, Baal cult isn’t probably the one you should cite for unfair treatment. See the real story of Jezebel. It has nothing to do with being a slut or wearing makeup. It has to do with putting 500 priests to death, systematically defiling all the temples of God, and instituting Baal.
1 Kings and the demand to kill all the Amonites is the usual spot people go for cruelty, even though that’s more that certainly unfair. (The same “details” that the fundamentalists aren’t aware of mitigate against the account being as cruel as it seems, too.)
[re=632406]Geogre[/re]: Jezebel was eaten by dogs and probably not AKC registered ones. Paybacks are indeed hell in the Good Book, makes you wonder where all that forgiveness business comes from… My personal favorite is Psalm 137: 8-9 “8 O daughter of Babylon, who art to be destroyed; happy shall he be, that rewardeth thee as thou hast served us. 9 Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones.”
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