Primary elections for both Democrats and Republicans tonight are said to be “crowded,” just like a hott nightclub, with lots of candidates to make us all sweaty. And luckily, your Wonkette will liveblog the whole affair so you can get all the Congressman Pete Hoekstra you can handle! Not to mention all the hott (Michigan Attorney General Mike) Cox! Both of those fellas are running to succeed term-limited Jennifer Granholm (seen at right with lightsaber) in America’s Worst Job, governor of Michigan. That should be an excellent race, and also gubernatorial and Senate contests are happening in Kansas and Missouri.
Will Michigan finally rust over completely and collapse into a depressing heap of hopeless blue-collar workers? Will Kansas and Missouri explode from all the abortion and be raptured as “We Are the Champions” blares throughout the country? There is only one way to find out, and it is this liveblogging thing. So join us at 8 PM Eastern or so (which tonight is “8 PM Yooper time”), as that seems to be when all the polls close tonight.
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I think we could do without all 3 states personally.
I call “shenanigans” on the lightsaber. Granholm does not appear to be holding it. Rather, it appears to be floating just in front of her hand. And unfortunately that one fact alone makes me question whether Obama ever actually wore a Lincoln hat or whether Granholm ever actually wore sexy Japanese Anime frilly-panties-showing kitty ears.
J-Biebs looks like he’s playing paper football with me.
I wonder how long it will be before Colonel Musr-ard shows up? Someone should whack him with a candlestick in the library.
[re=631456]Serolf Divad[/re]: What a dumb conspiracy theory. It’s called “The Force.”
Predilection: Teh Missurie Mules, rising up like the zombie James Gang, will kick ObamaKare out of the Show Me State forever. Or at least until the next civil war.
[re=631464]Oblios Cap[/re]:
“Mus-tard, you re-tard!
[re=631456]Serolf Divad[/re]: Maybe that’s the cavalry model lightsaber with the bell guard. It’s very rare, but I think I’ve seen one on Antiques Roadshow.
[re=631460]bhosp[/re]: Haven’t you heard?
Justin Bieber will be playing the role of “Mia Wallace” in the upcoming remake of Pulp Fiction, and that’s his audition Blingee.
It’s a sad day in Michigan when the only open job in the state is governor.
Which MI candidate best fills the pending ‘Canuckistani Lesbo’ vacuum? Don’t change horses mid-stream, Michiganders.
Jack, you really can’t write a headline like that without linking to this heartbreaking post of staggering genius.
Rusty razor blades at the ready, Wonketteers — your bloody bathtub bacchanal awaits!
[re=631460]bhosp[/re]: I totally thought that was a girl.
Here on the west side of Michigan things are not so bad. When you factor in the vortex that is Detroit, things quickly go to shit. It is like finding the average IQ of everyone sitting at your dinner table and then Sarah Palin shows up.
Jennifer Granholm’s being deported back to Soviet Canuckistan, like the durrty messikin she is? WOLVERINES!!!
Thursday night is the Tennessee primary, which should also provide much entertainment. Tonight’s lineup from the Swing State Project:
MO-Sen (R) – Blunt v. teabagger
MO-04 (R) – Free-for-all
MO-07 (R) – open seat
Proposition C – It’s about NULLIFICATION!
KS-Sen (R) – Moran/Tiahrt
KS-01, 04 (R) – open seats
KS-03 (R) – Yoder v. Lightner
KS-04 (D) – will Raj Goyle get VicRawl’d?
MI-Gov (D), (R)
MI-01, 02, 03 (R) – open seats
MI-07 (R) – Rooney/Walberg
MI-09 (R) – Rocky v. Welday
MI-12 (D)
MI-13 (D) – Kilpatrick weak
[re=631505]chascates[/re]: LOL you called Kansas a swing state.
#cryingsoftly
I could tell you stories about Yoder for days, if anyone actually gave a shit. He was in my fraternity in college. He’s a douchebag.
As long as there is liquor, who cares?
New post:
http://wonkette.com/417133/liveblogging-the-glorious-primary-time-of-middle-america-americas-america#respond
Jack takes us to Michigan!
[re=631498]Hopey dont play that game[/re]: Unemployment rate in Grand Rapids: 11.3%. Holland, 12.2%. Muskegon, 14.9%. Not so bad, eh? It’s all cause Detroit sucks, eh? Fuck all y’all over there.
Jennifer Granholm in sexy Japanese Anime frilly-panties and kitty ears sounds pretty damn good to me.
“frilly-panties and kitty ears” that would be good, but howza bout handcuffs and chains? Not cuz she deserves it; it’s cuz I deserves it.
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