oily pelicans

Have You Forgotten About the Dead Turtles On Day 106?

  • I am Oily Pelican Dot Com

    The static kill sex position procedure is slated to begin today, if it didn’t start last night while Doctor Jindal was sleeping. The process of shoving mud and shooting cement down the throat of the well may actually kill the well and nullify the need to use the relief wells. The engineers are concerned that shooting stuff all over the place may damage the fleshy flap seal called the annulus. [Mobile Press Register]

  • New estimates put the amount of oil spilled into the Gulf at almost five million barrels. The daily amounts varied, but declined as the reservoir was depleted. [Houston Chronicle]
  • The toxic dispersants used by BP and the Coast Guard to break down the oil was not more toxic than the oil — it was just as toxic as the oil. Hooray? [
    Pensacola News Journal
    ]
  • The dead zone in the Gulf is as big as the Great Commonwealth of Massachusetts! We’re number one! We’re number one! What is a dead zone? It’s an area in a body of water where there is no oxygen and EVERYTHING IS FUCKING DEAD. Just like the waters in Chappaquiddick. [New Orleans Times-Picayune]
  • The damage caused by this oil spill wasn’t that bad so says Jonah “I Drink Your Milkshake” Goldberg. [National Review]
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About the author

As the only libertarian at Wonkette Garrett is often the subject of scorn and ridicule by the rest of the communist staff. When he isn't snapping photos of furries in compromising positions he strings sentences together on Massachusetts politics and culture on Boston.com and is a contributor to WGBH radio & teevee. In addition to media he works for a small family owned environmental contractor in Greater Boston. He religiously supports the United States National Team, Boston Red Sox, and Boston Bruins.

View all articles by Garrett Quinn

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12 comments

  1. GOPCrusher

    So, since the oil spill wasn’t so bad, does that mean we don’t have to see Jindal, etc. on the TeeVee all the time, demanding government money and wondering why Obama hasn’t stopped the leak yet?

  2. weejee

    [re=631345]Sharkey[/re]: Did you ever try filling your annulus with concrete? That’s what Bob Dudley Do-Right the once and future BP kingfish wants to do.

  3. SayItWithWookies

    Meanwhile, if Obama is serious about driving America forward to a green economy “even if we don’t yet know precisely how we’re going to get there,” he will take the Gulf region’s devastation on the road, destroying good jobs across the country (the oil and gas industry pays twice the national average) and replacing them with bad ones…He will place bets on unproven technologies while discarding proven ones. In short, he will nationalize a disastrous disaster policy.

    Jonah Goldberg has reached a new depth of idiocy. First, he concludes that since we only burned the kitchen and not the whole house to the ground, there’s no need for fire extinguishers. Because really, the problem pretty much fixed itself without any intervention from anybody, remember? And then of course, the horror that we may have to rely on unproven technologies such as — um — wind and solar and nuclear, that supply a great deal of energy to lots of civilized countries. And then “nationalize” — that’s a word every freedom-loving American should be terrified of, even if it has absolutely no meaning in this context. It’s only surprising that he couldn’t work Death Panels in there somehow.

  4. ManchuCandidate

    Where have all the turtles gone?
    Tony got his life back
    Where have all the turtles gone?
    Drill Baby Drill
    Where have all the turtles gone?
    Oil has killed them every one
    When will they ever learn?
    When will they ever learn?

  5. JMP

    I thought Annulus was related to the Marvel villain Annihilus, the living death that walks. Living up to his name, he wants to annihilate every living thing in the universe, so Annulus would probably want to destroy every marriage in the universe.

    Oddly, Firefox’s spellcheck seems to recognize annulus.

  6. weejee

    The Dead Zone is a gift to the Gulf from the corn farmers in Illinois, Iowa, et al. And you thought high fructose corn syrup was just bad for your waistline. Industrial ag has so many benefits. The East Tejas shore cuts their stinkie dead fish on the beach problem by having a way cool dead zone buffer. Hooray!

  7. DemmeFatale

    Mr. Fatale got lots of emails from English colleagues (we used to live in London) about the oil spill. Normally polite and thoughtful people accused us “Yanks” of exaggerating about the damage, and that we were “whinging” too much.
    What kind of Rupert Murdoch type crap are they hearing?
    Maybe he should send them photos of turtles being burnt alive by BP.

  8. lochnessmonster

    What I still can’t get my head around about this disaster…they just found oil, they didn’t have any accidents so they were celebrating right before they were capping the well off and shutting the operation down to move and start another expolration. Why? Why are there hundreds of capped wells in the Gulf that could be in production? I’m no expert but it appears to me, they wouldn’t have to keep exploring if they’d just use the wells they already have.

    Also too, what displaces the oil that leaked out of the earth? Is that why we have sinkholes big enough to lose a Suburban Attack Vehicle (SUV) in?

  9. sati demise

    [re=631454]lochnessmonster[/re]: they have to cap the freshly drilled well in order to move the drilling rig off the site and exchange it for the oil production rig. Two different actions, two different oil production platforms..

    Transocean owned the drilling rig, it was just leased by BP-and BP gets a 70% tax deduction for the cost of leasing a drilling rig. So win/win for them. They dont have to invest in buying a drilling platform and they get to deduct most of the cost of leasing one.
    Obligatory:

    FU*BP

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