Oh the interns! They were everywhere, but now they’re leaving, so it’s time to say goodbye to DC’s Summer Slave Class. They came, they stapled, threw up on bars, ran around half-naked, and accomplished … nothing. And so, Interns, as you put the final touches on your collages, or whatever you did for your One Summer Project that no one will ever, ever care about, it’s important to remember that sitting in an office all summer making no money didn’t make you any more employable, not by any means. But, no, really, we thank you for your service to DC, and mostly for doing the work junior staff hates doing. Where to take your intern to say goodbye if…
- … you actually liked your intern: If your intern produced a tiny bit of quality work or at least didn’t spend the entire day watching the teevee, take him out somewhere nice like Sei for sushi. If he orders the most expensive thing on the menu, well then, just make him pick up the bill. [Sei]
- … you slept with your intern: It’s only appropriate to take him or her out to lunch at Cafe Promenade at the Mayflower Hotel. And lucky for you, they’re participating in Restaurant Week: feed your intern/true love/big mistake a crab cake, along with trout and blueberry pie, for just $20.33, and, if said intern feels like discussing the affair, suggest a nice run through Rock Creek Park after lunch, for digestion. [Cafe Promenade]
- … you want to relive your own intern glory days: Take your intern to Rumors or Sign of the Whale. After a night of pretending you’re underage, you’ll feel better about the boring life you have now, because boring means you’ve moved on to PBR, have a steady income and, presumably, your dignity. [Rumors, Sign of the Whale]
- … your intern was terrible and couldn’t even figure out how to refill the stapler: Everything at the Secret Safeway on 20th and S NW is 20% off because it’s closing on August 7. Pick up some nearly-expired food and send your intern off with botulism to thank him for his service to America. [Secret Safeway]
- … you’d like to hire your intern, but, you know, the recession: Take him/her out for a classic DC meal, that is, to a small plates restaurant, like Zaytinya. While there, calmly explain that while yes, their Savior is doing a great job trying to fix the economy, there’s no money, so if they could just continue working for free for the next few months, years, decades, if they don’t mind, that would be great. [Zaytinya]
And with that, we say goodbye to the summer interns! And, just a quick reminder: life in DC will go on without you.
{ 7 comments }
OMG! I was finally able to login to Wonkabout! It’s an intern(et) miracle! Anywayz thanks to all the hard-working, unpaid letter-openers, coffee- and liquor-getters, and bringers of lunch specials.
Remember, when the legend becomes fact, print the legend.
I was going to the Intern Farewell Luncheon, but unfortunately I’ve come down with food poisoning and regret that I will be unable to attend.
Next time remember to arrive on time and to wear a bra.
Best, and most cogent advice to anyone, male, female, or ambisexual, EVER.
Hey, interns are people too. Young, strapping, (potentially) sexy people who will file that report right away sir if you just bribe them with enough candy.
I say this as a 20-something-year-old who just spent his summer sloughing through hateful internet sites waiting for a (presumably) off-the-hook phone to ring.
[re=631028]chascates[/re]: Hey, I can too! And thought it would never happen. It is a miracle, like fucking magnets. Unfortunately as a non-Washingtonian I don’t know much about these posts, but I do like the question mark in headline.
We innocent unleering and maltreated people really should have been shown pictures of these inappropriately dressed interns so we could … um… know … what they shouldn’t wear. Yeah that.
[re=631122]zenferret[/re]: Yeah, especially the one wearing leggings as pants :)
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