About the author

Riley is an "internet blogger." He has written for such internet websites as True/Slant and the terrible Brangelina gossip emporium "The Huffington Post." Riley lives in northeast DC, near H Street. Maybe you do too and want to hang out?

View all articles by Riley Waggaman


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • ManchuCandidate

    I dunno, Talibunny. Barry’s never quit his job because it was too hard and the pay sucked.

  • Ducksworthy

    This would be the perfect time for Sarah to show off her airborne hunting skills. She and Jan Brewer could fly along the border popping Messicans as they come across. Or head back, I mean what the heck, eh, watever.

  • ttommyunger

    Sorry, what was that? Your voice set off my car alarm, and the car’s next to me, and the car’s next to it………

  • Extemporanus


  • FMA

    Snowbilly grifter is just pissed because she wants to stop those Messicans from coming to Alaska to be knocked up by that Johnston boy.

  • JMP

    “Risking life to secure us” is certainly accurate, considering the zero instances I recall of border patrol agents being killed in the line of duty, and the great non-threat posed by border crossers.

  • Neilist

    Shut The Fuck Up.

    Just SHUT The FUCK Up.

    Seriously. JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP.

    And, yes, this shotgun is loaded. Why do you ask?

    No, wait a minute. JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP.

  • Johnny Zhivago

    Not only is Sarah stronger on border security, she knows who snooky is.

  • steverino247

    [re=629313]JMP[/re]: Hey, it’s fucking hot out there. There’s snakes and insects, too.

    Why the hell should Obama go look at the border in Arizona when his administration is expelling aliens at a very efficient pace? Oh, and clean up your own family before telling everybody else how to live, you cunt. (Sorry about the “cunt” reference, Mom!)

  • Geogre

    “sarah palin has no tm 2 B gov AK but can twit all day?”

    Of course, Obama has increased the number of deportation and workplace raids, and the border that wasn’t a problem for W. Bush is a problem now.

  • comicbookguy

    What about all those beheadings I heard about? The work of Obama’s death panels?

    We must build a 3000 mile long wall immediately! If only we had a source of cheap, plentiful labor…

  • DemmeFatale

    Is lotso’ like lotsa?

  • Panquake

    In response to this tweet, Barry fired Janet Napolitano to avoid a media circus.

  • wilbro

    In all fairness, The View is equipped for Spanish subtitles so our new Messicun citizens can keep up with their new presidente.

  • Radiotherapy

    Then he can go to Wasilla to keep an eye on Putin. And maybe he could control her hypersexed, meth freak wasilla wigger kids.

  • chascates

    When Palin figures out that there are NO Border Patrol presence on our East, West, and Gulf coasts her head will explode. Imagine a D-Day invasion of terrorists, Browns, and welfare cheats coming to our workers’ paradise.

  • OKLAHOMAjesus?

    I’m heading to the border with a U-Haul truck full of Clean & Clear Morning Burst Exfoliating Facial scrub. Who’s with me?!?!111?!?!

  • norbizness

    If I wanted to read her Twitter feed, that provision of the living will would have kicked in and I would have been murdered in my sleep already.

  • Whiskeybaby

    NO. I can’t take it anymore. Please take your red pleather jacket and go to hell. I’m sure they have twitter there.

  • BlueStateLiberal

    I don’t know what makes me want to kick her in the teeth more–her screechy voice or bitchy stupidity.

  • Joshua Norton

    So what’s Failin’ Palin saying here? That all the wingnut big plans for sealing the border have left it “porous”? Gee. Wonder whose fault that is.


    Barry is using abstinence to control the unwanted border crossings just like the Palins using abstinence to control unwanted breeding.

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    How does she do it? Her twittering is as annoying as her speaking.

  • Jar Jar Was a Senator

    She’s got someone writing her tweets now too– “porous” is spelled correctly.

  • JMP

    [re=629323]comicbookguy[/re]: Now you’re wrong there. The US-Mexico border is only about 1950 miles long, and that’s so much easier to cover than 3000 would be! Why, that’s about half the length of the Great Wall of China, and that completely succeed in preventing the Mongols from ever entering China.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    Twat’s that, Sarah? I cunt hear you. Take Levi’s dick out of your mouth for two seconds and speak up!

  • Whiskeybaby

    [re=629353]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: ‘Tis truly an art.

  • Iconoclassic

    This is obviously attempt to link Obama with that fascist bear in Toy Story 3. Sarah Palin is trying brainwash our children!!

  • edgydrifter

    Boom. That there is chapter one of American by Harpie, or whatever she’s calling her upcoming compendium of twatterings.

  • rocktonsammy

    cuntso rhymes with lotso

  • doxastic

    How can you write a run-on sentence in only 140 characters? The mind boggles.

  • GOPCrusher

    At a certain point, I hope that President Obama in response to a question about something Bible Spice said, breaks into laughter and then finishes with “Who?”

  • Beowoof

    I am starting to think her next book, will just be page after page of her tweets. Which would actually appeal to her followers who can’t read well enough to comprehend an entire book’s worth of her drivel. Also, this would help her to cut down on her ghost writer costs and allow her to keep all the money for herself and her brood of half-wit, meth head, boner loving daughters.

  • rmjag

    [re=629310]FMA[/re]: too late . he already has . now her grandson has wetback siblings . unless sarah aborts ’em all …

  • AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=629341]OKLAHOMAjesus?[/re]: I’ve got Biore strips! Let’s make this fucker happen.

  • Bearbloke

    [re=629387]edgydrifter[/re]: I read that your Library Of Congress has plans to store and catalogue all Twatter-messages in existence… so can you imagine the larfs to be had when they release Sarah Palin, Twatter-In-Chief just before the 2012 elections? Newt Gingrich & Frau Michelle Bachmann will co-read the audiobook…

  • Gun-toting Progressive

    [re=629347]BlueStateLiberal[/re]: Every time I see one of her twitters, I want to kick a kitten through a fan.

  • Okie Dokie Dog

    I would go read what all her little devotees have to say in response to that mighty twitty thingy, but I’m sober.

  • just pixels

    What are the politics of this obsession by tea partiers with immigration? It alienates younger and latino voters. It invites comparisons to historically anti-immigrant extremists like the KKK, the Know Nothings, Lou Dobbs, etc. And it consistently ranks 8th or 9th in polling on what people care about. (Jobs, terrorism, economy, deficit, taxes, health care, etc are higher.)

    To that end, if Obama went to the border to frown and nod, Palin would complain he should be in Afghanistan; in Afghanistan? he should be at Gulf oil spill; at oil spill? he should be talking to American women about issues that interest them.

    Hey Sarah: Lotso time to write new book for $, but ignores troops.

  • Bearbloke

    [re=629409]rmjag[/re]: In the Divine Revelations of the fast-growing Church of Palinology, the Holy Infant St. Trig will be ‘Isaac’ to the Messican-baby’s ‘Ishmael’…. LET THE SCHISM BEGIN!!!!

  • sezme

    Well maybe if they hired some illegals to appear on The View, he’d have time. Ever think about that, Ms. Barbie, or did I just blow your mind?

  • hi ox

    These are such typical responses from you liberal elites, always following the lamestream media.

    This is exactly what Shakespeare would have said if he had to deal w/muslins in the White House and Messicans invading our land, dontcha know.


  • Horselover Fat

    How is it that Mama Grizzly and crypto-conservative pundit Sarah Palin has a needy little Down’s Syndrome Child crying out desperately for her nurture, yet she has LOTSO time to post absurd observations on Twitter>

  • rmjag

    [re=629316]Neilist[/re]: she will never shut the fuck up . that is what’s irritating . like flies on food . stepping barefoot in dog shit . botulism . it’s all like ‘ will this crap never stop ‘ ? and the answer is no , so …. can i borrow your gun ?

  • obfuscator

    i didn’t know an asshole could be so pissy.

  • bureaucrap

    I thought that it was the boy scout jamboree that Obama had dissed, not our troops on the borders. By extension, hasn’t Obama betrayed America by failing to visit every single American citizen who wasn’t a panelist on the view yesterday? That’s 300+ million people that the president has dissed. Plus everyone in China.

  • rmjag

    [re=629431]Bearbloke[/re]: sarah will NEVER let anything like that begin . she will perform apres-birth abortions on all the babies . not unlike king herod ..

  • RoscoePColtraine

    Did you know that by using an apostrophe in place of an alphanumeric character, you save the twitter on it’s bandwidth allotment? It’s true!

  • rmjag

    [re=629466]obfuscator[/re]: a pissy asshole . it’s called diarrhea .

  • BobTheBuilder

    She and her logic are both unimpeachable.

  • taylormattd

    God I hate her.

  • DraneSpout

    Oh snap?

  • ella

    John McCain has a lot to answer for.

  • algoresexattack

    she meant to say he has a lhasa apso…and no time after grooming prissy gay dog!

  • iburl

    This B***h does noting BUT chit chat! She doesn’t even have a job, unless you count CHIT CHAT! Which you shouldn’t.

    The US/Mexico border is ‘porous’ because it is 2000 miles long, and unless you think Obama is some sort of nuclear powered version of Felix the Cat and his bag of tricks, there is very little he can do to stop people from crossing by personally traveling to those god-forsaken areas.

    (If you do think that he has magic powers, I apologize, because I forgot, you are a world-class dolt.)

    What about the Alaska border? Sarah, did you travel to your state’s borders to stand there, arms akimbo, to stop those dirty Canucks from sneaking into your Icehole of a state? Some of those Canucks might even be asian-looking inuits. OH NOES! Socialism!!!

    Let me guess, you were just about to do that, but you ran out of time because you couldn’t be bothered to serve out even half of your elected term of office.


  • Weeping Jesus

    Thank you, John McCain, for giving this woman credibility.

  • Accordion-o-rama

    [re=629331]DemmeFatale[/re]: Lotso’ is the Shakespearean spelling.

  • stevnjessie1

    where was that border fence from Alaska when we needed it.

  • Escape Goat Nation

    Yeah, Sarah with lotsa time to spend camping in the great outdoors…with a film crew, but not enough time to drop in at the Special Olympics.

  • Diana Davies

    A sphincter says what?

  • Surfeit O’Hubris

    Still, I’d hit that – Pickles Bush-style, behind the wheel.

  • bbqboy

    I was always a krazy kat man.

  • Chumpatized

    No way she wrote that Tweet — this woman is a Grade A retard who could only spell “porous” if she were describing mammals she saw performing at Sea World.

  • PsycGirl

    Maybe you should hide these tweets below the headline b/c I feel several neurons dying every time I read one.

  • sati demise

    [re=629313]JMP[/re]: Waiting in that fucking line to cross the border will kill someone, one day, I can assure you.

    God this woman is the backstabbing bitch of the world.

  • J

    I play Lotso every week, I won 50 bucks once.

  • BarackMyWorld

    [re=629321]Geogre[/re]: Boom. That just blew my mind.

  • Jim89048

    When Levi’s career as a music video stand-in crashes and burns, he can reap the big bucks with a blog twatterfeed about “Lotso’ incoherent shit my once again ex-future half-term governor-in-law spews”.

  • metalhed

    (As I channel Keith Olbermann)

    That woman is an idiot.

  • mustardman

    First he had better things to do than swim a mile under the ocean to personally plug the BP hole and now he will not personally go out to the mexican border to chase mexicans sneaking over. Time to water the tree of liberty or whatever!

  • Starrigavan

    Up here in the great state of Alaska we’re trying to get a natural gas pipeline built from the North Slope down through Canada and into the lower 48. Our Republican senator, Lisa, is running for reelection. You probably remember her, she’s the one whose daddy appointed her to the Senate in the first place. Six years ago she campaigned on having solved the pipeline logistical problems. Yet here we are and not a single inch of pipe has been laid.

    How does this connect to Mrs. Palin? In her resignation speech, she also took credit for solving the pipeline logistical problems. And here we are, still no pipe has been laid. So my question for the Governor of Twitter is:

    Unemployed ex-governor with no time to get pipe laid, but lots of time to twitter-whine about how other people are doing their jobs? Show us the pipe!

  • mustardman

    [re=629807]Starrigavan[/re]: You probably just wanted to say ‘laying pipe’ and Palin in the same sentence didn’t you?

  • glamourdammerung

    Palin needs to figure out that the President of the United States is not supposed to personally visit the border and construct a fence by hand, plug an offshore oil leak with their “Presisub”, etc.