The fate of our democracy hinges on the life of a single man: Levi Johnston. AND IT IS FOR THIS REASON that we follow him closely. There may be other issues that are more interesting to cover, but we have a duty to blog about Levi Johnston and the sex he may or may not be having, even though it is boring. And thus, we must tell you that Levi Johnston is “one of three possible fathers” of the baby that now resides in his ex-girlfriend Lanesia Garcia. The stock markets are fluctuating wildly on word of this important news.
As Congress is plagued by partisan gridlock, our hero Levi Johnston GETS STUFF DONE. Enough said.
But of course, isn’t it convenient that this Levi news comes just as Peter Orszag is having a Politico photographer snap shots of him packing up boxes in his office? There is an opening over at the budget office! Levi meets the media’s requirements for this position, as Orszag was known for having lots of sex and having an ex-girlfriend be pregnant with a baby of his even though he is engaged to another lady. That, and wearing a toupee. WAIT, IS LEVI SECRETLY BALD TOO?
Anyway, hurry up and confirm Levi to the OMB post, Congress. Do you want that radical ELIZABETH WARREN doing that job? Hmm? Do you? [Radar]