Better than 'The Karate Kid'

Linda McMahon Will Kick Your Junk, For Liberalism

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Connecticut GOP Senate candidate Peter Schiff is trying to raise enough funds to educate the good people of the Nutmeg State about his primary opponent, wrestling lady Linda McMahon, and her out-of-control, crotch-kicking ways. This information could save thousands of Republican men from making unwanted trips to the testicle doctor.

Schiff’s ad shows “Liberal McMahon” kicking and kicking and kicking the same poor guy’s groin, a body part that universally represents “all Republicans.” It is a critical part of his “money bomb” effort to raise a bunch of money before he loses the primary.

Kentucky GOP Senate candidate Rand Paul, a noted bomber of Facebook friends, is helping Schiff to raise enough money to get this entertaining movie put on the teevee. Paul believes that watching movies about “rough-and-tumble broads” while counting silver is not only an enjoyable pastime but a constitutionally protected right. [Hartford Courant/Uncovered Politics]

About the author

Lauri works at the Chicago Reader, and also writes and makes art-pictures for Wonkette. Her creative projects—including a now-defunct blog about finding clothing in the trash and wearing it, and an exhibition of portraits of all 50 Chicago aldermen made by 50 different artists—have been featured by NBC's Today Show, the New York Times, Chicago Tribune, BUST Magazine, and other media outlets. She's written things for the Austin Chronicle, Texas Observer, In Pittsburgh Weekly, The Black Table, and other places, and taken photos for various nonprofits, bands, and publications. (She also has a law degree, for some reason.)

View all articles by Lauri Apple


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Way Cool Larry


  • Oblios Cap

    This will end badly for the pasty white guy.

  • Geogre

    Wow, Liberal McMahon sounds pretty cool. She’s way better than Linda McMahon.

    What, though, is “the Democrat National Convention?”

    Also, why is that one guy not learning his lesson?

  • JMP

    But what about the Republican men whose perversion (you know they all have at least one) is getting kicked in crotch by women?

  • Bearbloke

    Linda McMahon is an out-of-control crotch-licker?

    My goodness – I hope she keeps her teeth back!

  • Chernobyl Soup

    [re=629247]Geogre[/re]: I was searching for the address of the Democratic Party headquarters for my county yesterday and Google asked me if I meant “Democrat Party” headquarters. Pissed me off.

  • gjdodger

    the testicle doctor

    Gene Simmons’ new band

  • BigDupa

    Perhaps she will change it to the Kicked in the Nuts-meg State? Will that fit on a license plate?

  • Tim

    Oh! This is gonna be just like when Wrasslin’ Rita stomped the Human Blackheads eye out of its socket.

  • bfstevie

    The groin, a body part that universally represents “all Republicans”?

    Close, but I thought they were all dicks. And/or assholes.

    Another failure of the socialist American education system.

  • Sharkey

    Now Peter Schiff is going to have to wear a cup all the time.

  • Panquake

    Good God, that’s — that’s Chris Dodd’s music!

  • x111e7thst

    [re=629251]JMP[/re]: If that was my perversion I’d still demand that a more attractive woman than Linda administer the kicks I craved.

  • FMA

    Obama’s bailout?
    Who was president when the Wall Street bailout passed again?
    That aside, I’m all for having senators willing and able to kick people in the balls. It would make filibusters much more entertaining.

  • FidoMcCokefiend

    Has she also attended the Republic National Convention?

  • Extemporanus


  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    If only Nixon had kicked Kennedy in the nuts, this country wouldn’t be in the Socialist quagmire it is in.

  • Crankenstank

    McMahon should pay to air this commercial for her opponent, as it will win her far more votes among Connecticut’s suburban soccer moms than it will cost her among the ball-bearing teabagging portion of the electorate.

  • Neilist

    Loathe though I am to educate you Liberal Commie Pinko SCUM:

  • Simba B

    I’ve always thought “money bomb” was an appropriate-sounding term for Paultard fundraising. It sounds like something a sociopathic 20-something B-school dropout would come up with.

  • Bordo

    How can you kick a Republican in the cojones when they have none? The GOP is the dickless party.

  • Neilist

    Loathe though I am to educate you Liberal Commie Pinko SCUM:

    Nutshots usually are a Bad Idea. It’s a hard target to hit, because men instinctively block. Also, your leg is too high, and makes a too-convenient handle.

    Better to break the lead kneecap. And then go for the Adams Apple/throat as he falls forward. Once he is on the ground, THEN you can kick him in the balls.

    Save the fun stuff for last, in other words.

    [Although finding a modern Republican who actually has a pair may be problematic.]

    Twai Khang Neilist: “When you can snatch the car keys from my hand, it will be time for you to leave.”

  • JMP

    [re=629276]bfstevie[/re]: While many are dicks or assholes, some are also taints. All are in the groin region, though.

  • Mitt

    I bet she’s a monogamist too.

  • Geogre

    [re=629267]Chernobyl Soup[/re]: I guess Google is trying to substitute for being a dummy?

    Google suggest is a great game. If you type in “Sarah Palin” it suggests “breast implants,” so Wonkette by itself is as powerful as a concerted effort of dickless rightwing blowhards working for ten years.

  • PlanetWingnuta

    oh dick cheney has big balls…

    what you thought i was gonna talk about him constantly being on the tv trashing nobama? well yeah that too sheesh.

  • Johnny Zhivago

    Oooohhh yeahhhh….. oooohhh yeahhh…

  • Johnny Zhivago

    Damn that librul Obama for bailing out those banks and Wall Street!!!!!

  • Extemporanus

    [re=629251]JMP[/re]: [re=629279]x111e7thst[/re]: It is taking every last ounce of my willpower not to link to a half dozen websites I know of which specialize in the ancient erotic art of ball kicking, ball busting, crushing, trampling, CBT, and whatnot. The Japanese ones alone could render a guy impotent and sterile!

    (Unless that guy happened to be a Republican — then, he’d not only be impotent and sterile, but also mortified by the fact that those photos taken at the last leadership conference “break-out strategy session” somehow ended-up online.)

  • Dolmance

    This is America. That ad is going to win it for her.

  • comicbookguy

    Please tell me these guys saw Idiocracy and are trying to be ironic, and not actually bringing on the dystopian world of Ow My Balls

  • JMP

    [re=629337]Extemporanus[/re]: Oh, I’ve heard of some of those; and will never, ever watch them. Truly Rule 34 in action.

  • General Choomin

    Just another way to fight the patriarchy! Go Liberal Man!

  • Sparky McGruff

    [re=629282]FidoMcCokefiend[/re]: With David Vitter in the party, I think it should be spelled “Repubic party convention”.

  • K.C.

    Miss McMahon’s contributions to the lives of closeted gay men everywhere have been immeasurable!

  • Tim

    [re=629354]comicbookguy[/re]: Actually, it doesn’t make a difference. I’m meeting more and more hipsters who claim they un-ironically like some bit of trash. Camp was fun at first, but everything is far too stupid now – there’s nothing we can do. This website itself, as funny as it is, points to our impotence.

  • HeyLookAtThat

    I can’t ever remember political ads ever being this hysterical… or more likely to offend anyone. What is happening?

  • Big Liver

    That looks like a hydrocele, a sort of cross between a cyst and a hernia that manifests as so.

  • doloras

    I always remember when Linda McM would come on WWF TV, and she would be the most wooden-sounding bad actor in the ring. Considering she was competing with the rest of her idiotic family, plus the likes of Hulk Hogan, that’s saying a lot.

  • masterofzen

    The guy being kicked in the balls is WWE Hall of Fame announcer “Good Ol’ JR” Jim Ross, by God!

  • Sue

    This ad is just code for calling her a castrating bitch. Dog whistles aren’t just for race baiting.

  • metalhed

    [re=629571]masterofzen[/re]: Damn, beat me to it. Good knowing I’m not the only wrestling fan here or maybe I am?)

    [re=629267]Chernobyl Soup[/re]: If only there were something as mean-spirited to call the other side. “Republic Party” just doesn’t get it.

  • Rush

    On behalf of all of my fellow Connecticutians (?!), I apologize for our current and potentially elected representatives. With liberty, Vietnam and steriods for all.