repeal the 13th amendment!

Iowa GOP Will Impeach Obama, For Accepting Nobel Prize

Impeach him for THIS, too.There has only been one president in American History who was clearly headed for impeachment and conviction and removal from office: Richard Nixon, the worst crook to ever slither inside the White House. Even four decades later — and after many of his loathsome henchmen went on to scheme and manipulate within another four Republican administrations — Nixon is both the very low standard America has set for Criminal Presidents and the only example, ever, of presidents so guilty that they’ll actually resign rather than face justice. And that’s why (?) Republicans have, ever since, spent all their time trying to make up some reason why a Democratic president should be impeached. For example, did you know Barack Obama must be impeached because, uh, the Iowa Republican Party wants to “change” the 13th Amendment.

Ha ha, you are probably thinking, “Oh jesus christ they want to make slavery legal again, and then impeach Obama for being a runaway slave?”

Not exactly, but still pretty close on the Craz-E-Meter.

The Iowa GOP is not trying to overturn this amendment to reinstate slavery. Instead, it wants to reintroduce the “original 13th Amendment” first offered by senator Phillip Reed of Maryland in 1810. The amendment states that “if any citizen of the United States shall accept, claim, receive or retain any title of nobility or honor” from a “foreign power, such person shall cease to be a citizen” and “shall be incapable of holding any office of trust.”

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And then, after the very simple process of removing an amendment to the U.S. Constitution and then replacing it with an 1865 draft of that amendment, Barack Obama can be impeached for accepting the Nobel Peace Prize. [Think Progress]

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A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

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91 comments

  1. JMP

    It’s a great idea. This way we can kick out George Bush Sr., Rudy Giuliani, Alan Greenspan, and zombie Ronald Reagan, who are all British knights. Oh, and the Nobel does not actually count as a title of nobility like these guys seem to think.

  2. Clancy_Pants

    Got to give the Teabaggers props. We just sat around during the Bush years being all depressed waiting to vote them out of office.. Maybe a anti-war protest or two. These dandies are sooooo upset about an actual Negro in the White House they’re not going to wait for any “election”. Points for imagination.

  3. just pixels

    Republicans love democracy but hate elections. When they win, it’s “God’s Will”. When they lose, it’s corruption, ACORN, cheating, by the Demon-crats.

    Clinton won, so impeach him; Gore won, get SCOTUS to “fix” it; Obama won, so say he’s an illegal immigrant. Term limits so people can’t vote for who they want.

  4. Manos: Hands of Fate

    I won a haggis-eating contest in Scotland a few years back. Does that mean I can’t be president?

  5. Monsieur Grumpe

    Obviously Iowans have too much time on their hands. They’re just killing time doing stupid stuff while they wait for the corn to ripen. This is how gay marriage became legal in the Corn Hole State (TM).

  6. oldguy

    It’s even better:

    7.19 We call for the reintroduction and ratification of the original 13th Amendment, not the 13th Amendment in today’s Constitution.

    7.20 We call for the legal ratification of the 14th Amendment and the clarification of Section I as based upon the author’s intent (Senator Jacob Howard).

    The 14th Amendment they want to ratify (legally) is the current one (Citizenship) with added language to make it clear that citizenship through birth in the US would not apply to an obvious “foreigner” – like the child of a foreign diplomat or a darkie, for example. (Senator Howard was on the committee, but he wasn’t “the author.”)

    They seem to make no provision for that phony 13th Amendment, which Howard was also active in passing.

  7. dball213

    That would have been like impeaching Reagan because “Bedtime for Bonzo” won a BAFTA.

  8. AnnieGetYourFun

    Is the Nobel Prize committee considered a foreign “power”? ZOMG, they’re the Illuminati!

  9. Infrogmation

    Of course they’ll also have to change that part of the Constitution prohibiting ex post facto laws. Unless of course their target is not Obama, but some future president who they expect to be granted a foreign title. (“No, President Huckabee, don’t accept that knighhood from the Grand Dutchy of Fenwick– it’s a trap!”)

    Also, how would this affect those folks who always claim that some foreigner from the Middle East is their “Lord”?

  10. rmjag

    [re=628828]Manos: Hands of Fate[/re]: if they crowned you with what you ate , that would make you a member of the highest nobility and you can never be president of anything …

  11. fictional character

    i shall continue on with my attempt to reinstate the articles of confederation.

  12. oldguy

    Fuck waiting for the election. As Sharron “I’ve got you in my crosshairs” Angle said, “What are they arming for if it isn’t that they are so distrustful of their government? They’re afraid they’ll have to fight for their liberty in more Second Amendment kinds of ways. That’s why I look at this as almost an imperative. If we don’t win at the ballot box, what will be the next step?”

    Gee, and we thought the next step after not winning an election was to think and work harder the next time.

    Oh – and let me guess… If it isn’t that they’re so distrustful of their government, maybe it’s because they’re fucking pinheads who want their own way no matter what? It’s like 4th grade playground, nasty, brutal, and short.

  13. Geogre

    They can then get Alan Greenspan’s citizenship for being an honorary knight, get Reagan’s for accepting honors as well.

    However, no one from the Iowa Republican Party has gotten any honors, or been honorable, so they figure it’s good for America.

  14. Sgt. Biyatch

    [re=628823]Clancy_Pants[/re]: Exactly right. Redstate Man is driving himself crazy that a black person is in the White House. It’s a little like watching Wile E. Coyote trying to catch the Roadrunner.

  15. SwanSwanH

    This Iowa GOP meeting is not taking place. You will take no calls for anyone at this meeting. Unless the Führer calls. And he won’t.

  16. just pixels

    [re=628820]memzilla[/re]: I just wanna point out that during Constitutional Convention, the southern states wanted slaves to be fully counted. They (and women and children) couldn’t vote, but would be included when allocating House seats. With slaves counted, the South would get more seats. The northern states didn’t want slaves counted at all, in order to shift the allocation in their favor.

  17. weejee

    What’s going on with the Iowa crackers? They used to be relatively sane Repubtards, and now oy wedeln. In kitty corner Wisconsin Bobby LaFollette morphed into Joltin’ Joe McCarthy, so looks like that is a happenin’ once again, dagnabbit.

  18. Redhead

    [re=628841]oldguy[/re]: The tea baggers are the toddlers throwing a hissy fit and the Dems are the parents giving in because it seems easier/they’re scared of what their kid will do next if they don’t give in to the kid’s demands. All this “we’ll come armed next time” crap is like the toddler who starts screaming in the store because mommy and daddy won’t buy him what he wants.

    A minority of people didn’t get what they want and are now expecting that if they just cry hard enough and scream loud enough, everyone else will give in to their demands, majority be damned. And then they cry about democracy being lost.

  19. freakishlystrong

    Dishonest Wingnuttia. Just impeach him because he’s a Halfrican. That’s really what this is all about. Assholes.

  20. sleepy

    [re=628836]Bypartizoa[/re]: no kidding, i think that’s what they think: nobel = noble. not unlike, say, they’re = their = there.

  21. ella

    Good thing Palin never actually won that beauty pageant title or she’d have some ‘splainin to do in Iowa. (Unless, of course, they give white people a pass.)

  22. Oblios Cap

    [re=628828]Manos: Hands of Fate[/re]:

    Only if you were named “Lord of the Haggis”.

    Seriously – a haggis-eating contest? Were you subjected to some CIA interrogation after being a victim of an illegal rendition?

    That’s a war crime.

  23. HedonismBot

    Which is the amendment that prevents a person from being prosecuted for committing a crime that occurred before the government made it illegal? They better change that amendment also. Also.

  24. AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=628849]freakishlystrong[/re]: Surely they can work within the old Amendments to make a point about THAT.

  25. JMP

    [re=628830]oldguy[/re]: Somehow, I don’t think the implication they’d get rid of the actual 13th Amendment is unintentional.

    But it is horrible that the 14th Amendment has guaranteed birthright citizenship; that leads to non-white people getting equal protection under the law, perverting the amendment’s original intent.

    [re=628847]weejee[/re]: It’s not just Iowa; these state platform conventions have been taken over by the teabaggers in a lot of states, and we’re getting these completely batshit insane platforms as a result. That’s helped by most of the more moderate and reasonable Republicans going independent over the past few years, thanks to first Bush and now the teabaggers.

  26. ManchuCandidate

    Looks like there’s a bit of a stumbling block to Iowa’s impeachment plans…

    From wiki:
    In 1989, Reagan was created an Honorary Knight Grand Cross of the Order of the Bath, a British first class knighthood. This entitled him to the use of the post-nominal letters GCB, but did not entitle him to be known as “Sir Ronald Reagan”. Only two American presidents have received the honor—Reagan and George H.W. Bush.[309] Reagan was also named an honorary Fellow of Keble College, Oxford. Japan awarded him the Grand Cordon of the Order of the Chrysanthemum in 1989; he was the second American president to receive the award, but the first to have it given to him for personal reasons (Dwight D. Eisenhower received it as a commemoration of U.S.-Japanese relations).[310]

  27. JamesMichaelCurley

    [re=628854]HedonismBot[/re]: Article I, Section 9, Clause 3; “No bill of attainder or ex post facto Law shall be passed.” A “bill of attainder” is a law which when passed declares a person or group of persons guilty of a crime and requires no trial. Sort of like; “Hey! There are a bunch of guys over there who look like immigrants and they don’t have any immigration papers. Let’s round them up and deport them.”

  28. just pixels

    For people who claim to revere “the plain language of the Constitution”, they are surprisingly obsessed with supposed intent or thinking of its authors. They read the authors’ minds via paleo-telepathy. I’m sure they’re right. I can read Thomas Jefferson’s mind, especially when I look at Michelle Obama.

    Obviously the intent of the Third Amendment “no muslin presidents”. And the First Amendment wording about not establishing a religion, meant the government can establish any religion as long as it’s Christian. And equal protection under the laws, means non-heterosexuals should pay higher taxes than married non-non-heterosexuals.

  29. Redhead

    [re=628863]ManchuCandidate[/re]: So what you’re saying is that we can retroactively impeach Reagan?!!

  30. V572625694

    [re=628822]JMP[/re]: YOU LIE! When people who got rich by inventing explosives give you an award, that makes you royalty!

  31. Prommie

    OK, I need to get this straight, because this is a new development in legal reasoning, its something they came up with after I got out of law school, so mastering this is part of my professional responsibility to stay current. First, you fantasize (presumably with your pants around your ankles while fapping away furiously) about what you wish the Constitution (or any other law) says. The two best examples are this one, the fantasy that the 13th amendment is not what is actually the 13th amendment, but is some other amendment, that was proposed and not adopted, and earlier this week, the imaginary rule regarding “natural born” citizens that would exclude anyone with a parent who is not a citizen (no “half-bloods,” only pure blooded amurricans). Then, you propose retroactively applying your fantasy law in such a way that “that’ll show my enemies and restore our precious freedoms and fascism!”

    I’m hoping I have this right, I don’t want to look like a fool down at the courthouse.

    It really opens up your room for argument when you take the “original intent” position so that it applies not only to the “original intent” of the framers of what actually is in the Constitution, but also applies to anything originally intended by anyone who ever proposed something that is NOT in the Constitution.

    This is really not so crazy as it sounds; the Federalist Society, training ground for the right-wing’s judicial footsoldiers and President-Choosers, has for decades been dedicated to the proposition that The Federalist Papers, which are not part of the Constitution, are in fact, a higher Constitution, and even more constitutional than the actual Constitution.

  32. obfuscator

    ORRRRR the braintrust that is the iowa gop could build them one of them time machines and travel back to 1961. then they can kidnap stanley ann dunham and transport her to kenya, where she will give birth to barack hussein obama, future illegitimate president!

  33. weejee

    Would be nice if the Drats would start jumping up and down a scream BULLSHIT. And guess what one did. Oscar Mayer jokes in 3, 2, …

  34. Prommie

    Above and beyond this new doctrine of “the imaginary original intent of the drafters of proposals which were not enacted,” there is this notion that a “Nobel” prize is a title of “nobility.” If someone were to interrupt these Iowans, and explain that, you know, “Nobel” just sounds like “noble,” but thats not what it means, its just a guy’s name, would they then say “Oh, never mind” like Roseanna Roseannadanna?

  35. toooldtocare

    How exactly do you contract BSC (bat shit crazy)? is it a virus? is it carried by mosquitos? Maybe if you drink too much tea. However one gets it, I hope it stays away from my household. I know my neighbor has it though.

  36. Johnny Zhivago

    Here’s a better idea – revoke the Declaration of Independence and rejoin the British Empire. Then Queen Elizabeth will appoint a new “Governor of America” – probably someone who needs a job, like Tony Blair – and we will be done with this Obama tragedy.

  37. Barrelhse

    The whole world laughs with derision and scorn at the sheer stupidity that the USA has come to represent.

  38. Johnny Zhivago

    By the way – election to any office (from mayor to president) in the United States confers the right to use “Honorable” for life. So doesn’t this mean that everyone ever elected to office – now or in the future would immediately be disqualified as soon as they take the oath of office?

  39. JMP

    [re=628868]just pixels[/re]: It’s very simple, when the plain language of the Constitution; say, “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion” or “All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside” clearly creates a rule that the conservatives don’t like, then the need to find the author’s intent, by finding someone involved with the passage who said something more in line with what they want.

    Unless the author has said something which supports the plain language, like “building a wall of separation between Church & State”, then it’s time to just make shit up and claim the authors really meant something else, or write up some false quotes.

  40. AddHomonym

    Now I know why I never trusted that Duke Cunningham, or Prince Fielder, or Queen Latifa.

  41. JMP

    [re=628876]Prommie[/re]: The other common fantasy is pretending that the Second Amendment doesn’t have a qualifier regarding well-regulated militias.

  42. HedonismBot

    [re=628887]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: Actually, those who have been successfully impeached and removed from office are not allowed to retain the title. So (in an alternate version of history,) had Nixon been successfully impeached and removed from office, he could have regained his office, had he not been already removed the moment after he took the oath of office.
    Got that? Makes about as much sense as anything the teabaggers are coming up with.

  43. MOG

    The media loves these morans so much, there is real news out there, but they’d rather show fat white women wandering around with their homemade (YAY Michael’s, great foamcore, glue sticks and markers) signs. The Repubs stopped a small business stimulus bill cold, that even the US Chamber supported (and you KNOW how much they hate the prez)and that item is buried back under all this crap. The fringers seem to be providing air cover so most people have no idea what’s actually going on.

  44. iburl

    New 13th amendment: If you are a black president and any foreign person likes you for any reason thee shalt be deported back to Kenya. Forsooth.

    Does that sound powdered wiggy enough for the founding Christian fathers?

  45. oldsparky

    This proposal will last until Kween Elizabit names Sarah Palin as, say, Bailiff of the Chiltern Hundreds, in which case they’ll be in an equally big hurry to cancel enacting the amendment because, you know, it’ll suddenly be an unfair liberal plot to silence Saah.
    Ya know, for £15 you can buy an official Lord Of The Manor title for Mrs. Palin, which would mean that if this amendment passes she couldn’t be elected to anything.

  46. facehead

    BUT, if they do it then they’ll hold the Guiness world crown for Dipshitism, and we can deport them as a foreign power.

    Hoisted bitch.

  47. Butterscotch Stalin

    Uh, guys? It’ll also dump all the lawyers [via "esquire"]. Maybe we should try it out, drive it around the block, see how it works out, hmm?

  48. slavojzizek

    In the second season of 24, they came up with an easier way to remove a Black President from office. The 25th amendment says that if the cabinet determines the president has a disability that prevents him from carrying out his office, they can remove him with a majority vote (its for situations like if the President has a stroke). They decided David Palmer was too stressed out (he wasn’t going to war fast enough) so they voted him out. So… all we have to do is get a majority of Obama’s cabinet to turn against him…

  49. Big Liver

    As far as accepting titles from foreign powers goes, wouldn’t that be trouble for all the priests, monsignors, bishops, and cardinals of the Catholic church? I mean, the Vatican is some sort of sovereign state, after all.

  50. JMP

    [re=628926]awesomeguy#1[/re]: Crucially, they’re almost all liberals (with the glaring exception of the completely undeserving Kissinger), so that would be OK with the wingnuts. Hm, Einstein got his Nobel well before he became an American, so would it count for him?

  51. pub_option

    [re=628890]JMP[/re]: I think the crazies read the second amendment to mean the the population must be armed so that they can regulate the militia (i.e. prevent the army from taking over). Therefore anyone should be able to have access to any weapon that the army has.

  52. weejee

    [re=628926]awesomeguy#1[/re]: I haz a sad, since my fizziks prof is a double laureate so that would make him twice not a citizen of Iowamerica. He is dead now, so will he become a Iowa-HUAC-zombie?

  53. Prommie

    [re=628890]JMP[/re]: It don’t say nothing about “well-regulated” militias in the Super-Constitution, the Federalist Papers. At least, thats how I imagine it to be, so, thats the original intent, of someone!

  54. Johnny Zhivago

    [re=628885]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: Even better idea: Tony Hayward for Governor General of the American Provinces

  55. rmjag

    [re=628876]Prommie[/re]: you mean that one is supposed to fap furiously *after* one pulls one’s pants down ? sounds easier that way

  56. comicbookguy

    We must put in the original draft, the one with the typo that says “Nobelity” instead of “nobility”

    It’s what the Founders would have wanted.

  57. Cape Clod

    On the positive side, the platform does seek to clarify the definition of ‘manure.’ This is something the Constitution is strangely silent about.

  58. Marlowe

    I want Obama impeached for lying about Snooki.

    “I don’t know who Snooki is,” Barack Obama said on “The View” this morning. He even repeated this claim in his speech to the National Urban League.

    In May, Barack Obama made a joke about how tan Snooki is, at the White House Correspondents Dinner, which proves that he has heard of the famous tiny woman from television.

    http://www.salon.com/news/politics/war_room/2010/07/29/snookigate

  59. Cape Clod

    Is there anything in the platform about returning to Austrian economics, like those Maine dipshits want?

  60. Naked Bunny with a Whip

    This would completely destroy my dream of having a president who has been in a band that won the Eurovision Song Contest.

  61. BeWoot

    Hey. Nixon wasn’t that bad, nor even that crooked. His biggest sin was being utterly graceless.

  62. Pandy

    [re=628846]just pixels[/re]: Which makes the South look even worse. They didn’t treat them as whole human beings so why did they want to count them as whole persons?

  63. Naked Bunny with a Whip

    [re=629038]Pandy[/re]: In the interest of better Congressional representation, we Iowans would like our pigs and cornstalks to count as entire persons, too, pleez. Even though, like slaves (and women), they are property and not allowed to vote or hold office.

  64. proudgrampa

    So, does this mean that my 5 year old granddaughter cannot become president because she accepted the “Nicest Student in Class” Award at her Montessori School???

    Montessori — How foreign is that????

    Fucking Iowans.

  65. Lascauxcaveman

    Hey, way back in 2008, didn’t creaky old Walnuts McCain, despite the horrific world-wide devastation brought on by his political side, still get nearly 50 million votes, further despite the fact that he was running against an intelligent, well spoken, educated, able-minded and drop-dead-gorgeous family man of proven political acumen?

    You have to guess a lot of those people voting for Walnuts were just plain racist. That’s all these stories are. Just a bunch of dumb racists trying to be clever enough to make their racism get it’s way through laws or somesuch.

  66. artpepper

    That was just what the Iowa Republicans had in mind, according to Plogmann, who wrote in an e-mail that the plank “was meant to make a statement about the delegates’ opinion about Mr. Obama receiving the prize”

    I’m glad the GOP wants to tinker with the Constitution in order to make some kind of oblique commentary about something that nobody cares about.

    Then again, these people probably think that Count Basie was really a count.

  67. weejee

    [re=629069]proudgrampa[/re]: Si, she is doomed to walk forever shunned by the heirs of Mussolini. Old Bennie, who did make the trains run on time, deported Maria Montessori from Italy for refusing to make junior Black Shirts out of all the little kiddies. So unfair to the founding father.

  68. comicbookguy

    I’ll bet Breitbart could come up with a 7 second video clip that proves their point.

  69. Brazillionaire

    Yeah, rescind Duke Ellington’s papers and rid us of all that jazz stuff. Rockabilly forever!

  70. Prommie

    [re=629088]artpepper[/re]: Count Chocula, too, also, over there, with that Nobel title there.

  71. GOPCrusher

    Between this and the billboard a couple of weeks ago, even I’m beginning to think we’re a bunch of backwoods hicks.

  72. steverino247

    [re=628889]AddHomonym[/re]: It’s not Duke Cunningham, it’s Prisoner number 94405-198. Don’t forget it! Had people voted for me instead of him, he wouldn’t be in jail, so thanks for not electing me! Much more fun to think of that asshole in federal prison…

    [re=629010]Snarkalicious[/re]: Sic transit gloria (I didn’t know Gloria was sick) [Thanks, Mel Brooks!]

    Actually, the current crop of Constitutional “scholars” is looking at the wrong document. They’ve been reading the Constitution of the Confederate States of America. A very different document from the prevailing one.

  73. oldguy

    [re=628888]JMP[/re]: Unless it was some atheistical commie rat author like Th. Jefferson or John “The United States is not a Christian nation any more than it is a Jewish or a Mohammedan nation” Adams. They were obviously insane and must be wiped from the slimy butt of history. By Texans.

  74. oldguy

    [re=628863]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Damn RINOs. Impeach them all. Hannity will sort out his own.

  75. oldguy

    [re=629027]Cape Clod[/re]: I don’t know where they stand on the economic calculation debate, but they do say “7.24 We call for the repeal of the “Federal Reserve Act” eliminating the Federal Reserve and we support returning to the gold and/or silver standard.”

    Are they in favor of repealing some Act that eliminated the Federal Reserve? I missed that. Why is Bernanke still showing up on the news all the time?

  76. oldguy

    Sorry – fingers won’t stop. Can someone please explain what the pinheads think they’re going to do with gold and silver? Eat it? Shove it down the InterTubes to buy stuff? Burn it to keep warm? How is a metal that has value solely because there isn’t a lot of it, but isn’t much good for anything, different from a piece of paper that we pretend is valuable? Am I missing something that actually makes sense?

    [re=628938]weejee[/re]: I believe it’s HUiowAC

  77. Beanball

    [re=629314]steverino247[/re]: sic transit gloria mundi.

    “Gloria got sick on the bus Monday.” , Not Mel Brooks, but rather Mad magazine, circa 1960.

  78. Guppy06

    Is this the same GOP that thought it would be a good idea to pick Louisiana’s Charles Boustany, the guy who tried to buy himself the title “Lord of the Manor” from some UK scammer, to deliver the party’s response to Barry’s healthcare speech last September?

  79. sowbelly

    I seem to recollect Reagan also belonged to a Greek organization at Eureka College where he was named King of the Sweetheart Ball, which technically places him in line for King of Greece. The fact that Greece sh*tcanned their King notwithstanding, this was 1930 fer crissakes.

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