Chelsea Clinton Gets Married Tomorrow, In World's Most Important Wedding

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   Remember Chelsea Clinton, the poor little rich girl who lived in the White House during our last era of Peace & Prosperity, when people had no problems beyond grunge, Windows 95, Oval Office blowjobs and the rapidly growing chasm between the wealthy and the poor? Well, Chelsea has not been in the news very much, ever, other than that time a couple of years ago when her mom was accused of "whoring" the adult child, during a primary campaign. It's no wonder the entire Democratic fundraising community of moneybags is so upset about not getting invited to Chelsea's "small wedding," because what are we now, chopped liver? Is the wedding "small" like the checks we wrote to Bill and Hills and now we're not invited to be Chelsea's "best man" or at least perform the ceremony like cool friends always do these days?As Chelsea is a private figure and a 30-year-old grownup, some anti-American types may wonder why the national media and teevee morning shows are freaking out about her marriage ceremony scheduled for tomorrow in Rhinebeck, New York. The answer is simple, according toPoliticoeditor Jim VandeHei. "We don't have much planned," he said. [ New York Times / Mid Hudson News ]

• Some of Charlie Rangel's constituents in Harlem say he's had a good run and did a lot of important things for his district, but now it's time to hang it up, because it appears that he's been caught doing many bad things, with the moneys. And the House ethics panel investigating Rangel's suspicious gifts and kickbacks and lack of tax payments says the 80-year-old congressman basically stalled them every step of the way fortwo years. [ New York Daily News / The Hill ]

• Human fraud-king Barack Obama appeared on the important Washington chat showThe View, where he debauched himself by claiming to not know about teevee's greatest genius from last night'sGreetings From Asbury Park, New Jerseyprogram, "the Snooki." But didn't he read a joke about "the Snooki" at a comedy dinner recently? IMPEACH HIM FOR THIS. Also he claims he wasn't invited to Chelsea's wedding, even though he's the first black president since her dad. [ Sun-Times ]