OMG the president is on the famous old-lady chatroom teevee show The View. And if you’re on the East Coast, he is on the teevee right now at this moment, if you’re reading this exactly when we are typing it. Let’s join all the famous ladies — Oprah, Katie Couric, Penelope Cruz, Donna Brazile and Meg McCain — for a delightful daytime talk romp with our Commander in Couch, Barack Obama! He will tell America’s house-bound moms and disabled factory workers about the Highs & Lows of his eight years in the White House, so far.
11:14 AM — This is what it takes to get some emergency liveblogging going on, these days:
Riley W.
I will celebrate with some new hampshire mexican food
Ken L.
riley are you on the EAST COAST
Ken L.
if so can you emergency liveblog THE VIEW?
Riley W.
yes I am
Ken L.
because fucking jack’s idea of morning is still lunchtime
Lauri A.
He’s already like Jim Newell
Riley W.
when is this television program starting?
Ken L.
it is on right now i think!
Ken L.
it started at 11am
although they are hopefully saving ‘bams for later
Riley W.
hold on I am trying to figure out what “channel” the view is on
Ken L.
abc i think
Ken L.
?
Riley W.
oh shit he is on right now
Ken L.
type type!
Riley W.
he just used the word “reptile”!
Ken L.
i can make a post an intro for you
Jul 29
11:20 AM
Riley W.
okay that would be good
Riley W.
who are all of these women?
Riley W.
good lord
Riley W.
ok commercial break
11:21 – Barack Obama admits he is “reptilian.”
11:21 – QUESTION: Some people call you, Barack Obama, a black president. That is name-calling, right?
11:21 – Barack Obama: I wrote a book about this. Read it.
11:27 – Look at all the gray hairs our president now has!
11:28 – Stimulus bill failed. FAILED. We are in a chronic state of joblessness, says the white woman, “Elizabeth,” if that is her real name?
11:34 – It’s time to get out of Afghanistan, Mr. President. Also, Wikileaks?
11:34 – Obama: Yeah, we got leaks, leaks from Wikileaks. We are very leaky right now. But I know this. Afghanistan is leaky right now.
11:36 – Obama warns The View about CHAOS-STAN, which is a country that will be created if we “lose the war.”
11:39 – Commercial break. Here is what has been said, so far, basically: Us Americans are all bicurious, half-white reptiles, which is why we need to work together to defeat Wikileaks. Barack Obama saved your job, and that is why he has so many gray hairs.
11:42 – Okay we’re back with President Obama. You thought those questions were hard? We are going to do a “lightning rod” rapid-fire question session. Ugh.
11:43 – Jesus. The question is “Mel Gibson, Snooki?” And Obama then admits he “knows Linsday Lohan is in jail.”
11:44 – Barack Obama DOES NOT have Justin Beiber (sp?) on his iPod. That was another question, asked by the ladies.
11:45 – Barack Obama has prepared a short PowerPoint about his enterprising young daughters.
11:46 – “We are the most normal women you will ever meet, Mr. President.” False.
11:47 – Commercial Break recap: The “lightning rod” question round was actually just a friendly “So, do you use Twitter and iPods?” query.
11:49 – How much longer, Ken?
11:50 – And now we will Wikipedia “The View” and find out who these women actually are.
11:51 – Crap! We’re back! Too late.
11:51 – Whoopi asks Barack Obama if he can “walk on water.” Then another lady asks if he is on Zoloft. That is the obvious follow-up question.
11:51 – Here comes the health-care talk.
11:52 – Obama: All of your dumb kids are going to college, and then they will make jobs.
11:53 – Washington is obsessed with polls! “I can look at my polls and say, ‘My polls are bigger than your polls.’”
11:54 – Another predictable laundry list of “Things that suck in this country.” Yawn.
11:56 – Okay it is OVER, and not a moment too soon.
11:57 – What just happened? Why did Barack Obama voluntarily surround himself with so many unpleasant old ladies? Why doesn’t Barack Obama listen to Taylor Swift, on his iPod? And why did he call everyone a mongrel? He said that: “We are all mongrels.” Says you, Obama.
Until next time, which hopefully will be never!
{ 55 comments }
I refuse to watch this clap trap but seriously, where is a good bolt of lightning when you need it? (To hit “Her blondness” Elizabeth Hasseltrap/Hasselback/Hasselfrack–whatever the hell her name is.)
What the flying fuck does Elizabeth Hasselbeck know about jobs or the economy. Shut up and look skanky, white power wench.
Ken, Riley et al. Somebody’s got the stomach for these teevee shows. It ain’t me.
I’ll let you summarize. Have a nice day.
[re=628123]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Its HassleCunt..she had it changed b4 she went on survivor.
“who are all of these women?”
Good question Riley.
[re=628127]karen[/re]: she knows talking points from fawx.
Riley with the exception of 3 of them…2 are cunts.
“Elizabeth, if I want to answer questions from a bunch of confused and frightened white women I’ll call up Mitch McConnell and Lindsay Graham.”
srsly..justin bieber? can’t ya ask about shirley sherrod ??? you know you talked about her ladies…you know you did!!!!
This liveblog is an incoherent mess of sentence fragments. Good job for accurately reporting The View!
Poor Riley; being forced to watch the View might even be worse that the forced reading of RedState and the Weekly Standard he normally gets stuck with.
Hopey, all you have to do to end these torture sessions is to pull out of these fucking wars in the middle east.
woo i am eating nh mexican food tonight too! la carreta <3
now see elisabeth…if there was a such thing as death panels as your friend sarah suggested your ass would be on the way to one right now.
by the way this shit aint live…he did this yesterday and this is taped version he’s already doing something else….just an fyi Riley.
[re=628127]karen[/re]: She knows all about jobs, and that the unemployed are all lazy and should go and win a bad reality show then get hired as an alleged journalist for some reason despite a complete lack of qualifications.
[re=628136]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: I believe they’re called Scary, Baby, Posh, Sporty and Ginger, right?
[re=628146]JMP[/re]: Trial by Fire.
Ken L.
because fucking jack’s idea of morning is still lunchtime
Lauri A.
He’s already like Jim Newell
You all say that like sleeping in and not watching The View is a bad thing.
Also, Ken, shouldn’t you know where your people are, at least within a time zone or two? Or is Riley some sort of itinerant hobo riding the rails, posting whenever he gets close to a wifi connection?
*and i thought out wonkettors were all on the east coast….
definition time
Wonkettors: these people who right this shit (teasing of course)
Wonkettees: these people who right snark in responce to this shit (still teasing no banhammer me…even though its nice and big!)
[re=628161]PlanetWingnuta[/re]: you would have been so much funnier if you had put down the right write…
I lived in NH. Taco Bell is what passes for Mexican food there. There are no real Mexicans in the Live, Freeze and Die State.
it’s not the end but i can see it from here.
Did HassleCunt ask him if he’s circumcised and to pull out his long form BC just to prove it?
Fracking Rubicon better be paying you good for this abortion of an ad, Newell. And now you go and put up a fracking picture of fracking Ellen, I so hate you. I cannot look at Ellen without suddenly feeling a sense of shame and loathing for the entire human race. Thanks a fucking lot.
I see why you had Riley watch that, Ken. Geez. It’s a good thing that interns are like diapers – use ‘em up and throw them away. I imagine Waggie’s brain is pretty fried right now.
[re=628142]SayItWithWookies[/re]: This, this is a funny thing you have said, about McConnel and Lindsay Graham.
“Stimulus failed!!!” says the wife of the millionaire football player/TeeVee anal-ist.
From wiki: “Hasselbeck typically represents the conservative position on The View. However, Hasselbeck has said that she calls herself neither a conservative nor a liberal. Her parents had an independent political stance, never telling their children for whom they voted. She has stated that the term “conservative” does not define her as a person.
On October 26, 2008, Hasselbeck appeared at Republican rallies in Florida, introducing Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin.”
Oh and her dad taught at some Roman-Catholic school so I’m guessing she fancies herself a crusader against the babykillers.
I feel like I just witnessed Riley going through some horribly perverse rite of passage.
That’ll Riley. That’ll do.
That’s OK, Riley. James Badge Dale (he’ll always be Leckie to me), is coming to save you!
Oh Ken he’s like Mark Metcalf and Riley’s getting his ass paddled by him like Kevin Bacon in Animal House.
[re=628142]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Oh, no, seriously, that won the fucking week.
[re=628182]Mr Blifil[/re]: “Her parents had an independent political stance, never telling their children for whom they voted.”
I know parents like this. They’re the ones who twist themselves into knots trying to explain their choices to an 8-year-old with a reasonably well-ordered, logical mind. After awhile its all, “Shut up kid and play with your Nintendo.”
Nice job, RIley! Even with a gun pointed at your head (metaphorically, not Neillistically of course).
[re=628165]ella[/re]: They have “Shortys” nowadays. Friggin hottest sauce ever, I hate that torturous shit. And then there’s La Hacienda, friggin jock-asshole central.
No, actually, NH is cool, srsly.
Alas, Private Riley has bravely crossed the Viewbicon, never to be IM’d from again.
Godspeed, young underblogger — you shall be missed!
Sorry, Wonketteers. Your three stupid liberal women on that show trump our one stupid conservative woman.
I can’t even making this Rubicon shite disappear by shrinking my browser! I’m tellin ya, this “Rubicon” crosses the line–it’s war! I’m definitely not watching that show, i don’t care how true it is!
PS Not every theory is a conspiracy, either, but every conspiracy theory is.
PPS: [re=628142]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Number One with a Bullet.
[re=628174]Prommie[/re]: “Reptiles dance like this…Lesbians dance like this…”
What browser are you using? Netscape? Hasbro? (Also, what meds aren’t you using?)
My headlines were messed-up earlier, but now everything looks relatively honky-dorky. For a site take-over, this one’s actually fairly unobtrusive — at least the colors and graphics are subtle, and don’t feature a Pepto-pink 50 ft Campbell Brown dumping Siemens everywhere for 500 days this summer.
[re=628154]Ken Layne[/re]: Riley Waggaman is now the Thích Quảng Đức of Wonkette.
[re=628262]Extemporanus[/re]: Wait, my headlines are once again heading off the reservation. Oh well.
[re=628162]PlanetWingnuta[/re]: Yea, for a second there, I thought you were a troll.
[re=628264]Extemporanus[/re]: Are you saying this was Intern Riley’s torch song?
[re=628262]Extemporanus[/re]: Its the Tonka 2.7 browser. Its driving me mad, mad I tellz ya.
At present I am taking all the meds I am supposed to be taking, and also, too, I have three extra medications over there, you betcha, that I am also taking.
Psychiatry, ladies and germs, its a wonderful hobby, and for the price of a one-hour appointment per month, you get meds, crazy meds, all kinds of drugs, and all totally legal, oh yeah, man. I right now I am on what I call the “Elvis” regimen of uppers, downers, and an SSRI to smooth out the cycle. Add a bulging disc, and throw some oxycodone into the mix, you have a real party. Martinis start at 7 PM sharp.
[re=628257]GreatRightHope[/re]: Hell, fucking Whoopi brings such a groaning truckload of stupid, she’d trump Hasselbeck all by herself, and thats no mean feat.
But it would take a full busload of Whoopies to trump your beloved Sarah the Snowbilly Grifter, and you know it.
I wouldn’t watch The View even if Obama whipped out his poll and slapped Elizabeth Hasselback upside the head with it.
Prommie: Actually, I don’t know that. But I’ll leave the issue alone if you promise not to assemble a busload of Whoopies to prove your case.
[re=628290]weejee[/re]: It seems to me he typed this post like a candle in the wind, never knowing who to blog to when The View set in.
[re=628298]Prommie[/re]: I’m glad to hear you are fully lock and loaded — you seemed a little more agro this morning this usually, and I was concerned for your well being.
Speaking of which, I’ll be over at 8pm with deep fried peanut butter & banana sandwiches and ether.
Did Hasselhoff get to call Obama a nigger? She loves that word, apparently, and is always so sad that only blacks get to call each other that. It’s not fair, she said to Whooples.
Jeezus… what the fawk is this Rubicon crap and how do I make it go away??
Same for Elizabeth Hasselmoran. And Whoopie. Also. PLEASE GO AWAY.
[re=628313]Extemporanus[/re]: Ether, huh? Sounds interesting, very interesting. I heard it gives you the giggles, big time.
Hey, remember when Whoopi Goldberg had a career? Those were the days…fuck yeah, Sister Act 2!
[re=628149]a_lion[/re]: For a real treat, eat mexican food at a New Hampshire hospital cafeteria. Mmmm mmm good.
Saw some of this. Naturally Barbara insisted in a seat just to his left. The sight of her blinking as he talked, kind of looking past him, made her look like 1,000 years old.
[re=628253]Extemporanus[/re]: Rilea Iacta Est!
[re=628348]Humpback[/re]: hah I try to only go to hospitals when I’m so sick they won’t even let me have water. It’s worked out well so far.
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