FACEBOOK ELECTIONS  12:05 pm July 29, 2010

Win Lunch (Probably PB & J and Celery Sticks) With Rand Paul

by Lauri Apple

Tell the server that you only want water with your meal.Farmer-taunting U.S. Senate candidate Rand Paul has a new scheme to make himself look popular and beloved by the American nation: a “friend bomb” campaign on Facebook. “The goal is to have over 100,000 fans who ‘Like’ Rand’s Page,” says the page itself. It’s good to have goals! And your goal in all this? To win the grand prize: Lunch with the Paulster himself, in Kentucky. But how?

All you have to do “to become eligible” for the lunch is to be one of the top five people to recruit others to “like” Dr. Paul Junior’s Facebook on August 1, the Official Rand Paul Friend Bomb Day. But here’s the thing: August 1 is a Sunday, which is also THE LORD’S DAY. God might get really upset with you about this. You’ve been warned.

Oh, and one other thing: It’s going to be hard work, because all the people in America who like Rand Paul have probably joined his fan page already. But if you’re willing to hustle and risk ruining your relationship with the Creator, here’s the posted instructions:

Take a screenshot of the Rand Paul page (http://www.facebook.com/RandPaul2010) with the area “Friends Like This” visible on August 1st (see below for instructions on how to take a screenshot). Then take another screenshot at the end of the day to show how many friends you’ve recruited. Submit your screenshots in a single email with the total number of fans you’ve successfully recruited in the subject to RandFan@randpaul2010.com. Provide your contact details and we’ll let you know who won. Submissions must be sent in by 12:00 noon CDT on August 2nd. We know there are plenty of ways to game this contest, but we hope you enjoy spreading Rand’s message to your friends and in the spirit of competition we trust you’ll play fair. To be fair, we won’t consider any doctored submissions. Have fun!

You see that? PLAY NICE. It’s the least you could do for God and his Libertarianism, given how you’re going to neglect Him on His day just for the chance to have an eye doctor take you out for lunch. Yeah OK, but the lunch is free, right? It’s not clear! You might have to pay your way. Or the meal might be “free” until Paul says that he’s “forgotten” his wallet full of silver coins and gold doubloons at home, and makes you “spot” until the “next time.” We all know that “next time” never comes in such situations, with the politicos.

Where do you think Paul will take his favorite Friend Bomber(s) for lunch? Will it be to a segregated lunch counter? Oh wait, he doesn’t believe in those, really. Maybe KFC, to put a little “Kentucky” into the experience? Or just a bagged lunch with cheap-ass sandwiches and generic snack pouches? Make suggestions in the comments section. [Rand Paul 2010 Facebook Page]

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memzilla July 29, 2010 at 12:09 pm

Wait… don’t Paultards believe that there’s no such a thing as a free lunch?

Surfeit O'Hubris July 29, 2010 at 12:16 pm

The problem with Face Book is that there’s no way to say you specifically DON’T like a think.

While we’re on the subject, this Rubicon thing… I don’t like it. I think it’s making me pro-Pompey.

ManchuCandidate July 29, 2010 at 12:17 pm

I think I’d rather have chips and salsa with the Billary.

PB&J with celery? Ha. More like Burgers with extra E. Coli and Spinach Salad with extra feces.

Texan Bulldoggette July 29, 2010 at 12:19 pm

[re=628177]memzilla[/re]: For anyone else! Not them…they, personally, are exempt from everything they are against (e.g., don’t want messicans getting Social Security, health care, but, by Gawd, Paultards fucking deserve it. See how it works now?)

SayItWithWookies July 29, 2010 at 12:19 pm

Just a guess, but I see Rand as a big fan of the all-you-can-eat buffet at Golden Corral. Shit food at a low price and he probably won’t bother with a tip — what more would a cheap-ass libertarian want?

JMP July 29, 2010 at 12:20 pm

Um, like Wonkette commenting, isn’t most fucking about on facebook done while people are bored at work? It looks like someone on the fake doctors’ staff really didn’t think things through holding this on a Sunday for non-Jesusy reasons as well.

Cape Clod July 29, 2010 at 12:20 pm

I’l show up in a wheelchair and insist that we eat at a place that is ADA compliant.

dijetlo July 29, 2010 at 12:21 pm

You know, I like Rand Paul. He says what he thinks, which is refreshing in a politician.
Too bad he thinks a lot of crazy shit, but at least we know he’s insane before we make him a Senator, unlike say…the entire Republican Senatorial Caucus.

imissopus July 29, 2010 at 12:21 pm

Does Woolworth’s still have lunch counters? Hell, does America still have Woolworth’s?

Radiotherapy July 29, 2010 at 12:23 pm

Like him bombing his Board Certification Exam, I just can’t see this working.

Radiotherapy July 29, 2010 at 12:25 pm

You know who else liked bombing campaigns?

Lascauxcaveman July 29, 2010 at 12:26 pm

[re=628177]memzilla[/re]: Free lunch, my ass. Making bombs is hard work!

harry palmer July 29, 2010 at 12:29 pm

He wants 100K people to like him and for all I know will get them, but the thingy on the left tells me only 2198 people on My Face like the Wonkette. No further proof of our doom is needed.

JMP July 29, 2010 at 12:34 pm

[re=628194]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Hell, as a libertarian Rand probably doesn’t tip, so I’d avoid any places with waitstaff to avoid cum in my meal if I had to eat with him.
[re=628198]imissopus[/re]: As a former employee of the Woolworth’s corporation, no. All closed back in 97.

PlanetWingnuta July 29, 2010 at 12:46 pm

But what if paul picked a place and it would discriminate against a black or other colored person from eating there…would Paul say something? HELL NO!

Ruhe July 29, 2010 at 12:49 pm

What kind of pyramid scheme uses free lunch as bait? Dr? Paul should have studied Amway’s system more closely. Or perhaps he could have offered a pink Cadillac the way Mary Kay used to do.

Geogre July 29, 2010 at 12:58 pm

If you cheat, the free market will catch you, after you have eaten, digested, and eliminated the lunch, and then you will have to change your online name if you want to have any chance of doing business again.

SeattleJoe July 29, 2010 at 1:06 pm

No seafood, but don’t blame BP.

comicbookguy July 29, 2010 at 1:08 pm

[re=628198]imissopus[/re]: Not since an overreaching federal government interfered with the free market in 1964.

How can we get wonkette this lunch with the Paulster? And can we do it in a way that doesn’t involve me joining his fan page?

MissyLissa July 29, 2010 at 1:13 pm

Rand will take you to lunch at a place that hasn’t had to put up with those government health code inspection or those facist pigs who don’t let an unacceptable amount of pig shit into your meals. It will, however, have met the high standards of the American Association of Lunches, of which Rand is the vice-President and only member.

Sharkey July 29, 2010 at 1:18 pm

Lunch will be at “Ron’s Hell Burger”. The Prez ate there one or twice!

Sharkey July 29, 2010 at 1:19 pm

That’s “Rand’s Hell Burger” idiot.

wilbro July 29, 2010 at 1:20 pm

I doctored my images, but I am board certified to do so. By my own board. But that’s freedom.

obfuscator July 29, 2010 at 1:21 pm

he’s a jerry lee lewis-looking sumbitch.

the correct answer is cracker barrel, the most aptly named restaurant ever.

Sharkey July 29, 2010 at 1:23 pm

Rand will toss your salad for you.

sezme July 29, 2010 at 1:25 pm

Lauri, you had me crying with laughter with Rand ‘forgetting’ his wallet. You forgot to mention that you’d have to stare at whatever’s stuck between his teeth throughout the entire ordeal. I’m starting to think it’s not worth using my awesome Photoshop skills to ‘win’ this contest. Plus I might have to ‘be in Kentucky’.

One Yield Regular July 29, 2010 at 1:43 pm

This is just like that Seinfeld episode where the co-dependent guy tricks Jerry into owing him dinner.

Extemporanus July 29, 2010 at 1:47 pm

Ha ha, “take a screen shot”! Can you even do that on the AOL?

Also: “Ants on a log” and purple drank for everyone!

Can O Whoopass July 29, 2010 at 1:52 pm

Lunch to Rand Paul is a Cheney sperm milkshake.

GOPCrusher July 29, 2010 at 2:13 pm

Are elections in Kentucky settled based on who has the most Facebook friends? Welcome to Idiocracy.

norbizness July 29, 2010 at 2:21 pm

They currently have an .mp3 up on the page from objectivist supergroup The Paultards: “River Deep, Mountaintop Blown Up.”

Manos: Hands of Fate July 29, 2010 at 2:44 pm

I’d be careful about leaving snarky comments on edgy politicians’ FB pages. I wrote a somewhat disparaging comment on Gov. “I take the Mex out of Tex” Brewer’s page and boy was my in-box full of love notes from highly distrubing people for about a month.

Sharkey July 29, 2010 at 2:50 pm

The winner should demand to be taken to Sambo’s.

PlanetWingnuta July 29, 2010 at 3:29 pm

[re=628339]Manos: Hands of Fate[/re]: i slammed palin and didnt get any bad comments in my box…though she did take my writing privledges away…so much for free speech under palin eh?

ArugulaTeleprompterz July 29, 2010 at 4:23 pm

They won’t accept doctored submissions, unless they’ve been certified by Rand Paul’s National Board of Doctored Submissions…

DeLand DeLakes July 29, 2010 at 11:37 pm

A scrub is a guy that thinks he’s fine
And is also known as a buster
Always talkin’ about what he wants
And just sits on his broke ass
So (no)

I don’t want your number (no)
I don’t want to give you mine and (no)
I don’t want to meet you nowhere (no)
I don’t want none of your time and (no)

I don’t want no scrub
A scrub is a guy that can’t get no love from me
Hangin’ out the passenger side
Of his best friend’s ride
Tryin’ to holla at me
I don’t want no scrub
A scrub is a guy that can’t get no love from me
Hangin’ out the passenger side
Of his best friend’s ride
Tryin’ to holler at me

There’s a scrub checkin’ me
But his game is kinda weak
And I know that he cannot approach me
Cuz I’m lookin’ like class and he’s lookin’ like trash
Can’t get wit’ a dead-beat ass
So (no)

I don’t want your number (no)
I don’t want to give you my mine and (no)
I don’t want to meet you nowhere (no)
I don’t want none of your time (no)

5n8g6 July 30, 2010 at 10:01 am

Wow. This post and its comments are one of the most anti-intellectual excuses for political discourse I’ve seen. And considering the wide breadth of crap on the Internet, that’s saying something. “Idiocracy” indeed. I think it’s because the people posting seem to firmly assume their own intellectual superiority without providing evidence of it, discarding wisdom in lieu of wit. Throwing around scatological humor and the portmanteau “Paultard” (simultaneously insulting to Paul supporters and people with disabilities) also isn’t becoming of said assumption of superiority.

Perhaps the bright intellectuals here could elucidate their proposals on how to address the administration’s rampant fiscal insolvency? Or express their objections to Rand Paul’s positions on Constitutional authority (which guarantees individual liberties as government regulation cannot), term limits, reading the bills, etcetera? Nope, just more witty obfuscations, illogical insistence of Paul’s proof of the null hypothesis on various beliefs, ad infinitum. Idiocracy ahoy.

DeLand DeLakes July 30, 2010 at 11:48 am

[re=628850]5n8g6[/re]: Make a funny or go back to masturbating to extreme close-ups of Ayn Rand’s nostrils.

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