By the Comics Curmudgeon
As our nation’s level of unemployment continues to skyrocket, we must ask ourselves: Are we all hobos, now? Answer: yes. But how will this affect the hobo sector of the American economy, which has always been governed by a strict set of rules? First the hobo hassles some square dude or lady in a suit, and then the square either sneers “Get a job, hobo,” or guiltily throws some money at the hobo without making eye contact, or, if they’re particularly self-righteous, gives them the soggy, leftover half of a sandwich they couldn’t finish at lunch, while the hobo thinks, “Damn, how am I supposed to buy drugs with this half-eaten pesto-chicken on ciabatta?” Now that there are no more squares and no more sandwiches, America is changed forever. This is all a roundabout way of saying that there are drawings of hobos (and also demons) after the jump.
Dare you look a hobo in the eyes? Click on the comics to make them larger, which will make it easier for you to do so.
Is there anyone with a bigger heart than the American hobo (other than Dick Cheney, whose heart has been artificially enlarged by cybernetic add-ons)? Here was can see an old-school “classic” hobo welcoming a new member to the fraternity of the unhoused. Well, “unhoused” is a strong term for someone who is 21 and living with his parents, but still: The hobo feels his pain! How can a night spent sleeping on a heating grate compare to the shame and anguish of sleeping in your childhood bedroom, which your mother has only grudgingly given back to your use after having used it as her sewing room for the last four years? Oh, the anguish! Note also that our recent college grad is referring to himself as “graduates” plural, because he is twice the mass of your average underfed hobo.
Contrary to popular belief, hobos are really quite entrepreneurial! For instance, do you need someone to protest in favor of your crackpot political position? Hire a hobo! They work cheap, they generally have few political beliefs of their own that might conflict with yours (so long as you’re not promoting a candidate for King of the Hobos), and they’re used to standing around outside and being bored out of their minds. But sometimes they need a bit of guidance! For instance, angrily holding a sign up in a filthy, disused alley strewn with trash and decaying Lost Pet signs is not the best way to create political change.
It is important that hobos be given sign-holding duties, because otherwise they will have two hands free to indulge in their usual vice: opening up their tattered trench coat so as to expose their genitals to ladies. This is “unethical” because Congressional ethics guidelines dictate that genitals only be exposed in the context of a loving and mutually consensual relationship, and only after someone has bought someone else dinner. Plus trench-coat-wearing perverts are fun to draw, and things that are fun to draw are good metaphors for, you know, whatever!
But as much as the hobo loves exposing himself, he fears vicious dogs to the same degree. But why? Look at this one going to town on some poor sap! Despite its demonic appearance, it seems to only want to play, as it is using its grotesque teeth to merely tear away the man’s clothes, not rip his flesh to ribbons. Do not fret, hobo friend! This dog only wants to help you play the “let’s expose our genitals to Nancy Pelosi” game! He’s helping!
No, to see a real demon, you have to go to the bowels of hell itself. That’s where Cartoon Violence’s beloved Jeff Danzinger has taken us, and George Steinbrenner. As you can see in the Slate Cartoon Box “In Remembrance” category, political cartoonists are usually reluctant to condemn the prominent recently-deceased to eternal torment, for fear of “offending their families” or some crap like that; thus, loathsome people are routinely being shown glad-handing with St. Peter, suffering at worst some mild razzing (OH SNAP GEORGE STEINBRENNER ST. PETE IS A RED SOX FAN HAW HAW)! But Danzinger clearly thinks that if it’s good enough for God, it’s good enough for him, and kudos to him for it!
Meanwhile, the U.S. Air Force is saving money by dropping enormous Oscar statuettes on our enemies, instead of bombs.
GIVE US MONEY! -