burn yer queeran

Today in Anti-Muslinism: Jacksonville Jihads, Hate Dogs, and Newt Gingrich

BFFsWelcome to your new Wonkette feature, “Burn Yer Queeran,” where we round up news about America’s new favorite trend: Spreading nasty rumors about people of the Islamic faith. Muslin-bashing is the new gay bashing, even though gay bashing will never die because wingnuts still love to complain about the homosexuals until they are inevitably caught being homosexual. Anyway, let’s spread some Sharia, shall we?

Our top items for today:

  • The Glad Tidings Church, which is one of God’s favorite Florida churches, is holding a “Jihad in Jacksonville.” It’s a meet-up for people who want to “learn about the Muslim enemies already here and what you can do about it.” For only $40 per person, you can hear Experts such as “counter-terrorism expert and covert operative” P. David Gaubatz (and his son Chris!) talk about how President Obama is a “crack-head” Islamofascist whatever, etc. etc., and how you can pretend to be an intern at the Council on American-Islamic Relations to spy on them better. [Florida Independent]
  • The Jacksonville jihad is the perfect complement to the upcoming “International Burn a Quran Day” in Gainesville. You should probably consider spending the next six weeks in Florida, indulging in an extended hatred holiday. You only live once, right?
  • On the other side of this great Christian nation, good white folks in California’s Riverside County are asking their fellow patriots to “bring your Bibles, flags, signs, dogs and singing voices” to an upcoming protest against the Islamic Center of Temecula, a proposed burqa factory and terrorist training camp. Why dogs? Because Muslins “hate” dogs even more than True Patriots hate Muslins. Just remember to “please bring a pooper scooper,” because Muslins LOVE poop — and you don’t want to give them what they want. [The Valley News]
  • Our last item involves Mr. Ca$h Money Serial-Divorcing Bandwagoneer Newt Gingrich, who is keeping his personal brand fresh and timely by chiming in whenever he can on this hate-the-muslins thing. Gingrich and his pet dog Peaches are stopping in at the American Enterprise Institute to talk about America’s “willful blindness” (excluding Glenn Beck, who’s going blind against his will) and how “now is the time to awaken from self-deception about the nature of our enemies.” He’s going to name-drop Camus and Orwell, because he’s LEARNED. [American Solutions for Winning the Future]
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About the author

Lauri works at the Chicago Reader, and also writes and makes art-pictures for Wonkette. Her creative projects—including a now-defunct blog about finding clothing in the trash and wearing it, and an exhibition of portraits of all 50 Chicago aldermen made by 50 different artists—have been featured by NBC's Today Show, the New York Times, Chicago Tribune, BUST Magazine, and other media outlets. She's written things for the Austin Chronicle, Texas Observer, In Pittsburgh Weekly, The Black Table, and other places, and taken photos for various nonprofits, bands, and publications. (She also has a law degree, for some reason.)

View all articles by Lauri Apple

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58 comments

  1. SlouchingTowardsWasilla

    “American Solutions for Winning the Future”

    Another Gingrich slogan that rolls right off the tongue. How does he do it?

  2. Radiotherapy

    If these dingbats really wanted to piss the muslins off they would just draw stick figures of the prophet.

  3. ttommyunger

    Poor Newt. Nobody takes this shapeless little turdette of a man seriously any more. What to do? Find somebody to hate! Always a winner with the cerebrally challenged. I pray for you, Newt; I pray for you to get Cancer and die a painful lingering death… I mean that in the nicest possible way, though.

  4. Serolf Divad

    Because nothing discourages home-grown racidalism than treating an entire group of citizens like unwelcome pariahs in their own country.

  5. Texan Bulldoggette

    [re=628115]ttommyunger[/re]: Or at the very least, get cancer & have his purty little wife serve him divorce papers while he’s in the hospital. Oh the hilarity!

  6. fictional character

    the ‘dove world outreach center’ is where i go for all of my angry mob book-burning needs.

  7. jodyleek

    [re=628126]fictional character[/re]: Don’t forget to bring your Cat Stevens records, also too.

  8. Geogre

    Is it just me, or is Newt getting more and more like Pat Buchanan every day?

    Seriously: he’s getting as needy, weird, and showboating.

    The country needs Florida and California for its supply of fruit and nine fingered UFO abductees.

  9. Monsieur Grumpe

    Unfortunately this is one Wonkette feature that will have no shortage of material.

  10. JMP

    Muslims hate dogs? Hm, that must be why the Lebanese family down the block is constantly taking theirs for a walk, because we all know dogs hate that.

    Newt is definitely taking lessons from Orwell, but doesn’t realize that the two-minute hate was meant as a warning, not positive advice.

  11. dijetlo

    [re=628114]Radiotherapy[/re]:
    They want to jump up and down and yell and scream about how they are superior to every other culture in the history of the world.
    They don’t want to get knifed coming out of the Seven Eleven.
    Important difference there. Hating Islam is the patriotic duty of every American. Risking your corn fed ass to do it?
    Not so much.

  12. SayItWithWookies

    Camus? I have a weird feeling that Newt read The Stranger and thought it was an instruction manual or maybe a coded treatise on how Arab influence in European society leads to violence and meaninglessness instead of, say, an existential examination of the artificiality of the things that divide us. And of course Dubya famously read The Stranger at one point during his reign of terror — so maybe there’s a whole neocon thread aimed at misinterpreting Camus and his work.

  13. PlanetWingnuta

    if they really wanna fight islam…let them volunteeer to serve in the military and go to afganistan…oh too much committment …yeah uh huh.

  14. Radiotherapy

    [re=628134]SayItWithWookies[/re]: There is, of course, a Cure for this: Killing an Arab.

  15. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Nice to see Florida trying to wrestle the “Craziest/Most Embarrassing State in the Union” title back from South Carolina and Arizona.

  16. Mad Brahms

    *International* Burn A Quran Day? Ooh, which other nations did they consult / invite?! Do you think the Gainsville Airport can handle all that traffic?

  17. Mad Brahms

    Oh, also, go check out the Burn a Koran Day facebook page right now. “1,337 People Like This”

    Did 4chan take over?

  18. Cape Clod

    [re=628134]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Misinterpretation is the hallmark of all conservative thought. It allows you to read the Bible, the Constitution, intelligence briefings concerning an impeding attack by Osama Bin Ladin and U.N Weapon Inspector reports and carry away a completely different impression of the facts that any rational person would arrive at.

  19. wilbro

    I am going to try to make these events if I can just secure the services of a Rentboy to carry my teabags.

  20. PrimlyStable

    I love how wingnuts are always quoting approvingly from the works of George “Lifelong Socialist” Orwell. Maybe they think he’s Tony Blair’s grandpa or something.

  21. Texan Bulldoggette

    [re=628132]JMP[/re]: “Muslims hate dogs??” Wouldn’t it be ironic if there were an entire breed named after Afghanistan…something like, I don’t know, maybe the Afghan Hound Dog?? (Even though it was created in Egypt, I’m sure a muslin or two owns one somewhere.)

  22. Lascauxcaveman

    Newt’s problem is he need s a job, like back in the good old days. Unfortunately, the private sector doesn’t have any positions open in sending tax dollars back to the rich and shutting down the government. Oh I suppose he could become a lobbyist, but what firm is going to hire someone as ugly and unlikeable as Newt?

    In this recession, America faces a real challenge in taking care of its unemployable former congressmen.

  23. JMP

    [re=628184]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Well it’s not like there’s many Muslims in Egypt or anything.

  24. AnnieGetYourFun

    Eh, Muslims are somewhere between the two, I’d say. I’ve lived in Muslim areas where Muslims LOATHE dogs, so much so that they actually ran away and hid inside when I walked past their houses with my Pekingese puppy. Other Muslims, like my man’s family, like dogs better than people. I think I’m sort of with them on that one.

  25. AnnieGetYourFun

    Also, there was this fucking asshole imam a few years ago who gave advice to this stupid goddamn white person who converted to Islam and didn’t know what to do with his dog, since some humorles fucktard Muslims told him all about the hadith that shows that Muhammad hated dogs. This jackass white person was like, “Oh noes! I have a dog from before I was pure and grew this ugly fucking beard. What to do?” and the imam was like, “Starve it. It does not deserve a life.” I don’t know what happened to that dog, but the imam was roundly condemned by some smarter, more secular Muslims and animal rights activists.

    Jesus Fucking Muhammad Moses Christ, I hate religion.

  26. donner_froh

    I’m heading to Jacksonville to learn “Staying away from ‘Rhetoric.’” from the Gaubatz father and son team.

    Grammar, also.

  27. GOPCrusher

    Damn Democrats, fanning the flames. This hatred could stop if the Democrats would stop trying to jam stuff down our throats.

  28. SeattleJoe

    I once heard Gingritche’s reading of 1984: it’s about how social programs lead to totalitarianism. This is like saying that War and Peace is about how eating snails leads to military aggresion.

    Actually, this is one of the dumbest memes of the right. Totalitarianism doesn’t begin with medicare, it begins with war, social chaos, and economic collapse. I can’t think of an exception. In 1984 the totalitarian regime comes to power after an “atomic war.”

    Just a minor point about a book we all read in high school.

  29. One Yield Regular

    [re=628124]Oblios Cap[/re]: Clearly you’ve forgotten Stonewall and have never endured sitting next to a nicotine-deprived chain-smoker for the entirety of a 12-hour flight.

  30. One Yield Regular

    [re=628134]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Like when Reagan read “The Plague” and thought it meant he should let 20,000 Americans die before he should do something about AIDS, or even mention it.

  31. 13ollocks To The Rules

    [re=628121]jodyleek[/re]: Soon, we’ll all be reading “The Diary of Ahmed Frank”

  32. just pixels

    Burning scripture, scapegoating based on ethnicity, demonizing opponent on religious basis. That’s been tried before. So stop your bellyachin’. Everything will turn out fine, just like last time.

  33. 13ollocks To The Rules

    BTW, is that the EuroHomoLeftiFaginarian “Camoo”, or the Real American(TM) “Kammuss” (although “Camo” is also perfectly acceptable)?

  34. Extemporanus

    There’s nothing more entertaining than a good ol’ “buddy” picture!

    So, I’m guessing bin Laden’s “Riggs”, and Obama’s “Murtaugh”, right?

  35. 13ollocks To The Rules

    So Barack Murtaugh’s hobbling about, rubbing his back and muttering “I’m getting too old for this shit”, while Osama Bin Riggs is screaming “BLOW ME!!!!! I DESERVE TO BE BLOWN!!!!!.
    You have to ask though, where does a guy find a decent BJ while squatting in a cave in the mountains of Pakistan?

  36. mcdcbear

    Did you mean to spell it “anti-muslinism” and “Muslin-bashing”? If not, better change it or risk looking as dumb as a Tea Party protest sign-maker! If so, what do you have against Muslin? Prefer silk?

  37. Neilist

    You would think that the Mooselem “Leader of the Free World” could give his BFF Osama Benny Laden something nicer than a P.O.S., off-the-rack, 1950s-era AK.

    I mean, at least an AKM. Or an AK-74.

    [But remember, this is the same "Leader" who gave Her Britannic Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, an iPod loaded with "pop music."]

  38. eclecticbrotha

    Gah, that pic needs a caption.

    “Osama, is that your Kalashnikov in your lap or are you just happy to see me?” Barack wise-cracked as bin Laden broke into a wide smile.

    There. I fixed that for you.

  39. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    [re=628209]PlanetWingnuta[/re]: You forgot, according to Gov. Perry, Texas is its own country of craziness.

  40. DC Hates Me

    Remember when we burned disco records in the 70s? That didn’t put an end to loud dance music with throbbing beats, did it?

  41. Jim89048

    OK, I know nobody’s reading this anymore, I’m hopelessly late. Sorry, but am I the only one who got barraged with emails from our right-wingnut friends for the past 8 years stating that it’s actualy bare tits that Muslins hate?

  42. Zorg

    [re=628268]SeattleJoe[/re]: Like we say down here, “If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.”

  43. hariette

    Seriously, folks. MUSLIN is a fabric, MUSLIM is a practioner of Islam. Unless the use of this is supposed to be ironic, please learn the difference.

  44. raymond1938

    Don’t these sad ignorant people know that Turkey is a peaceful Moslem nation and an ally of the United States? This is a country who fought next to Americans in Korea. How insulting it is to degrade these people by spewing out their sick garbage. Do they even know the concept of history.

Comments are closed.