This sign is also in the Secret Constitution of White People.As the election of America’s first “half-white” president nears its second anniversary, things still aren’t going that swell for the shrinking team of furious dingbats who hoped to sue Barack Obama out of the White House because his dad was an African black person. For two years, the teabaggers’ most prominent intellectual arm has waged a low-level courtroom war (mostly by email forwards) aimed at proving Barack Hussein Obama is not a citizen of America because he is a black person, and black people are — under the Original “O.G.” Constitution — simply slaves, worth only 3/5 of a normal fat white person, by body weight.

Also, the Birthers stuck to the claim that Barry Obama’s birth at a Hawaiian hospital was actually part of an elaborate conspiracy that went on for five decades with the help of U.S. newspapers, a U.S. state government and the doctors, nurses and administrators of an American hospital in Hawaii … all to groom a Soviet Muslim Alien for the presidency, because the conspirators wisely predicted (in 1961, when millions of American black kids still weren’t allowed to attend white schools or dine in white restaurants) that by 2008 the nation would be ready to choose a black person as a major-party nominee and then elect that same black person as America’s first African-American president. Genius!

Having successfully bamboozled the gullible, black-loving American populace on this whole “Hawaiian live birth” thing, the Soviet-Half-Muslin conspirators must think it’s just going to be easy times until 2012, when they plan to “elect” a gay Hindu robot-sex marijuana-selling dog-lady Palestinian as president. NOT GOING TO HAPPEN, SORRY LIBS.

The Truthers have decided that the Founding Fathers probably meant to exclude Obama, in the Constitution, but they just forgot! These explosive new charges are part of, obviously, a new book by World Net Daily:

The authors concluded Obama may not be eligible regardless of his place of birth. The book recommends further legislative and judicial debate.

See, the president is supposed to be a “natural born citizen.” And had the Founding White Fathers only remembered to explain what that means (“not black”), then Obama couldn’t be president!

However, no definition of “natural born citizen” – which is only used in the presidential requirement clause – was provided anywhere in the Constitution, and to this day the precise meaning of the term is still being debated.

There are no records of any definitive discussion on the matter during the Constitutional Convention. That – coupled with the absence of definitive Supreme Court rulings and a wide array of opinions throughout the centuries – has only further confused the question of what “natural born” actually means.

Still, the authors found that according to the framers of the Constitution as well as Supreme Court rulings, Obama does not fit the eligibility requirements.

Take that, blacky. [World Net Daily]

Donate with CCDonate with CC


  1. So little time, so many morons. I derive no small pleasure from the sure knowledge that these retarded pinheads are every bit as frustrated and miserable now as I was during the eight long years of President George W. Numbnuts. Enjoy, motherfuckers, it’s your turn now!

  2. Oh, if only Ralph Ellison had lived long enough to see this. He surely would have written that great second novel, something like “Invisible Man Goes to Washington”. Hey, maybe Wonkette could commission an artist to write a comic about Ellison coming back, puking everywhere and then meeting Ayn Rand in a death cage match in Louisville.

  3. Wait wasn’t McCain born in Panama? Send him back to the Hanoi Hotel, he does not qualify to marry a beer heiress. This also calls the results of the Miss Buffalo Chip contest sorely into question.

  4. Ah, but thanks to our Librul friend, Science they’ve discovered that we’re all 3/5 because of African “mom” some several millions of years ago.

    Of course that means the 6000 years or so of Jeebus is mute.

    Suck on that WND nutters.

  5. You know, I’d like these guys a lot more if, instead of their BS dissertations on why the law isn’t really the law, they would just admit they hate black people. It’s just as disgusting but a lot more honest.

  6. Does this mean people who born in a cesarean delivery can’t be president?

    Not that that affects Nobama, who was hatched.

  7. In other words, Wing Nut Daily says there are no rules but we know President Obama broke them.

    Perhaps, in hindsight, that bulk discount on Stupid wasn’t such a hot idea. That’s a Sam’s Club Mentality to shopping for political opinions in the market place of ideas. With just a few pennies in their purse they went for the ClusterFaux bargain bin and got what they paid for.

  8. Clearly it means that babies not born “naturally” cannot be Presnit. Sorry all you C-section deliveries out there. It’s in the Constitution.

  9. Okay, I’ll bite. So according to birther logic, “presidents” George Washington, John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, John Quincy Adams, and… well… any other person born before 1776, were ineligible to be POTUS. Rewrite the history books NOW.

  10. Well, they’re half right, in that the conclusion is the complete opposite of the truth. Obama actually is eligible regardless of the place of his birth, as the child of an American citizen (yes, just one) is automatically a native born citizen wherever he or she is born.

    Now to check the WND comments, and hopefully keep my sanity intact.

  11. I get tired of saying it, but no one could meet the standard of proof set by the birthers. That’s why I don’t believe Ronald Reagan was born here and his body should be returned to Hungary. And “Reagan” Airport should be renamed after “Bonzo” instead.

  12. Look, one of them black nigras knockin’ up a nice white girl? It just ain’t natch’rul. And if he ain’t Natch’rul conceptioned, then he sure as shit ain’t natch’rul born………God damn’ uppity motherfucker…..

  13. “Natural born” means that he can’t have been born by Caesarian, obviously!

    By the way, the Iowa GOP just approved a plank, according to TP, that would strip Obama of his office by reinstating “the original 13th amendment from 1801,” which said that anyone who receives a title or honor from a foreign power is no longer a citizen.

    GOP, keep harvesting nuts: one is bound to take root.

  14. [re=628014]Clancy_Pants[/re]:
    Yes, you fucking socialist.
    You may have heard “Freedom isn’t free”?
    Well, neither are Truck Nutz.
    AMC is buying Ken a buttload of them right now so just shut up and let the man work.

  15. The 14th Amendment was added to prevent arguments like WND’s. If you’re born in U.S. or its territories, you’re a citizen. That’s why Barry Goldwater — born in Arizona before it was a state — could be prez. Or McCain — born in Panama under U.S. jurisdiction.

    For people who claim to love the “plain language of the Constitution”, these folks sure love to parse the meaning of obscure phrases. And to engage in paleo-telepathy — reading the minds of the long dead founders.

  16. “There are no records of any definitive discussion on the matter during the Constitutional Convention. That – coupled with the absence of definitive Supreme Court rulings and a wide array of opinions throughout the centuries – has only further confused the question of what “natural born” actually means.”

    Further confusion only exists for stone cold idiots and blatant racists looking for some sort of justification of their opinions.

  17. [re=628008]ttommyunger[/re]: That is the best way to look at it. Tell them to suck it, get organized, and maybe they can win in 2016. They have no idea how much of a nut-punch it was on election night 2004, when we were all “Really, Really America, are you fucking serious! Haven’t you been paying attention?????” (swig bottle of Jack).

  18. Andrew Jackson’s parents were immigrants, so was Jefferson’s mom. does this mean we have to give Missouri and Louisiana back to the French and give Florida back to whoever? not that I’d mind.

    also by the 1790s laws they’re citing women can’t vote either

  19. An add to my last comment:

    “Apparently, the President is a 310-thread count muslin.”

    Strange, considering the Birthers are the ones with the white sheets.

  20. Doesn’t it get you when there is some fact that is both funny and not funny – even scary – at the same time? Like this fact: Less than half of the (admittedly minute) admitted Republican Party believe Obama is a U. S. citizen.

  21. Be bloody, bold, and resolute; laugh to scorn
    The power of man; for none of woman born
    Shall harm Macbeth.

    See! Shakespeare was writing about NOBAMA! Macbeth = THE CONSTITUSHUN

  22. [re=628021]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Yeah, and also any Preznit whose parents were British subjects when born would have been illegimate too, which would invalidate every Preznit possibly up to Abe Lincoln.

    AND! Andy Jackson’s parents were born in Ireland! THATS FORUN BIRF IF I EVER SAW IT!!!


  23. [re=628040]sock pope[/re]: And their argument is justified by basically saying we should still follow those rules; apparently under the sexist law of the 1700s only fathers could pass citizenship to their children, (citation needed), and we should follow the same rules today and ignore the 14th Amendment, and therefore Obama may be a citizen, who was born as one, but by magic he is not a natural-born citizen.

    Oh, here’s a good joke: I bet this means people born by c-section can’t be president! Now I make this completely original point, confident that 2/3 of the comments so far aren’t saying that exact thing.

  24. It gets even stupider (h/t Attaturk)

    Iowa GOP Supports Amendment To Strip Obama’s Citizenship Because He Won The Nobel Peace Prize

    At its state convention in Des Moines last month, the Iowa GOP adopted a new party platform that includes the repeal of mandatory minimum wage laws, the elimination of the U.S. Department of Education, and even clarification on the definition of manure. Out of the “387 enumerated planks and principles,” Newsweek’s Jerry Adler found the most “startling” section of the platform calls for “the reintroduction and ratification of the original 13th Amendment.”

  25. Gosh durn it WND is really slow on the uptake. Oily Titz has been screeching about the “two citizen parents” bullshit and De-Vattell for years and noboby is listening to her dumb ass either. Oh and Farah the courts have ruled as to what constitutes a natural born citizen. Look it up idiot.

  26. “Iowa GOP Supports Amendment To Strip Obama”

    They’re really only pushing this it because all those self-hating, closeted weirdos get a chubby talking about it.

  27. I think President Joe Biden would have a lot more wiggle room to be an angry black man than Obama, so World Net Daily should be careful what it is asking for.

  28. [re=628013]ManchuCandidate[/re]: In typical librul fashion, you write as though the Constitution was intended to apply to actual ordinary humans and not exclusively to God’s children.

  29. You know, there are tons of legitimate complaints that can be levied against the Obama Administration: their cowardice in the fact of anyone challenging them; their willingness to ignore the details of the sweeping legislation in favor of proclaiming victory; the insular coasting of Obama-Superstar that’s passed for a public-facing message strategy; the transparent broken campaign promises when it’s obvious to all that he’s just trying to middle-manage the New American Corporate Empire and keep it afloat; their complete unwillingness to publicly challenge a barely-cohesive Democratic Congressional majority to make substantial and much-needed improvement to the actual experience of being an American.

    As long as politics is a football game and the birthers and the Tea Partiers and the mouth-breathing corn-syrup slobs and the detritus of the failed consumer experience are on the other side, Obama will have no problem at all. But more to the point: he’ll never be challenged, because even the most slackjawed of Kos commenters will look at Palin’s Patsies and go, “oh shit, no way.” When push comes to shove, their nervous systems are still able to be pushed, and the fear of life sucking utterly will overwhelm the disgust of missed opportunities and befuddlement.

    Obama doesn’t need a re-election strategy; he just needs the base, whose minds and souls were turned to dank jelly by Dubya, to descend further and further.

  30. They actually cite the Dred Scott decision to cast doubt on his eligibility. WOW. So we all probably know about the Dred Scott Decision. You know…people of African descent not being eligible for citizenship. OK. I see where you are going with this nutbags. The 14th Amendment wasn’t part of the original (read: second) American Constitution, so it doesn’t matter when defining “natural born”. What else do you have nutters? Minor v. Happersett??? Virginia Minor was a woman that actually had the gall to attempt to do a man’s duty. You know…vote. The Supreme Court said, “hahahaha, we’re sorry no. You can’t vote.” According to this ole timey Supreme Court ruling, women aren’t natural born either. So you see, Obamer can’t be the President not only because he is Kenyan, but also because he is a woman. At least we can use this defense against a Palin presidency…

  31. [re=628033]just pixels[/re]: I’m pretter sure the ad that was running on Wonkette prior to thei “Rubicon” blitz was for a book explicity based on the premise of “paleo-telepathy” as you so aptly decribe it.

  32. [re=628059]chaste everywhere[/re]:

    I could cross out the Rubicon

    Veni, vidi, vici to you.

    Ken needs new shoes, so the ad for the show must go on.

  33. [re=628021]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: No, if you were a citizen on the date of the ratification of the Constitution, you didn’t have to be natural born. Thus Washington, etc. The new World Nut Daily argument is that both your parents must be citizens for you to be a “natural born” American, regardless of where you’re born. This is bullshit, and could likely be refuted with 15 minutes research by a Constitutional lawyer, but it’s not completely retarded.

    [re=628040]sock pope[/re]: Jackson and Jefferson were both citizens on the date of ratification, so the “natural born” requirement didn’t apply.

  34. [re=628051]Oblios Cap[/re]: Is he sure it’s because they want to strip Obama of his citizenship? It could just be that the Iowa Repubs, being idiots, think passing the “original” 13th Amendment would automatically repeal the actual 13th Amendment, one of the core platforms of the modern GOP.

  35. And when this fails, they’ll read Rosemary’s Baby to get a new handle on conspiracies and the devil. Well, one of them will read it. Or maybe just say fuckit and watch the movie.

  36. [re=628050]JMP[/re]: Again, the irony! Black father, white mother, black child. Black African Father, White American Mother, Illegal Black President.

  37. [re=628017]SlouchingTowardsWasilla[/re]: [re=628020]Rosie Scenario[/re]: see: Caesar. If Obama tries to put an elephant on the quarter dollar, we’ll know it’s true.

  38. what’s the problem? i’m sure the current Supreme Court will be happy to decide this, and with the Roberts, Scalia term in place, we can count on conservative justice, i.e. Obama is declared Null & Void, making Joe Biden the next Prez.
    everybody happy now?

  39. Lazy Media[/re]: Jesus, even Wiki has a simple explanation for what every sensible person know, that “natural born citizen” means someone who is a citizen at birth (which means either they have a U.S. citizen parent, or they are born on U.S. soil).

  40. Completely off topic but you all need a laugh.

    One night two nuns were driving along an old country road when a vampire jumped onto their car. One nun turned to the other and said “quick show him your cross”. The other said “hey asshole get the fuck off the car”.

  41. [re=628068]Lazy Media[/re]: You’re a bit wrong there. This is bullshit, and could definitely be refuted within 30 seconds of reading the Constitution by anyone who knows how to read, but it is completely retarded.

  42. “coupled with the absence of definitive Supreme Court rulings and a wide array of opinions throughout the centuries – has only further confused the question of what “natural born” actually means.”

    Um. Political Question Doctrine?

  43. So some moldering old Swiss corpse said that Obama can’t be president, and maybe some of our moldering old slave-owning Man-God Heroes passed notes to each other that said Obama can’t be president, and there was this law that was in effect for five years two hundred years ago said that Obama can’t be president.

    Is this the very definition of “grasping at straws?”

  44. [re=628016]MissyLissa[/re]:
    Yes, but operating beneath a shroud of secrecy is sooooo much sekkkxxxier. If it were okay to be honest about the fact that you cannot/do not wish to deal with the coloreds on a grand scale, there wouldn’t be hoods on the Klansmen, no crazy, deep-woods bunkers for the supremecists/separatists, and no need to try and manipulate language and economics to favor the majority, all of which exist and always have existed in this country since day fucking one.

    When it stops being cool to be part of a sextacular secret club with decoder rings and shit, this business will end. Which means never.

  45. Even if this razor-thin distinction of ‘Natural Born’ were true, how would the alternative – a man born in Panama – be the clearer alternative?

  46. What about fertility drugs? HEENNNNNNGH?? That ain’t natchrul, neither! All dem people having babies with those things — NOT NATCHRUL!!!!!!

    I got nothin’.

  47. [re=628028]Geogre[/re]: Well, so much for Eisenhower – you should see all the medals he got from Foreign Powers at the end of that big Unpleasantness in the Forties.

    Guess we’d better get the picks & shovels – I-80 and I-35 are unconstitutional, and they gotta go NOW! Sorry, Des Moines!

  48. WND loves them books don’t they? My question is what happens to all of these books since few of the WND folks can read beyond a third grade level? I’m fairly certain the inside of this book has a hidden ashtray instead of elegant prose.

  49. [re=628051]Oblios Cap[/re]: Well, if there’s one thing those folks sound like they’re experts in, it’s establishing the definition of manure. Definitely Supreme Court justice material. (Has the Supreme Court defined manure? No…in the most cowardly way, they’ve sidestepped this burning issue…left in a bag on Scalia’s front porch.)

    Since, under the WND’s “definition” (“we don’t know what it is, but we don’t like it”), Juan McCain would definitely be ineligible, born on that Cuban raft of banana crates held afloat by gourds–in the Panama Canal, which means the president would be…Biden? Pelosi? Keep working it, birthers! This is going to turn out great for you!

    In your later years–provided there are any–you can wax nostalgic about the “great struggle”…from the porch of your tent in the Minnesota Reeducation Camps. “And the infidel turned out to be a black fella too!”

  50. I was reading chicken scratch Youtube comments from trolls bitching about a commercial where a black man kissed a white woman. In one of the screeds a fella asked, “What if you saw a red-blooded American! kissing a black woman!!??”

    ‘Cause you see, if you’re skin isn’t pale enough to see red cheeks, you ain’t quite American yet.

  51. [re=628092]choinski[/re]: Shut up that’s why.

    If it were Hillary in there they’d be pushing to make it illegal for a woman to be president and then in 2012 with palin on the ticket, would declare it a “new age” and “time to move forward.” Cognitive dissonance has no impact on this crowd. Zero. That’s why with Reagan/Bush I when the national debt went from 500 million to 4.5 trillion, national debt was good! and when Clinton was in there it was bad! and then with Bush II when it went from 5 trillion to 10 trillion, it was good again! yay! Suddenly what do we have? yup. It’s the end of the world again all this debt! Where did all this debt come from anyway?!?

    It’s a wonder the republicans can remember where they live and what color their car is.

  52. Certainly there’s no precedent for this sort of thing!

    “Andrew Jackson was born to Presbyterian Scotch-Irish colonists Andrew and Elizabeth Hutchinson Jackson, on March 15, 1767, approximately two years after they had emigrated from Ireland”

    Well, I guess that was before the revolution.

    “James Buchanan, Jr., was born in a log cabin in Cove Gap, near Harrisburg (now James Buchanan Birthplace State Park), Franklin County, Pennsylvania, on April 23, 1791, to James Buchanan, Sr. (1761–1833), and Elizabeth Speer (1767–1833). His parents were both of Scotch-Irish descent, the father having emigrated from northern Ireland in 1783”

    Well, ok, but still!

    (Chester A. Arthur) “At the time of the birth of the future president, Arthur’s father was an Irish subject of the United Kingdom of Scottish descent, who naturalized as a U.S. citizen in 1843”

    (Woodrow Wilson) “His mother was born in Carlisle, England, the daughter of Rev. Dr. Thomas Woodrow, born in Paisley, Scotland and Marion Williamson from Glasgow.”

    (Hoover) “Herbert’s mother, Hulda (Minthorn) Hoover, was born in Norwich, Ontario, Canada of English and Irish (probably Scots-Irish) descent”


  53. [re=628021]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: And Ronald Reagan was born in Tampico, Illinois, when it was a colonial outpost of La Belle France.
    Apart from that, “Tampico” means “little Tampax” in Mexican.

  54. The truly fun part of it all is watching these morans trying to sculpt an academically and intellectually consistent argument and then publishing it in some rag as though it’s some peer reviewed article in Nature.

    The mind reels.

  55. Born here, born there, who gives a rat’s ass? The Iowa GOP has the solution:
    Iowa GOP Supports Amendment To Strip Obama’s Citizenship Because He Won The Nobel Peace Prize

    [re=628206]Spark84[/re]: She can be the second Android female president. The first will be Megan Kelly, or Lady Gaga. Scratch that. Gaga has a title.

  56. I guess the Iowa GOP/Tea Baggers want to get back into the Batshyt Crazy Race with Arizona and South Carolina. Even Terry Branstad, the sanest of the GOP candidates for Governor, has started making noises about Iowa trying to adopt an immigration law similar to Arizona’s if he is elected.

  57. I will stand up the the American kids born by C-section. “Natural Born” as stated in the constitution clearly means born without artificial flavors or preservatives. Duh.

  58. Next thing you know we’ll be electing left-handed lesbian midget Eskimo albinos to things. It’s a slippery slope people!!!

  59. I believe it is clear—and I assumed that, by now, it would be a settled question!—that when we Framed this Union with the Constitution, we with purpose excluded those Members of the national Body, who by Birth and Constitution are unfit to serve as President. Quote:

    “The executive Power shall be vested in a President of the United States of America. He shall hold his Office during the Term of four Years…”

    It’s clearly spelled out. Let this wasteful debate cease forthwith, and let Congrefs immediately remove Nancy Pelosi, lest by accident of Fate she become President upon the death or incapacity of the President and Vice President. Move ye swiftly, lest the dangerous influence of Woman in the highest Office forever sunder this great Union we have achieved!

  60. For a little snark break, who was the academic that looked at US Presidential genealogy records and concluded that five (that’s 5, birthers) of them probably or definitely had Subsaharan African ancestors? I believe Lincoln was included in that group.

  61. [re=628016]MissyLissa[/re]: You can’t manipulate people if you tell them you hate them. You have to save that for when they’re not around.

  62. Ah . . . Ken?

    Can we parse this sentence?: “[T]he teabaggers’ most prominent intellectual arm . . . .”


    Doctor of Rhetoric, Small Arms & Explosives
    Phaedrus Memorial Chair
    A Small Community College, With Lots of 18-year-old coeds, Near You

  63. Yes, agreed. I recall all the History lessons in grade school about our 1st president: President Sitting Bull & his successor President Cochise. Natural born citizens indeed. Only!!

  64. I heard one argument that “Natural Born Citizen” was put in the Constitution to prevent another Caesar. People back then had trouble wrapping their minds around non-natural birth. It’s as good a argument as any other about the NBC question.

  65. [re=628065]The Little Rock[/re]: I think the Naturalization Act of 1870 over turned Dread Scott.[re=628466]libwakman[/re]: They had very liberal immigrations laws back then. Anybody could just sail over here and call themselves American.

  66. They don’t even know what the law says. It requires only ONE parent to be a natural-born citizen. That would be his mother.

    But a half-breed Muslin? Now he’s a ‘half-breed fashion designer’s draping cloth’? ROTFLMAO!!


  67. [re=628092]choinski[/re]:
    Clearly, you suck at right-wing nutty birther magical thinking. Ya see, they don’t think McCain is eligible either. But since Joe Biden had to know about Obama’s usurperiness, he can’t succeed Obama when that black guy is dragged out of the White House and hanged from the nearest convenient tree. Therefore, McCain would be next in line if he wasn’t a secret, scary Panamanian, but he is. So the line of succession goes to…drumroll…Sarah Palin.. who will stand beneath the tree the Usurpy One is swinging from to take the oath of office, all sparkly and bright eyed like an evil Disney character (Snow White with an Uzi).

    See, wasn’t that simple?

  68. Fuck that SP bitch. I waz born in the Ohio and raised in teh Wyoming and I seen WAY MOAR than Putin’s head in my mailbox.

    Yeah, I know, I’m way late on this, but I’m a newbie, gimme a break. And I got me a birther for REALZ certificate all shiny like.

    BTW, tea is for Chinese cumminist fascisticals.

Comments are closed.

Previous articleIt’s a Wonderful Day To Be an Illegal Mexican In Arizona!
Next articleHappy 100th Birthday, Deepwater Horizon!