IT'S MORNING IN AMERICA  8:21 am July 29, 2010

It’s a Wonderful Day To Be an Illegal Mexican In Arizona!

by Ken Layne

  • Uhhh, the part in the en inglés?Good morning, fellow illegal immigrants! It was 234 years ago today when a brave group of brewer-patriots from Mexico formally broke away from White America (England) and declared our Los Estados Unidos de América. But this summer, the loyalist colony of Arizona demanded that its constables harass the Native American-Spaniard mestizos out of the desert province — until a judge pure of heart struck down most of the anti-Mexican provisions of this law. And today, as the punishing sun rises over Arizona’s endless vistas of foreclosed stucco boxes and boiling asphalt highways, the illegal Mexicans will probably be harassed in all kinds of illegal ways, by the white devils. Federal district court Judge Susan Bolton blocked the most Nazi-ish parts of the state’s anti-Mexican law, such as requiring all cops to perform checks for immigration papers whenever they came across someone sort of brown-skinned as opposed to being a bloated pink slob driving back from San Diego. But Arizona will not become a paradise of sombreros and strolling mariachi musicians — except within Arizona’s 236,000 “Mexican restaurants,” where the frozen margaritas and triple-meat fajitas will continue to flow, like tears from a policeman. [Voice of America/MSNBC/Arizona Republic]
  • Did you put/leave stuff that should’ve been private on your “anybody can see it” Facebook public profile? You may be one of the 100 million people who had all that information saved by these “security hackers” and posted on the Internet’s main website for the pirate community, “Pirate Bay.” Hopefully nobody will spend the necessary few minutes to put together your entire human profile by simply reading your birthday, hometown, names of family members, the high schools and colleges you attended, and the names of your pets — pretty much all it takes to answer all your “password hint” questions and steal what remains of your money and credit. [WTOP/Guardian]
  • The Year of the (Republican) Woman is in trouble in California! Carly Fiorina and Meg Whitman are both behind in the polls, with Senator Barbara Boxer and former Governor Jerry Brown both holding small leads over their Woman rivals. [OC Register/San Jose Mercury News]
Related video

Hola wonkerados.

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Ruhe July 29, 2010 at 8:44 am

I can just see the Russian mobsters slapping their foreheads in amazement. “We spend so much time figuring how to embed the fishing software into the porn and yet this American guy finds a way to get the sheep to just give it away!”

Ruhe July 29, 2010 at 8:47 am

[re=627982]Manos: Hands of Fate[/re]: Are you suggesting that AMC has been infiltrated by Republican operatives who want to block you consumption of Wonkette through the use of screen-cluttering adds?

Mild Midwesterner July 29, 2010 at 8:51 am

This is exactly why my Facebook profile says that I am a 16 year-old girl from Walt Whitman High and not a 30 year-old man living in NE.

Geogre July 29, 2010 at 8:53 am

“But, like, what could happen? It’s just a picture of me mugging for my girlfriends!”

Yes, indeed, Megs. A Venn diagram of Facebook privacy gushers and “undecided voters” would be interesting. I wonder if there would be any space at all between the circles. (“Thinking is hard.”)

Geogre July 29, 2010 at 8:55 am

Oh, and the judge who struck down the Nazi stuff left Nazi stuff and ignored all the cases brought by the ACLU and other civil rights groups.

Her ruling was strictly Fed vs. State, and she left in the whole, “If you have a slumber party, and one of the children is an illegal, you are a smuggler” provision.

The “activist judge”‘s sponsor for the bench? John Kyl. Her politics? Far right. Her ruling? Unitary executive. The reaction? Screaming from the branches of every tree.

Potater July 29, 2010 at 9:02 am

We prefer to be called Chicanos Puros, Ken.

Naked Bunny with a Whip July 29, 2010 at 9:04 am

@Manos: Hands of Fate: But “rubicon” sounds delicious!

Manos: Hands of Fate July 29, 2010 at 9:10 am

Someone nefarious force must be behind this, because I can’t think why someone would create an ad that is so obnoxious.

Golfing OJ July 29, 2010 at 9:10 am

[re=627982]Manos: Hands of Fate[/re]: It’s a conspiracy.

(don’t those cunts believe in putting x-close buttons on their Java bullshit?)

facehead July 29, 2010 at 9:16 am

A Rubicon sandwich has pastrami, 1000 island dressing, swiss, sauerkraut, and the weeping souls of those who advertised with Wonkette and got mocked.

WadISay July 29, 2010 at 9:18 am

Arizona should keep on fucking that chicken until sales of catsup once again exceed sales of salsa, and no one departs with a cheery, Adios, muchachos, via con carne.

weejee July 29, 2010 at 9:20 am

Today we are all Juan Valdez stuffing ballot boxes for Jerry Brown.

red sky July 29, 2010 at 9:22 am

I’ll give AMC a pass since they’ve put Mad Men on the air, but lets not cross any other unnecessary rivers, et tu AMC?

S.Luggo July 29, 2010 at 9:23 am

Judge B. has given the Crazy Tree a brisk shake. Alert the guards.

MarieDeGournay July 29, 2010 at 9:26 am

The national anthem of Los Estados Unidos de América must be awesome.

Oldskool July 29, 2010 at 9:27 am

I watched the Rubicon preview the other night. Not exactly Breaking Bad or Mad Men. Kind of bizarre with long camera shots of moody faces, which is how my face looks right about now.

just pixels July 29, 2010 at 9:31 am

Wonkette is kind of a Frenchy name, isn’t it. Lemme see your papers.

Mr Blifil July 29, 2010 at 9:32 am

Rube con? Telling the people of Arizona that the police would soon be able to apply broad surveillance powers to solve the illegal immigration problem, there’s as a rube con.

HedonismBot July 29, 2010 at 9:33 am

My Republican sister-in-law is convinced the Obama Admin arm-twisted that judge to overturn the Arizona law so Obama won’t have to produce his papers.
I will have my revenge by turning my impressionable niece and nephew over to the dark side of the force – Mexicommisocialism. Oh yes, they will be liberals, just like their uncle.

Limeylizzie July 29, 2010 at 9:33 am

[re=627998]S.Luggo[/re]: Golly, those people are rather upset, they all want to impeach the Judge, but…but…I thought they were all strict fans of the Constitution , no? This country confuses me, sometimes.

dijetlo July 29, 2010 at 9:35 am

I will not only watch Rubicon, I will likely also watch the show prior to Rubicon and the one immediately following Rubicon in order the I don’t miss a single drop of that delicious television entertainment.
Take note, advertising Overlords, we could all probably be convinced to vote Republican if Micheal Steele would purchase one of Wonkettes page eating full, margin products and populate it with some form of advertisement (preferably with a lesbian bondage theme).
We are helpless pawns, exploit us.

[re=628002]MarieDeGournay[/re]: It’s the la bomba

Escape Goat Nation July 29, 2010 at 9:35 am

Back in my day…when candy bars were a nickel…and they were so big you couldn’t eat the whole thing, we looked at the Internet suspiciously. We never gave out personal information. We never used real names or real addresses. But the kids these days tell everybody their life stories without ever being asked for it.

Guppy06 July 29, 2010 at 9:40 am

[re=628009]dijetlo[/re]: But what if Rubicon shares a time slot with Campbell Brown?

FMA July 29, 2010 at 9:51 am

[re=628002]MarieDeGournay[/re]: “One Time, One Night” by Los Lobos.

dijetlo July 29, 2010 at 9:59 am

[re=628018]Guppy06[/re]: CNNs check has already been cashed, Gup, as a Wonketeer, my loyalty is to organization that are contributing to the current revenue stream.

S.Luggo July 29, 2010 at 10:10 am

[re=628007]Limeylizzie[/re]: Try living here.

The irony of this “impeach Bolton” clamor is that had Bolton refused the injunction, the judge would have been hailed as the Joan of Arc of Arizona (if D’Arc were not a Frenchie frog-eater).

Before the ruling FauxNews tried to canonize Bolton.
(The tip-off to FigmentNews should have been that, as the article notes, the case was argued in a “tan-colored” courtroom. So very clueless.)

Cherry Garcia July 29, 2010 at 10:11 am

[re=627989]Potater[/re]: The irony ( or one of many ironies) of the Arizona law is that all the undocumented Mexicans who quietly slipped out of the state in anticipation of the bill going into effect today are being replaced by fist pumping Chicano activists who started pouring across the border early this morning from California in order to get arrested/protest/just be brown. And they came with a month’s worth of burritos in their cars so they “don’t spend money in Arizona”. Que Viva Aztlan!

P Drizzle July 29, 2010 at 10:26 am

As one of those elites in “the media” I can tell you the Rubicon pilot was totally boring.

Texan Bulldoggette July 29, 2010 at 11:02 am

[re=627992]Manos: Hands of Fate[/re]: “…because I can’t think why someone would create an ad that is so obnoxious.” You must have missed the giant Campbell Brown head ad. There was also some huge pink ad that I can’t recall what it was for. This one is not so bad in comparison.

proudgrampa July 29, 2010 at 11:13 am

I, for one, welcome our new advertiser to these hallowed pages. Are we not grateful to the Wonkette overlords for allowing us to speak our minds (and allowing the overlords to make a buck)?

hoosiermama July 29, 2010 at 11:19 am

[re=628097]Texan Bulldoggette[/re] [re=628100]proudgrampa[/re]: Personally, I liked the Siemens ads because they were all pretty and green, and the never-ending stream of semen jokes was an added plus!

sati demise July 29, 2010 at 11:28 am

[re=627988]Geogre[/re]: synopsis win.

Mil gracias

GOPCrusher July 29, 2010 at 12:36 pm

Obviously another case of an activist judge legislating from the bench.

proudgrampa July 29, 2010 at 1:39 pm

[re=628103]hoosiermama[/re]: Yeah, those were good times! Maybe we can bring Siemens back!!

glamourdammerung July 29, 2010 at 3:06 pm

[re=628009]dijetlo[/re]: Win.

Pandy July 29, 2010 at 4:32 pm

lo que haces, lo que recibiras

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