the new 4chan

Barry Obama Wants To Show You This Cool Website He Made


Oh hai, it’s your friendly neighbor the president, just sittin’ there at the ol’ MacBook. He just designed this fun new meme-generator. Oh, you want to see it? Sure, he can show you how it works. As an example, he will show you his fan-fic version of how our favorite characters Young Barack and Young Michelle would have gotten healthcare from this cool-beans website back in the day. Fun! Next up: how crayons are made. [White House]

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Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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Hola wonkerados.

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68 comments

  1. just pixels

    Wait a minute, I thought wonkette.com was where I could go to see all my health care options in one place. Wasn’t Sara Benincasa explaining dental plan options? Wasn’t Lauri Apple explaining mental issues? Wasn’t Ken Layne giving instructions — between the lines, natch — on self-medicaiton? Have I completely misinterpreted wonkette.com? Help me Barry!

  2. ella

    When he clicked on that drop-down box to pick his home state, I think I saw Kenya right below Illinois.

  3. martinette

    No animated GIFS on that website, and a communist muted color scheme.

    No dancing baby, no credibility.

  4. bitchincamaro

    That’s all well and good, but you forgot to tell us your phone number so we can call you and discuss our problems in detail, Barry. If you’re going to be a health care commissar, you’ve gotta do that.

  5. martinette

    CONSPIRACY!!!!

    The title of the beige-colored book just to the right of the President’s head is titled “The Socialist Party of America.”

  6. WhatTheHeck

    [re=627782]slappypaddy[/re]: It‘s all those books which made him so, er, uppity.
    Those same books which incite the madness in the tea people.

  7. Sharkey

    Brought to you by Apple Computer and Medtronic.

    (P.S. Where can I buy one of those laptops with the presidential seal on it?)

  8. Extemporanus

    [re=627794]Extemporanus[/re]: By the way you guys, that funny video is totally safe for work.

    Seriously!

  9. slappypaddy

    [re=627792]WhatTheHeck[/re]: they are an envious lot, those tea people. some of them, anyway. the others are simply frightened witless by the mysterious power of those written word things, arrayed in glyphs they will never be able to decipher. safer and better it is, they will tell you, to burn them all and the people who know their meanings.

  10. Hooray For Anything

    It’s always nice to see a picture or video of Barry being nice and normal while doing nice and normal Presidential things just to remind you that he actually isn’t organizing his ACORN/Black Panther Brown Shirts into the Republican Enclaves to scare away voters, sitting in the Oval Office wearing a sweater and talking about malaise, or going into Berkeley and personally shitting in every organic food cooperative while telling them to tell Ed Schulz that he says hi.

  11. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Do we need any further proof that Obama is a socialist than he uses a Mac? It probably transmits everything he does directly to his controllers in China.

  12. AnnieGetYourFun

    Honestly, even with him sitting there in a light purple shirt with poor posture, I’d still do that man. I’d do him so hard.

  13. Toomush Infermashun

    I’m trying to focus on the books behind him… all I can really pick out are Das Kapital, something by an Italian… “the Prince(????), maybe, and some little red book by a “Mao” somebody…

  14. Toomush Infermashun

    Okay, I used my cereal box internet enlarger, and I see “Horton Hears a Who”, so I guess it’s okay for all us small people out here…

  15. user-of-owls

    Sorry Barry, but I get all my health care information from a talking beige Taurus.

  16. MarSF

    [re=627834]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: I can relate to your feelings. I don’t necessarily want to jump the guy but I still love him.

  17. user-of-owls

    Palin’s already tweeted, “if obmcre so great, y no lnk 4 hkwrm trtmnt ctrs??!!’

  18. Servo

    [re=627776]ella[/re]:
    He should list all the states as “Peoples Republic of” just to make the WingNutz rabid.

    [re=627815]iwillsavethispatient[/re]:
    Oh, to wield the power to make Bitter Boomers disappear like black votes. Just desserts. The manufacturer of WalMart’s Fatmobiles would certainly go bankrupt.

  19. Pourly Ritten

    The Presidential Seal cut out of paper and pasted over the apple is a little tacky.

    The website needs moar Blingees, just sayin’.

  20. x111e7thst

    [re=627813]slappypaddy[/re]: There are those who say that if your name is written in a book your soul will be imprisoned and the owner of the book will have power over you.

  21. beezie687

    So sad, seeing Barry moonlight as an infomercial pitchman. Guess prezidentin’ doesn’t pay like it used to.

  22. WadISay

    “Just go to the ‘How to get healthcare’ tab, and a menu drops down. Click on, ‘Marry a Canadian.’”

  23. Mustang

    Robot. Either get some actor to propose it, or don’t say it because you sound like bullshit on bad toast. AAAAAAAND — I support what you are doing 1,000 percent.

  24. Radiotherapy

    [re=627860]Pourly Ritten[/re]: The Presidential Seal cut out of paper and pasted over the apple is a little tacky

    I think you’ve gotten to the core problem with this video.

  25. user-of-owls

    [re=627916]mustardman[/re]: DEL + ALT. It would have been DEL + OLD, but they used German programmers.

  26. Dean Booth

    Obama is like the abusive spouse who, just when you’re about to give him the boot, writes you love poetry. …I forgive you Barry!

  27. SayItWithWookies

    What the hell — watching people fiddle around on the web is not good drama. It’s like President Obama never saw The Net. Or at least the first fifteen minutes of it — after watching a detailed depiction of Sandra Bullock ordering a pizza on her computer(!) I couldn’t take any more.

  28. user-of-owls

    [re=627923]SayItWithWookies[/re]: In the follow up, when Barry sits down the computer asks, “Shall we play a game?”

  29. Radiotherapy

    [re=627923]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Hollywood clichés I detest (and a few examples):
    * The frantic typing scene, The Net
    * The monster that won’t die, Terminator
    * The obligatory torture scene, Saw I-VIII
    * The foggy dock, happy, sappy ending, Indecent Proposal
    * The Neilist on meth, million bullets flying and not one hits, the Matrix
    * Cyborgs with inexplicable power sourcing, I Robot
    * Richard Dreyfuss

  30. SayItWithWookies

    [re=627916]mustardman[/re]: Oh, and here I thought we were going to go a whole thread without you trashing our president.
    Sorry, I just couldn’t resist.

  31. obfuscator

    that commie horseshit webpage has no relevant content for me. i’m a warmongering draft-dodging oil whore. i can’t achieve an erection unless i’m sending americans to get killed in a pointless war and violating the geneva convention. killing multiple civilians with a predator drone strike is my viagra. my darth vader apparatus is loud at night, and this website has no faq for me.

  32. JackDempsey

    He appears to be a nice fella, but from what he’s saying, it seems like there might be more than 3 clicks between the average guy and a truckload of viagara, and that’s at least 2 clicks too many.

  33. SayItWithWookies

    [re=627929]Radiotherapy[/re]: re: the obligatory torture scene — I think all of those should be replaced by Jim Caviezel getting flayed by the Roman guards in Mel Gibson’s autobiographical homeschooling documentary. Nobody’s ever going to surpass that, so why bother.

    He
    (whipcrack)
    Loves
    (whipcrack)
    You
    (whipcrack)
    This
    (whipcrack)
    Much!

    If there had been some way Mel could’ve put that on endless loop, he would’ve made billions of dollars in popcorn sales alone.

  34. obfuscator

    [re=627940]JackDempsey[/re]: he’s like your (relatively) cool uncle who actually knows how to navigate a webpage without yelling and asking for “mother” to help him.

  35. obfuscator

    [re=627942]SayItWithWookies[/re]: if that movie had been historically accurate, j.c. would have been played by woody allen, circa “annie hall”.

  36. Sara Benincasa

    Haha, Rubicon just ate the Wonkettes. It looks okay in Explorer. This reminds me of when CAmpbell Brown ate the Wonkettes.

  37. Radiotherapy

    re=627942]SayItWithWookies[/re]:
    Mel Gibson is an artiste who made the torture scene sexytime S&M by using Aramaic, it was his Magnus Opus Dei
    Our God is an Awesome God who tortured his son and put him on a cross. Is there some kind of Child Protective Services for Abusive fathers who art in heaven?

  38. Radiotherapy

    [re=627948]Sara Benincasa[/re]: It looks AWESOME on my IBM 386 with a dial-up modem and a butterscotch monochrome monitor!

  39. dijetlo

    [re=627948]Sara Benincasa[/re]: This reminds me of when CAmpbell Brown ate the Wonkettes.

    Good times….

  40. El Pinche

    [re=627953]dijetlo[/re]: Then one day it was gone , and wonkett Siemen’d all over us. why God ? why?

  41. trondant

    I was so terrified he might put on a cardigan and talk to me about my thermostat that my ears actually blacked out. What was he talking about? Using your laptop to heat your home?

  42. El Pinche

    [re=627952]Radiotherapy[/re]: Lucky you. I’m still reading the Wonkette punch cards from last month.

    [re=627944]obfuscator[/re]:
    I had an idea for a Jesus movie but with a Groundhog Day twist!! Jesus, played by Zach Galifianakis pisses off God and God makes Him relive His last days and crucifixion over and over and over again.

    So when you hear the wingnuts talk about “oooh, libral hollywood is too PC blah blah guns blah niggers blah”…how about a goofball comedic scene of nailing spikes into Jesus hand.HENNGGHH wingtards!?! WHO’S PC NOW BITCH?!

  43. Extemporanus

    [re=627947]bago[/re]: [re=627948]Sara Benincasa[/re]: The headlines on Safari are crossing the Rubicon.

  44. slappypaddy

    in firefox wonkette is hot and foxy, waving coquettishly even as she crosses the rubicon.

  45. Mr Blifil

    There’s nothing in there about recipes for Bloody Mary’s using cord blood, or how to turn your aborted fetus into a lapel pin. Trust me. I looked.

  46. Mr Blifil

    [re=627948]Sara Benincasa[/re]: Ironic, because at that time I remember there was a fair number of us who were interested (provisionally) in eating Campbell Brown.

  47. El Pinche

    [re=627957]El Pinche[/re]: “On the third day, he rose again, and again, and again…”
    *sigh*…I’m sorry. BTW , wonkette is especially sexxy on Mosaic on AIX 4.1.

  48. libwakman

    Operators are standing by..And if you order RIGHT NOW, we will throw in this 16 piece set of some of the finest steak cutting blades you ever sawed a T-Bone with.

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