What have you infidels done this time to infuriate Mahmoud Ahmadinejad so thoroughly? (Trick question, for your very existence forces Ahmadinejad to hate you at all hours of the day.) But his never-ceasing hatred has just been multiplied by infinity, thanks in part to a certain German octopus by the name of Paul, who is worshiped like a false Western prophet because he incorrectly guessed Spain would win the World Cup and not “Death to America.” Ahmadinejad laughs and laughs at your so-called octopus.
[T]he Iranian president accused the octopus of spreading “western propaganda and superstition.” Paul was mentioned by Mr Ahmadinejad on various occasions during a speech in Tehran at the weekend.
“Those who believe in this type of thing cannot be the leaders of the global nations that aspire, like Iran, to human perfection, basing themselves in the love of all sacred values,” he said.
This is a bit hypocritical, of course, considering Iran has its own beloved and psychic sea creature, Hassan the Lobster, who correctly predicted that “rocks” would triumph in the Adulterous Woman Stoning Semifinals. [The Telegraph]
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The only sensible response to this is for Teabaggers to abandon the idea of bringing dogs to the Lower Manhattan mosque protest, and bring octopi instead.
Why does he bring Paul up now? Afraid? Covering his butt for a future prediction from said cephalopod mollusk?
Oh Hassan, that’s what you pick *every year*
I’m guessing octopus aren’t hallal?
Assignment for Former-Intern-Riley-Now-Elevated-To-Editor-But-Not-Making-All-That-Much-More-Money: is this the first time in recorded history that a nation’s leader has used the word “octopus” in a national speech?
However, the Iranian president accused the octopus of spreading “western propaganda and superstition.”
I wonder if Paul predicted the boobquake in April.
Ahmadinejad Verse Paul the Octopus.
My money is on Paul.
He’s so out of touch. Western superstition involves the belief that someday you will be rich and that eventually there will come a day when someone hotter than you will agree to let you touch them. Eastern superstition is more centered around building giant tents over remains of asteroids and requiring people by the millions go there at some point in their lives to have a chat with said slab of asteroid. So there’s absurdity on BOTH SIDES!
That settles it! I’m never ordering Pulpo al Gallego for tapas ever agin!
Why does Ahmadeadinnerjacket hate the Detroit Red Wings?
A psychic octopus is nothing — wait’ll Ahmedinejad finds out the US has a chickenshit that plays the piano.
This from a guy who believes there is an imam who has been stuck in a well for over a millennium, waiting to come back and lead him. Which, admittedly, is less crazy than most religions, but, still.
Still, he might have a point here, as Paul is the foreshadowing of the coming of Cthulhu.
This news item is strange and random, and your write-up of it is very amusing.
Also, “global nations that aspire, like Iran, to human perfection”: HA! Good luck with that. “Nobody’s perfect.” {insert drawing of owls on a branch and one of them is hanging upside down}
Best Riley post EVER. Also, my money is on “bashed in human skull” to take the stoning finals.
[re=627656]Mad Brahms[/re]: Whaddya expect? He’s a…ROCK LOBSTER!
Heads-up, Mahmoud — the B-52s are on the way!
Let’s rock!
[re=627657]Lazy Media[/re]: A religious nerd writes: actually, pig is the only animal which can never be halal. Octopus would be fine, if killed while facing Mecca etc. There’s a whole bunch of regulations on how to halal-slaughter sea creatures, I shit you not.
And I’m sure this has nothing to do with most cephalopods being Sunnite.
Divisive fuck.
Hey, I just thought of something:
If Paul’s the Octopus, then who’s the fucking Walrus?!
[re=627670]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: If its a matter of wits.
No joke – when fucking an octopus you aren’t allowed to push in past the circumcision scar. But even so, I still wouldn’t eat it afterward. Would you?
Just sayin’.
However, the Iranian president accused the octopus of spreading “western propaganda and superstition.”
He accused the octopus of spreading propaganda. The octopus.
…
the OCTOPUS…
…
(heading straight to the bar)
[re=627718]Extemporanus[/re]: bin Lennon
[re=627742]Dolmance[/re]: That depends on whether you eat your fucking or fuck your eating.
Doesn’t it?
[re=627668]chascates[/re]: The Flying Spaghetti Monster appears, in the flesh, and is mistaken for an ‘octopus’.
One day, you all will see the sauce!
[re=627689]SayItWithWookies[/re]: A chicken beat me playing tic-tac-toe at the county fair.
True story.
[re=627718]Extemporanus[/re]: [re=627758]carlgt1[/re]: That Q&A wins the day.
[re=627758]carlgt1[/re]: [re=627822]One Yield Regular[/re]: I’m cryyying…
Amidinnajad should know by now: never bet the odds….
[re=627835]Extemporanus[/re]:
If Paul’s the Octopus, then who’s the fucking Walrus?!
That deserves the Nobel peace prize, Extempor.
If Ahmadinejihad listened to the Beatles, he wouldn’t be so uptight.
I like the term “Octopussy” for the self-referential bit with 8 arms and lots of suckers. And the pussy.
Why anyone would fight this, I do not know.
[re=627805]sati demise[/re]: I’m hoping there was beer involved. Most county fairs I’ve been to, after a certain point in the day, a fire hydrant could beat me at tic-tac-toe.
When Paul the Octopus gets there, everybody’s gonna want a dose.
Oh, and if we had the technology to execute a nuclear strike confined to Ahmadi’s head, I’d be all go.
All species of octopus are venomous.
Hey Waggadude,
OT, but apropos of your yesterday’s roundup post, might I trouble you to stop using PR0N-themed words in your titles? These cause my neighbor’s unprotected wifi network to block Wonkette, and to get them to change this I would have to explain to them how I know that.
Smooches, etc.
I falafel about this. Has Ahmadinejad been able to get one of the Mullahs to slam Paul with a fatwa?
I wonder if Paul the “Reply Hazy, Try Again Later” Octopus sees a little calamari in his future?
Paul is our new Führer!
Oh, the Iranian president is just feeling threatened. First, he is responding to “Paul” because most of his speeches are aimed at the rural supporters and the Iranian version of the teabaggers, but, second and more importantly, when he sees Paul, he finally has a leader his own size, but more legitimately popular.
Snowwwwwwww A picture of snowwwww. It’s 104 where I am, and there is a picture of snow. Ahhhhhh.
What is not superstitious is the belief that women’s breasts cause earthquakes.
The lobster thinks that rocks always win because he can only ever play scissors.
And yes, I got this one from the Dr. Slump honeymoon arc.
[re=627972]Geogre[/re]: Buck up; that’s sand.
GOP = Giant Octopus Party
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