About the author

Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

View all articles by Jack Stuef

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

58 comments

  1. Rasvar

    Could some please subtitle this? Trying to listen to what he is saying and most of the time he sounds like an adult in a Peanuts cartoon. Whawhawhaaaaaaawhaaaaa.

  2. Jukesgrrl

    Krauthammer vs. a Taurus? Krauthammer’s head is made of material much harder than a Taurus.

  3. Rotundo

    [re=627010]Jukesgrrl[/re]: True that, his head made it through the diving accident just fine, the spinal column, not so much. That and his head is usually up his ass, so there are additional layers of protection.

  4. dijetlo

    This must be an older Ford Taurus, probably assembled by union workers and thus it mistakenly believes that it has a right to express it’s opinion.
    You wouldn’t catch a Japanese car mouthing off like this, automotive engineering in Japan knows its place.

  5. Monsieur Grumpe

    It’s the attack of the fast food ordering monolith thingees! The horror, the horror!

  6. Judas Peckerwood

    I’m pretty sure that’s just the ghost of Lux Interior doing “She Said” a cappella.

  7. Aflac Shrugged

    Jesus Christ, buddy. They’re not going to hire you just because you scream incoherently. You also need a blog.

  8. Jim89048

    I am SO proud today to own a Ford! Ford didn’t shake down the gummint for any of that sissy bailout money, you know.

  9. Mr Blifil

    Sounds like he’s well on his way to a shooting spree. Only instead of busting into the Wapo editorial board room, he’ll probably just take out 3 or 4 Home Depot check out lines and call it a life.

  10. slowhansolo

    Us Ford owners haven’t heard much grief lately from the Calvin’s-bowtie-pissing-on-the-Oval folks, yet another upside to the bailouts.

  11. WadISay

    For certain, it can’t be a former Bush administration speechwriter; they’re all inside the building.

  12. Extemporanus

    [re=626996]hi ox[/re]: If this thread were a street, that comment would be Joe Biden’s motorcade.

    [re=627049]Aflac Shrugged[/re]: It’s sad, isn’t? KITT truly has fallen on hard times.

    However, I seem to remember Michael Knight having some troubles not too long ago, and he managed to recover beautifully. I wouldn’t be surprised if, by this time next year, that beige Taurus had replaced Piers Morgan as the third judge on “America’s Got Talent”.

  13. the problem child

    Why does America’s Ford Taurus have a speech impediment? Do you not have enough speech therapists to make your autos sound unretarded?

  14. iburl

    “Washington Post”…what is that? Is it like HuffPo for Teabaggers?
    Maybe the car has a point.

  15. DoktorZoom

    Here in my car, I can rage at you all
    I can lock all my doors, and scream an editorial reply,
    in CARS!

  16. DustBowlBlues

    Who gives a shit about DC? It’s election night here in the Dust Bowl, home of the rockin’ watch party. Dickwad Langford,candidate for something in the Republic primary, explained his crazy election night: Load the family in the minivan, pray, (this guy must be a crap driver) then drove to the Baptist church for a kick-ass watch party. It’s cool to drink the grape juice because, you know, it’s actually grape juice.

    Separation of church and state? We no need no stinkin’ Bill of Rights.

  17. SayItWithWookies

    That is such an awesome new form of communication — I mean it just cuts through the electronic self-absorption that characterizes the urban citizen today, and affects everybody within a range of sound, whether they’ve chosen to participate or not. That’s fucking outrageous. I see a whole new form of getting one’s issues out there — just parking your car on a streetcorner and yelling with the PA head turned up to eleven. It’s like bluetooth that even transcends electronics. Someone should’ve thought of this ages ago.

  18. President Inaugural Balls

    I think that the WaPo comment section was down today, so somebody just needed to express himself.

  19. CapnFatback

    [re=627103]SayItWithWookies[/re]: If they only had, we could have gotten the dude on the motorcycle and those two girls to the Palace Hotel Ballroom in time for the Rhythm and Blues Revue.

  20. bago

    [re=627073]user-of-owls[/re]: I can see a peace being brokered between a KrautHammer and a Ford, But VW had better watch the fuck out.

  21. SayItWithWookies

    [re=627119]CapnFatback[/re]: And the Penguin would’ve gotten her rent money.

  22. O_o

    WASHINGTON POST, YOU DONE GOOF’D!!! I BACK-TRACED YOUR EDITORIAL SO I KNOW YOU WROTE IT, AND I CALLED THE POLICE! CONSEQUENCES WILL NEVER BE THE SAME!!

  23. Geogre

    [re=627103]SayItWithWookies[/re]: The last scene in “Slacker” had a guy with a loudspeaker driving through the affluent suburbs doing a rant about “giving away all these fucken guns and knives and shit and get it on. Fix all these problems, yeah.”

    I, too, was thinking that this was one of the losers in “America’s Next Great Columnist” contest.

    Given that they’ve provided spots to Bill Donohue of the Catholic League of umbrage, this person is more comprehensible.

  24. Scaggsvillain

    Definitely sounds like Rev Al Sharpton, judging from tone and cadence.

    I think it is truly a wonderful thing that Obama has ushered in a Post-racial America. With our race problems all but solved, hustlers like Sharpton have been reduced to babbling incoherently near major newspapers from the safety of his stylish brown Taurus.

    Get a job, Al!

  25. Geogre

    [re=627068]user-of-owls[/re]: Ollie North had a plan, you know.

    He probably didn’t favor the Ford Falcon… more of a Chevy Tahoe guy, I’d figure — looks like a log cabin on top of a wagon, gets 10 mpg, big tax break, many nooks and crannies for smuggling — for taking care, and, of course, Darth Cheney violated posse commitatis by sending combat troops to the U.S. and had a plan for “in case of significant dissent.”

    Obama’s “don’t rock the boat” is letting people forget.

  26. Sgt. Biyatch

    This is just another ploy by Katharine Weymouth. Declining subscriber base, loss of ad revenue, and an increase in customer complaints have continued unabated, so she’s trying the last trick in her arsenal: an angry, yelling black man.

  27. crapshooter102

    That Mulally, he’ll do anything to sell a Ford in DC. God knows the Obama Admins would never have one. Give it up Taurus, Ben and Salley would never have one unless it comes with a Driver with a White House Pass, and also dressed like a Jockey.

  28. AWS5200

    Oh good God. This guy was screeching outside my office (across from the WaPo) for what felt like hours yesterday. We couldn’t make out a damned word he said, either.

  29. Chet Kincaid

    Why is Samuel L. Jackson parked outside of the Washington Post? “I have had enough of these motherfucking editiorials from this motherfucking board!!!”

Comments are closed.