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This family has likely doubled in number and frightening wholesomeness since then.The Republican Party’s fastest rising star, 2006 re-election loser former Senator Rick Santorum, went to the big city last week to start making plans for Jesus and Rick’s Presidential Campaign Adventure 2012. Santorum, you see, raised more money for his PAC (really? are all these candidates really unemployed with nothing else to do?) than Mike Huckabee last quarter, so it is obvious he will be stronger with the love-to-hate-abortion base in 2012.

According to GOP sources familiar with the meeting, which took place last Tuesday in Washington, Santorum conveyed his seriousness about a possible campaign and solicited his former aides for advice.

“Yes, we think you should run,” said the former aides, wanting jobs.

And then they all had a group prayer fuck. And Santorum’s daughter’s doll flew off the fuck table in slow motion, representing the loss of American democracy’s innocence.

Hope you’re ready for a great campaign, Wonketteers. Santorum 2012: Abortion Abortion Abortion Abortion. Abortion. And Gay Abortion. 2012. [CNN]

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51 COMMENTS

  1. Policy #1. Build more prisons to house all the women who commit murder inside their naughty parts. Problem solved.

    If you follow the movement’s logic to its very conclusion this is what needs to happen, am I right? Huh?

  2. Wow, the other razy lady has God on her Board of Directors and this nutbag has Jesus as a running mate. Other candidates better get on the stick and grab some saints or they will be left with Krishna or worse, Allah.

  3. How did this suddenly way down and hidden on the page?

    Anyway, as someone who is proud to no longer be represented by Sen. Man-on-dog, I would love to see him as the Republican nominee. There’s no way the GOP can lose with a man whose name has literally been turned into a joke (thanks, Dan Savage!) and lost by one of the most embarrassing margins for a non-scandal-plagued incumbent in Senate history.

  4. PA may have got sick of it, but believe me, what America needs now more than ever is Sanatorum, which is Latin for asshole according to former commando Bob Kerrey.

  5. Perhaps if Obama offers Jesus a job as Ambassador to Mozambique, He (Jesus) will drop out making it easier for him (Obama) to beat him (Santorum). Right-wingers may accuse him (Obama) of “Chicago style politics” but they’d be tarring Him (Jesus) with the same brush. Not sure they (GOP) would want to go there (Mozambique).

  6. Um, doesn’t the Bible say Adam remained inanimate clay until he BREATHED THE BREATH OF BREATHING or whatever? Maybe the zygote worshippers might take a hint from their own literature. Or, you know, magnetoencephalography, which demonstrates a fetus doesn’t have coherent brain activity until late in the third trimester.

  7. “Look, I’m not saying Obama will rip embryos from inside their Christian mothers then implant them into the rectums of gay men, who will then poop them out onto a eucharist, but I’ve never seen any indication that he would be against such a plan. Who knows what’s inside that health care bill.”

    I wonder if Dirty Santo needs a speechwriter.

  8. It says something about a country that there are enough people crazy enough to fund a Rick Santorum presidential race. Hell, do GOP donors also give money to Solicitors from Nigeria to help them get untold millions out of that country? Hell, no wonder half of the GOP think Palin and Bachmann are brilliant.

  9. [re=626775]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: Almost half this country doesn’t believe in Evolution. It makes my brain hurt to think about what half this country does and thinks.

  10. Palin and Bachmann can’t win, essentially because they are vagina-people and Republicans only like such people in kitchens and hospitals (when giving birth). But this guy has no vagina and wants to control vaginas and rectums — Republicans might float this guys boat … scary.

  11. [re=626781]Doglessliberal[/re]: Mostly what they’s doin is watchin theyselves on the TV. Ever look at what’s on there? I’ve got Fux and the religion channels blocked. So not so much insanity, but loads of stupidity. Do you know how few real ‘Murikans is smarter than a 5th grader?

  12. Santorum. Huckabee. Palin. The Religious Right will be on each other like a pack of hyenas fighting over a rotting wildebeest carcass. This can only be a WIN-WIN for the USA.

  13. He said, in his final run for the Senate, that if he lost then the terrorists have won. I’m guessing the entire world will lose if he wins but he’s on the level of Newt Gingrich and Lou Dobbs in terms of popularity so we may be lucky. Given the far right tilt of the candidates he’ll fit right in though.

  14. Are condoms de de rigueu during group prayer fucks, or are these events usually conducted bareback?
    I’ve been invited to one down at the local Chamber of Commerce and I don’t want to reveal my neophyte status by not knowing what to “wear”.

  15. i’m so looking forward to the books by the children of this nut. Especially when they talk about his bringing their dead sib home. (and it wouldnt surprise me if he touches them regularly)

  16. I never get tired of that picture. The little girl is thinking about all the babies that will die because she didn’t pray hard enough for Daddy to win.

  17. [re=626781]Doglessliberal[/re]: In a kinda, sorta Zen way, the fact that half of Americans don’t believe in Evolution and/or global warming, 14% of ‘Mericans believe Hopey was not born in America, but John McCain was, and more than 2% of U.S. Senators are also birthers, all that has to call in to question this whole Evolution concept of yours. Do you read this blog? You got your Kansian Senatorial candidates talking about micro chipping brains from satelites. You got your Tennesian candidates wanting to secede so they can outlaw that Muslin Cult. And, Utahians rejecting Bob Bennett as tooliberal.

    I might be checking the “Devolution” box on the survey myself.

  18. but if religio Romney wins the election, we can all have multiple lives.

    and he’s also anti-abortion.

    but of all the fine GOP candidates, i prefer the fatty. wouldn’t it be nice with a prez named
    Huckleberry! how the world would laugh at us.

  19. Santorum is going to have to prove his bona fides with anti-abortion activists, after missing the chance to beat the plastic babies out of that effigy of Lindsey Graham.

    I lived for a few years in central PA, and unfortunately I met a lot of people who would have glady voted for him again. I even saw a few pro-Santorum bumper stickers (not sure if they approved both kinds of Santorum, though).

  20. [re=626766]jus_wonderin[/re]: The little girl? Is she special?

    She’s one of Carol Brady’s (nee Martin) kids. She found herself single and pregnant, but with abortion not a viable option, she turned to Rick Santorum for help. And he came through, although the girl is frozen in her own 70s show.

  21. If I had a daughter, I sure as hell would dress her up the same as her dolly. That kind of normalcy would earn me parental credits to offset the faggyness on my part.

  22. [re=626907]Rentboy.gov[/re]: And why hasn’t the photographer been awarded a Pulitzer? Fucking awards mean nothing until (s)he gets one.

  23. Last I heard of Ol’ Frothy in the news (circa 2007), he was supposedly on track to become the “conservative Michael Moore.” Did he give up on that dream already?

    Of course, Santorum was absolutely creamed in 2006 in dead-centrist Pennsylvania. (Even with the traditional incumbent advantage, he lost by 17%.) If he ran in 2012, one wonders how supposedly-libertarian teabaggers would react to the news that he cajoled PA out of taxpayer funds to “cyber-school” his non-resident children. Or how the “mama grizzly” crowd would react to his proclamations that women only held careers outside the home because they were brainwashed by “radical feminism.” Or how pretty much anyone would react when they hear the story of his stillborn son.

    I doubt he’ll even make it to the primaries. Anyone thinking of spending a single cent on Santorum’s campaign would be more wise to spend it on overpriced gold from Goldline®.

  24. [re=626766]jus_wonderin[/re]: She is Bristol Palin’s first child.

    [re=626781]Doglessliberal[/re]: And, yet, can you think of a better example that we are simply apes than Rick Santorum? Wait…, Glen Beck.

  25. [re=626741]JMP[/re]: Oh, Man-on-Dog, is it? That’s nothing!

    I refer to him as Rick “Corpse Cuddler” Santorum.

    See, his wife had a miscarriage, and he insisted on bringing the “baby” home. He brought it home so that he could introduce it to his other children so that they could meet and play with their dead brother. They took the dead baby to bed with them that night before turning it over to the mortuary the next day.

    He told this story as evidence of his commitment to “life.”

    I thought of Emily Grierson.

  26. The most amazing thing about Rick is that he lost as an incumbent. And yet here we are.

    There’s a certain narrative satisfaction to the thought that the vilest specimens are making their push one generation at most before abortion etc. ceases to be the defining factor in American politics, praise Crom.

  27. Ah Ricky Sanitation… no one in the history of scumbags has there been a single individual that has done more to further a cause.. Scumbag-dome will never be the same after ex-senator Sanitation got on the horse…

    Ricky is one of the biggest losers on all time in ANY circle you wish, or pay someone, to define. He brings nothing but hate and stupidity and fear-mongering to everything he does. Even comedians use him as a REAL BAD joke.. You should listen sometime to Lewis Black talk about Ricky…it’s hilarious..!!

    It looks like Ricky is going to be around as long as there are stupid people out there like he and chimpy bush and mcconnell and cantor and boner all running around trying to out-lie each other and spewing fear mongering … getting kinda boring don’t you think??

  28. how is it possible that even one Serious Political Operative thinks that PoopJizz 2012 is a viable idea? this is a serious indicator of our horrible economy.

  29. [re=626714]Doglessliberal[/re]: Or Hanuman, the Hindu Monkey God. Remember awhile back some wingnut said Muslims worship a monkey god, which pissed off the Hindu-Americans? Hanuman is actually a pretty cool god, a divine human-monkey hybrid, sorta the celestial King Kong.

    Oh, wait. This crowd doesn’t even understand what Jesus or the New Testament are about. Why do I expect them to grasp an ancient, psychologically and imaginally complex Indian cosmology and pantheon of divine beings?

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