President Barack Obama will do just about anything to avoid his most important duties in office, which involve, as Chuck Norris pointed out, doing Boy Scout stuff. The latest chapter in Obama’s conspiracy against America’s boy industry is that he’s now blaming his absence at this year’s Jamboree on a scheduling conflict: He is taping The View on Wednesday. Why does Obama continue to disrespect our brave children in uniform?
Housewives can vote, you see, whereas Boy Scouts cannot — even though these costumed boy-children must collect the Democracy Badge, the Electioneering Badge, the First-Past-the-Post Badge, the Gerrymandering Badge, the Proportional Representation Badge, the Instant-Runoff-Voting Badge, the Shooing Away Black Panthers Badge and the Nixon Honor Badge to become an Eagle Scout.
Thus, the leader of the free world will chat with a handful of quasi-celebrities about lady stuff (like their periods, probably), instead of doing his real job, which is hanging out with eight-year-olds and teaching them how to build a campfire.
Yes, according to this story, Obama will send a pre-taped message to the Jamboree, but there’s only one thing such pre-taped messages do: BRAINWASH NAZI SOCIALISM IN OUR CHILDREN. [CNS]
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Ran into an ocean of sweaty Boy Scouts and their constipated do-gooder stepfathers at the fuckin Hirshhorn of all places on Sunday (this before the Deluge). The Scout centennial thing is so profoundly boring that Clifford Styll of all things was appealing to them.
What’s that – the Hitlerjugund come to Amerika? Screw collecting badges – put them to work collecting gold teeth for The Fatherland.
Also, only two of the View ladies are hateful bigots who openly discriminate against gays and atheists.
They’re running out of things in their “Let’s Bash the Demmycrat Preznit” handbook. Boy Scouts are scraping the bottom of the slander barrel. Seriously, Boy Scouts?
Of course, it worked better when folks thought the GOPers were competent and sane.
[re=626665]ForTheTurnstiles[/re]: I work right near Independence Hall, and last week there were packs of them roaming around and blocking the sidewalks up at lunch time (and during smoke breaks) every single day. Gah, and here I had thought with school out field trip season was over.
I fuckin’ hate field trips.
Don’t forget the Fondled-by-a-Creepy-Scoutmaster-in-a-Tent-at-Summer-Camp badge.
Poor Jack Stuef. Apparently the Briebart job hasn’t come through yet so he must continue trying to make Chuck Norris look better than Obama and write about what Bristol and Levi are doing.
“America’s boy industry”? – I thought the RCC had that business pretty well sewn up…..or at least bent over the back of a pew…
I suppose if he went to Boy Scout Jamboree — that somehow sounds dirty — he’d get photographed in their native costume which would then serve as proof he’s a secret non-heterosexual. And if says things like “do good deeds”, it will prove he’s a muslin.
Poor Hopey can’t win. They hate it when he speaks to the children, they hate it when he don’t.
If Newton Minow thought teevee was a vast wasteland 40 or 50 years ago, I shudder to imagine what he might call The View.
If Obama did accept the invitation to speak at the scouting thing, the same folks who are complaining about the “snub” would be protesting his desecration of the sacred Real American event.
[re=626671]JMP[/re]: which two (wait i know haslebeck is one) so which other dont regulary watch…
[re=626677]mustardman[/re]: I agree Jack picks some easy targets. But if he didn’t do it someone else would. And isn’t that what democracy is all about?
As for Breitbart, I’m waiting for the seven second version of his upcoming appearance with Michael Steele. Hopefully they take out all the boring “context” and leave just the outrageousness.
[re=626676]V572625694[/re]: Like Ted Haggart, Lord Baden-Powell was COMPLETELY HETEROSEXUAL. And *fabulously* dressed.
Boy Scouts got it wrong. When you’re pulling a train, Lady Liberty goes at the front.
[re=626676]V572625694[/re]: Creepy-Scoutmaster-in-a-Tent… So you’ve met my deadbeat brother=in-law?
What a fucking Nazi. He won’t even show in person to encourage youth indoctrination pogrom prep The Scouts.
[re=626696]Buzz Feedback[/re]: she could be wearing a strap on.
[re=626694]ForTheTurnstiles[/re]: Sometimes a massage just…gets out of hand. It can happen to anyone, particularly while high on meth.
[re=626692]PlanetWingnuta[/re]: As someone who has both a job and a penis, I don’t either; but Sheppard(sp?), who’s a hard-core nutty Christian.
But why does Obama hate this great American institution so much, to snub them as no other President would? Wait, what’s that article?
“Presidents Nixon, Reagan, Carter and Ford did not speak at a Jamboree and President John F. Kennedy was assassinated before the Jamboree in 1964 when Johnson spoke.”
Why did Ronald Reagan hate America?
Oh, and the comments are truly insane and maddening.
My own experience of the Boy Scouts was of a theocratic, junior paramilitary organization run by sadists, bigots and insufferable religious proselytizers. So I can readily get behind Obama’s no-brainer decision to spend his time entertaining America’s bored housewives instead.
This is just more evidence to prove that homophobia claim like O’Reilly sez. Wait–if he went he’d be supporting the homophobes. No, wait: Not going supports the gays. No–he hates the gays–he loves the gays–he hates them–he loves them–he hates them AND he loves them. (Then he gets his nose slashed by O’Reilly’s henchmen.)
Clearly payback for fucking up traffic last weekend. You’ll think about it a little longer before you shut down Constitution Ave.,next time, now won’t you?
Don’t forget the Keeping Your Mouth Shut When the Police Detective Starts Asking a Lot of Questions About The Erotic Camping Trip badge.
But I agree with Mustardayonnaiseman; in terms of assignments, Jack is getting what A Tribe Called Quest called “the booty end of the stick.”
I find that picture extremely disturbing.
Is Obama planning to repeal the ban on Hindu gods joining Boy Scouts?
How many thousand twelve-year-olds, camped out for a week with port-a-potties? I’d skip it too; Jeesus, the smell alone!
Don’t let Obamer brainwash the Boy Scouts (America’s last great hope!!!) like he did those school children last year! http://is.gd/dMUJy. Just look what happened to this poor youth: http://is.gd/dMUR6
Chuck Norris should crash the show: like the Kool-Aid pitcher coming through the back of the set, but with guns and a huge wad of winger emails he printed up so he could be sure to get some answers.
[re=626713]JMP[/re]: thought you meant her…i couldn’t see whooppi in that line up. she and joy are the only ones i respect on that show.
Lady Lib & The Libertettes
“I wanna tell you ’bout the B..S..oA, B..S..oA” etc etc
what was the last line..”You can come on an alter boy?”…Good times.
[re=626676]V572625694[/re]: Ah, you mean the GOP-badge-of-Merit. It’s telling that not even a Palin-American like Norris is stupid enough to publically urge Republicans to hang out with Boy Scouts.
[re=626716]Undeterredbyreality[/re]: Forget it Barry – it’s Murdochville.
[re=626701]Snarkalicious[/re]: Mmm…html fail, asshole. Way to blow your shitty joke even further out of the water. Next time be sure to include a broken link to the Keystone Kops not falling down.
[re=626687]DoktorZoom[/re]: Or they would be complaining that Obama went there with the express mission of indoctrinating these fine youth in the ways of Muslim Socialism, where they would go back to their homes and kill their parents in their sleep.
Wait, last year, Conservatives were screaming when Obama appeared to school children, because he was going to recruit them into the Obama-youth. Now they are up set that he is not going to do that?
And, can you think of another organization as gay friendly as the Boy Scouts that the right gets all in a tizzy about? Surely there are other groups of boys they can cruise?
“Please Mr Scoutmaster Sir, I don’t want to play “Pound the Tent Peg” anymore…”
Shouldn’t we repaint that poster to contain less brown people?
[re=626713]JMP[/re]: yeah i saw the comments…god would i wish i had the power to electro shock those morans!
[re=626742]Snarkalicious[/re]: LOL
I knew a woman from Belgium who lived there during WWII. Her father was a town official and was executed by the Nazis. She and her husband came here to live after the war. She would not let her sons join the Boy Scouts of America,though ,referring to the organization as “little brown-shirt nazis.” I always enjoyed that particular tirade.
… instead of doing his real job, which is hanging out with eight-year-olds …
He does enough of that when Congress is in session.
I was a Webelos, briefly, but I decided I couldn’t hang with an organization that required me to be “reverant.” “Clean” was difficult enough.
To be fair, Hitler modeled the Hitler Youth after the Boy Scouts, not the other way around, although I’m not sure that’s all that much of a defense.
[re=626683]WarAndGee[/re]: Seriously, it must suck to be in a position where every decision is immediately digested and vilified by thousands of bloggers, blog commentors, pundits, and newsman and usually by both sides. “Hooray For Anything went for the Weight Watchers for dinner tonight, thus proving that Hooray is an elitist who eats only expensive frozen food and to lose weight. If he were a real American, he’d be all over Stouffer’s Meat Loaf dinner” while the NetRoots would criticize me for not being sufficiently strong in my defense of the frozen pizza and for eating something that’s not organic.
[re=626715]One Yield Regular[/re]: That was my experience too. We even had to write an essay about why America is the awesomest place in the world and graded upon how many things you say is so awesome about America.
Cub Scouts was a pleasant enough experience,in the kitchen of the Den Mother as I think she was called.
Then a local Bircher took over in a new year, an angry man with an agenda, things like standing in the right place, with the right attitude and posture, holding a lit candle, watching while two at a time we practiced folding the flag. Be quiet, this is the flag! Again!
[re=626677]mustardman[/re]: For fuck’s sake: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sarcasm
I cannot live this lie any more. I did not really play any of the insane variations on the game of Base Ball that were required for the arrowhead patch for said sport.* My promotion from Bear to Wolf cub (or was it to Webelo?) was therefore a fraud, and I would like to apologize to everyone that I’ve hurt through my shameful behavior, especially my wife, Howard.
I believe the truth sets us free. I only hope that I can somehow rebuild my life.
*(Really, “One Old Cat”? That’s just nuts)
[re=626683]WarAndGee[/re]: I noticed that too. Either you want the guy talking to your children or you don’t. Just make up your minds crazy people.
re: the alt text: Dude, Jack, what are you even talking about? NOBAMAO is clearly the second one from the bottom. You can tell, because he’s brown, but not too brown, like a muslin or a messkin.
[re=626677]mustardman[/re]: Aw, c’mon man, you’re a better Wonketteer than that. If you’re going to persistently rag on Jack for being insufficiently pro-Obamar, at least be intellectually honest enough to reserve your hyperbolic harping for posts that arguably warrant it.
They exist.
An over-the-top riff aimed primarily at the depressing expectation that the President either kow-tow to teacup Christards, or hobknob with over-the-hill fame whores, and his administration’s callow, yet ultimately banal, election year political calculations related to such matters, hardly rises to the level of a Breitbart-buttsecksing offense.
Nor, for that matter, does inane Levi & Bristol slash fic, which was just cold being scrawled in poop and cum on this blog by literally every other editor — including, if not especially, the dearly departed Smith & Newell — long before the new dude got the gig.
And if that was all “tl;dr” and shit, just go re-read [re=626796]THIS[/re].
[re=626719]norbizness[/re]: It’s show business, yo — the product can’t always be dope.
Boy Scouts provide as much military experience as most GOPers get. So the right has to support this.
Nocturnal emission accomplished.
I’m waiting for the furor (fuhrer?) that will arise when the press breaks the news that the President breathes air.
[re=626796]Jack Stuef[/re]: The “man” has been saying similarly unfunny things in other posts. Keep him on your radar for possible banning, please. Ken DOES let you ban people, doesn’t he?
[re=626677]mustardman[/re]: By the way — and in all sincerity — there’s something I keep meaning to ask you (if you’re still talking to me):
Are you in any way affiliated with this august institution?
If so, kudos — it truly is an enjoyable labor of single-mindedly obsessive love.
[re=626677]mustardman[/re]: You keep hitting this point, and it just ain’t working.
Barry just doesn’t want to get to know and become attached to any of these kids, who he is about to send off to fight in Afghanistan.
[re=626845]AuntieLola[/re]: You know who else used to breathe air…?
Watch this – in one breath:
TrustworthyLoyalHelpfulFriendlyCourteousKindObedientCheerfulThriftyBraveCleanIRRELEVANT!
Whew!
Bruce Weber attended the Jamboree some years back on behalf of Vanity Fair. Things were popping around those pup tents, I can assure u, and they weren’t marshmallows
Every Body Knows that the Boy Scouts are controlled by the Mormons.
If I were the President, I wouldn’t go to a fucking jamboree, either. I say that in all sincerity as a former Scout who tired of the militarism and the proselytizing.
Fucking Mormons.
[re=626851]Extemporanus[/re]: Friends were there a few years ago and were so nice as to bring me back about a dozen different jars of mustard. If I’m still alive by the time I use them up, I plan to go there myself to restock.
[re=626715]One Yield Regular[/re]: I remember having a good time as a Boy Scout, but me and all of the other scouts I know grew up to be drug gobbling atheist libtard weirdos. It does seem that the organization has gotten a lot weirder and more political with age. I don’t know anyone (including some eagle scouts) who would even want their kid to be a scout now.
[re=626823]Extemporanus[/re]: Cheers.
Guess you don’t know to many people! Boy Scouts is a great org. We live a small town, not much to do. Scouts keeps our boys out of trouble and teaches them many skills they wouldn’t learn otherwise. Our leaders are kind, understanding, and very helpful. To imply they are queers,morons ect. is dead wrong !!!!!!! Every group has bad apples.
[re=626696]Buzz Feedback[/re]: unless she’s using her Washington-Monument-shaped strap-on…
[re=627001]mom[/re]: Never posted before, not that there’s anything wrong with that. Poor grammar, not down with the verbs. Offended at us making fun of the hateful. Overuse of punctuation. Then using equating “queers” with “morons” and implying that implying someone is “queer” is an insult. Now, implying that there is something wrong with being queer is just plain wrong, and hateful, and bigoted. Every comment board gets trolls, and you are one of them; and if you are a mom I pity your kid(s), especially if they are gay.
[re=626683]WarAndGee[/re]: You sir are correct.
[re=627086]JMP[/re]: Heh, I thought she said “queers & Mormons”. That works, too.
[re=626683]WarAndGee[/re]: So true. He’s wrong when he’s right.
[re=627086]JMP[/re]: Thank you for that. I’m putting in an immediate request to Wonkette Central to get you a promotion to Senior Troll Manager.
Actually, regarding the Wednesday thing: Most people in the Scouting world are complaining–rightfully so, actually–that Obama won’t be attending the huge opening week show event at the Jamboree this Saturday, July 31st–an event in which all approximately 45,000 Scouts and leaders attend a show at a huge on-base amphitheater. Many previous presidents have attended either this event or the Jamboree itself–a huge, sprawling event held every four years at Fort A. P. Hill in Fredericksburg, Virginia. Bush I attended the Jamboree opening event, and possibly Clinton and Bush II also attended the Jamboree. It’s a smart p.r. move for the president to attend this event–either the opening show or the Jamboree itself, it has nothing really to do with politics, it encourages, and gets, huge positive p.r. coverage, it gets you points with numerous demographics, and it’s the danged Boy Scouts, for goodness’ sake! The main question is why Obama isn’t attending the Jamboree in person–it’s a natural positive for him, for his administration, and for the event itself. He should be there in person.
And who the hell cares about “The View?”
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