Help Obama Have a Happy Birthday (By Sending His Wife Money?)

Oh look, Michelle Obama sent us like seven emails, all with the same request: Let poor little rich boy Barack Obama finally have a happy birthday! How do you do this? Just click the link for a NO OBLIGATION chance to sign a pledge to charge your credit card more money so that Democrats can continue to piss away their Senate and House majorities, and Obama's various middle managers can continue firing uppity black ladies from the Farming Office. What?

There's not even an offer of a sexy night on the town with Bill Clinton, hitting all his favorite Harlem nightspots and motels. Just a dumb web-form, and then the GIVE US MONEY routine, again, forever. It's a good thing we're not in year three of an awful nation-crushing Depression or anything! [We will not link to this; check your inbox]