nah we'll just send him a tie from big lots

Help Obama Have a Happy Birthday (By Sending His Wife Money?)

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For his *next* birthday, pay off Hillary's campaign debt!
Oh look, Michelle Obama sent us like seven emails, all with the same request: Let poor little rich boy Barack Obama finally have a happy birthday! How do you do this? Just click the link for a NO OBLIGATION chance to sign a pledge to charge your credit card more money so that Democrats can continue to piss away their Senate and House majorities, and Obama’s various middle managers can continue firing uppity black ladies from the Farming Office. What?

There’s not even an offer of a sexy night on the town with Bill Clinton, hitting all his favorite Harlem nightspots and motels. Just a dumb web-form, and then the GIVE US MONEY routine, again, forever. It’s a good thing we’re not in year three of an awful nation-crushing Depression or anything! [We will not link to this; check your inbox]

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Jim89048

    Haha, I already deleted that one from 2 of my lebenty email accounts, before it sucked my bank account dry like so many Nigerian princes have already.

  • Buzz Feedback

    How do they celebrate birthdays in Barackistan?

  • SayItWithWookies

    Instead of sending you money, I’m going to throw Ben Nelson in the hog waller.

  • Mumbletypeg

    Michelle Obama: Floats like a butterfly; stings like a money bee.

  • MLM

    Still better than the John Kerry email asking me to vote for some baseball dude. ??!

  • qaf

    If he’s having his “birithday” today (as in the headline) then it’s clear that Hopey’s not a Muslin but B’nai B’rith. No wonder he’s so protective of Israel…

  • TGY

    Yeah, yeah, happy birthday, PINO.

  • Undeterredbyreality

    “Birithday?” Is that like the muslin bris for wimmen? (What am I, the copy editor today?)

  • Gorillionaire

    All my money went to Alvin Greene, I’m tapped out.

  • Undeterredbyreality

    [re=626480]qaf[/re]: Ach du lieber! You beat me to it. Better, too.

  • Extemporanus

    In the spirit of these waist-tightening times, I’m going to regift John McCain’s birthday card from last year.

    Happy Birthday, boy! HENGGGHH?!

  • Undeterredbyreality

    [re=626484]Undeterredbyreality[/re]: Read more closely. It’s HIS birithday, not hers, idiot!

  • freakishlystrong

    When is his birfday in Kenya? The Muslin calendar is different?

  • Limeylizzie

    [re=626484]Undeterredbyreality[/re]: Ouch, that gave my lady parts a nasty turn.

  • JMP

    Sorry, but it looks like the President’s birthday is on my parents’ anniversary; I’m already shelling out on some nice box wine and a fancy dinner at Friendly’s. No can give.

  • weejee

    [Alt Text] needs moar “Nuke Iran”

  • Look At My Wiener

    What’s the theme for Hopey’s bar mitzvah?

  • Terry

    “There‚Äôs not even an offer of a sexy night on the town with Bill Clinton, hitting all his favorite Harlem nightspots and motels.”

    Y’all have to admit that an evening with Bill Clinton would be far more fun than one with Barack Obama. Obama would serve you healthy snacks and one or two beers, probably from that nice microbrewery in Chicago (Goose Creek?), then you’d talk policy or philosophy. Clinton, on the other hand, you’d overeat and overdrink and party until long after the sun came up again. Yeah, Bill would be a pure hoot.

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    [re=626468]Jim89048[/re]: That’s it. Obama is not Kenyan, he is Nigerian. He is probably not even a solicitor in real life, but became President through an elaborate email scam run out of an Internet cafe in Chicago.

    [re=626494]freakishlystrong[/re]: Yeah, I’m unclear. Is this his real birthday, or the fake one on his birth certificate. Someone call up David Vitter and find out.

  • Limeylizzie

    [re=626526]Terry[/re]: I would love to have a night out with Bill, it would involve lots of heavy petting in public places, screaming with laughter at his dirty jokes and a walk of shame in the early hours sans panties.Barack would be all talking about Michelle and avoiding my grabby hands.So, I’m with you on that.

  • Native of SL UT

    Fuck him, he didn’t remember my birthday.

  • PlanetWingnuta

    i think i too would like hang time with bill and barrack…just informal no presidental talk just hanging. (*srsly)

  • slowhansolo

    Meh, I spent all my petty funds on intoxicants. And I agree Bill would be far more fun, assuming the old ticker could take it (mine.)

  • NotMother?

    Unless I see a long card, it’s a fake and I’m not signing.

  • wyattfloress

    Why does he need money. What happened to him.
    Revolution E-Cigarette