Day One Without Tony On Day 98

  oil pelicans

    I miss Tony already. *sniff* *sniff* *cough* I just hacked up a tarball. *cough*

  • Our dear friend Tony Hayward is sailing off to Siberia on his shiny yacht now powered by a golden kiss-in-the mail worth a cool £600,000 a year with cases of caviar and bottles of bubbly (that’s $928,500 for those of you who speak American). What will Tony do with all his Ron Paul Gold? Perhaps buy another Ron Paul blimp to survey the oil spill. [Atlantic]
  • Thousands of cute and cuddly baby Jack Kemp ridley turtles have been released off the coast of Padre Island, Texas. As far as we know they have not been killed by the giant oil monster … yet. [New Orleans Times-Picayune]
  • Really, really, really unlucky couple lived in Prince William Sound during the Exxon Valdez spill and are now living in Gulf Shores, Alabama, during the Deepwater Horizon disaster/spill/worst thing ever. [Mobile Press Register]
  • The oily sex position known as static kill is slated to start next Monday and the reverse cowgirl bottom kill is scheduled to start on August 7. The process involves pumping heavy mud into a tiny hole at the bottom of a dark abyss. If it doesn’t work there will be ‘spolsions everywhere. [Houston Chronicle]
  • Even though the recent oil calamity has made everybody get all excited about wind turbines, solar power and biofuels, the renewables market just may not be there yet, according to the oil industry newsletter Reason. [Reason]
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About the author

As the only libertarian at Wonkette Garrett is often the subject of scorn and ridicule by the rest of the communist staff. When he isn't snapping photos of furries in compromising positions he strings sentences together on Massachusetts politics and culture on Boston.com and is a contributor to WGBH radio & teevee. In addition to media he works for a small family owned environmental contractor in Greater Boston. He religiously supports the United States National Team, Boston Red Sox, and Boston Bruins.

View all articles by Garrett Quinn

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13 comments

  1. Undeterredbyreality

    Don’t know why, but the picture and the text about the static kill made me think of Oily Taints.

  2. SayItWithWookies

    Oh to be in such a position where if I fuck up as tremendously as Tony Hayward I get a million dollar pension as punishment. I guess that’s what life is like in the rough-and-tumble world of global capitalism, where people live and die by their successes and failures. Yeah buddy, he pulled himself up by his own bootstraps, took enormous risks, and if they hadn’t panned out he would now be living the life of a pauper.
    And now I know why he got transferred to Siberia — because it isn’t full of angry unemployed impoverished shrimpers with guns.

  3. Serolf Divad

    “What will Tony do with all his Ron Paul Gold?”

    Under-age sex tourism in Thailand would be my guess.

  4. JMP

    [re=626428]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Hey, usually CEOs who seriously fuck up get golden parachutes in the tens of millions of dollars; BP’s showing they know how really bad Howard was by only giving him about a million.

  5. Mad Farmer Manifest

    If your doing the reverse cowgirl bottom kill properly, there will also be ‘splosions everywhere.

  6. SayItWithWookies

    [re=626438]JMP[/re]: Yeah that probably stings. Why, a man can barely afford enough Evian and Paul Mitchell products to shampoo his horses with on a million dollars a year, much less keep the Italian marble in his foyer properly buffed. He’ll probably have to let the pastry chef go, too, poor fellow.

  7. Mad Farmer Manifest

    [re=626463]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Just another example of how the government kills jobs. Just let the corporations do their thing, and soon we’ll all have jobs mowing lawns, cooking pastries that we aren’t allowed to eat, and licking the master’s testicles. Prosperity for all!

  8. spanielmander

    Not to be too serious here, but why the fuck are they even CONSIDERING trying static kill or any other kind of kill? The well is currently either not leaking, or leaking negligibly. Relief wells, which will permanently stop the leak, will be completed in August (they say).

    CLEARLY the solution here, if you are BP and our idiot leaders, is to say, Fuck it, let’s just pump some fucking mud into this thing and see what happens. NO! Just. Leave. It. For once, you did something right–you stopped the leak. This does NOT mean that everything else you do from this point is also the right thing. No, it does not mean that!

    There are over 6,000 pounds per square inch of pressure in the riser now, and that at a mile below the ocean. No matter what they might say, those numbers tell me that static kill represents a huge risk. When you’re taking a huge risk, you want to make sure that the possible outcomes are worth it. The possible outcomes here are, basically, 1. the status quo, or 2. disaster, part 3. How is this a good idea?

  9. sati demise

    [re=626433]Ruhe[/re]: WTF? I wanted to get a grid tied system this year (using the same solar panels CocaCola is using on most of their buildings, btw, so no hippie dippy there, my friend).

    My power company says “sorry, we are not taking any new applications until January and even then you will be in a line, have no idea when you can hook up, mk?thxg’bye”
    Excuse me?

    This is what happens when solar is the same price as coal power in the SW. Power delayed can become power denied.
    end of rant.

  10. GOPCrusher

    As an Iowan, I’ve been using ethanol in all my vehicles and small engines since 77. Never ceases to amaze me at the level of misinformation that Big Oil has put out since 2000. I have never had one single fuel related failure. And while R-85 does decrease fuel mileage by 20%, it does create 20% more horsepower and generally costs right about 20% less than standard unleaded. 10% blended ethanol costs less than standard unleaded and I get better fuel economy with it.
    And we have windmills going up all over the state. As of last year, just over 20% of the energy used was created by wind power.

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