Congressman Zach Wamp is locked in a three-way battle for the Republican nomination for Tennessee governor (though it will ultimately go to a fourth candidate, Basil Marceaux), and so to give himself an edge he has resorted to the best talking point ever (after traffic-stop slavery emancipation), hinting that he maybe would like to secede from the Union. “I hope that the American people will go to the ballot box in 2010 and 2012 so that states are not forced to consider separation from this government,” he said. It would be such a pain in the neck to go through that whole secession thing again! ANNOYYYYYYYYYYING. Just vote, you lazy bums.
“Patriots like Rick Perry have talked about these issues because the federal government is putting us in an untenable position at the state level,” he said.
Perry, the Texas governor who easily won a primary challenge earlier this year, saw his stock rise among conservatives after suggesting in 2009 that his state might consider secession.
You see, Wamp, don’t immediately let the interviewer know that you are trying to pander to your crazy base. You have to have conviction. You have to think, “Yes, I want the state of Tennessee to have its ass handed to itself again by the Union Army, but this time I want them to have nuclear weapons and deadly jets and computer missiles and such. And this is an idea I came up with by myself and not by just listening to what has worked for other Republican gubernatorial candidates in the South.”
Wamp, however, has now backtracked from these comments, showing the voters that not only does he want to pander, he also wants them to call him a “daggum pusseee” between spits of tobacco.
Tennessee, you need HURRY UP and decide if you want to secede or not. Why is it always this way with you? Are you IN or are you OUT? It is a simple question. Just pick a team! South Carolina has already seceded six times in the time it has taken to read this post. [CNN Political Ticker]