That denim shirt!  That belt buckle!  I for one am sold.You might remember Ken Buck as the the guy who’s running for Senate in Colorado who criticized his lady opponent, for wearing lady shoes, and who also used the word “bullshit” to refer to actual poop that came out of a cow’s butt, rather than as a metaphor for certain types of discourse? Well, he says a lot of things that include swear words that might offend your grandmother! For instance, he called obviously crazy people who think the President was born in Kenya “dumbasses,” and this is a mid-level campaign scandal, apparently!

This Ken Buck “scandal” actually reveals a number of things about the political process as we know it today in the far-future year 2010. First of all, there is the fact that Buck — who is positioning himself as the “Tea Party”/outsider/whatever candidate against former Lt. Governor Jane Norton — felt vaguely obliged to atone at all for saying the following completely justifiable thing:

Will you tell those dumbasses at the Tea Party to stop asking questions about birth certificates while I’m on the camera? God, what am I supposed to do?

See, because having crazy people asking you crazy questions on TV does not make you look like a serious candidate! Buck’s spokesperson said he shouldn’t have “cussed” (charming!) and Buck himself not-quite-apologized, saying he’s miked all the time and sometimes he “vents” (about crazy people pushing a crazy agenda that could undermine his candidacy, he did not say).

Lu Busse, the head of the “9.12 Project Colorado Coalition,” the local Tea Party-esque group, is probably someone who realizes that birthers are maniacs, but still felt compelled to preface her we-don’t-hate-you-Buck comments with a statement that “There are certainly many of us who have questions about Obama’s documentation and records.” Yes, many of you! Those of you who are insane lunatics.

In a further capitulation to the Obamanation, Buck said that he “can’t believe that guy [Tancredo] opens his mouth,” after the future Colorado governor said at a Jim DeMint rally that Obama was the biggest threat to America.

Meanwhile, Norton’s campaign — which, keep in mind, is the “establishment” campaign, and Norton probably thought she was a shoo-in, because Republicans love the Establishment, or at least they used to — responded with the following pile of words, issued by spokeshuman “Cinamon Watson”:

[Ken Buck] is two-steps short of a fraud … He’s a self-proclaimed tea partier who trashes tea partiers when he thinks no one is looking. He’s an alleged fiscal conservative who increased his budget by 40 percent. He’s a Tom Tancredo disciple who trashes Tancredo when he thinks the mic is off. Ken says he can appeal to swing voters and beat Michael Bennet, and then trashes the roughly 50 percent of voters who wear high heels. Bottom line: The voters of Colorado can’t trust Ken Buck.

Good luck convincing us that your candidate is both a better friend to the Tea Party and more viable with swing voters, Cinamon! Is there a Word macro that spits these things out, always concluding with “Bottom line: The voters of JURISDICTION can’t trust OPPONENT”?

Anyway, the saddest part of the whole thing is the identity of the person to whom Buck made these “gaffes”: a Democratic “tracker,” some underpaid dude who is paid to follow the candidate around and record everything he says and does. There is one of these people following literally every campaign of any importance in the country, because a guy who did that managed to destroy George Allen, this one time, four years ago. But because these guys with cameras are a constant presence in the candidates’ sad, lonely lives of endless hand-shaking and terrible photo-ops at shitty diners, they become the politicians’ only friends, long after they have forgotten what their spouses and children even look like. So naturally the politicians slip up and say “off-message” things, like “I wish actual, literal paranoids would stop badgering me with their paranoid questions” and “Tom Tancredo, he is a crazy man.”

So, is Ken Buck a hero? No, of course not, he’s an extreme right-winger who is actively trying to kiss the tea party’s ass. But still, kudos for calling birthers a cuss word, we guess. [Denver Post/Politico]

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  1. How dare he call the teabaggers dumbasses; that is way too mild a description for those shitty fuckheads. See how this works, Mr. Buck?

    If they were clever, the teabaggers would’ve used the appropriate response, “Well, a double dumbass on you!”. But they are not.

  2. Sorry, but “mild pejorative” in relation to the ‘baggers is something a lot rougher than dumbasses. Maybe “bag of batshit insanity”

  3. Busse said it probably won’t cost him votes.

    That’s because although the truth hurts, it’s still the truth.

    And those dumbasees know it.

  4. Uhhhh…doesn’t this actually make this guy a little more electable? (Or at least less insane than 90% of the other Republicans.)

  5. There is no funny today, where has all the funny gone? Have I just finally, at long last, outgrown my smart-ass teenager years? Why is it that nothing seems funny anymore?

  6. 9.12ers. They’ve co-opted 9/11, and now we’ll have the new MKLJr-ers, since we all know white conservatives like Glenn Beck and asinine teabaggers are the true civil rights heroes of our time.

    Choke on a bag of pineapple dipped dicks, retards.

  7. [re=625479]Geogre[/re]: They can’t find their ass with both hands and a flashlight. They don’t know their ass from their elbow. They don’t know their ass from a hole in the ground. Ahh, the old classics, they never lose their zing, do they?

  8. OT but something that will thrill & delight you all: Tom Tancredo is entering the CO governor’s race as a 3rd party candidate. Looks like we’ll have Tommy Boy to kick around for a bit longer, since he’s too stupid to quietly fade into obscurity with a scant bit of dignity intact.

  9. Unless he raises only stud bulls, that’s much more likely to be cowshit than bullshit on his boots. Also, most people avoid stepping in cowshit when they work around cows. So, FAKE COWBOY LIAR!

  10. [re=625490]germansteel[/re]: This reminds me of the funniest line ever from the short-lived live-action TV version of The Tick, Bat Manuel says something insulting to the Tick, but then says “no offense intended,” to which the Tick replies, as only he can, “Thats all right, none comprehended.”

  11. “Cinamon?” I asked my titty-dancer friend if she thought that the misspelled name of a spice you put on oatmeal was an appropriate/cool stage name, and she just rolled her eyes and asked me for another shot of Red Stag.

  12. [re=625485]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: No, I’d say that’s right on topic. With Buck calling dumbass Birthers dumbasses, they’re likely to stampede over to Tancredo, who’s not afraid to be the dumbass Birther that he is, and celebrate dumbass Birthers’ dumbassery. In a Hickenlooper/Norton/Tancredo three-way, the one who doesn’t get screwed is Hickenlooper. And if the Colorado GOP is thus poisoned, then the Democrats have a pretty good shot at retaining the state legislature, which is a nice accessory to the governor’s office.

    Will this dumbass-driven craziness spill out into other states’ GOPs? No, it won’t. It’s already there.

  13. Mr. Buck, rule 1: Don’t rile up the Tea partying birfers. They will circle their trailers and start shooting their mouths off like the dumbasses they are. Rule 2: when confronting a pile of shit, step around it. You might get some tea partier stuck on your shoes.

  14. The guy obviously thinks he’s taller than he is. The pockets on that shirt are telling me that he’s buying tall sizes (or else he’s only 5’4 to begin with). It looks like the shirt version of ghetto pants pockets.

  15. The best part of this election cycle is watching this bunch kiss teabagger ass for any chance with the GOP primary then get whiplash trying to turn to center for the general election.

  16. You know, if this whole elected office thing doesn’t work out for him, homeboy could just shrink up his teeth a little and be Joe Biden’s body double.

  17. [re=625484]Prommie[/re]: No, well “dumbass” didn’t give me much to work with.

    I just remember my high school days, when, “Better a smart ass than a dumb shit” was my standard retort (followed by running, of course). As for “dumbass questions,” one can speculate that they are questions for dumbasses, and, in that case, Zach Wamps ’em.

  18. The tragedy of the tea party is that it’s so disorganized as a platform and so heterogeneous you literally have to support every possible fringe position rather than aim for the middle in order to gain support. Sure, there are a lot of loonies, but it’s a pretty big tent (united by, uh, fear of black men and taxes?). A circus tent, even!

  19. Well, of course, Ken Buck doesn’t think Obama is the biggest threat to this country, I was at a candidates forum in 2008 when he told us south Weld County residents that it was liberals who were the biggest threat to this country…I think because we don’t hate the illegals like good Americans ought to. Ken Buck is a turd.

  20. [re=625484]Prommie[/re]: My own personal favorite, “couldn’t pour piss out of a boot with the instructions written on the heel.”

    As for this “cinamon” person, out here in Nevaduh that’s spelled “Synamon”. Just sayin’.

  21. [re=625692]Jim89048[/re]: “couldn’t pour piss out of a boot with the instructions written on the heel.”

    Now THAT’s a dumbass!

  22. Buck is using “dog whistle” expression, one only the party faithful can hear. “Dumb” is a reference to being voiceless, while “ass” is obviously a donkey, aka the Demon-crats. He’s complaining about voiceless Dems asking him questions after he says “any questions”.

    But even he has to admit the standard of proof being demanded by the birthers is beyond anyone’s ability to meet. The certificate (on-line), contemporaneous newspaper announcements, the lack of records in Kenya, all that is evidence of the conspiracy, not his birth. (There’s a name for this is logic where the premises prove each other but nothing else.)

    Then there’s the bizarre legal theory that Obama isn’t a citizen because is father had duel citizenship. Besides the plain language of the 14th Amendment, that argument presupposes that anyone who can’t prove his father’s citizenship is not a citizen. Which means all candidates for President must prove — using DNA — who their father is.

    But let’s concede all their points. There’s a movement floating around the Republican world to name buildings and things after Ronald Reagan. I’ll go along with that, as long as “they” can prove Reagan was eligible to be President using the same standards as for Obama.

  23. [re=626062]just pixels[/re]: I would love to see them exhume and test his corpse, for Freedom.

    Also, “duel citizenship”, eh? Anyone who gains citizenship as the result of a duel is *twice* the American.

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