Tom Tancredo to Enemies: Step Aside or I Will Destroy You

 
 Tom Tancredo's career as an elected politician, rather than as a crusader for deporting everyone: Whatever became of it? Last the "Tom Tancredo" tag on Wonkette heard, he was 100 percent definitely running for governor of Colorado. If only Scott McInnis and Dan Maes, the two GOP candidates who actually bothered to register for the primary, hadn't been so busy plagiarizing and being unethical, respectively, they might have been aware of Tancredo's gubernatorial ambitions. Now they have only 72 hours to flee from the race in disgrace, or Tom Tancredo will be forced to crush them from the lofty perch of the "American Constitution Party."

By noon Monday, Scott McInnis and Dan Maes must publicly announce that they have been defeated by Tom Tancredo in advance, and agree that whichever one of them "wins" the Republican primary will withdraw from the race immediately afterward, so that the Republican leadership can appoint someone -- maybe Tom Tancredo, maybe not, Tom Tancredo doesn't care -- in their place. This is because Tom Tancredo has determined, with science knowledge, that they are both unelectable. What will the consequences be if this diktat is not obeyed?

"If they don't, I'm going to run as hard as a I can and I won't get out," he said.

Sounds like a threat! A sexy threat. Naturally, when Tom Tancredo is bellowing that he will be doing something as hard as he can and he won't be getting out, people are afraid! Republican people, like state Republican Chairman Dick Wadhams:

Let there be no mistake about it: Regardless of who our nominee is for governor after the primary, if Tom Tancredo carries through on his threat to run as a third party candidate, he will be responsible for the election of Denver Mayor John Hickenlooper as governor and for other races that will be imperiled as well.

Things we learn from the tone this quote: in Colorado Republican circles, "Denver Mayor" is code for "gay homosexual tax-and-spend Muslim." Also, "Dick Wadhams" is almost, but not quite, as funny a name as "John Hickenlooper." [ Denver Post ]