THIS IS OUR ZAPRUDER FILM  10:15 am July 23, 2010

Official (???) Alvin Greene Ad Takes On Porn Charges, Is Insanely Catchy

by Josh Fruhlinger

Study every frame intently for enlightenmentThe New York Times cheerily announced the death of all our hopes and dreams today by announcing that Alvin Greene “is now out with his first campaign video.” Perhaps leaving his home and talking with voters in person could be forgiven by his superiors at the Daoist monastery, but surely producing a slick hip-hop video urging people to vote for him and releasing it on the Internet is incompatible with true oneness with the Way. But we here at Wonkette suspect that this video was not released by the Greene uncampaign at all! After the jump, we dismantle these patently false assertions from the so-called “paper of record” (plus we have the video itself, you must watch it, it is amazing).

When I say Alvin, do you say Greene?

Now, we don’t want to take anything away from this video! It is a fine example of any number of the genres to which it might reasonably be assigned. However, as an official campaign video, it seems a bit off. For one thing, it lacks the “I’m Alvin Greene, and I approve this message” line that is supposedly legally required on these things. The replay of Greene’s (deliberately, to unsettle minds and lead them towards the Way) awkward joke to NAACP at the end doesn’t count. But such disregard for earthly law leads us to the next suspicious element, at 0:46:

Shep Smith is very interested in this Internet porn of which you speak

We’re not elitist media consultants, and Alvin Greene couldn’t afford to hire such people anyway, but surely anyone would know better than to refer to his own upcoming trial on porn charges in a campaign ad, right? RIGHT?

Well, maybe that’s just unconventional campaigning. But something else suspicious happened just before that, at around 0:44:

Up with people

Oh, come on, you’re saying, it’s just another line of third-rate hip-hop dancers for hire. Is it? Is it? Or is it a clip lifted from the campaign ad Florida State Representative Mike Weinstein ran, an ad showcased on this very site and produced and choreographed by Weinstein’s own son?

Oh, did we just BLOW YOUR MIND?

We submit to you that this so-called “official” Alvin Greene ad was actually produced by a talented and industrious Wonkette reader; at least, we assume that anyone who is obsessed with Alvin Greene and crappy campaign ads would probably be reading our site. Further evidence: the ad appears nowhere on Greene’s own site. Also, while “Alvin Greene Is On The Scene” is the only video currently uploaded by YouTube user “virgiltexas”, said user’s homepage features another video in similar style, featuring sassy rapping ladies.

Counterevidence: The video is promoted on the Alvin Greene for Senate Twitter feed. Do we know for sure that Alvin even runs that feed? It does not bear the checkmark denoting Twitter’s seal of authenticity, which is the gold standard for validation of Internet identity. And perhaps Greene read the New York Times story and simply chose to show the world what uncampaigning can do: by merely existing in alignment with the Way, you can cause campaign ads to create themselves with no effort on your part. Somewhere, a Daoist abbot is very pleased.

In other, more disquieting news, Alvin Greene’s military records indicate that he is “usually capable of handling mundane tasks with supervision” but “not able to adapt to any changes to daily routine.” We’re sure that, uh, there’s something very Daoist about that. [NYT/AP]

 
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{ 50 comments }

MarieDeGournay July 23, 2010 at 10:20 am

Well I know when my daily routine go awry I always end up showing porn to chubby college girls.

actor212 July 23, 2010 at 10:22 am

Isn’t that Barack Obama in the Tiger Woods headband????

Baldar T Flagass July 23, 2010 at 10:25 am

Virgil Texas!! That dance routine video is lifted from that town’s 150th anniversary Celebration of Specialness. True story!

JMP July 23, 2010 at 10:28 am

This is South Carolina, I don’t think rap is exactly the best genre to win over the rural racists who populate that state; someone needs to create a whiny country version of the song STAT.

On the other hand, “He knows how it feels ’cause he’s unemployed too” may be the best campaign slogan ever.

eyegoneblack July 23, 2010 at 10:32 am

I would so much rather have this in my head all day than that damned (danged?) Mike Weinstein song.

(When I say Alvin, you say Greene!…)

thefrontpage July 23, 2010 at 10:32 am

THIS IS THE BEST VIDEO IN YEARS.

ALVIN GREENE FOR PRESIDENT!

ALVIN GREENE IS THE HOPE FOR THE FUTURE.

ALVIN GREENE FOR SENATE!

ALVIN GREENE FOR PRESIDENT!

CapnFatback July 23, 2010 at 10:34 am

Oh no, I’m not going to fall for that twice. The clues are there. I’m not getting my hopes up only to watch The Election and find out that Greene is gonna play point guard for the Heat.

Roach July 23, 2010 at 10:35 am

No Turtle reference? I am disappoint.

Rajul July 23, 2010 at 10:35 am

What is that at 1:54 and 2:08? Is that a Sloppy Joe Lamp?

Oblios Cap July 23, 2010 at 10:35 am

WTF is so much LeBron footage doing int that? And who makes 3-minute campaign ads.

That said, it’s an awesome video! Feel the Tao.

bflrtsplk July 23, 2010 at 10:35 am

When I say Greene do you say Allllvvvvvvinnnnnnn!!!!!

AnglRdr July 23, 2010 at 10:36 am

In other, more disquieting news, Alvin Greene’s military records indicate that he is “usually capable of handling mundane tasks with supervision” but “not able to adapt to any changes to daily routine.” We’re sure that, uh, there’s something very Daoist about that.
Mundane tasks with supervision tends to indicate an IQ in the BIF range. I wish I could vote for him. But I have to stay in Tennessee and cast my vote for Basil.

BarackMyWorld July 23, 2010 at 10:37 am

I agree. Jim DeMint is a bad man.

bfstevie July 23, 2010 at 10:38 am

“usually capable of handling mundane tasks with supervision” but “not able to adapt to any changes to daily routine.”

Wouldn’t this reflect the skill set needed to be a Republican senator other than the trio from New England and Lindsay Graham?

facehead July 23, 2010 at 10:40 am

Wonkette > NYT

No man can eat 50 eggs, and no man could have been the director, producer, fluffer, etc. of such a fine video.

Srry, I’m laughing too hard to come up with anything funny.

MUST WATCH VID AGAIN.

harry palmer July 23, 2010 at 10:41 am

The porn charges are just part of the epic hero’s journey, the attempt to undo him by jealous adversaries. Joseph Campbell wrote about this in a book about Alvin Greene.

Ted Kennedy Breakdancing July 23, 2010 at 10:43 am

When you see LeBron, think Alvin Greene. Seriously, how fucking bizarre was that?

JMP July 23, 2010 at 10:43 am

[re=624116]bflrtsplk[/re]: You know, I’d like to hear this song sped up to 45 RPM.

(Yes, I am very old and remember records)

Oblios Cap July 23, 2010 at 10:44 am

[re=624116]bflrtsplk[/re]:

Allllvvvvvvinnnnnnn!!!!!

Ted Kennedy Breakdancing July 23, 2010 at 10:44 am

Also what does “SMH” mean when the rapper talks about showing porn to college chicks? Show me Ho?

SayItWithWookies July 23, 2010 at 10:47 am

[re=624100]Baldar T Flagass[/re]: Voting, like shopping, is a feeling.

eyegoneblack July 23, 2010 at 10:50 am

[re=624133]Ted Kennedy Breakdancing[/re]: Shaking My Head – so says the dictionary of urban speak.

facehead July 23, 2010 at 10:54 am

[re=624133]Ted Kennedy Breakdancing[/re]: It is either ‘Sydney Morning Herald’ or ‘Shaking My Head.’

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=smh

CapnFatback July 23, 2010 at 10:59 am

[re=624114]Rajul[/re]: It’s from the upscale Manwich collection.

North of Moscow July 23, 2010 at 11:04 am

There’s some deep subliminal messaging in that clip of the woman’s hand trying to shove that old, wrinkled dollar bill into the machine.

facehead July 23, 2010 at 11:08 am

WHEN WILL WONKETTE GIVE AN OFFICIAL ENDORSEMENT OF ALVIN GREENE?

Canmon (the Inadequate) July 23, 2010 at 11:19 am

[re=624121]bfstevie[/re]: Well, he did blame his poor military records on “terrorists and communists” so he would fit right in with the Republican senators.

facehead July 23, 2010 at 11:41 am

This is clearly the most important story ever, so I’m doing some detective work here … I’ll bill Wonkette later.

There is some Twitter or twat-like account named virgiltexas (same name which uploaded the vid on the utube), here: http://twitter.com/virgiltexas

‘virgiltexas’ makes lots of references to Alvin Greene and maybe a humorous person IRL. Apparently virgiltexas is named ‘jacques lacanine.’ Which means he’s French or gay.

I can’t decipher all this twatting, but I’m under the impression virgiltexas did not make the video. Stay tuned, I’m bored enough to take this to the source.

doxastic July 23, 2010 at 11:47 am

[re=624193]facehead[/re]: Jacques Lacan(ine), eh? Someone’s still having a go with you.

facehead July 23, 2010 at 11:53 am

[re=624203]doxastic[/re]: There must be something illegal about a twat impersonating a French philosopher.

No matter, I’m hot on the trail.

Lazy Media July 23, 2010 at 12:01 pm

That rap opening had a very familiar feel to it. Not old school, exactly, more like “mid-’80s white people have just discovered rap” school.

Is Alvin Greene a Tri Lambda?

Davidwatts July 23, 2010 at 12:33 pm

I would also submit that it is unlikely and incredibly pointless to use the cover of a record by european dance-pop band Justice to represent the concept of “Justice” in a campaign ad, ESPECIALLY one set to air in South Carolina, America, and not Berlin or Lyon. It IS, however, a funny thing to do in your joke video.

Sgt. Biyatch July 23, 2010 at 12:45 pm

[re=624226]Lazy Media[/re]: Exactly the vibe I got. Anytime “and I’m here to say” is used in the first line, it means a white person was involved.

Is Alvin Greene taking his talents to South Beach?

Mobute July 23, 2010 at 12:52 pm

CNN’s political blog has the names of the people involved:

http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2010/07/23/alvin-greene-is-on-the-scene-not-official-but-greenes-listening/?fbid=EgBuNG4ap9F

The MC behind it, Satellite High, also did the diss track on the World Net Daily birther rappers “Wolverines”:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zzpSbGgDx_w

TJBeck July 23, 2010 at 12:55 pm

from CNN:

…Multiple news organizations, including the New York Times, said the video is an “official” product of Greene’s campaign, but Greene says he had nothing to do with it.

“I don’t know who made it,” Greene told CNN.

But that doesn’t mean he isn’t listening.

“It sounds good,” he said. “Make sure everybody hears it.”

It appears the video was created by a San Francisco hip-hop producer calling himself “Satellite High” and uploaded to YouTube by a user called “virgiltexas.”

Both men promoted the video on their Twitter feeds yesterday, with Satellite High proclaiming: “when i say ‘alvin’ you say ‘dammit you people will believe anything.’”

The producer did not immediately respond to an e-mail seeking comment.

UPDATE: Jay Friedman, the San Francisco-based producer behind the song, is amused at the attention the video has gotten. The entire concept, he said, was developed among a group of friends “goofing off” on Twitter who had been following the Alvin Greene phenomenon.

“I just like making funny music, and a friend of mine on Twitter approached me asking, ‘You wanna do this’,” Friedman said in phone conversation. “It was kind of inside jokey thing.”

Friedman said the song took about an hour to complete, with some extra time needed to convince his wife to perform back-up vocals. The video, which was posted on YouTube Thursday, was produced by his friend.

He said he was taken aback when the video was billed as an “official” Greene campaign video.

“When we were making it, we were trying to make sure there was enough comedy and parody in it so that people would be sure that it didnt come from the Alvin Greene campaign,” Friedman said. “People are willing to believe very strange things when they come from the internet.”

http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2010/07/23/alvin-greene-is-on-the-scene-not-official-but-greenes-listening/?fbid=2-i6hwMOvn6

earnestcivilservant July 23, 2010 at 1:25 pm

“….perhaps Greene read the New York Times story and simply chose to show the world what uncampaigning can do: by merely existing in alignment with the Way, you can cause campaign ads to create themselves with no effort on your part.”

Can we get them all to campaign that way? Please?

facehead July 23, 2010 at 1:26 pm

[re=624316]Mobute[/re], [re=624319]TJBeck[/re]: TY BOTH!

I was keeping track, and the number of views on youtube for the video jumped by 3k in the past hour.

Sharkey July 23, 2010 at 1:33 pm

Mobute, TJBeck: This makes sense. I don’t think A. Greene can really grasp the concept of music, much less of music videos. Concepts are not mean to be grasped in the first place.

Mobute July 23, 2010 at 1:51 pm

[re=624363]Sharkey[/re]:

Agreed. Alvin Greene Campaigns with the art of the Empty Hand.

GOPCrusher July 23, 2010 at 2:00 pm

I’ll give it a 79. It had a good beat and was easy to dance to.

pirate king of the Jews July 23, 2010 at 2:01 pm

Alvin Greene=Chauncey Gardener.

AbstinenceOnly Ed July 23, 2010 at 3:08 pm

Jay is awesome. Yes, it was a joke, but you’re right: it is now part of the mellow juggernaut uncampaign that is gaining steam, the Green Machine! Stay tuned.

KublaKant July 23, 2010 at 3:14 pm

LEAVE ALVIN GREENE ALONE!!!!1!!!

BlinkyThe3EyedFish July 23, 2010 at 3:15 pm

[re=624319]TJBeck[/re]: I like how these guys say that “People are willing to believe very strange things when they come from the internet.” People (apparently the NYT included) are willing to believe very strange things about Alvin Greene. The medium is irrelevant.

kewlguy42069 July 23, 2010 at 6:23 pm

loving the Justice shoutout, lol

Surfeit O'Hubris July 23, 2010 at 9:22 pm

[re=624165]Canmon (the Inadequate)[/re]: I’m afraid I have to disagree: To fit in with Reublican senators, he’d also need to blame the homasekshuls and black people.

beezie687 July 24, 2010 at 12:17 am

I WANT TO BELIEVE!

notveryraven July 26, 2010 at 12:50 pm

attn: Wonkette editors! the whole thing’s explained here: http://www.mrdestructo.com/2010/07/alvin-greene-behind-scenes-or-how-to.html#more

tbplayer July 26, 2010 at 5:02 pm

ATTN: WONKETTE

The if you are like me and wanted to get your Alvin Greene is on the scene fix today, you know doubt already know that the video has been taken down by a copyright claim from Frank Strategies, A) a lobbying group that in no way owns the copyright to the video, and B) is associated with the Jim Demint campaign! They, too, are bad men! make your voice heard! Complain to YouTube! Tweet angrily to @frankstrategies ! Alternate hosts for the video are being sought so that you can update your page. Go Greene!

facehead July 26, 2010 at 7:29 pm

[re=625949]tbplayer[/re]: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ONLY WONKETTE CAN PROTECT THE ALVIN GREENES OF THE WORLD ALL OF US WILL BURN IN A FIERY HELL OF OINTMENT AND DIAPER RASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HELP JEBUS GOD! SUSTAIN MAH BEAUTY!!!

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