WHERE'S YOUR FRAMING CERTIFICATE OBAMA?  12:31 pm July 22, 2010

Barack Obama Wrote Kenya an Abortion Constitution and Spent Lots of Money On It

by Jack Stuef

Why won't you let Kenyans be free to restrict freedoms?When Barack Obama was born in Kenya 16 years ago, abortion wasn’t legal, so his parents weren’t able to get rid of their child. Jesus smiled, because he likes all babies, even socialist ones who want to destroy America. But now that ObaMao has illegally taken power in the U.S., he has decided to force a new constitution on Kenya that protects abortion, and our government is illegally spending money to get this passed, according to Fox News.

You know, there’s a perfectly good constitution sitting around that Kenya could use. Its framers didn’t need lots of money to make it; they just used their minds and American Values. Sure, it may be a little dusty, but it works just fine if you don’t have any activist judges. This constitution is, of course, The Constitution. But apparently our Constitution is not good enough for Obama because it offers no protection for abortions, so he spent money to write a new one for Kenya.

Kenyans, though, like Real Americans and our Constitution, do not believe abortion should be legal.

Because abortion has never been an issue in Kenya until now, the country lacks an organized anti-abortion movement on the scale seen in the United States.

Thank you, Fox News. Kenyans were a peaceful, innocent people who hated abortions until Obama came along. Then he corrupted their morals and ruined them. This is what scholars call “The Black Man’s Burden.”

Luckily, Rep. Chris Smith of New Jersey has stepped up to save Kenya by trying to get Obama arrested.

“If violations of the law have occurred, which on the face of it they have, the information must be brought before law enforcement,” Smith said. “Not even presidents are above the law.”

Something called the “Siljander Amendment” was attached to a law one time, and it “makes it illegal for the U.S. government to lobby on abortion in other countries.”

So now Obama will be thrown in prison for liking abortion and Chris Smith will become our new dictator (because we will enact Kenya’s cool current constitution that allows vast executive power). And Obama can hang out with the author of the Siljander Amendment, former Congressman Mark Siljander, who just recently pled guilty to obstruction of American Justice and being a terrible foreign spy-agent. They will have a funny story to talk about! [Fox News]

 
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{ 32 comments }

Johnny Zhivago July 22, 2010 at 12:38 pm

I make a motion: Kenya – the 51st State!

I Heart Accuracy July 22, 2010 at 12:39 pm

Why is Ironic Obama busting out of that white watermelon?

freakishlystrong July 22, 2010 at 12:43 pm

Smith said. “Not even presidents are above the law.”
“I mean, NOW, now they’re not above the law”. President became not above the law in 2209, y’see. When the President became an African American Democrat, yeah. That’s the ticket!”

MarieDeGournay July 22, 2010 at 12:47 pm

Wake me up when our representatives actually decide to worry about making sure our citizenry are clothed, fed, employed, and have some protection from sickness and death.

doxastic July 22, 2010 at 12:48 pm

Replacing the Global Gag Rule with a kinder, gentler Global Muffler Rule.

stew July 22, 2010 at 12:48 pm

Ya just can’t keep Fox News down!

doxastic July 22, 2010 at 12:49 pm

[re=623266]I Heart Accuracy[/re]: Where’s the Bird Certificate?

DoktorZoom July 22, 2010 at 12:50 pm

[re=623265]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: You mean 58th state, don’t you?

SayItWithWookies July 22, 2010 at 12:56 pm

So Smith and Issa, those dickless wonders, would rather the next Kenyan election be served with a side of deadly riots (hundreds killed in the last one) than allow passage of a constitution that would bring some order and legitimacy to the process because some woman might be allowed to terminate a pregnancy via some insignificant provision that only these assholes care about. And campaigning for the constitution is the same as campaigning for that little provision.

Can’t our goddamn Republican congressmen stick to trying to make Americans’ lives miserable and keep their noses out of Africans’ lives, which are absolutely sucky enough without the tender mercies of the fucking Christian conservatives?

Lionel Hutz Esq. July 22, 2010 at 12:58 pm

I’m surprised Fox News is missing the true story here. If your country was responsible for unleashing such evil upon the world as the current Socialist/NAZI president, wouldn’t you fight for the right to abortions so that such an evil can never again exist?

TGY July 22, 2010 at 1:00 pm

Rick Warren’s eyes burned by plant in yard Saul of Tarsus moment in 3…2…1

Barrelhse July 22, 2010 at 1:01 pm

“…according to Fox News.”
(skips to next headline without clicking on story)

ArugulaTeleprompterz July 22, 2010 at 1:01 pm

California is in such awesome shape that Issa can turn his extra attention to this constitutional issue in Kenya. Good to know!!

legalize everything July 22, 2010 at 1:07 pm

Isn’t lobbying for the deaths of brown babies the entire point of Fox News?

just pixels July 22, 2010 at 1:09 pm

makes it illegal for the U.S. government to lobby on abortion in other countries

What is it with Republicans passing laws about what people can say? Perhaps if we refer to abortion as “Freedom Fries”, they’ll shut up about it. Plus it’s easier than saying “pro-choice”.

Headline: Anti-abortionists clashed with freedom fries today….
Bumper sticker: Keep freedom fries safe and legal
Sound bite: My opponent hates freedom fries and loves the terrorists.

Redhead July 22, 2010 at 1:14 pm

Why is Rose Colombo mad at Obama for writing marital law into the Patriot Act?

WadISay July 22, 2010 at 1:15 pm

I hope the new constitution protects the rights of Kenyans to keep and bear AK-47s.

Bearbloke July 22, 2010 at 1:17 pm

Former Congressman Mark Siljander describes himself as “a bum-boy poster boy for Jerry Falwell”… so NO WONDER he’s against abortion – as long as he only takes it in the arse, he’ll never get knocked up…

Redhead July 22, 2010 at 1:17 pm

[re=623316]Redhead[/re]: Act, crap, wrong article! ignore me, I need more coffee

CryHavoc July 22, 2010 at 1:19 pm

[re=623306]legalize everything[/re]: No no no. Not quite. Fox News wants us to believe that all brown babies grow up to be RAGING RACISTS! and voter-intimidating neo- Black Panthers. But we can’t abort womb-boogers, otherwise God will cry.

mumblyjoe July 22, 2010 at 1:20 pm

HOW DARE this black man, who is blakc, conduct foreign policy and diplomacy. What does he think he is, some sort of Chief Diplomat and/or Head of State???!!!

Also, remember how Bush used to say “unitary executive, bitches!” whenever anyone tried to make any law that would have had any indirect effect on how federal agencies conducted business? Yeah, I’m pretty sure that applies equally to when congresspeople use dumb amendments to try to tell the president that he can’t talk to other countries about aborting their foreign babies, only more so, since that diplomacy crap is like one of the specific things that the President, and not Congress, is basically completely in charge of.

Lionel Hutz Esq. July 22, 2010 at 1:26 pm

Perhaps we can all agree to stop calling it “Fox News,” and just refer to it as “Fox” as “News” has nothing to do with it.

FlownOver July 22, 2010 at 1:29 pm

So much for Breitbart’s “time out.”

user-of-owls July 22, 2010 at 1:31 pm

Ok. It’s time to set the Mundingi loose on Fox.

torera July 22, 2010 at 1:33 pm

Wait a minute, doesn’t no lobbying “on abortion” mean you can’t lobby against it either? But then Siljander doesn’t seem too familiar with the American constitution or even itty bitty laws like registering as a foreign agent.

user-of-owls July 22, 2010 at 1:35 pm

Oh, and while they’re at it they should tell Vilsack to fire Daniel Arap Moi.

McDuff July 22, 2010 at 1:39 pm

“‘President became not above the law in 2209, y’see. When the President became an African American Democrat, yeah. That’s the ticket!”’

So, that’s the problem — all these angry old white Rethugs always thought that no tanned-person would become President before 2209, well after they were dead and buried. Now that one has become President in their lifetime, they are just PISSED-OFF beyond all understanding.

chaste everywhere July 22, 2010 at 1:42 pm

[re=623306]legalize everything[/re]: [re=623325]CryHavoc[/re]: Yeah, basically they have to be born before it behooves us to kill ‘em.

Rev. Peter Lemonjello July 22, 2010 at 1:44 pm

Jack, your prose makes me haz less sadz about Newell leaving.

Pandy July 22, 2010 at 1:57 pm
Bearbloke July 22, 2010 at 4:11 pm

[re=623297]TGY[/re]: Teh Wrath of GAWD befalling Rick Warren?… it’s couldn’t happen to a nicer antichrist…

- hey Mate, how are Glenn Beck’s eyes?… eh, goin’ blind you say….

Enslave the Whales July 22, 2010 at 6:19 pm

Oh noes, they killed Kenya. Again.

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